Chapter Title: That Which Elemia Writes So Ralmal And Dana Don't Murder Her In Her Sleep, Or Perhaps Not Even In Her Sleep, As The Story Has Gone For So Long Without Updates That Both Would Be Quite Content To Murder Her While She Is, In Fact, Awake
Alternate Title: Wherein Elemia Cleans Out Her Inbox and Throws All the Unused Material Into One Chapter To Save Her Time and Space In Said Inbox
Alternate Title: The Chapter, Uploaded in June, Where Elemia Attempts to Logically Add Material Written Around Christmastime
Alternate Title: The Chapter Where Elemia Attempts to Cut Corners So She Can Go Back to Playing Lusternia Like The Addict In Denial She Is
Alternate Title: The Chapter With More Titles Than Is Necessary Or Even Perhaps Allowed
Alternate Title: The Chapter With One More Title Than More Titles Than Is Necessary Or Even Perhaps Allowed
Alternate Title: The Chapter That Elemia Simply Could Not Come Up With A Decent Title For, But Not For Lack of Trying

Disclaimers: Okay, this story's been up here for how long now? (Don't answer that). Simply put, I don't own any of the characters who are not OCs. Of the OCs, I do not own those who do not belong to me, if that makes sense.

To begin, we shall give you Ralmal's bid for the Shortest Omake Ever to be Written While The Author Has No Clue What An Omake Is, Exactly.

Disclaimer: I do not own Ashton Kutcher, or Punk'd, nor do I want to. I also do not own the Galinda/Glinda or Pink. Too much pink is evil. Beware...

Galinda/Glinda: YOU'VE JUST BEEN PINK'D!!!

Ashton: Aw man!

P.S. Take note that the disclaimer is longer than the actual omake. That makes it the shortest omake ever. Thank you for listening, and have a nice life.

The Scarecrow was busily begging Ralmal. (EA/N: Looks like I broke the alliteration. Whooops…) "I want to host a talent show.

Ralmal looked at him skeptically. "You mean like those cheesy hosts with the bad tans and fake hair?"


Elemia, for no apparent reason, jumped him, knocking him to the floor, and sat upon him, at which time, though she is thin (EA/N: Though how she stays thin when she eats so very much is a mystery better explained by Asian genetics), several of his ribs cracked. Wuss. "Go figure," she said, having spoiled the scene with her spontaneous violence. (EA/N: The alliteration is not gathered, as it should be, but rather, scattered.

The Scarecrow pranced…well, rather, minced, since his ribs were still cracked and hey, prancing's hard with cracked ribs. Don't ask how I know that. "First up, we have the Lexa!" he proclaimed, smoothing back his terrible toupee and showing off his spectacularly bad tan…How do scarecrows tan? A question for a later day.

"Oh no…" whined Elemia, as she clutched her head in pre-emptive pain.

Ignoring her, the Lexa stood on their makeshift stage (EA/N: TABLE FTW!) and announced, "I will be singing 'White and Nerdy' by Weird Al Yankovic!"

The vast majority of the crowd (Elemia was 1/11th of the crowd, you know) groaned, the exception being Ralmal, who was instead laughing hysterically.

Suddenly, the Nada (EA/N: LOL GUESS WHO) popped in. "What did I miss?"

"The Lexa is singing a song," Ralmal helpfully interjected.

"Oh, no…" came the mournful reply.

"OH YES!" screamed Andrew.

The ensuing silence was broken only by the Scarecrow's timid "Um…let us begin, shall we?"

And with that, the Lexa launched into song.

"They see me mowin' my front lawn

I know they're all thinkin' I'm so

White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Can't you see I'm white and nerdy
Look at me I'm white and nerdy

I wanna roll with the gangstas
But so far they all think I'm too
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
I'm just too white and nerdy
Really, really white and nerdy

First in my class here at MIT
Got skills, I'm a champion at D&D
M.C. Escher, that's my favorite M.C.
Keep your 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea
My rims never spin, to the contrary
You'll find that they're quite stationary
All of my action figures are cherry
Stephen Hawking's in my library

My MySpace page is all totally pimped out
Got people beggin' for my top eight spaces
Yo, I know pi to a thousand places
Ain't got no grills but I still wear braces
I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise
I'm a wiz at Minesweeper, I could play for days
Once you've see my sweet moves, you're gonna stay amazed
My fingers movin' so fast I'll set the place ablaze

There's no killer app I haven't run
At Pascal, well I'm number one
Do vector calculus just for fun
I ain't got a gat, but I got a soldering gun
Happy Days is my favorite theme song
I could sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong
I'll ace any trivia quiz you bring on
I'm fluent within JavaScript as well as Klingon

Here's the part I sing on...

