A/N: Gift fic for my friend Ryan because he's upset he can't read Roommates cause there's yaoi. Also, I was getting an idea for a one-shot on Itachi for him, but he said something about zoodles (kinda like alphagetti to those of you who don't know) and I just had the stupidest idea ever and, by God, when I have stupid ideas, I have to write them down.

Ryan, this is for you. Don't blame me for my insanity.

The One Thing He Loves.

Uchiha Itachi is a cold bastard. Everyone knows this, even his closest friends. Or—what you can label as a friend to him, anyway. But yes, everyone on the planet knows that Itachi is a cold bastard.

Being such a cold bastard, it's clear he cares about no one and nothing. There is just nothing in his life that he values. Not his friends—what friends?—nor his family—what family?—nor even his superiors. No, Itachi is his own man, and the only thing Uchiha Itachi cares about, is Uchiha Itachi.

Everyone knows this. They know there's no separating Itachi from his love for himself. Everything he does is for his own benefit, everyone knows this.

And he's a cold bastard.

After all, he killed his entire clan merely to test his strength. In other words: he was bored.

Nothing. This boys cares for nothing!


Or so we think.

There is one thing that nobody knows, not even the people he works with. His parents didn't know it, his brother didn't know it—no one knew it.

It's the one thing Itachi loves the most.

The one thing he craves more than anything else in the world.

The thing he would stop in the middle of a mission for.

And that thing—

is Zoodles.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, underneath that hard, cold exterior is a man with a Zoodle-obsession. He just can't get enough of the soft, pasty noodles mixed in tomato sauce. This, ladies and gentlemen, is pure heaven for the Uchiha.

He just sits at a table for hours when no one's looking and eats the noodles one by one, silently identifying each animal in his head before eating it and moving on to the next. It could take him five or six hours to finish just one can of the tomatoey goodness.

What I am saying is absolutely true, this is not a joke! The animal noodles remind him of the ANBU, and as he eats each one covered in the tomato sauce, he imagines his victory over them, the sauce being their blood staining his tongue with its sweetness.

Oh, how he loves Zoodles.

The reason his robe is so long and bulky is because he has at least three Zoodle cans in there at one time. Who knows when he'll be able to go home and get another can, he has to be prepared for the worst!

In all honesty, the reason he killed a lot of people who weren't on his assassination list were because they pierced holes in his Zoodle cans when they threw kunai at him. It was one thing to mess with Itachi, but when you messed with his Zoodles, you were on a whole different level.

So, ladies and gentlemen, heed my words: Do not mess with the Zoodles of Uchiha Itachi. He will not take well to it.

Because as you can see...

Zoodles are the one thing he loves.