Note: Okay, so you can kill me... now! I know, I know. I need to stop doing this. This writing new stories. I'll get on with my FFVII stories soon enough. Until then, let me go please?.
Warning: This will have slash pairings (for those of you who don't know what that is, it's boyxboy) so if you are somehow offended by this then I have on thing to say to you LEAVE! I will not get flamed just because someone doesn't like a pairing. Language is also an issue, though both of these really don't pertain to this chapter.
Disclaimer: It's sad, but the only way in which I own Kingdom Hearts is in a little case downstairs in my game cabinet. Other than that, Squeenix gets all the credit.
If Only There Was You
By: Ayumi Kairo
Chapter I: Twice That Night
Time: 11:35 pm
Location: Twilight Town
I roamed a town I had once known. The lights were low, a sure sign it was night, and no sounds could be heard. At least, not by my ears, which were sensitive beyond measure now. It was cold. I couldn't seem to stop myself from shivering. Yet, the trembling could be from a number of things. It seemed unlikely that the temperature around me was low. I felt sweat dripping down my neck. The same sweat that was mingling with the tears running down my cheeks. My body racked with another strangled sob.
No one saw me, I was sure, no one came to my rescue. Not that I was expecting them to. This wasn't that kind of place. There wasn't enough thought put into it yet. Someone was forgetting something. They weren't quite finished with this town. Soon though, I knew, soon it would be finished. I hoped so anyway. I needed someone to help me.
I couldn't remember my name. Some kind of amnesia? There were things about this place that were familiar. TLTW. Those letters that I saw everywhere stood for TWILIGHT TOWN. A gateway to light. Also, a gateway to darkness. But which would I choose? Did I even have a choice?
My clothes were torn, as I felt the wind hit my side and trembled at the feeling. One of my pant legs was completely gone, leaving the red fabric to reach the middle of my thigh. My bare arms crossed at my chest. I was trying to hold what little heat I had in. I kept walking, more like stumbling, through the alleys. I enjoyed the concealment it provided.
I made my way down a hill and into a back alley. It didn't really lead to anywhere exciting, just another road and an opening covered by a curtain. I wasn't sure if anything was off limits, but I took the risk and pulled the curtain back. I walked into a cluttered room. The posters on the wall and the blanket lying haphazardly across a couch gave me the impression that the space belonged to a teenager.
When my shivering once again brought me from my thoughts, I quickly snatched up the blanket and threw it over my shoulders. Sinking to the couch, I rocked back and forth to keep myself warm. I closed my eyes against an oncoming headache and swallowed hard at a lump in my throat. Though neither did anything to stave off my rising nausea. I laid down on the couch and curled into a ball. Gods, I felt so sick.
I felt like I hadn't eaten for days, though I didn't really remember. Whatever it was I was feeling was eating away at my body and mind. Sleep was so close. I could feel the edges of my consciousness slipping under and I was left with a hazy sense of self. I just wanted to rest.
"Shh…" I heard a voice say through chuckles near the door I had just come in, "don't wanna get caught."
"Why do I let you talk me into these things?" Came another voice and I sat up strait. I could see two figures standing in the doorway.
"Because," said the first voice, "you need a little adventure in your life."
"Oh what would I do without you, Seifer?" Said the other.
"Not anything fun, that's for sure." The guy, I imagined was named Seifer, replied as he flicked on a battery powered lamp.
My heart raced as the two glanced around the room. I didn't know what I was going to do. I knew they would see me; but how would they react to see me sitting on their couch, covering up my wet body with their blanket? No doubt, they'd be pissed. I could try and make a run for it, but that would only draw attention to myself. So there I was, counting down the seconds before their eyes fell on me.
But when they did, nothing happened. Their eyes passed over me like I wasn't even there. I got this weird feeling. It was as if they couldn't see me. I creased my brow in confusion and stood up, thinking maybe now they would see. It was strange. At first, I was afraid of them finding me, now, that was all I wanted. They could help me. Possibly tell me who I was. I purposely stepped toward them
"Why didn't you tell me about this place, Hayner?" Seifer asked while moving farther into the room. Out of instinct, I stopped walking.
"You never asked." The other boy, who was shorter than Seifer moved forward also. He placed his hand on Seifer's side and laid his head on the taller boy's shoulder. Seifer turned his head to kiss the top of Hayner's affectionately.
If I hadn't already been frozen, my entire body went rigid now. It felt so long since I'd last seen any people, and now that I should be getting my chance, they could see no one but themselves.