You see me roll on my Segway
I know in my heart they think I'm
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Can't you see I'm white and nerdy
Look at me I'm white and nerdy

I'd like to roll with the gangstas
Although it's apparent I'm too
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
I'm just too white and nerdy
How'd I get so white and nerdy

I been browsin', inspectin' X-Men comics
You know I collect 'em
The pens in my pocket, I must protect them
My ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored
Shoppin' online for deals on some writable media
I edit Wikipedia
I memorized Holy Grail really well
I can recite it right now and have you R-O-T-F-L-O-L

I got a business doing websites (websites)
When my friends need some code, who do they call?
I do HTML for 'em all
Even made a homepage for my dog, yo
I got myself a fanny pack
They were havin' a sale down at The Gap
Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap
Pop, pop - hope no one sees me, gettin' freaky

I'm nerdy in the extreme and
Whiter than sour cream
I was in AV club and glee club
And even the chess team
Only question I ever thought was hard
Was "Do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?"
Spend every weekend at the Renaissance Fair
Got my name on my underwear

They see me strollin', they laughin'
And rollin' their eyes cause I'm so
White and nerdy

Just because I'm white and nerdy
Just because I'm white and nerdy
All because I'm white and nerdy
Holy cow, I'm white and nerdy

I wanna bowl with the gangstas
But oh well, it's obvious I'm
White and nerdy

Think I'm just too white and nerdy
Think I'm just too white and nerdy
I'm just too white and nerdy
Look at me I'm white and nerdy."

The ensuing silence was broken only by a short conversation.

"What the font?" asked Ralmal, twitching slightly.

Elemia was staring off into space. "Font…."

Completely ignoring what was going on (EA/N: earplugs ftw), the Scarecrow announced, "Next up is the Paulina singing "Maneater!" (EA/N: Which, in what appears to be becoming a recurring pattern, we don't own)

"FEET THE SALAD!!!!!!!!" screamed…the Salad.

Twitching slightly, the Scarecrow slowly walked offstage with an "Ookaaaay…."

"Everybody look at me, me
I walk in the door you start screaming
Come on everybody what chu here for?
Move your body around like a nympho
Everybody get your necks to crack around
All you crazy people come on jump around
I want to see you all on your knees, knees
You either want to be with me, or be me!"

Rolling her eyes, Ralmal said, "Someone's conceited…"

As Ralmal shouted, "Take it away, Salad!" the Salad knocked Paulina into the crowd and took the stage.

"Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cards
make you fall real hard in love
She's a Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cards
Wish you never ever met her at all!"

As the Salad paused for a much-delayed breath of air (EA/N: Odd, nobody else seems to have ignored their need for oxygen…), Tucker interjected, "Apparently not, since I still love her."

"That girl won't make it," added Elemia.

Ralmal paused to think for a moment. "They're going to drop her like a piece of hot toast."

Warning: the italicized words that come after this message should be read in an extremely overdone announcers voice, in keeping with the theme of the whole overdone crackfic theme.

'Twas the night before Christmas,
And through Salad's house,
Not a creature was stirring...

Except the Lexa, and if he doesnt stop twitching, Imma go the Ripper all over his ass.


You better be.

Not a creature was stirring,
Not even the Lexa. Bastard.
The characters were tucked in,
All snug in their beds,
Visions of Uggs
Tap-dancing through their heads
(EA/N: ow.)


Spoken by Andrew

Spoken by the Narrator

Twas the night before Christmas, and through Salad's house
Lexa was screaming, cuz he saw a mouse.
Pairs of Uggs were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled (mostly) snug in their beds,
While visions of violence dance through their heads (or maybe that was Elemia.)

And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brain for a long winter's nap.

"Shouldn't that be plural?" asked Paulina.

You have a brain?

Shocker, isn't it?

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the windo I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

"For the record," interrupted the Salad, "you owe me $1000000 in property damage."

The moon on the breast -

"MOOBS!" screamed the Tucker, running across the screen in a desperate attempt to get more screentime.

…Ahem - of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

With a short young driver, so asian and ghetto,

We knew it was one with more than one stiletto.

"HO HO HO!!!!" shouted Jake, attempting to be jolly.

"AW MAN! It's not SANTA!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" hissed everyone else, as they hurled eggnog at him.


After that small fiasco, his pets quickly came

Calling them frantically, one by one, all by name

"Now Ele! Now Ralmal! Now Celia! Rashellay!

