After reading my Sesshoumaru x Kikyou fanfiction over again, I realized just how cliché it was. I also realized how clichéd almost every story about Kikyou and Sesshoumaru were; following the basic storyline of Kikyou moving on from Inuyasha, Kikyou finding Rin, Kikyou staying with the group because of Rin, and then Kikyou and Sesshoumaru falling in love. Now that I've become sick and tired of this, I started writing a satire (the story that you're reading right now) about the clichés while I sat in my school auditorium, supposedly watching a mediocre performance of Beauty and the Beast.

And please, for those of you who have written such clichés, I mean no harm. Nor do I mean that my stories have any less plotholes. I just noticed an odd (and annoyingly uncreative) trend in the storylines and figured that this might spark some originality. If I do offend you, I apologize.

Also, as stupidisstupiddoes reminded me, here's a disclaimer.

I do not own Inuyasha, nor any of the characters mentioned in this fanfiction. ... No, there is not going to be a funny or wistful comment; that's cliched, remember?


It's All Rin's Fault

Kikyou watched the romantic scene unfold before her. Suddenly, she realized that Inuyasha would never love her again because he loved another. Of course, it was strange how she, the great and wise priestess, never supposedly realized this throughout the whole series, consisting of one hundred sixty seven episodes; every five of which such scenes occurred. But, of course, being a woman in love (despite wanting to drag her 'lover' to hell), it took just that long and a 4x4 for the fact to hit her dense head.

She walked off, mentally whining and bitching about her life as the undead and unloved. Her complaints mainly revolved around the points that Inuyasha was with her reincarnation, her younger sister looked old enough to be her grandmother (and that Kaede hated her but that's only an aside), she was a "clay pot", and she didn't have blood (a complaint which meant absolutely nothing because her body worked fine without the blood). She never grumbled during the series, but she figured that this was as good a time as any to start.

Then, nicely put, she was snapped out of her reverie (badly put would be interrupted in the middle of her bitching; although on second thought, that wasn't necessarily a bad thing) by the laughter of a young girl.

"Oi, Jaken-sama; Sesshoumaru-sama!" the girl cried out, "Look at all these flowers Rin found! Kirei, neh?" She randomly inserted Japanese phrases and terms in her speech. It seemed just so much more authentically Japanese that way. It, in a way, seemed to serve for the lack of any historical accuracy throughout the whole series. That or the author felt the need to translate a scene in Japan into English and then translate bits and pieces back into Japanese. Besides, it's not like there's a word in English that means beauti-- Oh wait.

"Rin-chan!" Kikyou cried out to the young girl, despite not being all that familiar with her or ever having asked for her name. She bent down and held her arms out.

Rin ran into her arms and hugged her. "Oh, miko-sama, will you pick flowers with Rin?" Despite being an important priestess on an important mission and having no childish side, Kikyou consented wholeheartedly.

Jaken popped out of a nearby bush and started squawking and pointing his staff at Kikyou. "Sesshoumaru-sama! That miko is here!" He had an astonishingly good memory since he managed to remember her throughout one hundred sixty seven episodes (and four movies) of wandering and seeing all sorts of people.

Sesshoumaru came out into the clearing of flowers next and asked irritably, "Which miko? You do have to clarify." His gaze turned to Kikyou, "Oh, that miko."

"Lord Sesshoumaru," Kikyou greeted him. As testament to the historical inaccuracy, she refused to bow or even incline her head. While she was at being disrespectful, one would wonder why she bothered to refer to him as lord. But regardless, she stood up and smoothed out her hakama. "Well, I don't wish to disturb you any longer, so I shall go."

Rin pouted, "Iie, miko-sama! Stay. Rin wants to pick flowers with you longer!"

"Maybe some other time, Rin-chan," Kikyou smiled. Her smiles were rare, but she was so bored out of her mind that she figured that a change of habit concerning how often she smiled was in order.

"Stay, miko," Sesshoumaru ordered. He was very well persuaded by pouting nine year olds – it was simply in his nature considering, you know, his loving family and beautiful childhood memories. "Since Rin seems to be so fond of you, you will journey with us as Rin's caretaker. Jaken isn't doing a very good job at that. And since you do know how to fight, I suppose you might come in handy in case I get into battle and need Rin away." Not that, of course, she will be doing any fighting in the course of this story since we all know, after all, that love sucks away at a woman's capabilities.

And so, without any protest on Kikyou's part (who had the more important matters of killing Naraku, then dragging Inuyasha to hell), she joined Sesshoumaru's group.