Chapter… Is it a new chapter?

AN: Hey everybody! If you got the alert that said the story was dead and didn't read the note, please go bad and read the previous chapter! Hey, it was just a joke! Today I decided after class to write some more, so please don't be bothered by how short it is. I am a short person myself and it doesn't bother me!

Writing Notes: As I started the Tsunade sequence, I realized I was totally forgetting about some fights with Itachi and Kisame somewhere… Like Sasuke went to find Naruto and fought his brother or something. It's totally past me, though, so I'm ignoring it. Because romantic comedy is funnier. And because the sex is hotter. I may write a lemon, never did it before but I have CERTAINLY READ ENOUGH OF THEM. If I do… it's going in the lemon section on TFF.

This chapter is dedicated to the entire TFF community (especially the Naruto section), because someone finally mentioned me there. I was wondering if I just happened to suck so much that TFF was ignoring me! Nope, I suck a little less than that. This chapter is also dedicated to everyone but Slacker, because no chapter would be complete without that part.

(scene change)

Gaara blushed again. Ino was holding his arm to her side as she pulled him through the streets of Konoha, giving him a short tour on the way to her house. She pointed out such important locations as training grounds, restaurants, and the top of the Hokage Monument, and pointed out how good they would be for dates and making out.

Ino feigned innocence at his deeply perverted expression, but inwardly cheered at her total conquest of this powerful (and SEXY) ninja.

(scene change)

Nabiki and Sasuke sat at opposite ends of the large couch, as far apart as possible, pretending to ignore each other. They both stared blankly at the television, not even really noticing what was on.

Both had faces the exact same shade of red. Nabiki thought for a moment, then reached over without looking and grabbed Sasuke's hand. "You know, I have condoms in my purse…" she said meaningfully.

Sasuke gulped.

(scene change)

Ranma led the two boys into a small restaurant, a block away from where they had left Happosai and Jiraiya. Keeping her senses alert, she casually sat down at a table. The feeling of a powerful ninja came closer until Ranma spotted something out of the corner of his eye.

"It's you!" The owner of the powerful feeling screamed, and Ranma looked at the woman who had addressed her. Upon noticing the identity of said woman, she leapt out her chair and pointed a finger at the newcomer. "You! You ran out after our bet!"

"I was planning on paying you back!"

"Got the money?" Ranma sighed.

"No… But I will sometime soon." Tsunade, the Legendary Sucker and the only person in the entire universe who was a worse gambler than Ranma, responded meekly.

"Listen, I…" Ranma began, but she was interrupted.

"Who's this old lady?" Naruto asked.

"It's a friend of mine. She owes me a lot of money and…" Ranma was interrupted again.

"What did you say her name was?" Kankurou asked, feeling Tsunade's aura.

"I didn't you brat, and I didn't appreciate being called an old lady either! I'm Tsunade, but you can call me Tsunade-sama, one of the legendary sannin!"

"Tsunade?" Kankurou gulped, then quickly scrambled into a respectful bow. "Please help me! My sister is injured and may never be a ninja again without your help!"

"Hmph. Why should I help you?" Tsunade said haughtily, until she caught Ranma's eye.

Ranma groaned. "I'll consider your debt paid… if you come back to the Leaf and…"

"Every cent I owe you?" Tsunade asked, eagerly.

"Yes, but you have to…" Ranma groaned as Tsunade interrupted again.

"I'll do it!"

Jiraiya and Happosai walked in, and Tsunade was suddenly on guard.

"You mean you'll become Hokage?" Jiraiya asked innocently.

Tsunade gaped.

(scene change)

"Sasuke-kun, I hea-" Sakura interrupter herself with a gasp as she flung the door open. "Sasuke-kun, who is this slut!" She screamed angrily.

Nabiki had pinned Sasuke and was fiddling with the packaging of a certain protection device.

"Ehe…" Sasuke managed to utter, a far cry from his usual dismissive grunt.

"Why… I'm his beloved, of course. Tendo Nabiki, engaged to Uchiha Sasuke." Nabiki explained. "And if you call me a slut again, I'll cut your throat."

Sasuke nodded helplessly, and pushed Nabiki off of himself gently, revealing his tented pants.

Sakura took a step back, then slammed the door and ran.

Nabiki frowned. "The mood is ruined. I have a mission in an hour anyway… " Nabiki walked off.

Sasuke cried.

(scene change)

Ino and Gaara weren't sure when they were going to have to breathe again, but after about seven minutes of constant lip-lock, they were not quite ready to stop.

"Ino, I just saw Sasuke-kun with this sl-" Sakura interrupted herself with a gasp. "Ino, who is this stud?"'

Ino didn't reply. Sakura sighed.

(scene change)

Tsunade stood up and slammed her hands on the table. "If that's what you're asking me to do, I must refuse!"

Ranma grinned. "But just think… your entire debt…"

Tsunade grimaced. "Fine! In that case… let's make a bet! If the bratty kid next to you can learn a secret technique of Jiraiya's in one week, I'll become Hokage! If not, my debt is cleared! Deal?"

Ranma sighed. 'Even in this part, we can't diverge… er, I mean, I'm hungry.'

(scene change)

Haku was training by tossing senbon at absurd angles and somehow managing to embed all of them, through collision and breaking the laws of physics, into the same bullseye on the same target 100 meters away.

Sakura came running into the training area. "Haku-san! Haku-san!" She was out of breath.

"Sakura-san. What might be the occasion?" Haku asked, holding a senbon.

"I didn't have anyone to talk to, and I saw you so…" Sakura began to tear up.

"Hmm, so I'm a last resort, huh?" Haku asked, sniffing.

"It's not like that! I've only just met you!" Sakura explained, desperately.

Haku laughed softly. "Very well. Go on."

Sakura composed herself. "Sasuke… my crush for so long… is screwing some slut… and my best friend since childhood, Ino, is too busy making out with your brother to talk to me at all…"

Haku smiled. "Which one?"

"Which one what?" Sakura asked quizzically.

"Never mind…" Haku trailed off, smiling and laughing with his eyes.

"Sasuke is getting special tutoring… Naruto is off on a secret training trip… and even Ino is probably doing her best! I'm falling behind in strength, and also in love!" Sakura began to cry.

Haku grabbed her arm gently and held her face up with his other hand. "I understand how you feel… being around such prodigies as my siblings… but I can help you train… and maybe even in love…"

Haku brushed a tear from her eye, and she began to smile.

When Haku ducked in to kiss her, she was pretty surprised.

"Ack!" Sakura pushed him away. "Aren't you a girl?"

Haku laughed loudly. "When I want to be. If you feel like training with me… or loving with me…" Haku winked suggestively, "Be sure to find me… and I can help you." Haku put an emphasis on help that left Sakura's knees weak.

(scene change)

AN: Unexpected romance! Expected romance not occurring! How amazing! Also, Ranma will occasionally break the fifth wall! Exiting? Exciting!