Hangover Horror

Disclaimer: I do not own these boys or Lily.

Summary: AU. Slash. One-shot. The morning after celebrating Remus's twenty-first; Sirius and James wake up in the same bed…and married.

Pairings: Remus/Lily, eventual Sirius/James.

Warnings: None really, but the fic is rated for swearing.

This is just a bit of fun I thought I would write, after watching an episode of Joey.

This is ONE SHOT.


James Potter groaned and rolled onto his stomach, pressing his face into his pillow; he was just beginning to wake up after a long night of partying with his friends and girlfriend. They had been celebrating Remus Lupin's twenty-first birthday by club and pub hopping around London and then into the Wizarding World of Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade; now. It had been an incredibly fun night… At least, he thought it had been fun; he couldn't really remember anything; now, however, the messy haired young man just wanted to curl up in a dark corner and die.

Sirius Black curled up into a tight ball as he started to wake up; he kept his eyes squeezed tightly shut, not wanting to open them to the blinding sunlight shining into the room. He rarely ever got hangovers from a night of partying but this morning… It felt like his head was going to explode; he must have mixed some really terrible drinks to feel like this. All he knew at the moment though, was that he was in a comfortable bed and other than his pounding headache, he was in a reasonable good state.

It was at that moment though, after his brief analysis of his current state, that Sirius felt something brush against one of his legs. It had felt oddly like a foot…

Sirius jumped at the thought of someone else in his bed; he quickly sat up immediately falling out of the bed at the sudden bout of dizziness he got.

James had decided that he couldn't stay here moping about his hangover all day, so he started to force his body into working order. He blearily lifted his head, his eyes still half closed; he stretched out one leg and barely registered the fact that his foot brushed against what appeared to be the leg of another human being.

A leg that he was not accustomed to having in his bed…

At the feel of the quick movement beside him and the rather manly yelp of someone falling to the floor; he sat up quickly and cautiously looked over the side of the bed.

James nearly fainted at the sight he saw. There lying in a heap on the bedroom floor, looking utterly shocked himself, was his best friend; Sirius Black.

Sirius slowly met the saucer-like hazel eyes of his best friend, James Potter; not feeling entirely too sure on what to say, he just went with the first thing that fell out of his mouth, "Shit…" James continued staring wide-eyed; Sirius looked down at himself and back up at his friend. "Are-are you wearing any underwear?"

James reached his hand down beneath the bed covers and nodded to his friend; the only feeling still on his mind was that of shock.

"Oh good," Sirius's voice was slightly higher. "Um…" he looked around the bedroom they were in; his shock and surprise becoming curiosity. "This isn't our flat…"

"No, it isn't, boys."

Both raven-haired men looked towards the bedroom door to see Lily Evans, going bright red from trying to hold her laughter in; her boyfriend, Remus, on the other hand, wasn't quite so kind about it. The werewolf was currently almost doubled over, barely attempting to hold himself up by the doorframe.

Sirius, his head still pounding horribly, glared at the brown haired man, "If you say anything, Lupin, I swear to Merlin I will kill you with my bare hands."

Lily snorted; she had to take a few deep breaths before she was able to talk again without laughing, "Why don't you two get up and have some coffee?" she snickered slightly. "Or would you rather Remus and I left you two alone for a little while? To discuss your eh… bonding."

Remus had to duck away from the doorway so that he had more room to continue his fit of hysterical laughter.

James, finally getting over the initial shock, spoke at last, "B-bonding? You mean, Sirius and I actually-"

Lily laughed quietly and shook her head, "No, I don't think you did. At least, I never heard a thing coming from this room after we got you two here. Though you were both quite intent on sharing a bed."

Sirius felt that this was the perfect moment for James and himself to just fall off the face of the Earth; at least then they wouldn't have two of their best friends rolling around on the floor laughing at them.


Half an hour later both Sirius and James had showered (separately of course, to keep from shocking each other anymore), they had gotten dressed and were now sitting at the table with Remus and Lily in the latter's flat. Remus, had by now, managed to calm himself down; though snickers and snorts could still be heard every few minutes and Sirius found him to have a very irritable glint in his eyes.

