AN: A little light relief between chapters of DragonDays! It's not meant as anything serious, so feel free to love it or loathe it. It's always appreciated if you can let me know what you think though, particularly in terms of which bits work for you, and which don't. Mind you, I'm enough of a feedback slut to be happy with anything!

As far as inspiration goes, well, I have to give credit where it's due. In particular, SheWhoGuards' amazing tale of Emberella & Twinkle, and similar works in other fandoms, such as the "Protectors of the Plot Continuum". Oh, and GAFF of course - you've restored my faith in the not-so-silent minority.


Mary Sue's Revenge

Mary Sue Smith finished the last sentence of the story with a sigh, and checked the last tick box on her list. That would be the one marked "Twu Wub (vomit)". Scanning the page before her, Mary was appalled to see that she hadn't missed a single box. Sure enough, multi-talented apprentice Harper Mellissaressa had impressed Gold Sparkleth the moment her opalescent eyes had spotted the hapless hatchling, while her main rival had been left standing only to be clawed to death by a green.

A pity really, as in Mary's opinion the remarkably sensible EvilBitch! Naora was the least one-dimensional of the story's antagonists. Alas, the story had, inevitably, only gone downhill from there onwards, passing the usual plot tokens en route to the oh-so-shocking ending of "I hate you, you gorgeous bronze-riding hunk, but now our dragons have shacked up together, so why don't we? BTW, I luuuurve you. Squee!". To make things worse, this was followed by a rambling authors note detailing the many babies the couple had, who all impressed gold or bronze. Gah! It really did make Mary want to vomit. On top of that, the girl - well, Mary assumed the author was female, with a name like "RammothsTRUEridder" - had an interesting, scattershot approach to spelling and grammar. Mary shuddered. The clueless author seemed to be under the impression that covering all your bases was a better option than consistency. Not a good sign. Ignorance could be corrected, given enough time and a patient Beta; willful stupidity on the other hand...

Frustrated at the futility of even trying, Mary Sue closed her internet browser with a vicious click of her mouse. Sure, she could have fun sporking the god-awful crapness of the thing on her favourite website, but it didn't change the fact that it was her name that was synonymous with... Mary Sues. Of course, it went without saying that she knew better than to expect high-quality writing from the infamous "Pit of Voles", especially in this fandom. Cliched plotlines were common enough in the books themselves, so as far as fanfic was concerned, she expected to have to wade through sewage, or "sue-age", to find the rare gems. But even her light relief of enjoyable dross was being spoilt these days. Someone had to stop the decline. Bad writers seemed to be breeding like... like Sparkleth and Mellissawissawatchamacallher. And they just kept. On. Writing. If you could call it writing.

Mary shoved the mouse mat away from her elbow, and rested her chin in her hands glumly. She wanted her name back, dammit! And to teach these nitwits a lesson, somehow... or at least to get them to shut the hell up.

And that was when she spotted the mailbox icon blinking in the corner of her terminal. Curious, she opened a new window and had a look. The title suggested it was just another spam: "Mary Sue! We have the solution!" Yes, that sounded like another offer for generic c1alis, or pen1s enlargement. But she opened it anyway, and read the contents.

Oh my.

There was a god. And he sure as hell wasn't a benevolent, forgiving one - not as far as those crapfic authors were concerned. Rubbing her hands with glee, Mary Sue quickly posted a reply, listing her top five most despised authors.

They'd think their dreams had come true.

They'd be wrong. Very wrong.