Sanzo + Hair dye for Alleonh, for the 100th review of Dog's Life. Enjoy, I know I had fun writing it.
The Great Handsome Prince Genjyo Sanzo
Something was amiss. Sanzo wasn't completely sure what it was at the moment but he would figure it out soon enough. But first things first: figure out what he had been doing before so he could know where he was now. Wherever he was or had been, it wasn't doing the massive headache he had acquired any favors.
Last night he remembered drinking with Hakkai and Gojyo. There was something stupid lingering on the corner of his mind, like trying to out drink Hakkai came to mind. Which would explain the pounding headache upon first waking. After that, he's pretty sure that he made it upstairs and collapsed into the bed. But if he made it to bed, why was his pillow so damp? And what was that obnoxious giggling noise? If it was Goku he was going to kill the brat. But why would Goku be in his room?
Better question, why did he feel so stiff? And something was brushing against his skin the wrong way, his normal clothes didn't do such a thing. That meant he had changed clothes at some point before hitting the bed. Sanzo groaned and realized he was going to have to open his eyes and sit up if he wanted an answer. Damn it.
He cracked an eye open and faced the pale color of the yellow wall and sighed. There was a shadow hovering over the surface and that meant he wasn't alone. The presence wasn't threatening, but he still wanted his gun for some odd reason. Reaching for it, Sanzo realized that something was incorrect with his sleeve.
It had green frills around the wrist, was puffy at the shoulder, and an obnoxious shade of yellow. If this had anything to do with a drunken bet he would kill someone. Actually, he might just do it anyway. Killing was surprisingly good stress relief he had found. Sitting up with a start he turned to growl at a very familiar pair of eyes.
"Lirin! What the hell are you doing here?" He fell straight into shouting, despite how it made his head ache. The girl was sitting with her head in her hands, elbows resting on the bed, and grinning. Sanzo just knew he should be frightened, but then he wouldn't be Sanzo. Now would he? "And why the hell are you in a fluffy pink dress?"
"Because you're the prince, silly!" Lirin giggled and jumped up from the bed to do a twirl. She never usually dressed up like this; dresses were icky. But this was an exception. "And that makes me the princess!"
"Good morning, Sanzo. I hope you slept well, you were a tad drunk last night." Hakkai opened the door fully and carried in Sanzo's laundry from yesterday. He was way past being scared of a grumpy morning monk. What he wasn't expecting was the spinning little sister of Kougaiji. "Oh, Ms. Lirin. How are you?"
"That's Princess Lirin!" She put her hands to her hips. Was that really hard to say? You'd think the dress and tiara would be a big enough hint. Not to mention she really was a princess just like her big brother was a prince. "And this is my handsome prince! We're getting married!"
"The hell we are!" Sanzo shouted and stood up but fumbled a bit. He looked down and realized the britches he was wearing were a tad small. Constriction of the legs was not conductive to strangling small children.
"Ah, Sanzo, she just wants…to play." Hakkai smothered his laughter and cursed himself for not paying attention earlier. He might have been able to get a better grip on his emotions, but it was pretty funny. "You are dressed for the part."
"What are you snickering for?" Sanzo didn't even want to know what he looked like to make Hakkai laugh out loud.
"You might want to look in the mirror, Sanzo." Hakkai pointed towards the bathroom. If Gojyo or Goku found out about this little incident someone truly would end up dead. Sanzo stomped off to the bathroom and Hakkai watched the red cape hanging off his shoulders flutter. He tried to not let that fact make him even more giddy than he already was.
"What the hell did you do to me!"
Hakkai smiled at Sanzo's shrieking and turned to Lirin. "Did you do that all by yourself?"
"Yeah!" Lirin smiled. "Took me all night to get him all ready for the wedding! It was hard getting all his leather gear off too! He's heavy, but I did it!"
Sanzo took a good look at himself in the mirror. A hideous yellow top with aforementioned sleeves and cuffs complete with black britches that puffed out slightly above the knees. His legs were dressed with knee-high boots with one inch heels and he had on some sort of frilly shirt underneath the jacket upon a second look upwards. He twitched at the sight of the cape being held on by the gold chains and tasseled shoulder pads, but that wasn't the worst of it. Someone would die. In the next five minutes, faster if he could get to his gun. Surprisingly, the next words to come out of his mouth were rather calm and held an air of awe. "My hair is purple."
"Of course!" Lirin smiled and skipped over to the bathroom door. She pushed her tiara back onto her head when it slipped down. She had to borrow it from her mom's closet so it was a little big. "It had to match your eyes and I didn't want it to clash with the top of the outfit."
Hakkai chuckled, but was smart enough to notice the signs of a Sanzo reaching his limits. "Now, it's just a bit of fun, Sanzo. A child's game, that's all. Please calm down?"
"Calm?" Sanzo turned and faced the traitor. "I'm violated in my sleep and you want me to stay calm? How the hell did she change my clothes without waking me up anyway?"
