AN - Oneshot songfic :). I enjoy doing these, and I hope that you enjoy reading it. When I read the end of Twilight, this song came into my head. I knew that there must have been a lot more going through Suze's mind than what was in the book, so here's my take on it...
And for those of you that are reading Only The Good, I'm still writing that...next chapter almost finsihed. I'm trying to get as much as I can done before the exams and revisionstart.
Review and I will love you forever (and so will Jesse : P)
Disclaimer - I don't own The Mediator, or Our Farewell by Within Temptation which provides the heartstring-tugging lyrics.
October 1st, 2006 - I went through this and fixed as many mistakes as I could find and also added a few new bits...enjoy :).
In my hands, a legacy of memories
I can hear you say my name
It was all over.
Over the past twenty-four hours I had been through hell, and it didn't look like I'd ever be coming back. I wished that I had never followed Paul, that I had never attempted to save Jesse's life.
It had hurt before, when I thought that I would never see him again. But at least he would have been alive...and I wasn't supposed to remember him. But now? Now the pain was unbearable. I had lost him forever, and it was all because of my own stupid, reckless actions.I should have waited before shifting. Now, Jesse was dying. Oh, he wasn't murdered by Diego, no. But when I shifted back to my time, his soul was ripped from his body. You see, two souls can't exist in the same place. And because the Jesse that had been murdered by Diego was still hanging around, the soul to get bumped off was the 'free' Jesse. Now, not only had I lost Jesse, but Jesse lost everything he had...he would essentially be wiped from existance. And the worst thing? I would remember every single detail of it.
I can almost see you smile,
Feel the warmth of your embrace
I would live with the memory of him, of his embrace and reluctance to 'insult' me. Knowing what I had, what I lost.
I remember breaking down shortly after arriving at the hospital. I was devastated, torn apart. And it was all my own doing. I can remember calling out to my father,thinking that Jesse would have moved on. But it wasn't my father that came, oh no. It was Jesse. Ghost Jesse. We talked. We almost even had one final kiss before he touched his hollow body and was sucked into it. Now, he was inside a dying body. It was too late.
But there is nothing but silence now,
Around the one I love
Is this our farewell?
I remembered all of the good times we spent together. My 'gift' seemed less like a curse when I was with him. He made me feel good about myself. He made me feel human, something I hadn't felt before. I guess the whole thing with Paul put our relationship into perspective. Paul treated me like crap. Sure, he seemed to think that he loved me, but that was no excuse for him to treat me (and Jesse) the way he did. It was his fault that I felt this way. That's right. Stupid Paul Slater. He went after what he wanted, not caring who he hurt in the process. It wasn't my fault at all!Then, I remembered something that Paul had said to me.
"Maybe he was meant to die."
I felt tears welling up in my eyes. That prickly feeling in the back of my throat and my nose returned.
"But not this way," I told myself. "Not this way." I could have sworn that I felt warmth in Jesse's lifeless hand, but it must have been my imagination. Nothing could save him now. No amount of CAT or MRI scans could alter his fate. I needed a miracle. I'm so alone.
Sweet darling, you worry too much,
My child, see the sadness in your eyes.
You are not alone in life,
Althought you might think that you are.
I couldn't help but think about what people had told me before I went back. My father, Father Dominic. They had all told me that what Paul was going to do for Jesse was noble, was brave and kind. Thoughtful...yeah, that was so Paul Slater. The guy who mad emy live a living hell. The guy who had made school terrifying for me. The guy who threatened to rat me out about taking his littlebrother to the beach, just so he could get me to go on a date with him.
"You catch more flies withhoney than withvinegar."
But in the end, he did help me get Jesse to the hospital. For all the good it did.
I looked up as I heard the door open. It was Father Dominic.
Never thought this day would come so soon
We had no time to say goodbye
How can the world just carry on?
I feel so lost when you're not by my side
He told me that he had managed to sort out some insurance for Jesse, but I told him that it didn't matter. That it was too late. Jesse was dying, and my heart was shattering into a million tiny pieces. I was sure that Paul would be dancing all over those pieces in a few hours. I made a mental note to beat the snot out of him if he did.
Father Domininc started to say something, but I wasn't really paying attention. How could I? All I could hear were the walls of this happy life I had made for myself come crashing down. If Father Dominic was trying to console me, I didn't want to know. No words that he uttered could soothe my aching soul now.
So sorry your world is tumbling down
I will watch you through these nights.
Father Dominic's words confused me. Until I felt it. This time I was sure it was real. The hand I held so desperately on to, convinced that if I held on tight enough he would remain here with me, gently squeezed mine. I laughed. It was a laugh of pure joy, and I looked up into Jesse's eyes. Those dark, brown eyes that were filled with the love that he felt towards me. His other hand slowly reached up and pulled the oxygen mask off his face.
That word thrilled me to the core. I laughed again, grinning insanely. He smiled at me and sat up, wrapping his strong arms around me.
It felt so good just to be held by him again, to feel his new found warmth against me. His embrace was strong yet gentle. He held onto me as though I would vanish if he let go.
I felt all of my negativity flowing away until I was able to lose myself in this moment.
Rest your head and go to sleep
Because my child, this is not our farewell.
"I love you," I spoke softly into his shoulder, the tears flowing freely. But this time they were tears of pure, ecstatic, free-flowing, abundant happiness.
It felt so good to feel his warmth against me. His warmth! And I could feel a steady thud-thud-thud against my chest. I was sure it wasn't my own heart; I had obviously died and been given an en-suite luxury penthouse apartment in heaven. But I didn't need that. All I needed was him. And he wasn't going anywhere. Not this time.
I heard footsteps as Father Dominic left us to celebrate properly. And we did. His newly-warm lips claimed my own, his tongue easing itself into my mouth to tease mine. For the first time, I could taste him...and he tasted so sweet.
We kissed for what seemed like an eternity, his lips driving my crazy, nipping, sucking, caressing. My hands felt his hard, musclar torso, enjoying the heat that I felt beneath my fingertips.
"I love you," he told me, pulling back so that we could rest our foreheads together. His lips brushed against my own as he spoke, his breath warm and slightly pleasurable against my skin.
This is not our farewell