Mars on the Cusp of Vegas
A Veronica Mars / BtVS Crossover
Disclaimer: The usual, I don't own these shows and am not making money off this story.
Spoilers: Veronica Mars Season 1. Season 2 up to 'Look Who's Stalking' plus whatever I can guess about the rest of the season. (I don't read spoilers, so if you're current, you're OK) All of BtVS.
Oh oh, I thought, or I would have if I had been capable of coherent thought at the time. The problem was that I had a couple of out-of-sync pile-drivers pounding away in my skull. I raised my hand to massage my temples and my wrists brushed across my nipples. This suggested that I was at least partly naked and I couldn't, yet, remember getting undressed; and if I had gone to bed, where were my pajamas?
While I gently rubbed my head I had become aware of an intimate intrusion into my personal space, the feel of a bare ass pressed against my bare ass. Apparently I was even nakeder than I had first supposed and I wasn't alone. The other ass moved a little and I was able to analyze further: it was hairy and somewhat rough-skinned. Oh good! I concluded, a male ass. But whose? I slowly rolled over enough to identify my bed partner, who was also rolling over towards me.
A single brown eye stared at me. "Ah, hi?" I said uncertainly.
"Hi yourself," the stranger said.
"Did we go to a costume+ ball last night?" I asked.
"Where's the rest of your pirate costume?" I asked, waving my hand towards his face.
"Oh that, well, no. It's a real eyepatch. I lost an eye in a construction accident a few years ago."
"Oh gosh! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean..." I sputtered to stop.
He smiled at me and I kind of melted a little, "Don't worry about it ... uh, this is embarrassing but I don't know your name. Mine is Xander Harris. Xander's short for Alexander."
"Oh, hi Xander. I'm Veronica Mars." As I gazed at him, some of the previous night was coming back to me. Quite a lot was still hazy, but there were many, many hours of pure, unadulterated sex. In fact, I had to close my eyes for a bit to take in some of what we did during the night. Then I realized that I really needed to find a bathroom in the next few minutes, and swept the sheets back, got up and stood in the sunlight streaming in the window. I couldn't help but notice that Xander's gaze seemed locked on my body.
"Well Xander," I said, "normally it would embarrass me to walk around naked in front of someone I just met, but much of last night is very clear even while some is hazed. We're definitely not strangers anymore. And I just gotta ask, did you memorize the Kama Sutra?"
"No, more like the Anyanka Sutra."
"Oh. I don't think I ever heard of that one." As I dwelled on the details of last night, I consciously displayed myself. Really, there was little reason not to, we had done everything I had ever heard of and quite a few things that I had never heard of, or thought unlikely. I sort of lifted my arm and gazed down and suddenly noticed something foreign on my hand. "What the hell?" I asked.
Xander followed my line of sight and said, "Holy hell, you're married!"
"No, I'm not," I spit out the words, "I can't be." I was shook up. I looked at Xander in growing horror and noticed that he had a similar band on his hand. "Hell Xander, you're a fine one to talk." And I pointed to his hand.
"Shit!" he said as he jumped to his feet as if electrocuted. He looked closely at his finger and kind of shook his hand experimentally, as if he expected the ring to disappear or something. Then he noticed something on the wall above our bed: an official looking certificate had been taped up over our heads. He ripped it down and read it. He shockily handed it to me. It was a marriage certificate. We stared at each other, dismay writ large on our faces.
I said, "I am sorry Xander, but I unknowingly lied to you. I'm not Veronica Mars, I am Veronica Harris." Then I carefully set the marriage certificate down on a side table and went into the bathroom.
I pissed and cried for just a minute, then I resolved to face whatever was coming and I turned on the shower. Of course, this being Vegas it wasn't just a shower. This thing was like some kind of super-fantastic chamber of water pleasure, with multiple nozzles all over, controls for every purpose imaginable, as well as things I couldn't imagine. I got in after I figured out how to set it to the simplest setting. I closed my eyes and looked up, allowing the water to stream down my body. It felt good. Actually, I'm not sure if I had ever had a better morning feeling in my life. I mean, last night was reaaallly good! Except for the marriage part. Dad was so gonna kill me!
I felt the water pressure change to a soft spring rain. The temperature decreased just a little then I was aware of Xander joining me. I turned in his arms, he was just the right height for me to rest my head on his shoulder. I liked the feel of his chest against my breasts, I held him tight. "Xander?" I asked, "I couldn't help but notice that you are scarred all over, like you're either some sort of special operations military guy or the clumsiest carpenter who ever lived. Do you have something to tell me?"
"Hmmmm, perhaps later. Right now, lets just let this crazy shower go through its paces."
"You know, I don't think I'm ready for another go since I'm sore all over, although in all the right places."
"Oh don't worry, my balls need a recharge, but I like cuddling with you."
"Eww! That's a crude remark!"
"Oh, sorry, it'll take me awhile to remember that you really aren't Anya."
"And who's this Anya?"
"My ex-fiancée. She was killed a few years ago."