Seifer turned around to face Hayner and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy's figure. He kissed Hayner again, this time a little more forcefully. A small moan escaped Hayner's mouth, or was that Seifer? I wasn't sure from where I was standing. Soon the kiss, which had started out somewhat innocent, deepened. It seemed to leave the two in a tangle of limbs connected at the face. Apparently sloppiness wasn't an issue, but they broke apart eventually. Gasping for air, but still clinging desperately to each other.
"I missed you." Hayner said, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead into Seifer's chest. I was almost waiting for him to start crying.
"I know," Seifer said rubbing Hayner's back affectionately, "I'm so sorry."
"Don't leave me again." If possible Hayner pulled himself closer to Seifer.
"I won't, I won't." Seifer swallowed hard.
I felt my shivers return to me when hearing those words. Something about them seemed so familiar. As if I should remember them from somewhere. As if I had heard them directed to me at one time. My tears came back also and I found myself running from the couple, trying my hardest not to make a sound.
The curtain didn't seem like that much of an obstacle at first. However, when my hand got caught while trying to open it, I cursed my blurring tears under my breath. I would certainly be discovered now, as I fell to the ground. The curtain would come down on top of me. I could only wait for the sickening crack against my head when I hit the ground.
Yet, it didn't come.
Instead of hitting the hard ground and busting my head open, I fell into something soft. Something, I couldn't help but notice, that my body seemed to mold into. I laid my head back and let go of the curtain that was tangled in my hand, thanking all the gods that it didn't tear down. I wondered vaguely what it was that I had landed on and looked up to see bright green eyes and a shock of wild red hair.
"Didn't think we'd skip intros." Said the man that I had fallen on. I quickly stood and faced him, brushing off my pants and panting from fright and embarrassment. He watched me with an amused expression, while straitening up himself.
I had fallen into his arms, almost perfectly. It was as if he had been waiting for me. I wasn't worried so much about that though. Not as much as I was worried with him seeing me. He was the first person to take notice of me this whole night.
"You okay?" His amusement turned to worry so quickly it surprised me. Then again, everything was surprising me lately.
"You… you can… see…me?" I asked shakily. I thought my voice would be crack a little, I was thirsty, but the barely audible whisper that escaped my lips was hardly recognizable.
"Who are you?" He asked more patiently than I would have imagined.
"I don't…," my voice failed me and I slumped forward. Again I was left with the realization that I would hit the ground hard and be able to do nothing about it. Yet, again he was there, wrapping his arms around my limp form and lifting me into the air.
"It's alright." He whispered soothingly into my ear as I lay my head on his shoulder. Against his body I could tell my own was trembling even more. Even safety in his arms was jeopardized by the feeling of dizziness that threatened to consume me. I clung to him, his warmth, his softness, his security. I allowed my eyes to close, only after the assurance that he was there.
"It's alright," he whispered again and I could tell he had started walking by the slight bumps to my body every once in a while, "I know who you are, I'll take you home."
"Home…" I didn't know if there was such a place for me. Certainly, I would have remembered something like that. Everything about myself seemed to elude me time and time again this night, taking evasive action from a clearly unstable mind. I clung to the redhead again.
"By the way," he said in the casual voice he had used when first meeting me, "my name's Axel. Got it memorized?"
I did have it memorized. If anything I knew I wouldn't forget this. This person who could see me, and knew who I was, and knew about my home. I would never let go of the name, never forget. Just like I was clinging to his black coat, I clung to the sound of his voice in my head. His voice meant safety at the present time, and that was the one thing I desperately needed.
Axel. Axel. Axel. I whispered his name like a mantra, though too softly for him to hear. I kept doing that the entire time he was carrying me. I imagined after a while I fell asleep, but even my dreams were plagued by my shattered memories. Axel. Axel. Axel. He was security even in my dreams. Never let go.
It's about time you remembered who you are. The voice that I had grown almost accustomed to this night said in my dreams. I couldn't see him, but the voice was familiar.
I wish I could. I said, or rather thought, back. Something about this place didn't seem right. Like, I wasn't safe here, like I needed to leave. Yet, no doors were found, no way out was visible.
You will soon enough. Just a little more time Dear One. Cling to him, cling to him tight.
And I did. I clung to my security unconsciously. As my dream drove me further through broken windows of facts of my life that I couldn't piece together. I had a major headache when I woke again. Though that could be from a number of things. They say, when you have a fever you can get delusional. Maybe that was all that was happening to me, and when I went home everything would be better. Yet, I highly doubted that when I was shaken awake by Axel and I took a look at what he described to me as home.
The castle was bigger than anything I had ever seen and I found myself wanting to shrink away from it. Unfortunately, Axel prevent all means of escape with a firm grasp of my body. Instead, I buried my face into his chest as he kept walking to the imposing building.
