Disclaimer: Yep--that was all me man... hah, not.
Warning: AkuRoku cuteness.
Summary: Axel tries to successfully woo Roxas. It doesn't all go according to plan, however. Imagine that?


Blackmail Material
12:00 a.m.


If one happened to sleep in Castle Oblivion, and actually succeeded, it was a wondrous thing. Roxas was slowly discovering the 'personalities' of every one of his living mates, and none of them seemed to be too keen on staying in one spot either. Especially a certain redheaded pyromaniac, who never wanted to leave his little space under Roxas's own bed.

"Axel, are you still down there?..."

"I told you! Saïx is... looking for me..." Shifty eyes.

Roxas raised one fine brow, glancing through the book in his hands disinterestedly. Axel's spiky hair was poking through his mattress and digging into his leg.


"So you're... hiding... under my bed? What the hell is that about!" Roxas shrieked as something long and hard rammed between his legs, cutting through both feathers and blankets alike. It seemed to be a pin...wheel-ish creation.

"Heh... sorry, my bad yo."

That was definitely the last straw. Roxas's bed was in shambles. He was pissed. Two balls of light appeared in his hands, forming into phallic looking objects. He let out a battle cry and dived on the floor, slashing at anything that even resembled Axel.


Axel snickered from his position at the doorway. "You try too hard, eh? Slow down baby." He made rude hand gestures... one resembled a bunny.

Roxas made another daring lung for the older boy, which resulted in him flat on his ass, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists around his weapons.

"Just get out."

"Can do buddy," Axel grinned maniacally, and snorted. "Oh but I'll be... back," he said the word over dramatically for a reason, one that made Roxas's head explode. He hated Axel, more than Zexion, but less than Demyx. But even that was not by much. Demyx had his moments... oh yes he did. Like the toaster incident that must not be spoken of.

The door shut incredibly loudly. Happy sigh.

And Jesus, it was only noon. Think of the possibilities of the rest of this godforsaken day! Roxas shuddered and clutched his chest, angrily deciding all the ways to kill Axel... if he was real... yes, revenge was sweat.


12:32 a.m.


Saïx had indeed tracked Axel down apparently, and now Axel was currently laying in the middle of the expansive hallway, seemingly covering it all. Axel was pretty tall, but nothing Roxas couldn't handle. He simply dragged the redhead over and kicked what he thought was an arm, almost smiling despite himself at the groan of pure agony that Axel emitted fairly well. After that job was done, he strolled away, whistling.

"I take it you're not gonna help me up, then? Hah..."

Roxas ignored him avidly.

He actually smiled.


1:48 p.m.


Roxas was making tacos. Not because he was hungry or anything... he just kinda wanted to see if he was a good cook. Smiling, he took a bite of the yellow contraptions, and immediately blanched. I forgot how much food sucked! It tasted like shampoo... and a hint of grass.


"What DID you do to my food!" he screamed.

The pyro was sitting rather innocently on the counter in their... erm, kitchen? and smiling at Roxas like he just put an entire bottle of sham-fucking-poo in Roxas's tacos. Oh the bastard.


Roxas lunged, and missed of course. The actual 'Axel can disappear thing' never sunk in until after he smashed face first into something hard. Axel just sat beside his crumbled body with a frantic look.

"Hey hey, you okay?"

"I hate you so much..."

Axel looked hurt, and touched his chest with a sigh. "Oh Roxas, I know you don't mean that. I was only trying to help you, after all."

"HOW?" Roxas glared, as his hair was starting to wilt being up against the cabinet and all.

"I thought it said... like, not shampoo. Uhhm, y'know... seasoning..."

"It's a product for your hair... it's in the BATHROOM. How do you... --"

"Well see...--"

Roxas pushed him away violently and stood, pouting cutely. "Just stay the hell away from me!"

Axel stared at his retreating form while eating the disgusting taco, a determined look crossing his face momentarily before he, too, succumbed to the gag reflex.


4:04 p.m.


Roxas was in his room again, laying on his bed and trying to feel, even if it was a hopeless cause. He didn't care. He just hated emptiness, the silence of the word lonely. He shivered, though he wasn't cold. A hand pressed down on his shoulder, but he didn't turn around, just closed his eyes.

"Go away Axel... please?"

The hand simply pulled his cover up, and vanished.

After a few minutes, he lifted his head, but all that answered him was defining nothingness.


8:23 p.m.


Roxas bit his finger nail viciously. Axel hadn't came back. He wasn't serious serious. He only wanted a little peace and quiet and... man.

Stupid Axel, always joking around and taking everything so seriously. Roxas blushed slightly, touching the tips of his fingers to his shoulder, the burn still remained. Crazy. Axel was always so electric.

Suddenly something tapped at his window. Window? His room just had to be the only one at Castle Oblivion that had a frikkin' window. He reached the latch and as he pulled it open, a big shock of blood red hair assaulted his face in the most ungodly manner. Roxas nearly choked and fell back, coughing and spluttering quiet obscenities.

"Roxas, where art thou?" Axel grinned, a book in his hand as he held onto the seal with his other. Roxas stared horrified at the other boy.

"What... the hell..."

"For Roxas is the... erm... sun, yeah, and I--"

"Just STOP!" Roxas rudely ripped the book away from Axel's hands, and threw it down. "You're destroying that man's name if you go any farther. Just what the hell are you trying to do?"

Axel smiled brightly, immune by Roxas's outburst, slipping inside quietly. "I'm trying to... 'woo' you. Is it working?"

Roxas shook his head blandly. "No."


Smiling this time, "Maybe you should try bolder means to get my affections?" Roxas suggested softly, everything finally piecing itself together in his mind. Red smothered his cheeks profusely.

Axel shrugged, took the blond's chin and tilted it up, landing a nice sloppy kiss right on the corner of his mouth, not even trying to hit the target. Axel blushed, too. "It's, ah, been a while..."


"I'm serious!"

"Chya. You just suck."

"Arg! I'll show you, you friggin' brat!"

Axel had Roxas pinned and wiggling by the time 9 rolled around, and had him all tucked in by 10. Demyx stopped by, a doppy grin on his face as he watched Axel watching Roxas sleep.

"Told ya. You owe me like five bucks AND I have funny blackmail pictures of you. My life is finally complete." Demyx let the camera rub against his cheek in a most satisfying manner, cackling.

Axel glared. "You're a Nobody. You don't have a life, idiot."

"Hah, funny, because you won't either after I show every one these--"

"Shut the hell up! I'll kill you!"

It took Demyx a week to get the taco flavored shampoo smell (or was it the other way around?) out of his hair.


Pointless, yes.

This story made me giggle so many times while I wrote it... mostly all the penis jokes if you can catch them that is... and Romeo and Juliet... ahaha.