"Oh, gosh, I put my foot in it again! Oh Xander, I don't mean to put you on the spot like that! Uh, how did it happen?" My infernal curiosity was poking up again. Except I did kind of wonder if I had put myself into the hands of yet another dangerous sociopath.
"She died in the Sunnydale Collapse, you remember that, don't you?"
"Yes, Sunnydale's the next town up the coast from Neptune, where I live! It was in all the papers for weeks."
"Neptune? You're from Neptune? I'm from Sunnydale, we're practically neighbors!"
Xander had settled down on the padded bench and I sat on his lap. In the meantime, the shower had cycled from early to late spring, with a long stop in autumn and a brief touch of winter (which just made us hug each other tighter) and was now well into summer. The water had stopped and warm air was blowing gently over and around us. I wondered how much a contraption like this cost and how soon I could afford it if it cost as much as I suspected. Finally, the doors opened by themselves and we slowly made our way out of the bathroom.
We lay on the bed, stretched out luxuriously. He was engaged in toweling my hair dry when the bedroom door was flung dramatically open. A redhead glanced in and said, "Hey Xand—oops! Goddess, I'm sorry!" and she slammed the door shut before I got a good look at her.
"Who was that?" I asked lazily.
"Oh, that was my friend Willow, we've know each other since we were little kids young enough to bath together. I think this is the first time since then that she's seen me au naturel. Too bad she probably didn't appreciate the look, she more than likely was focused on you."
"She's a lesbian?"
"Yup. As well as Jewish Wiccan."
"I didn't know you could be those things at the same time."
"Jewish Lesbian?" he grinned.
"No silly," I said as I hit him, "Wicca Jewish." We descended into a brief wrestling match. Then we lay back again, my head on his chest while he idly played with my hair.
"So if you're from Neptune, and your last name is, or was, Mars, does that mean your dad is the Sheriff?"
"Was the Sheriff, now he's private detective, and I work for him sometimes."
"Oh, well what's he gonna think of me?" Xander wondered.
"I don't know, but I think he'll kill me."
"Don't worry, I won't let him. But, what are going to do? Stick it out? Annul it? Try it and see? I vote for the last, by the way. I have issues, a past that makes me not want to dump you, even though this was apparently brought on by a sudden alcoholic incident."
Oh oh, I thought to myself, what do I do now? Am I ready for this? "I start college in the fall," I said, "I'm going to Hearst just outside of Neptune."
"Wait, you're just starting college? I thought you were at least twenty-one, you have to be to do almost anything at all in Las Vegas. It might be against the law to be younger here," he said frantically.
"Yeah, see, I'm eighteen. But I have a nice line in fake IDs."
"Eighteen! I'm nearly robbing the cradle! Although that does make a nice contrast from Anya, who was a, ah, much older woman. But still, I'll understand if you want out. I mean, you just graduated from High School! I wonder if the marriage is even legal here?"
"I think it is Xander, eighteen is an adult."
"Except in bars and most gambling halls—you can't even legally buy cigarettes in Nevada until you're twenty-one."
"But I'm pretty sure you can get married. You're not going to get out of it that easily, Xander Harris." Why did I say it that way, I wondered, did I really want this?
He smiled at me, cupped my right breast and leaned over to kiss me. Oh yes, I thought selfishly, I want this, as I felt my toes curl in response and noticed the heat rising in my belly.
The door opened again, (dammit!) but this time it was a blond who peered in. "No Will, your eyes didn't deceive you," she said over her shoulder, then she turned to us and asked, "you want some breakfast?"
"Hey Buffy, do you mind?" asked Xander, "Close the dammed door, and yes we want breakfast." The door closed and Buffy said through the door, "Room service or restaurant?"
"Make it restaurant," Xander shouted, "we'll be out in ten minutes."
I felt my hair, it was dry enough for all practical purposes. I smiled at Xander and got up. I wandered around the room picking up and sorting clothes into his and her piles. I sniffed them and asked Xander, "Do you suppose I might be able to borrow some clothes from your friends, I think they might fit me."
"Sure, and for the moment I think there might be some bathrobes in that closet over there."
Xander found some clean bluejeans and a dress shirt. This made it imperative that I find something other than my little lowcut black dress; I so did not want to appear in public looking like a cat in heat on the morning after, although that's exactly what I felt like.
I found a bathrobe in my size and followed Xand out into the sitting room. "Hi, uh Willow, right?" I asked, then stared in shock when she turned around. "Whoa! Trina! What are you doing here?"
She looked at me quizzically, "I'm Willow Rosenberg, not Trina." The others frowned at me.
"Well," I said as I studied her closely, "you sure look like Trina Echolls, but you don't really sound like her. And you don't dress like her. Is there a computer in here? I can show you a picture of her, she's an aspiring actress."
Willow handed me her laptop and I found a picture of Trina in about thirty seconds. Everybody stared.
"Geez," said Buffy, "that does look like you Willow. You suppose you have a twin?"
