I walk into Dean's hospital room and I can see him lying there watching TV. I don't think I have ever in my life seen him so weak, so vulnerable, so …… unlike him.
"Have you ever actually watched daytime TV? It's terrible." I laugh, just to keep from crying.
"I talked to your doctor." I say, not sure how to start this conversation with him. I mean, how do you talk to your brother, the only person who has ever been there for you whenever you needed it, about him dying?
"That fabric softener teddy bear. Oh, I'm gonna hunt that little bitch down." How can he be joking now? How can he seem so calm and accepting of his death?
"Dean." I need his attention; I need to talk about this. To hell with his attitude towards this. He looks up at me for a second, then looks away.
"Yeah. Alright, well, looks like you're gonna leave town without me." Whoa, where did that come from? I can't leave here with out him, I wont, he'll get better, why won't he realize that.
"What are you talking about? I'm not gonna leave you here." No, no way, never. I won't.
"Hey, you better take care of that car. Or, I swear, I'll haunt your ass." His fricken car, that's all he cares about. What about me? What about this fight, finding dad, getting the thing that killed mom and Jess?
"I don't think that's funny." I can barely fight back the tears that are ripping me apart inside. He's ready to leave, he's ready to die and I can accept it, I want him to live.
"Oh, come on, it's a little funny" We're both silent for a little. I don't know what to say and I'm also trying to fight back the tears that are still forming behind my eyes." Look, Sammy, what can I say, man, it's a dangerous gig. I drew the short straw. That's it, end of story." The short straw? What the hell, no, that's not it. This isn't the end, it can't be. "Watch me."
"Don't talk like that, alright? We still have options." There has to be something we can do, I mean, something supernatural. What's the use of all the good we do if we can't save each other when it really counts?
"What options? You got burial or cremation." No, he can't be talking like this; he can't be this ready to give up. I can't even look at him; it hurts me so much to see him like this. "And I know it's not easy. But I'm gonna die. And you can't stop it."
"Watch me."That's the last straw for me; I can't fight back the tears anymore. I feel them falling down my cheeks and mentally scold myself for being so weak when he needs me to be strong. Dean can see I'm crying now too, he's watching me with a lot more sadness in his eyes.
"Aw, Sammy c'mon man, don't do this. No chick flick moments remember?" I'm only crying more now that he said that. I can't help it, I'm losing my brother and he doesn't care and he's trying to brush it off, like its nothing. I'm pouting there, standing at the end of his hospital bed. I haven't pouted since I was a kid.
"Sammy. C'mere." He says, I look at him and his arms are stretched out. I walk over and collapse in tears into his arms, sitting on the edge of the bed and resting my head on his chest. I'm sobbing so hard I'm shaking. He wraps his arms around me and I wrap my arms around his arm in front of me, like I'll never let go. Like if I do then it means he's really dying but if I hold on he'll stay forever. I can hear his heart beating, it's not the same heartbeat I used to hear when I was little and I would curl up in bed next to him when I was scared. Its irregular, a bunch of beats and then silence, followed by the same thing. That's not how a heart beat is supposed to sound. I sob more; it's finally hitting me that his heart really isn't alright.
"Shhhh, Sammy. I know, I know, its ok. I'm scared too man." The arm I'm clinging to is still, his hand resting on my shoulder. His other hand is softly stroking my hair.
"Don't leave me." I whisper. If he's gone then where does that leave me? I can't hunt with out him, I'm not that good. I could go back to college, become a lawyer and try to move on. But that just didn't seem right, at least not now. Who would I be if he died? Samuel Winchester, son to a man who's abandoned his family and brother to a dead man? I'm jolted out of my thoughts when I feel Dean's chest shake a bit beneath me. I look up and see that he's crying too.
"I'd never leave you by choice, you know that. The choice isn't in my hands anymore, Sam."
I put my head back down on his chest as we both cry a little longer. I don't want to leave after we both stop crying, I'm afraid if I do he'll die. And if he's gonna die, I'm gonna be there, to say goodbye. He finally tells me to go back to the hotel and get some sleep, because it's not good for either of us if I get sick too. I sniffle a bit, nod and tell him I'll be back tomorrow and I leave; not knowing if the next time my phone rings it'll be the hospital calling to say that he's dead.
I hope you liked it, i may add another chapter from when Dean showed up at the hotel room, i may not. please R&R thanks.