Hello! I come baring the last chapter! Finally! It's been great while it lasted but I'm afraid that it is now time to put this baby to rest. I hope you've all enjoyed reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it. I also hope I haven't scarred you too much with this crack. I really don't know what I was on when I wrote this. Anyway, thank you to everyone who has reviewed and to everyone who has supported the story. Goodbye for the last time.
Chapter 32 – The End
The next month at Hogwarts was very different to all the ones before it. All the happiness seemed to have been sucked out of the air; there was a morbid atmosphere wherever you went. Everyone in the castle had been affected by Cedric's death in some way or another and everyone was mourning in their own special way. The Ishtars, for instance, were being as loud and annoying as possible.
"If I die make sure those two are not invited to my funeral," Seto told Jou one day after the Ishtars made a group of Ravenclaw girls run off crying and screaming by trying to sell Cedric's underwear to them.
"Only if you do the same for me," replied Jou. "And what do you mean 'if I die'? Of course you're going to die; everyone dies eventually!"
"We'll see about that," mumbled Seto in his evil-scientist voice before cackling. Jou wisely moved away.
The day after the Third Task Dumbledore had announced in assembly that nobody was to bother Harry about what happened in the graveyard with Voldermort. Harry was grateful for this since it was bad enough reliving that night during his dreams, he really didn't want to relive it during the day. People still managed to find out a very warped version of what happened courtesy of Bakura, who had no qualms about retelling the story.
"And then they untied him so that they could perform some satanic ritual/orgy but it went wrong and the soul-sucking green light thing sent out these images of dead people, which Harry used as a distraction to get away. He then grabbed Cedric's body (probably for later usage) and then we used the Portkey to get back here."
Luckily Bakura's reputation for being clinically insane made many people sceptical of his story. Unluckily, it didn't convince people that Voldermort had returned. It didn't help that the Ministry of Magic were trying to keep the whole thing hidden so as not to cause mass panic.
The end of year feast was a sombre occasion. Not even the school's guest psychopaths tried to mentally disturb people during it. This may have been out of respect for Cedric but it was more likely that they were too preoccupied by the food in front of them to care about such things.
Dumbledore gave a stirring speech about putting aside differences and joining together to face the greater evil that threatened them in these troubled times. Bakura looked across at Yami who was sitting opposite him. Yami looked back, also considering Dumbledore's words. Perhaps they should put aside their differences for the sake of their lovers and friends. Perhaps they should form an alliance so that peace would reign forever in their group.
"Never going to happen," both deadpanned at the same time.
After the feast it was time to pack and say goodbye to precious acquaintances. "Bye bed! Bye couch! Bye table!"
"Marik, stop saying goodbye to all the furniture!" shouted Malik as he dragged his boyfriend out of the common room.
Meanwhile, the rest of the group were saying goodbye to their Gryffindor friends. "Here's our address, I hope you'll write to us sometime," said Ryou as he handed Harry a scrap of paper.
"Yeah, I will," said Harry, secretly crossing his fingers behind his back. It wasn't that he didn't like Ryou, it was just that his friends were a little too crazy for his tastes. That and he was sure that Bakura would try and hook him up with Malfoy again if they kept in touch. This was the reason he gave Ryou a fake return address and prayed the boy wouldn't know the difference.
"So what will you all do now?" asked Hermione. "You're not coming back to Hogwarts next year are you?"
Those that heard her question all froze in anticipation of Yugi's answer. "No, we only came here for the Tournament. After the summer holidays we'll be back in our own school."
"Or planning world domination," added Bakura.
There was a collective sigh of relief from the Hogwarts students. They werefinallygetting rid of these psychos! The year of tyranny was over!
"Don't worry though; I'm sure we'll be able to find some time to come and visit."
Spirits immediately fell and people began making notes to conveniently leave the country whenever the foreigners returned.
It was at that point that the Ishtars arrived. "We've just finished setting up the dynamite," announced Malik.
"Dynamite? Why do you have dynamite and what are you going to do with it?" asked Yugi worriedly.
"Blow up the school of course," replied Malik in exasperation. "We have to leave our mark here somehow and this was the best thing we could come up with."
"This may sound like a stupid question," said Jou hesitantly, "but are you going to evacuate the school before you blow it up?"
"That was a stupid question. Of course we're not going to evacuate – if we tell them what's about to happen it'll ruin the surprise!"
"Can I be the one to push the button?" asked Bakura excitedly.
"NO!" cried Marik possessively. "I set up the dynamite so I get to press the button!"
"No you don't!" protested Malik. "I was the one who came up with the idea so I get to push the button!"
As the two fought over who got to push the button, they accidentally dropped the remote. Bakura immediately dived for it, but the Ishtars saw him and moved in to stop the white haired yami. They fought tooth and nail for the honour of pressing the little red button while the rest stood back and sweat dropped, hoping that since it was the Ishtars that had wired the dynamite they had done it wrong and there wouldn't be an explosion. Those who were from wizarding families were just plain confused by the whole situation.
Bakura stood up victoriously with remote in hand. He was then promptly tackled and the remote flew out of his grasp. At that moment Malfoy and his cronies appeared, scathing remark poised ready on his lips. He was so intent on insulting his black haired, green eyed prey that he never noticed the remote landing before him and so it was only when he heard a small beep that he realized he had done something wrong. Looking down, he saw he had stood on the big red button. That was when all hell broke loose.