James gulped down his third cup of straight black coffee, not caring that it was scolding his throat, "I don't remember anything…" he pinched the bridge of his nose.

Sirius folded his arms on the table and rested his forehead on them, "Do you two remember anything?"

"Not really," replied Remus; amusement still unmistakeably in his voice.

Lily finished her coffee before replying, "I don't remember too much, but I do remember that you two disappeared for about twenty or thirty minutes… Then you came back to us, giggling like little school girls. You never did tell us what you got up to?" she finished in a question, hoping that they might remember something now.

James shook his head, "I have no idea what we must have done…" he lifted his left hand to scratch his head; it was at that moment that Remus started to choke on his coffee.

Lily smacked her boyfriend hard on the back; her eyes then caught exactly what Remus had just seen, "Oh my God…"

James looked blankly at them, "What?"

Sirius lifted his head blearily and looked to James; his eyes too, falling on the mysterious object on James's left hand, "Oh shit…" he looked down at his own left hand. "Oh fuck me, no!" he buried his face in his hands.

James, by now, was staring in utter horror at his left hand; at the simple gold band that adorned his ring finger, "Mum is going to kill me…"

Lily was trying so terribly hard to hide her smile before the laughter came, but it was too difficult, "You two…skipped out on us last night…to get married?" she let out a loud laugh before pressing her face against Remus's shoulder as her silent fit of giggles took over.

Remus but down on his bottom lip for a few moments to try and keep some form of control over himself, while his girlfriend laughed at their friends, "So um… why didn't you tell us you were engaged?"

Sirius jumped to his feet at once, his grey eyes narrowed into a glare at the amused werewolf, "Run, Remus. Run. Quickly."

Remus's eyes widened slightly before he too jumped up and sprinted out of the flat with Sirius hot on his trail.

Lily had managed to calm down again; she rolled her eyes as she watched Sirius chase Remus out of the apartment, before looking back to James, "It would be worse if you were both straight."

James groaned, "Am I that obvious?" he had only told Sirius about his sexual orientation.

"You are, really," replied Lily; she gave him a kind smile. "It could be worse, you know; it could have been Peter that you ended up married too."

James finally showed an emotion other than shock, horror and surprise; he cracked a small smile, "Well yes, I guess that was lucky. Where did he go last night, anyway?"

Lily gave a shrug, "I seem to recall him hanging out with this woman several times during the night. He might have gone home with her," she gazed thoughtfully at James for a few moments. "Its not as if you and Sirius don't like each other, is it?"

James narrowed his eyes in suspicion, "What are you getting at, Evans?"

Lily gave a nonchalant shrug, "I'm merely saying that maybe this won't be as bad as you think it is. You two are very cute together, evidenced by seeing the two of you in bed this morning."

James didn't look at all amused now, "He is my best friend, nothing more."

Lily grinned and nodded, "Yes, he is. I still say, you two would make a very hot couple."

James opened his mouth to retaliate but was cut off by the door bursting open and Sirius came in dragging Remus by a fistful of hair.

"Ow! I said I'm sorry!"

"I don't care," said Sirius before shoving Remus onto the couch; he then proceeded to sit on the whimpering werewolf. "Now apologise to James."

Remus groaned and tried to move beneath Sirius, but he soon gave up knowing that Sirius was both bigger and stronger than he was, "I'm sorry, James."

James snorted, "Good to know."

Sirius got off Remus and left the newly turned twenty-one year old curled up on the couch, "Well, that was fun."


A few hours later, well into the afternoon, Sirius and James had returned to their own shared flat; wedding rings removed and not a direct word spoken between the two of them since Sirius had returned from beating Remus up. Sirius went straight to his bedroom to curl up on the bed; his headache was still there and pounding away at him.

What were they going to do now? They couldn't stay married, could they? How would they get out of the marriage without anyone finding out? He knew James's mum was sure to find out; she could read her son like an open book.

Sirius rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling; the blow of last night's drunken antics was softened slightly by the fact that both he and James were gay. James was his best friend in the world as well; so would it really be so bad if they didn't do anything about? He had always found James rather attractive as well, but he had never thought to pursue it; he had not wanted to ruin their friendship in anyway.

