Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. Murakami would fry his brain on my video game collection. Like anyone could get 550 hours on Pokemon Silver that easily.
Author's Note: Just a challenge from the dedicated to see if I can write only two pages, plus write a character that I don't normally do.
Dedication: Neoinean, for being a good egg, currently a year into it. I hope this one will be less hectic.
Timeline: Season Five. Maybe one day, I'll be anal with these things.
"I bet you dinner I get this one," Speedy's cocky voice resonated throughout the empty desert.
"You're on. Pull! Single!" Robin's equally confident voice followed suit. The two masked Titans were out on the tower's training course, facing off against a disc launching machine. The machine rapidly spewed out a plastic disc and Speedy launched one of his patented arrows, via his bow, while Robin chucked his also-patented electric disks.
Their eyes narrowed as both the arrow and the electric disk closed in their prey…and hit the target simultaneously.
"That keeps happening." Speedy groaned.
"We've been saying that for the past…10 discs now."
"So how do you like being a member of Titans East? Been a while since we spoke. Pull! Single!"
The machine projected another disc. "Same old, same old. You get up and you fight crime." Speedy shrugged as he released the arrow. Robin tossed another disc.
"Indeed, in between hours of perfecting your hair and spending a whole day reading Highlights for Children before you came here. Bumblebee told me." Both projectiles collided at the same time.
"Damn it!" The two exclaimed in unison.
"I was doing research for our lawsuit." Speedy interrupted.
"You mean to tell me you don't notice the more than just coincidental similarities between us and "Goofus and Gallant"? It's like someone's been co-opting our lives for publication."
"I've been keeping busy besides noticing pop minutiae. A four eyed demon with antlers and a disembodied brain for starters. Pull! Three! 2 out of 3 wins." Robin rolled his eyes and was ready to fling his discs again.
"Fine. Be that way. We talked about me; what about you? How are things with Starfire or you going to Raven now?" The archer rapidly discharged his arrows; his friend, flabbergasted and paralyzed. The arrows quickly demolished the targets.
"You did that on purpose." Robin seethed.
"No, I didn't. It's not my fault you'd freeze to a question like that. So answer the question."
"What's this concern about me and Starfire or Raven?" The Teen Wonder said, defensively.
"Because you need to stop repressing?"
"I can't wait to talk about your love life now. I'm redoing that, since you cheated."
Speedy put down the bow. "I didn't cheat, but answer the question. How are things with either girl? Don't repress."
"Pull! Three!" The archer folded up his arms as Robin pitched his discs into the sky.
"Well?" Speedy leaned over.
The Titan leader sighed again and lowered his arms while the discs connected, pieces of plastic drizzling afterward. "I don't know. With Starfire, she wants it but I don't know if I do and Raven, I think she might but I don't dare ask. I don't know."
"Well, you could do the old stand-em'-up-and-make-them-think-you-couldn't-care-less-about-em. Speedy's first rule of dating etiquette. Of course, you probably won't get a date for two years. My second rule of dating etiquette. So do what Green Arrow said to me once: pick the woman that makes you tingle the most and go for it. The other will get over it. Just never pine."
"Tingle the most? It's that simple?" The Teen Wonder sounded incredulous.
"Usually is. I was going to say which girl doesn't make you repress the most? When you get the answer, call me and I'll date the other." Speedy's teen spawned arrogance returned.
"You're impossible." Robin again rolled his eyes. "Thanks. Try again?"
Speedy loaded his bow. "It's what I'm here for. Sure. Can I ask you another question to change the pace? If you were Steven Tyler from Aerosmith for one night, and you could pretty much get any woman alive, who would you pick? I'd pick Liv Tyler."
Robin just stared at him, cocked eyed. "Why do I talk to you? Pull! Single!"
"Because Batman, Cyborg, and Raven are generally too pissy to deal with you?" The duo lobbed their weapons in the air at the above discs, another simultaneous hit.
"Damn it!" They shouted.
Here is hoping I got Speedy right, dear. 2 start to end pages for you. I can't believe I did it. The rest of you, leave a review if you wish and see you in the funny papers.