Lover I Don't Have to Love
Edward Elric found himself at the top of the familiar stairs, looking off the railing into the night sky. The stars shone bright, making the night seem innocent. His stomach churned, why was he doing this? It was terrible, giving himself up like this. But his heart pulled him here. He leaned on the wall, looking nonchalant on the second level of the run down motel. His eyes shifted, making sure he was in the right place. Familiar numbers in well-known order. The two was upside down, the zero rusty, the five split in two by what seemed was a slammed door. Maybe someone who was here for the same reason as him didn't have a good finish. Maybe he would too.
He heard a gunshot and jumped. It wasn't surprising, seeing how they were in downtown Central. This place was crawling with criminals. He thought about the last time he was here, and the time before—how many times had he been invited here for a little…privacy? Just an hour before he had been out at a packed bar by himself when he was approached again. The words used were enchanting and once again, he was pulled into a dark room. Lips touched, hands wandered, and then words were spoken. All that was said was, "Go to the usual place." Then he disappeared into the night temporarily. Edward wandered from the bar and caught a cab. Almost subconsciously, he found himself back at this motel, waiting for the man who asked him here.
He kicked at the shag carpet that was ripped from the floor. He listened for the familiar rough purr of a vehicle in the parking lot, but it didn't come. What was taking him so long? Just the thought of him made his heart speed. He muted his heart with pain, he couldn't love him, it was simply not allowed. His head was light from the cheap fluorescent light above him and he moved away from it into the dark. Someone in the distance coughed loudly and footsteps started to become louder. A smile broke uncontrollably onto his face, but he quickly fought it away. It was more than obvious who was approaching the motel. He wandered to the rail and looked over it towards the ground, and sure enough, the entity he had been waiting showed himself. Black hair piled over a pale face and sunglasses. A black trench coat was pulled tightly over his clothes, and he was walking with haste. He made his way up to the motel, looked up, and then up the stairs he went.
Before long, Edward was face to face with Roy Mustang. Glasses were removed and narrow black eyes met the larger golden ones. The key jangled in the older's pocket as he moved closer, letting go of his coat. Edward smirked, "Hey, bastard, didn't think you'd make it."
Roy smiled softly, "Of course I would. I asked you after all." Gloved hands found their way onto Edward's slim body, holding him ever so gently, sending continuous chills down Edward's spine that made him yearn for more. He moved closer to the man who was using him so cruelly. He hated that. Eyes clamped shut as lips met, tongues tangled. Edward squirmed and Roy frowned. Eyes met upon opening.
"What?" Roy reached out for Edward, who took a reluctant step back.
"C'mon, Roy," His eyes wandered around, "Let's not waste the money you spent on a motel room."
"Ahh," Roy fished in his jeans pocket and retrieved a key. As he unlocked the door, Edward thought. How could things be so easy between them? Edward was basically his sex toy. All he needed him for was his sexual tension, and then he left him, and Edward always gave in, his heart speaking before his mouth could. Each time his heart got cut a little deeper, because even though he could trick his mind into fake love, his heart was too wise. A hand gripped his and pulled him into the room. Its smell was familiar, thick with sex and lies. His head tilted as he saw the familiar fixings on the walls from before. He looked up at Roy, who was discarding his coat and shirt. Edward made quick work of his red coat and tank top and tossed them into a corner, not caring that this place was disgusting. He wrapped his arms around Roy's waist, letting his warm skin touch his. Roy smiled, but pulled Edward to the bed, pushing him down with intense force, causing him to bounce several times before Roy fell on top of him and held him down.
Roy wasted no time. He quickly laid his lips on Edward's, pulling them into a deep, passionate kiss. Edward moaned. It was the same as before, but it seemed so special, so different. Roy's hands traced Ed's figure, his rough palms scratching the skin that remained scarred. Edward let out a sharp cry of pleasure and Roy smirked. It was all the same.
Roy was already out of the bed when Edward had finally caught his breath. He stared at the man dressing across from him with anger. He reached across the room for his own clothes, thinking bitterly about what he had just done. Roy calmly picked up his coat and started towards the door, but Edward stopped him. "Why?"
Roy spun on his heels and faced him. "What?"
Edward looked down before blushing angrily, "Why do you just leave? If you don't like me, then why do you keep finding me—I know you came to the bar knowing I was there, you were listening to me talk this afternoon. Why do you keep hurting me? I don't like being ignorant about things; you're making me unsure."
Roy stared, puzzled. They both remained silent in the musty dark for a few minutes before Roy spoke again. "Well, Fullmetal, I would think that it would be obvious. Of course I can't be with you. You're a male, a subordinate of mine, and most importantly, a child. Edward, I will admit that you are a good relief, and an excellent lover when I need it, but I could never be your boyfriend, and I know you know why. Besides, Fullmetal, to me, you are just a lover I don't have to love. So if you wanted to know, no, I'm not in love with you."
Edward squirmed, "Then why? You still haven't told me! Surely you can find someone better than me or someone to fulfill your sexual needs. You know I love you, so why do you keep leading me on?"
"Edward, I'm not leading you on, because I think that you know that our relationship will go no further. I pick you, beyond reasons of being good, because I know that you want me, and I thought I was doing good for you, but if you'd prefer that I don't come back next time, I won't."
He bit his lip. That wasn't what he wanted. It'd be better if he was having loveless sex than no contact at all other than work-related contact with Roy. "No," he whispered, "No, Roy, I don't want to stop."
Mustang smirked in the darkness, "Alright then." He opened the door, letting fluorescent light spill in, "I'll find you when I need you again."
Edward's head hurt, and he was so preoccupied with his own thoughts that he hardly noticed the door shut. He finished pulling on his clothes and walked to the door, his heart pounding. It was wonderful, tonight was. The smooth movements they made together, sweet love, as Roy had called it once, it was wonderful. He didn't want it to stop, but it felt so wrong. He just wanted Roy to love him back, was that so much to ask?
He hardly noticed he was crying as he headed out into the bitter cold night. It didn't matter anyway, the salty tears would dry and by morning, this wouldn't be important anymore. In a couple of days, Roy would find him again and the play would restart. If that was all he could get it was all he could get. He didn't have time for boyfriends and love anyway.
His mind went dark as he boarded the train. Love's an excuse to get hurt, and Roy had sure done it to him.
Okay, so I think it's pretty obvious where this story came from. I don't really like Bright Eyes that match, but this song is pretty good. In case you don't know who wrote this song, It's Lover I Don't Have to Love – Bright Eyes. Now, I shall work on Waiting Game… maybe.