Prankster

Epilogue: Sponge Bath!

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Three months after Iruka's release from the hospital, life in Konoha was pretty much back to normal. Yes, the villagers still looked happier than they had before the Prank War and Iruka's students half-worshiped him, but the spies had been caught and the occurrence of pranks was decreasing. Iruka taught his children and Kakashi went on missions much like they had before.

It was on a normal, B-rank mission that the great Sharingan-no-Kakashi, Man of a Thousand Jutsus, managed to get injured and land himself in Konoha Hospital.

"How is he, sensei?" Iruka asked the doctor that walked out of the room where Kakashi lay.

"The injury itself isn't bad; he'll heal up in a couple of days. The blade was poisoned though, so we're going to have to ask him to remain here so we can monitor his reactions." The doctor said. Iruka wondered if this particular doctor knew Kakashi's reputation with hospitals; the Copy Nin, no matter how gravely injured, never stayed a patient for more than a few hours.

"The staff was wondering, under the circumstance, if you could convince Kakashi-san to stay here until we're sure he's safe." The doctor continued. Ok, maybe the doctor did know about Kakashi. But what was Iruka supposed to do to make Kakashi stick around?

Well, there was one thing that was guaranteed to work, for a little while at least.

"I will try my best, sensei, but I do have a few conditions if you want this to work." Iruka told him at last.

"Anything you need." The doctor assured him.

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Kakashi ripped the IV tube out of his vein and unlatched the window. The hospital staff was stupid if they thought he was unconscious, and even stupider if they thought he was going to stay in this horrible, sterile place unguarded. The décor was non-existent, the food was nasty, and there was a nurse who kept trying to take off his mask when she thought he was asleep.

'Freedom!' Kakashi thought, feeling a warm breeze blow in through the window. If those nurses though putting him on the third floor with no trees nearby was going to keep him from escaping, they obviously didn't know who they were dealing with. He was Sharingan-no-Kakashi; he had dealt with Bingo-book criminals, servants of Orochimaru, and even Super-Angst!Sasuke.

"Not so fast, Kakashi." A voice ordered. Kakashi froze, one foot all ready out the window.

"When did you get here, Iruka-kun?" He asked sheepishly, without turning around.

"Just a minute ago. Get back in here."

Kakashi turned around like a beaten puppy and sat back down on his hospital cot. "I was just opening a window, you know. It was stuffy in here. Wasn't tying to escape or anything." He insisted. "Can I leave yet?" Kakashi asked in his best annoying-child voice.

"Nope. You've been exposed to poison, Kakashi, You're going to have to stay here until it is neutralized." Iruka sat down beside Kakashi and began fussing over his wound, a slice on his left side.

"I'm immune to the all the type of poisons the Mist Ninja use, 'Ruka. I'm fine. Can I go home now?" As an elite ninja, Kakashi excelled in many things. Apparently, whining was one of his elite skills.

"No. I promised the doctor I'd keep you here, at least until he can run a few tests."

Kakashi glared at Iruka for a moment, then sighed.

"I'm boooooored!" he whined. "Is it time to leave yet?"

Iruka cuddled up beside his lover. "What if I promise to keep you entertained?" He whispered. "Would you stay here?"

Kakashi looked into Iruka's eyes, which were full of promise. Was Iruka offering what he thought he was offering? And in a public place, no less… Kakashi nodded.

"Good!" Iruka shouted, jumping up from the hard little cot. He ran out of the room, shouting back over his shoulder. "I'll be back in a moment, and if you're not here, you'll regret it!"

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Kakashi lay stiffly back into the cot (he hated the damned uncomfortable things; they were just one more proof that hospitals were evil). The copy ninja hoped that Iruka would hurry up with whatever he was doing; being alone in hospital rooms reminded him too much of that lonely time he'd spent waiting to hear news about his old teammates, only to learn the worse.

'Maybe Iruka will put on one of those nurse's uniforms for me!' He thought, trying to distract himself from his morbid line of thinking. 'Or maybe he wants to play 'doctor'.'

Okay, so that probably wasn't going to happen, but a guy could always hope, right?

Kakashi was soooo bored, though. He never did have much of an attention span outside of missions. Even the thought of Iruka couldn't keep him distracted for long. He counted the ceiling tiles, but got tired of that halfway through and started shredding the sheets on his cot instead. When he was lying in a little shredded nest, he moved on to target practice, using little cubes of hospital jell-o as projectiles and the open window as his target. The confused cries of the unfortunate people below kept him occupied for all of three minutes.

Needless to say, by the time Iruka returned (nearly two minutes later), the room was in tatters.

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As soon as his lover walked back in the room and nearly dropped the bowl he was carrying in shock, Kakashi knew he was going to be in trouble. Not that he cared, though; Sharingan-no-Kakashi knew very well what that bowl and sponge were for, and his mind was too busy happily singing for Iruka's death glare to take any real effect.

'Sponge bath, sponge bath, sponge bath!' Inner Kakashi sang, even shuffling around mentally in an impromptu victory dance.

Iruka observed the glazed look Kakashi had on his face and decided punishment would have to wait; when Kakashi looked like that, it meant he would respond to only one thing, and it definitely wasn't discipline. The chuunin sat the bowl down carefully on the table beside Kakashi's bed and began to peel his clothes off, piece by tantalizing piece.

Kakashi's mind froze mid-shuffle.

'Naked…Sponge…Bath.' Was its final thought before it melted completely out of existence. Kakashi, sans mind, blinked.

"I wouldn't want my clothes getting wet." Iruka teased, purposefully letting his hitai-ate slip and then bending over fully to pick it up. The mindless Kakashi shell drooled.