The explosion was enormous and shook them all to the core. They were then drenched as the entire contents of the lake rained down upon them. Malik turned to glare at Marik. "I told you to take a right, not a left, at the tree. Now we've wasted all the dynamite blowing up the lake instead of the castle!"
"It's not my fault I got left and right mixed up!" Marik cried defensively.
The two then returned to their wrestling match, leaving Bakura out of it this time. The white haired man looked despondent. "I really wanted to push the button," he said sulkily.
"You can push my button when we get back home," said Ryou out of the blue.
While everyone stared at Ryou in shock for his uncharacteristic use of an innuendo, Bakura smiled broadly, now very anxious to return to Japan. Nobody noticed Malfoy sneak away from the group, no longer in the mood to torment the Gryffindors and the strange Japanese people.
After that they all headed towards the Hogwarts Express, trying to look as innocent as possible as they passed the teachers who were looking at the now empty lake in confusion. The journey back to Kings Cross was just as eventful as the one there. Malik and Marik ran riot (like they ever stop doing so) but they had less of an impact on the students this time as they had all grown accustomed to the psycho blonds. Drastic measures were called for and the train was almost derailed by the Ishtars' next stunt. The two blonds were then tied up for the safety of everyone onboard the train. Seto was of the mind to throw them off the train when they reached the bridge but was stopped when Yugi said that wasn't very friendly. Actually, that wasn't what stopped him; Ryou telling him that Malik's sister would castrate him if he hurt her brother stopped him.
Malfoy made a second appearance as he hoped that if he acted like a real jerk towards Harry Hogwarts' newly founded Yaoi club would stop hounding him and stop trying to pair him up with the raven haired saviour of the world. It didn't work though as the mad fangirls started screaming about how he was only in denial. Malfoy then ran away before they could rip off his clothes and make him pose naked with Harry. This meant that the fangirls needed to find a new target to terrorize-I mean worship, and so they turned to the hot exchange students who would soon be leaving them forever. Yami and Bakura blasted the fangirls with shadow magic while Seto and Jou tried to barricade the door to their compartment. Everyone else looked on with horror, hoping they were successful. Ron was praying that all girls weren't like this because if they were he'd be better off being gay. Or asexual. Or dead. Probably dead would be the best state to be in.
When the fangirls got bored of trying to rip open the doors they left. Things were then quiet inside the compartment. Until Yami opened his suitcase and found Bakura's chainsaw inside. This caused Hermione to go into a fit as she recalled the horrors of her previous encounter with the chainsaw. While Ron panicked like a headless chicken and Harry tried to remember whether you gave mouth-to-mouth or used the Heimlich manoeuvre on someone who was having a fit, Yami was being put through the Spanish Inquisition by Yugi and Bakura. No matter how many times he swore he didn't know how it got there they never believed him.
Only Jou noticed the insane glee in Seto's eyes as he watched Yami being threatened. "You really are a sadist aren't you?"
"You have to be to get anywhere in business. Or world domination."
World domination? Seemed Seto had been spending a little too much time around Bakura and the Ishtars. Oh well, he'd grow out of it. And if not, well, Jou wouldn't mind having his own country. King Jou of New Jersey! Oh yes, bow down insolent mortals! Jou shook his head. Apparently he'd also been spending too much time with Bakura and the Ishtars. Damn.
Finally they arrived at Kings Cross. Bill Weasley was waiting for there to give them the portkey that would take them back to Japan. The group said goodbye to all their new friends (and rapid fangirls) before gathering around the old piece of newspaper. They were informed that their language charm would deactivate when they got home and that they really should invest in some therapy. With that they felt that sensation that they now associate with travelling by portkey. They all handled the journey much better this time and the only ones who fell over were the Ishtars (because nobody had or wanted to untie them) and Yami, who was weak from having being beaten black and blue by Bakura.
Seeing as they had all spent almost a whole year in each other's company, they bade one another goodbye and went to their own separate houses. Back at the game shop Yugi and Yami were greeted warmly by Yugi's grandfather and by their friends, who all had heart attacks when the two short males announced they were going out. Malik and Marik went to their sister's house. Isis was sad that they had properly joined forces to drive the world insane but also extremely happy that they wouldn't be impregnating any girls and spawning any blond haired baby psychopaths. Jou went with Seto to the Kaiba mansion to tell Mokuba that they were an item and that Jou would now be part of the family. Seto was horrified when his brother just looked at him dumbly and went, "Took you long enough to make a move big brother."
This left Bakura and Ryou alone in the house. Bakura immediately began pressing Ryou's buttons, making the white haired teen forget his worries that he had forgotten something very important.
Mr Bakura sat up in the hospital wing and looked around. Nobody was there. "Hello?" he called into the silence. The only reply he received was the chirping of crickets.
It was a few weeks later when Bakura was calmly reading the newspaper that Ryou came back from his trip to the doctor with a paler than normal face. Bakura frowned, folding up his paper. "Baby, what's wrong?"
Bet you weren't expecting that ending! And yes, this is the end. Rather bizarre end but hey ho, it's different - just like the rest of this fic!
Now, Please Review!