"You were dead drunk last night, I'm surprised you even made it to bed. But I wouldn't worry, I'm sure the dye washes out." He turned again to Lirin. "What did you use?"
"This stuff." Lirin held up the bottle with the purple lining around the lid. "And it was hard to get all the water to the bed to wash it out too!"
"Oh my." Hakkai chuckled at the bottle.
"What?" Sanzo began to think of some very creative ways to torture small wanna-be princesses. Some of the more fun ideas that came to mind involved feeding her his gun through a meat bun silencer. The time needed to clean out his gun would be worth it for the irony.
"It seems she chose a permanent brand." Hakkai took a protective step in front of Lirin. "But don't worry, I'm sure your hair will grow out fast enough. Or we could always try re-dying it?"
Sanzo's immediate explosion would have occurred next if not for the sudden entrance of a familiar duo busting into the room.
"Hey, Hakkai have you seen my Hi-Lites?" Gojyo paused. Stared. Then he laughed.
"What are you laughing at now you pervert Cockroach?" Goku paused. He took a good look at his personal savior and then asked in a curious tone, "Why is your hair purple, Sanzo?"
"Because he's my prince and wants to look good for the wedding!" Lirin shared excitedly. "You can be the flower boy if you want."
"No!" Sanzo continued with his rant. "There will be no flower boy because there is no wedding. I'm not a prince and you are going to be dead in the next five minutes when I get my hands around your scrawny little neck!"
Lirin turned to Goku and grinned. "Isn't he cute when he's angry? I think he just has cold feet."
"Ah, Lirin, why don't you head home now? I feel as though this game has gone on long enough." Hakkai figured he should get the child out of the line of fire. She seemed determined to dig her own grave. "And Sanzo, we should try washing that stuff out of your hair now before the dye sets in completely."
"No, I'll live with purple hair if I get to maim the child first." Sanzo strode towards Lirin who was grinning like an idiot. He stopped when he heard the click.
"Yay!" Lirin jumped up and down. "The photographer showed up!"
"What?" Sanzo stopped and looked at the window to see Dokugakuji finish climbing through with Yaone close behind them. Dokugakuji was carrying a camera. "Bastard! You will give me that film. Now."
"No can do, princey." Dokugakuji held in the overwhelming laughter, but he was dead sure it was showing on his face. "It's not mine to give."
Yaone coughed and tried to hold the blush at seeing Sanzo in costume. He did indeed look like a prince, all he needed was the white steed. She touched her own hair self-consciously when she realized Sanzo's shade was an almost near match for hers. Really, the last thing she needed was for people to think that she dyed it. It was natural! "Ah, Ms. Lirin, I see you've been very busy."
"I'm glad you guys got my message! I want you all to be at my wedding. Yaone's my maid of honor, after all. And Dokugakuji is going to take the pictures!" Lirin looked around behind them. "Where's Kougaiji? He's got to give me away!"
"He's running late." Dokugakuji stuck his tongue in cheek. "Something about getting a shotgun to shoot your little boyfriend with."
"What, his summoning fiend not good enough?" Gojyo laughed, but he stopped rather quickly when the bullet flew past his hair. It seemed that Sanzo had found his gun. It was worth it. "Or maybe he just wants to be traditional."
"Everyone. Out. Now." Sanzo held the gun aimed at the ceiling and fired a fresh round.
"But what about the wedding!" Lirin ran over to Sanzo and grabbed his free hand clasped between the two of hers, held it tight to her breast. "It's supposed to be so pretty! I even picked out the garden for it."
"There is no wedding!" Sanzo had to blink when he realized his voice was in stereo. His eyes shifted to the side to reveal another familiar redhead with purple eyes. "Kougaiji, is it so hard to control your little sister?"
"Get your hands off her you pervert of a priest." Kougaiji waltzed into the room, also through the window and grabbed Lirin by the arm and dragged her away. "Stay away from him."
"But he's my prince!" Lirin stamped her foot. "We're playing!"
"He's an ill tempered bastard, that's what he is." Kougaiji continued. "There is no way you're even pretending to marry him. We're going home."
Lirin huffed. Big Brother's tone left absolutely no room for argument. "I'm sorry my prince, but we can't get married just yet."
Sanzo crossed his arms. "I'm devastated."
"I know!" Lirin perked up and pointed her finger. She had just the perfect idea to make her wedding bliss a reality! "Since you can't marry me now and I'm getting taken away by your enemy that means only one thing. That leaves you with one thing to do, which is why you have to come to Houtou Castle and rescue me properly! Then we can get married and live happily ever after."
"We're leaving, now." Kougaiji dragged his sister back towards the windows. Let his sister marry that smoking, lush of a monk? Not a chance in the fictional, daydream, or real world. Ever. "And Dokugakuji, stop taking pictures. Yaone get the dragons ready."