Iruka stripped the compliant Kakashi-shell out of his hospital robe and tossed it over his shoulder with a giggle. Kakashi leaned forward and licked Iruka's lips, eyes begging Iruka to join him on the bed. The chuunin settled on the very edge of the cot and pulled the bowl over until it was easily in reach.

The jounin watched, transfixed, as Iruka lifted the dripping sponge and wrung out the excess water. The chuunin brushed the sponge across Kakashi's chest, leaving a trail of warm water that made him shiver in contrast to the cold room. Iruka dipped the sponge again, ran it across Kakashi's body, and repeated. Every touch left Kakashi's skin tingling. Iruka washed Kakashi's chest and arms and legs and sides (carefully cleaning Kakashi's wound and covering in feather-light kisses when he reached it), but avoided the straining cock that had hardened when Iruka had bent over, before the bath even began.

"Turn over." The sensei ordered. Kakashi, still without a mind of his own with which to think, complied. Iruka scrubbed the broad, scarred back and traced his finger down the pale spine, making Kakashi shiver. Kakashi's taunt ass was next, and received a gentle pinch on the cheeks when it was finished. Upper thighs and everywhere else that Iruka hadn't been able to reach before were caressed with warm water.

"Over again." Iruka said. Kakashi flipped back onto his back. Iruka finally brushed his sponge along Kakashi's length; Kakashi sighed with contentment. 'Finally!'

A few more brushes up and down and Iruka tossed the sponge back into the bowl.

"All done!" He proclaimed.

What? That was it?

That better not be it!

Iruka studied Kakashi's cock with a frown. He ran a finger up and around it, gave it a questioning lick, and shook his head. "You seem a little stiff." He told Kakashi gravely. 'No, really?' Kakashi thought.

"I've heard massages can help with stiffness." Iruka continued sagely. Kakashi nodded rigorously. The chuunin sensei produced a little tube and squirted a generous amount of lubricant into his hand. Talented shinobi fingertips spread the lube around and worked the heated flesh beneath until Kakashi's blood boiled.

"Oh dear." Iruka proclaimed voice full of feigned innocence. "This doesn't seem to be helping. Maybe we should try something else?"

Kakashi wanted to shake his head or say "Hell no! This is working just fine!", but Iruka had the poor infirmed copy-ninja (AN no pun intended, but that line makes immature me laugh!) trapped in his seductive gaze.

Iruka crawled over Kakashi slowly, eyes never leaving his lover's. The chuunin's tanned shoulder blades shifted like a cat's do when it stalks its prey. He stopped when he his face was directly over Kakashi's and their groins were conveniently aligned. He settled down on top of the jounin, straddling him.

Kakashi groped around the bedside table for the lubricant to prepare his lover, but his hand landed in the sponge-bath bowl. He shifted around, but before he could find it, Iruka positioned himself above Kakashi and began to lower himself down. Kakashi felt a brief wave of sympathy for Iruka (he'd be pretty sore when they were finished), but decided it would be okay because Iruka was setting the pace and would go slowly. At least, that was what he figured before Iruka thrust down suddenly and made any reasoning he'd recovered fly away once again.

Kakashi grunted. Iruka continued to ride him recklessly, pausing only once when Kakashi's bandages loosened. When the wound didn't open back up, the chuunin resumed his thrusts and leaned forward to capture Kakashi's lips and silence the moans.

Iruka impaled himself fully on Kakashi's length and came all over both their stomachs. As his muscles clenched, they drove Kakashi to climax a moment later. They lay on the cot for a few minutes, Iruka still on top of Kakashi, both gasping for breath.

"Are you entertained?" Iruka huffed.

"Very entertained." Kakashi replied. "I think I'm going to need another bath though." He said, eyeing the sticky mess between them.

"Cats give baths with their tongues." Iruka pointed out. "Too bad you're more of a dog person."

"I don't dislike cats." Kakashi said quickly. "And us dogs are very talented with out tongues."

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The poor doctor and nurse team that had been assigned the feared job of taking care of one Hatake Kakashi cringed when it was finally time to check up on him a few hours later. They didn't know what he would do to try to escape, but they prayed fervently that it didn't involve any sharp objects.

They made sure to knock before entering the room; Iruka-san had been adamant that they do so if he was going to help. They hoped they wouldn't find him tied up on unconscious for trying to keep Kakashi in the room; their jobs were busy enough as it was.

They were surprised, though, to enter Kakashi's room and find him resting peacefully on the bed. The explanation of his good behavior lay curled up beside him, sleeping and looking like an angel. They were both dressed, fortunately, although both looked slightly rumpled (that could just be from sleeping on the cot, though, the hospital staff reasoned).

"We're here to run a few tests, Hatake-san." The nurse said, keeping her voice low for the sake of the slumbering Iruka.

Kakashi nodded his assent and focused his attention on his lover as they poked and prodded and stuck him with various needles.

"We're done now, Hatake-san." The doctor said at last. Kakashi didn't look up from Iruka.

"Thank you for your compliance." The nurse whispered. The team turned to leave. As they shut the door, they both could have sworn they heard Kakashi whisper, "Maybe hospitals aren't so bad after all." They both knew better than to believe that, though. Honestly. They decided a coffee break was in order for them; hallucinations are a sign of overwork.

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And that's it: a smutty and hopefully humorous epilogue, having absolutely nothing to do with the story. This happened when I was writing the first sponge-bath scene in my head. The scene worked better with Kakashi receiving and Iruka giving, thus the epilogue was born. The story is really over now, I swear.

Thanks for reading! I've had fun writing. I'm thinking I might do some SasuNaru next, or maybe dabble in another fandom for a while. I'm kind of out of KakaIru ideas for the moment. Never fear, though. There will always be more popping up in my head later.