"It's possible," I said, "Trina was adopted by Aaron Echolls. But I found her biological father last year, he was the principal of Neptune High for practically forever."
"Aaron Echolls? The Hollywood murderer?"
"Yeah, Lily Kane, his victim, was my best friend and the sister of my boyfriend at the time."
"Holy Hecate!" exclaimed Willow, "your boyfriend was Duncan Kane? Son of Jake Kane of Kane Software?"
"Yep, one and the same. And now on the run from the law, probably holed up in South America."
"Oh no, the baby, it isn't yours, is it?"
"No, the mother was another friend of mine, who's now dead."
"Hell, are you sure your town isn't really a secret laboratory for a soap opera?"
I laughed, "When you compress the story into a few lines, it sounds that way. But really, these are events that took place over two years. It's a little outrageous, but not that unusual, especially for California."
The front door opened and yet another girl and a guy about my dad's age breezed in from the hall. The new girl gave Willow a kiss, Willow kissed her back. Guess Xander didn't lie about Willow and that made it crystal clear that Trina and Willow are two separate people. The new guy looked at me and said, "Oh, hello young lady, my name is Rupert Giles...?" leaving unspoken his question about my name.
"Hi, I'm Veronica Ma..., I mean Harris."
Giles raised his eyebrows and sent another unspoken question Xanderwards.
Xander scuffed his toes against the carpet and said, "Yes, we are married. And we've had a honeymoon."
I added, "It was only one night, but it was a very intense night."
"Xander!" said Mr. Giles, "don't you think you are rushing things? I suppose you two will excuse your rash and irresponsible behavior with excuses about alcoholic beverages. What time do you plan on getting the annulment?"
Honestly, that made me see red, and apparently Xander too.
"Giles, shut up! This is none of your business! Need I remind you that Ripper was much, much worse than me?" said Xander. I made a mental note to ask about this Ripper later.
Giles backed up in surprise and said, "It damn well could become our business, or have you forgotten why we are in Las Vegas?"
I guess Xander remembered something because he suddenly looked like he swallowed unsugared lemon juice.
"Why are all of you in Las Vegas?" I asked immediately, curiosity getting the better of me. There was no answer, but a lot of hemming and hawing. Every single one looked guilty of something. "You guys aren't planning on robbing a casino, are you?"
"No," said Giles emphatically, "of course not."
"Cuz if you are, I want in." I have no idea where that came from. There's no way I would really want a life of crime.
Xander looked at me with a grin, "No Veronica, we aren't criminals."
"Except," said Willow, "that time you and Cordelia stole a rocket launcher from the Army—that was a criminal offense."
"Eep?" I said, "Rocket launcher? Do I even want to know?
"It wasn't anything like what you might think, we work purely for the forces of good," Xander said reassuringly. And truly, the way he said, I was reassured, even though I was simultaneously doubtful.
"One mark of a good detective," I said to the group, "is the ability to hold mutually opposing hypotheses while waiting for more facts."
"Detective?" asked Buffy.
"Yes, my father is a private detective and I work for him, part-time."
"Are you licensed?" asked Giles.
"Not yet, in California it requires a five-year apprenticeship, and you can't start until you're eighteen, so I have about, uh, four years and eight months left until I get my license." Why did I blurt that out? I should have held my tongue, but Xander already new, so what the heck.
Xander's friends all looked at me, and then looked at Xander. Their expressions were priceless.
"Well Xander," said Willow, "you always did take things to extremes. And she's certainly an improvement on the bug teacher, the mummy, Cordelia, and Anya, so far anyway," with a withering glance towards me that I couldn't interpret, "and she seems very intelligent, she is very beautiful, and maybe she'll turn out to be committed to just causes and loyal to her friends. But, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FRICKIN' MIND!"
"HEY! Wait a minute, I'm standing right here!" I exclaimed forcefully, "I have a stake in this marriage too, you know."
"Yeah, and don't forget demon alcohol."
Demon alcohol? What the hell?
Xander shouted everyone down, "Alright guys, this is the way it is: Veronica and I probably would not have gotten married without the influence of good scotch. But what's done, is done. We seem compatible, and you know I have issues about marriage that makes me loath to give up without trying, this time." He put his arm around me and I immediately felt better, "Veronica and I are going to try it for awhile, see what happens."
"You mean like go on a date and see if you like each other?" asked Willow's friend who nobody had introduced to me, "thats what most people do before getting married."
"That sounds good, besides, we already know we're sexually compatible." God, I wondered, why am saying stuff like that? Maybe just to shock these people?
They all stared at me in frank appraisal, "Well," said Giles, "I see there's a certain resemblance to your last paramour. But do me a favor Veronica, please don't ever use the word 'orgasm' in my presence."
"Uh, I wouldn't dream of it," I said faintly, wondering yet again about the sanity of these people.
"And where are you going to live?" asked Willow.
Xander and I simultaneously said: "Neptune." "Cleveland."
We looked at each other in dismay and said, "What?" "What?"
--End of Chapter One--