How To Make Your Own Dinosaurs
Indemnity Note: InGen and its corporate affiliates will not accept any responsibility over any mishaps or injuries that occur when using the steps detailed in this manual.
Note: Doctor Henry Wu wrote this while drunk and InGen will not take any responsibility for what he has written.
Note: InGen DOES NOT purchase DIY and homemade dinosaurs from strangers.
Step 1- Obtain
paleo-DNA samples of DINOSAURS (yes, I said dinosaurs and not your
neighbor's constipated cat). (DNA is obtainable from the gullets of
amber-encased bugs and ground up bones, if you can't afford to buy
InGen's patented Dino-DNA. If you can't get hold of the bugs or
InGen-DNA, go rob a museum)
Step 2- Extract DNA (don't know how? You're on your own, dumbass!) sample and run through Hamachi Hood DNA sequencers. This process, which allows you to locate DNA sequence gaps and deciphering the coding, takes several hours (a minimum of four hours). While waiting, it is advisable that you take a nap. You'll need it later.
Step 3- Once coding has been deciphered and sequence gaps located, use the Hamachi Hood's sequence matching programs to get a rough idea what the coding is for (eg; to make a hormone or enzyme). THIS STEP IS MOST CRUCIAL TO BREED A HEALTHY DINOSAUR. IF DONE INCORRECTLY, YOU WILL HAVE AN ABNORMAL, SICK, DYSFUNCTIONAL DINOSAUR ON YOUR HANDS. SERVE YOU RIGHT, YOU MOTHERFU...
Step 4- Use the DNA of Lepidobatrachus Laevis/ Asper (that's the Budgett Frog to you unintelligent asses)to fill in the sequence gaps. Don't forget to run the sequence matching program.
Step 5- Once the FREAKING TROUBLESOME DNA STRAND has been deciphered and completed with some fcking frog's DNA, insert it into the nucleus of an unfertilized crocodile ovum (NOT THE EGG, YOU IDIOT!). Once you have 'fertilized' to egg cell, inject it into a Millipore Egg (also purchasable from your nearest InGen Genetics DIY shop).Then, you dumbasses have to figure out how to make the ovum undergo fission.
Step 6- Bingo! Once your egg hatches, you have your god darned dinosaur. Sod off.
Note; For obtaining dinosaur care sheets, please read InGen's 'A Guide to Being A Dino-Mamma', by Robert Muldoon. Or visit our theme park Jurassic Park and ask us.
DNA available at
InGen DIY stores
Allosaurus Ferox ($89000)
Amargasaurus Cazaui ($67000)
Ankylosaurus Magniventris ($79000)
Apatosaurus Yahnahpin ($46000)
Brachiosaurus Brancai ($50000)
Baryonyx Walkeri ($76000)
Carnotaurus Sastrei ($85000)
Coelophysis Bauri ($59000)
Deinonychus Antirrhopus ($93000)
Dilophosaurus Wetherilli ($87000)
Dimetrodon Angelensis ($105000)
Gastonia Burgei ($70000)
Hypsilophodonthus Foxii ($57500)
Kronosaurus sp. ($200000)
Maiasaura Peeblesorum ($63400)
Mamenchisaurus Jinyangensis ($91000)
Othnielia Rex ($68000)
Pachycephalosaurus Wyomingensis ($59000)
Parasaurolophosaurus Tubicen ($67000)
Plesiosaurus sp. ($200000)
Procompsognathus Triassicus ($85000)
Pterodactylus Grandipelvis ($159000)
Spinosaurus Aegyticus ($97000)
Stegosaurus Armatus ($69000)
Suchomimus Tenerensis ($83000)
Therizinosaurus Cheloniformes ($160000)
Triceratops Serratus ($64000)
Tyrannosaurus Rex ($98000)
Utahraptor Ostrummaysorum ($162000)
Velociraptor Mongoliensis ($150000)
This sign indicates that the dinosaur is dangerous and WILL KICK YOUR
SORRY ASS IF GIVEN THE CHANCE. Do not sleep in the same room or play
with them. Other than that, they're perfect little angels. (Be very careful in C. Sastrei territory).
yourself and have a nice day.
Regards, Dr. Henry Wu.