"I'll get you help, I promise." He said. I didn't see the journey he made to his final destination. I was however urged to look up when we reached it.
The room we were in reminded me of a storage closet. A very large storage closet, filled with junk and stacked with papers. The sides of the room were built in shelves, containing volume after volume of who-knows-what. As I looked around the place I didn't even notice that someone else was with Axel and me. I was pulled from my frightening thoughts when my chin was grasped gently and my face was turned towards a third party.
He was wearing the same long, black coat Axel was wearing, but there was something completely different about this man. There was no kindness to his eyes. He stared down at me through his silver bangs as if he demanded me to speak. Though I said no words, my voice was completely useless now.
"I found him in Twilight Town." Axel said, coming to my rescue once again. Not without a price though. The man turned his hard eyes to the redhead who was carrying me.
"I thought I told you to stay away from that place." he said harshly. His words would have been less frightening had he yelled them. Still, Axel did not seem fazed.
"DiZ told me to go." He argued. Of course, I had no idea who DiZ was, but from the way Axel was speaking of him, he sounded better than the man we were with now. "Now move it, Xemnas."
"And you found yourself a little toy." Xemnas said, venom lacing his words as he turned back to me. My hand unconsciously tightened on Axel's coat sleeve.
"He's one of us." Axel said calmly now. I looked up at him in astonishment. One of them? What did he mean?
"Everyone's one of us to you, Axel," Xemnas said, "it's a surprise you haven't gotten yourself killed yet. What with that faith you seem to have in everyone."
"I'm here to see DiZ," Axel said and bypassed Xemnas deftly. He walked through a doorway that I hadn't noticed until then. We left Xemnas in the storage closet looking as stoic as when we had first entered it.
If I was expecting anything from this place, it certainly wasn't this. I had seen darkness before, but the comparison with this next room was frightening with what I had thought it to be. The words 'impending doom' came to mind, and though I hated the term, it was the only way to describe t. the dark was infinite, as the only light inside the room came from a small computer in the corner. I couldn't really see that anything else was in here, but I doubted it would help in the lighting. I was proven wrong when a lantern was lit to our right by another person I didn't recognize.
With the coming of the light and the other person, I clung to Axel ever the more tighter. He gave my arm a reassuring squeeze and turned acidic eyes away from me. I too looked at the third person and noticed she was wearing the same black cloak as everyone else I had seen. I was sensing a trend.
"Where's DiZ?" Axel asked sounding annoyed. He gently set me on my own feet, but kept me standing with a firm hold of my waist. My shaking worsened while I was now relying on my own limbs for stability. I still leaned heavily into Axel though and he did not object.
"DiZ will be back shortly," the woman said, "he told me to tell you to wait here while I get Roxas into a room."
Roxas? Who was that? I didn't think I could handle meeting another person tonight. I was already having a hard enough time keeping everyone I had already met strait.
"I'm not going to let you take him anywhere, Larxene," Axel said to her, though pulling slightly away from me, "who knows what-the-fuck you'd do to him."
"Let him go, Axel." Said yet another imposing voice, now from behind us. My head ached all the more thinking there was another person I was going to have to focus on.
I could feel Axel turn his head to look at the new man that had stepped inside. He was older than the rest of us, I could tell by his voice. He was from a different world too, the accent was something I wasn't used to.
"You'll have to stand on your own," Axel whispered in my ear softly. I dreaded the moment his hand would leave my side and I braced myself for the worst.
But it didn't come.
His arm left, its presence replaced instantly by the cold air. My legs still trembled, along with the rest of my body, and my knees threatened to give. I focused all my energy on not falling over. My arms wrapped protectively around myself, Axel's warmth still needed.
"Larxene, you and Roxas may leave now," the man said, now walking in front of us, "Axel and I have some things we need to discuss."
Before I even knew what was happening, I was being pushed from the room. Pushed from Axel's safety. He was the only one I wanted to be near in this frightening place and he wasn't even coming after me. I guess I should've known better than to think he was going to be there.
"Oh, we've been waiting for you, Roxas." Larxene said as she traveled down the hall a few feet ahead of me. She was walking so fast I could hardly keep up.
"Who are you talking about?" I asked bravely through jagged breaths.
"The organization, of course." She answered glancing back at me and stopping to wait, "who did you think we were?"
I didn't really care who they were, I wanted to know who Roxas was. She wouldn't stop talking about him, and like he was right next to her. I stopped talking to her and kept walking, trying to keep up. The halls she was leading me through were lighter than the rest of the castle. They actually looked inhabited. They were trimmed with wooden panels and painted a beige color. This actually reminded me of a home.