"Right." Dokugakuji turned to the Sanzo party, tucking the camera neatly away. He'd have to develop those shots as soon as possible and stick them in the album. That and he was fairly certain Lirin would hound him for her copies soon enough. Maybe Yaone would like a copy or two as well. "Been short, but entertaining. See-ya guys later!"
"Good-bye." Yaone waved happily before following a now grumpy Lord Kougaiji and a chattering Lirin. She hoped Dokugakuji would make plenty of copies of those photos. She giggled to herself. Sanzo dressed as a prince was too much.
As soon as the invaders disappeared from view, Sanzo dropped himself on the bed and searched through the pile of his clothes on the floor for his cigarettes with a hand leaning over the side. He jumped straight up when Lirin's orange colored hair popped up through the window again shouting "You'd better come get me you bastard!"
"Ack!" Lirin was forcefully yanked back down from the window by what Sanzo assumed was her big brother.
"Well, that was fun." Hakkai smiled.
"Yup, Sanzo's little girlfriend strikes again." Gojyo dodged the ashtray thrown at him. "So cute, young love."
"It was weird." Goku noted. "Can you imagine Sanzo gettin' married to Lirin and being a prince?"
"What a title that would be." Gojyo snickered ignoring the twitching monk on the bed. "The Holy Prince, Thirty-first of China, Priest Genjyo Sanzo."
Sanzo let out a full round on Gojyo's ass and lit a second cigarette without even looking in the water sprite's direction. He sighed and stuck his hand in his hair and pulled it foreword. Looking up he could see the purple hair in front of his eyes instead of the familiar blonde. "Hakkai, you said this stuff might be able to wash out?"
Ignoring Goku's laughter at Gojyo's now traumatized state, Hakkai answered from the corner of his mouth. "I'd assume so."
Standing Sanzo disappeared into the bathroom and slammed the door as loud as he could. It was a code-word for 'get the hell out of my room before I kill you all."
Hakkai chuckled and Gojyo took his opportunity to fall over laughing. Goku snickered as well but tried to hold it in. They all finally left the room when the shots flew through the bathroom door and with wonderful accuracy nicked the three of them on the cheeks. Hakkai decided to put on an extra cup of tea and make sure the newspaper was within reach whenever Sanzo decided to make a reappearance. He hoped Gojyo and Goku had some sense.
Goku ducked out of the room fully amused, as did Gojyo. They'd have to bug Lirin for the prints of today's events next time they made an appearance. Blackmail was a beautiful thing indeed.
Inside his bathroom prison, Sanzo stared at the mess of purple on his head and sighed. It was going to be a very long day so he decided to just get to it and attempt to get the wretched clothes off of his body. Plans of killing the others in creative fashions pulled a smile on his face. It was okay to smile when no one could see.
"Don't. Say. A. Word." Sanzo opened the door and took a seat in the jeep next to everyone else who had been waiting. He ignored them all best he could and kept his eyes straight ahead.
"Would never dream of it, Sanzo." Hakkai smiled and watched the others in the rearview mirror. They looked like they wanted to say something, in any case it would be a fascinating show.
"Yeah, Sunshine." Gojyo snickered. "Won't say a peep."
Goku sat up and took a closer look at Sanzo's head. "I kinda like it."
"Just shut up." Sanzo grumbled and sunk into the seat. "I hear one word until we get to the next city and you're all dead."
Hakkai chuckled and kept his eyes on the road while Gojyo lit a cigarette and Goku's eyes remained glued to Sanzo's head. It didn't look as bad as it had yesterday at any rate. Though, Hakkai had wished Sanzo would have asked for help. But then again, he might not get this peace and quiet otherwise. Looking at Gojyo and Goku he figured he had at least an hour, maybe two before they decided Sanzo was bluffing. He smiled and enjoyed the sunrise, which was surprisingly reflected by Sanzo's hair.
Sanzo growled in his seat. The purple dye had refused to come out of his hair even after about four washes. Faced with no other options, he had put on his headpiece and golden crown to hide the monstrosity that was his hair and had gone into town. The stupid dye he had purchased to fix his hair hadn't worked. The coloring was defective and the roots had turned red after he washed the excess dye out. Eventually, the dye had spread irregularly and in the end, he ended up with blonde hair with bright orange streaks running through it sprouting from a red base.
It could have been worse though, at least his hair was sporting someone natural colors. Purple, she had to pick purple. The little brat, Genjyo Sanzo was no one's prince and he sure as hell wasn't rescuing a princess on his own volition.
Though, Sanzo could appreciate the irony. He was indeed headed towards Hontou Castle at the moment to, in effect, save Lirin and the other demons from the minus wave and all that accompanied it. If that kid had a good memory, he had a feeling he wouldn't live this event down for a while.
Sanzo leaned back and chucked his still lit cigarette over the side. No point in lingering on the thought and he gave into the nap that was calling his name.