With those thoughts in his head Sirius rolled off his bed, got to his feet and headed for James's bedroom; he knocked quietly on the door, knowing that James was still also suffering from a headache.

"Come in."

Sirius entered the bedroom and walked over to James's bed; it was so easy to get through James's room. The former Head Boy was such a neat freak; where as Sirius was a complete slob, "We really should talk."

James lifted his head off his pillow to gaze at his best friend, "I guess…"

Sirius sat down on the end of the bed, one leg tucked beneath him; his other foot on the floor, "What do you want to do? Do we keep this a secret? Should we annul or divorce?"

James forced himself into a sitting position and leaned back against the headboard; he gazed thoughtfully at the bedspread between him and Sirius, "I don't know…" he smirked slightly. "Lily seems to think we should remain married. Hot couple, apparently."

Sirius grinned, "Well, she certainly has taste; I can't fault her for that. But what do you think? I don't know what I think…yet…"

James sighed and shook his head, "I don't know either… All I know is that mum is going to murder us both when she finds out."


By the middle of that evening James had come to a decision about his feelings on the matter; honestly, would it really be that bad?

The messy haired man climbed through the window that led to the balcony where Sirius was having a smoke, "I really don't think it would be that bad," he said, causing Sirius to jump at the voice.

Sirius turned towards him; "Really?" he stubbed out his cigarette and threw it in the trashcan set up outside just for his bad smoking habit.

James nodded, "What have we got to lose? And honestly, how many dates have you had in the last year?"

"Um…" Sirius squinted his eyes slightly in thought before shaking his head. "Not as many as I would like.


"Are you seriously considering that this could work?"

James nodded, "Yes. Why not? We have ten years of solid friendship behind us, and you are a rather good catch, to be completely honest."

Sirius moved a bit closer to James; a smug smile on his face, "Have you been crushing on me, Jamesie-boy?"

James huffed, "Not if you start calling me that again."

Sirius leaned against the wall surrounding the balcony; he considered James silently for a few minutes, "I never thought I'd be so committed so young."

James raised his eyebrows, "Is that a yes?"

"Mmhmm," Sirius nodded. "Though we may have to compromise some more about our living arrangements."



"And what exactly needs to be compromised?"

Sirius grinned his famous devilish grin, "Sleeping arrangements, for instance. Whose bed will be the marital bed?"

James rolled his eyes; of course that would be the first thing on Sirius's mind, "I never said we had to sleep together."

Sirius gave a pout, "Oh James, don't take the fun out of it. We haven't consummated it yet."

James tapped Sirius on the face, "You may have to get me drunk again."

Sirius huffed in fake offence, "How dare you, James. After all I've done for you. You marry me and then you refuse to sleep with me? Do you find me repulsive without alcohol in your system? You are so on the couch tonight," he gave a fake cry to finish his little charade.

James laughed, "You're an idiot."

Sirius grinned and gave an overly exaggerated bow, "Thank you, sir," with that said, he grabbed the front of James's t-shirt and pulled his best friend to him for their first kiss as an accidentally married couple. But he soon found himself being pushed away, "What?"

James pulled a face, "I am not doing that again until you wash out your mouth. Your breath is foul."

Sirius crossed his arms over his chest, "Yes, dear. Anything else?"

James grinned, "Yes, actually. You can do the dishes tonight, and if you ever forget our anniversary, you can sleep on the roof."

Sirius snorted in amusement and shook his head slowly, as if he still couldn't quite believe what was happening, "Lily and Remus are going to have a field day when they find out…"

James shrugged, "Probably," he headed for the window to climb back into the flat; but before he re-entered, he looked back over his shoulder at Sirius. "Shall we do that consummating now or later?"

"Now," replied Sirius; with that said, he pushed James through the window and followed quickly. He slammed it shut and practically carried James to his bedroom.

"You barbarian, Black!"

Sirius grinned before shoving James down onto the bed, "Well, if you really want to role play…"


Author's Note: How was that? Cute? Fluffy? This was actually intentional humour, so did that work out?

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