The Fangirl Problem

This is DELIBERATELY silly.

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One fine day in the fan-created world in which Col. William Tavington lived, there occurred a terrible occurrence. All of the sudden, with absolutely no warning at all: Col Tavington found himself the proud father of a 17 year old boy. He was tall, (naturally he had Tavington blood flowing in his veins), dashingly handsome (see the aforementioned sentence), and bawling like a little girl. Tavington wrinkled his nose, but found he had to go over and see if the poor boy was alright, as the author TOLD him to do it.

"Erm, son? Are you alright?" Tavington asked, patting the boy gingerly on the shoulder.

The boy blew his nose noisily, sat up, and looked at Tavvy with red eyes. Upond seeing Colonel William Tavington, the boy let out an overexcited shriek, and promptly leapt into the startled dragoon's arms.

"Jesus Mary Mother of Christ!" Tavvy exclaimed in a manner expressing shock.

"DADDY!" the teenager yelled, throwing his arms around his 'father' and hugging him furiously. " I MISSED YOU!"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU LOON! I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE IN MY LIFE!" Tavington bellowed indignantly.

The younger man only stood there grinning at him like an idiot.

"I love you." the teenager said adoringly.

"Oh dear god! You're not one of those fangirls are you! Is that why I suddenly had that urge to go and attend to you!" Tavington cried accusingly.

The boy looked away, whistling innocently.

"FUCK! You're the author of this convoluted namby pamby nonsense!"

"Why Father, I don't know what your talking about!"

"You! You're one of the bloody- ORIGINAL CHARACTERS!"

Tavington's son scowled at him.

"And what if I am? Would you prefer one of the FEMALE original characters!"

Col Tavington scowled back.

"You know very well what they do to me! Every single day it's the same thing! Evil Col Tavington falls in love with a beautiful Rebel/Loyalist/tomboy/future/etcetcetc woman and gives up his evil ways! Or does he! And then there's the other plot! The Butcher destroys his childhood friend/lover/family/cousins/etcetc home and-"

"Uhm, Dad, I don't mean to interrupt-"

"And then there's the SLASHERS! Why in GOD'S name would I want to bone or be boned by that insolent little Rebel brat?"

"Dad, I don't want to alarm you but-"

"Can't everyone just leave me alone! I'd just like to go ONE DAY without having to go off and ravish some bosomy fangirl!"

"DAD!" the boy yelled.

"What!"

"WE'VE BEEN DISCOVERED BY THE FANGIRL: TAVINGTON RECLAMATION SQUAD!"

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: falls over : So ya. I seriously have NOTHING wrong with Mary-Sues and OC's, I admit to being one myself, but I thought that this humourous little interlude might perhaps let your minds wander from the problems of everyday life.