When we got to a hall that was lined with doors on either side, Larxene seemed to speed up again. She didn't wait for me to catch up as she bounded down the hall and stopped in front of one of the doors. It took me a little while before I was next to her, looking at the wooden door with the number XIII written across it. I hadn't even noticed the doors were numbered, but as I looked around now I saw that almost every one was.
"I'll be right down the hall, in number twelve." Larxene said as she handed me what I imagined to be a key to the door in front of me. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to knock on my door. I'll be waiting to play with you tomorrow."
The way she said that made my stomach cringe and I vowed never to be alone with her if I could help it. I watched in pure fascination as she walked briskly back down the hall and turned into her own room, her blonde hair swinging a little when as she moved.
When she closed the door behind her, I turned slowly to my own room. The key, which was an odd silver and blue color, fit into a weird shaped keyhole. The thing lit up with an iridescent glow before the familiar click of a lock opening sounded. I turned the knob quietly and stepped into the room.
If Axel had thought that this was anywhere close to any home of mine, he was mistaken. I was expecting to see something I recognized, not that I recognized anything from my own life. The room was blue and silver, just like the key. The cooling colors were painted across the walls and the furniture was the same. It reminded me vaguely of the morning, when everything was new and cool. The feeling was soothing and I found myself being drawn closer into the room. I took a few tentative steps inside.
The bed was pushed up against the wall. Its white blankets promised warmth and comfort to me and I unconsciously walked over to it. I pulled back the heavy blankets, that were currently cool, due to the lack of use. The mattress was up pretty high so actually getting into the bed was something in itself, but eventually he was laying in the cushioned bed.
Of course, it wasn't long until I fell asleep once more. Dreaming of nothing and tossing and turning the entire time. And just as quickly as I had fallen into slumber I was pulled from it by an abrupt wave of nausea.
I guessed the door inside the room led to a bathroom and opened it up. I thanked the gods when I discovered that I was correct in my assumption and bounded to the ground in front of the toilet. Losing the contents of my stomach quickly thereafter. My shivers came back tenfold and I curled into a ball on the ground. The cold floor of the bathroom doing nothing for my persistent, fever induced trembles. I could feel my tears welling up in my eyes and did nothing to stop them from falling. My body racked with sobs once more.
I didn't move or speak when I heard a knock at the door. I just laid there on the ground and hoped whoever it was didn't want me too badly. I wasn't surprised when I heard the door to my room open and someone walk in. I could tell by the voice that it was Axel. I wanted nothing more than for him to find me, to help me like he did before. I tried, and failed, to yell for him. That didn't matter though, because a second later he opened the door to my bathroom.
His face wasn't one of shock, but pity, as he knelt beside me and took me into his arms once more. I laid on his lap, my head on his shoulder, shivering like mad. I could feel the sweat running down my neck again and my tears were coming freely.
"Withdrawal's a bitch." He said simply. I looked up at him with questioning eyes.
Withdrawal? What did he mean by that? Had I been into some kind of drug before he found me? It seemed likely enough. I didn't remember anything before tonight.
"Your heart, your emotions," he said after awhile, I know trying to explain it to me, "they were all taken away from you. Your body wants them back."
"My heart?" I asked. His explanation was doing nothing for me. I didn't understand. How was my heart taken away from me, my emotions?
"You don't remember anything, do you?" He asked me and I shook my head. "You will eventually."
I put my head back down and swallowed hard against a lump in my throat. It was true, I guess. I no longer felt my heart beating in my chest. I was always cold, as if my circulation was completely gone. But to be completely without emotions? I didn't believe it. I was scared, I was tired, I was somewhat angry. These were certainly emotions that I had had before, right?
"No heart." I said faintly.
"No life." He provided. "We're not supposed to exist. How can someone live without a heart?"
"…seems so real." He finished for me. "I know, Roxas."
"Why do you people keep calling me that?" I asked more out of curiosity than to really learn something.
"That's your name." He replied, and I knew he meant it.
"It hurts." I whimpered as another wave of nausea came over me. I managed to hold it down though, and was grateful.
"It does get better. Whether you believe it or not." He said, stroking my hair.
"Stay with me until it does?" It was a question, but I didn't want him to take it as such. I didn't want him to have any way out of comforting me. I needed him more than anything. My security.
"Of course." He answered.
I think we stayed like that for the rest of the night, for when I woke up the next morning, he still hadn't unwound his arms from around my smaller body.
Note: Okay, so it's long and probably not very interesting yet, but trust me it does get better. I'm contemplating leaving the whole story in Roxas' POV or changing from character to character. I don't know. Tell me what you think in a review. Please review... please?