A/N: This is my first Lily/James fic. I love them. Their so cute. Anyway, review!

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn…

Chapter 1: A Changed Lily?

Lily was tossing and turning in her sleep while having another one of her nightmares.

" No! Please stop this!"

" No one can hear you so you can't scream." He started laughing maniacally.

She awoke with her heart pounding and cold sweat on her forehead. 'When will these dreams ever stop?'

She still couldn't get over her traumatic experiences despite all the help she received. They tried all muggle and wizarding forms. But to no avail. To try to obliviate that memory is too risky for fear she'll lose her other memories too. It will take a long while before her soul and mind can be free and be able to finally breathe.

She couldn't go back to sleep so she listened to her CD player until 9am when she started to get ready for her first day back at Hogwarts.

On the train, she chatted amicably with her friends, but they didn't notice her straining to smile. She never told them, for fear they might think wrongly of her.

Of course they wouldn't, but she doubted this.

"So, Lily how was your summer?" Jada asked.

"I did nothing out of the ordinary. I just read, did my assignments, and annoyed the hell out of Petunia." 'At least there's one good memory of this past summer.' She smiled inwardly.

"That's my girl!" replied Vanessa.

Lily hated her summers, she always spent it with her family, but she felt alone because she wasn't with her friends. Her friends helped her forget, but in the shadows of the night, memories would creep back to her, always the same memories repeating over and over again like a broken record.

She hated it. She hated her brain for making her remember. But she got used to it and stopped crying. She felt numb. Almost comfortably numb. She felt no emotion left except compassion for others and love for her parents.

She couldn't wait until she's back at Hogwarts where she can occupy her time more and especially now that she's Head Girl.

She left her friends to meet the Head Boy in their compartment. When she looked in she was shocked to see a calm James Potter.


"Lily? I'm so glad it's you. I was scared to be living with a nerd."

"What do you mean living?"

"Don't you know? The Head Boy and Girl share a common room of their own with their own rooms adjacent to one another."


"Aw, come now Evans. That hurt me deep."

"Shut up Potter and let's get this meeting over with."

Awkward silence, you can hear the crickets working up their own orchestra in the background…..

'Merlin! She gets more beautiful every year. If only I could just push her against a wall and…'

"Quit staring Potter. It's not becoming of you."

He shut up but kept on staring at her face while she stared out the window. The sunlight hit her hair, also accentuating her facial features and ivory skin and to him she looked ravishing.

"So, Evans? How was your summer?"

She shuddered involuntarily. 'Did I say something wrong?'

He looked into her eyes where he could see the depth of her soul. Despite what many might think of him, he is very introspective. All he saw in her soul was pain, un-describable, heart-wrenching pain. 'What could've happened to her?'

Just then, the prefects from each house came in to start their meeting.

"Alright, then. First we'll start by giving you all the passwords to all the common rooms. Should any of you disobey the rules and use them for purposes not stated in the letters you received, you will be stripped of your title."

After she said that, Lily and James gave all the passwords to them. She was still in shock to see James as Head Boy, as was everyone else.

"Now I will give you your schedules for when to patrol the corridors and the meetings of each month to discuss any events you consider to add besides Hogsmeade. This is something new that Dumbledore suggested."

After James handed out the papers, they discussed all the rules and when the prefects left, Lily asked him, "How come you are Head Boy? Out of all people, I least expected you to fill the position."

"I'm ashamed you discredit my worth and misjudge me so unfairly. I thought better of you Evans."

Now she really did feel ashamed. "I'm sorry." And she let her eyes go downward.

He chuckled. "It's okay Lily. I was joking. Remus didn't want the position so I accepted instead."

"Oh, alright."

"Not disappointed I hope?"

" What kind of question is that?"

"Oh right." He smiled sheepishly. He'll win her over this year for sure………or die trying!

They both exited the compartment and started heading back to their respective seats.

"Lily, will you go out with me?"

"NO, Potter."

"Why, Evans? Give me one good reason why."

She sighed. Godric's balls, is this boy hard headed. "First of all I'm not interested in you at all and secondly we are too different. Get that through your thick skull!"

"That's no problem. I can change that. You will like me one day Evans, even if it's just as a friend."

"I will not allow you that permission Potter."

"Evans, why do you always have a wall put up whenever someone wants to get close to you? Even to your own friends?" He started inching closer and closer to her.

"What do you know?"

"I am very observant."

"And why would you care?"

By this time, they were so close she could feel his breath on her lips which sent unwanted shivers and goose bumps all over. She could feel the length of his body on her own. She couldn't move because she was up against a wall. She was scared, oh so scared and yet mesmerized by those hazel eyes which gleamed with lust and maybe something more? She wasn't sure.

"Because I want you Evans. Can't you see that? I want you more than I've ever wanted any girl. You drive me to the brink of insanity, every time you twirl your hair or lick your lips or just by looking at your eyes…like now. Please let me in through that wall of yours, let me touch you, taste you, feel you, even if it's just for a moment."

She gasped. What was this boy thinking? Was he saying she is beautiful? 'Oh my god. He is mad. But I promised myself I wouldn't let anyone in. No, never.'

Before she could reject him, his lips kissed into her neck and he started sucking, nibbling and biting every inch of skin. She turned her head unconsciously to let him have more access to her neck. She clung to him as if he would stop doing his magic on her. He licked her collarbone, all over her skin and she let out a deep moan. It was music to his ears.

He stopped and looked into her eyes while tracing her jaw line, her lips, her eyes, and kissed her eyebrow while he caressed her cheek.

"Please, go with me to the next Hogsmeade visit. Just one date, is all I ask." He closed his eyes while he finished saying this and started breathing raggedly.

"N-No. I c-can't. I'm…sorry." She ran off. 'God Lily, what's happened to you?'

is to love and be loved in return."

A/N: This is my first snog session if you can call it that. So if it sucks, bear with me. Also, if anyone can guess the quote that starts before the chapter and ends after the chapter, which is also part of the title, I'll give you an imaginary chocolate chip cookie!