On, Tucker! Paulina! The Lexa! And Dannay!

On top of the fireplace! Atop Sam's face!

Now Dash away! Dash away! You're all a disgrace!"

"It's so nice of you to name your reindeer after us, Jakey" called the Celia, her eyes turning into anime-style hearts.

Ralmal rolled her eyes. "NOT."


Thank you.

The yellow leaves that fell on the hard ground,

Died under Long's big feet, while the other plants frowned

The wind blew him up, up, up towards the black sky

He scratched his small face, along with his exposed thigh.

And everyone was like, WHOAH…except for Elemia, who was standing in the background, puking up everything she'd eaten, ever.

"Jake," the Celia began, "what were you wearing, my mini?"


And then, my little weaklings, I heard on the roof

The dancing and prancing of that little goof.

As I tucked my head in, and tried to disappear

St. Jake came down the chimney, and offered me some beer.

Random omake...THAT RALMAL WROTE...RANDOMLY AND ALL BY HERSELF!! ( I'm so proud...sniff sniff)

"That's my favorite stanza," declared the Ralmal.

Then Andrew coughed. "Excuse me, did I ask for the morale?"

"Yes," deadpanned the Ralmal, steaming and stirring.

"Do not mock me when Christmas is occuring!"

Moments later, Andrew emerged, covered in bruises.

"Don't mind me, while the blood from my wound oozes,

"Let us continue on, with our quaint little story."

"I'm perfect!" lied Paulina, in all her glory.

Elemia slapped Paulina. "Shut up!" she cried.

"Can't you see you're crushing my pride?"

"Isn't that my line?" asked Lexa, clearly confused.

Ele stared at him coldly, she was clearly bemused.

"I don't like when things rhyme, it hurts my head

I just want to take a nice nap, in my cozy warm bed

I want to dream of Halloween, or the fourth of July,

Not a holiday where I can't eat no pie!"

"Well Ele," supplied the Ralmal, eager to advise.

"Look on the bright side, you can still poke out some eyes,

It's your trademark, like Paris' 'That's hot,'

It's what makes us love you, a whole whole lot."

Then small tears fell down the Ele's pale face,

She lept toward Ralmal, wrapping her in an embrace

Sadly, Ele got pushed down with force

As Ralmal got scared, and looked at her with remorse.

"What was THAT?!" asked Guy X, who wasn't there in a while

"She knows the Christmas truth," said Ralmal, with a smile.

I know you might expect some fluff here, but too bad

I can't believe how evil I am, it's really quite sad.

Title: A Christmas Speshul
Alternate Title: An event where everyone waits until Christmas Eve to buy their gifts and Santa slaps his reindeer. Ho ho ho.

Act 1: Promiscuous People

It is Christmas Eve, and the scene unfolds at the Lexa's house. We find the gang on this wonderful day, sitting in the living room, using Bunsen burners to roast their marshmallows, even though there's a fireplace a clear two feet away.

"IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!!" cried the Lexa, all googly-eyed.

"Christmas…?" asked Tucker, equally googly-eyed.


"SHUT UP!!!" cried the Elemia.


"What's wrong, Ele?" asked the Salad, whose smile looked rather bigger than usual.

"I hate Christmas!"


"I love Christmas, and I don't even celebrate it," commented the Ralmal.

"At least you're not supposed to…" muttered the Larie.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" demanded Ralmal, her eyes turning into fiery candy-canes.

The Larie shrunk in a corner. "Nothing…nothing…."

"Why is everyone so happy?" asked the Elemia. "What's so great about getting gifts?"

Everyone was silent.

"And Santa is soooooooo not real! How can a fat guy fit down the Lexa's chimney?"

"It wasn't that hard to do…" muttered the Tucker.

"No!" cried Lexa. "Santa is real!"

"Word." Agreed the Jake Long.

"How do you know the Lexa's house's chimney is so small, Ele?" asked the Salad, strangely still smiling.

"I don't…." muttered the Elemia, shifting her eyes.

Out of nowhere, the Tucker wailed the lyrics of "Promiscuous Girl" WHICH I DO NOT OWN into his travel-sized microphone.

"Proomiscuousss guuuuuuuuuuurl…." He wailed. "Where ever you arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre I'm alllllllllllllllll aloooooooone and it's you dat I waaaaaaaaaaaaant.."

"AHHH MY NOSE, EARS, AND EYES ARE BLEEDING!!!" cried the Salad, still smiling. The Elemia then stabbed the Tucker's eyes out.

"GAH!!! EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW WILL I CHARM THE FEMALE RACE WITHOUT MY EYES!!!!" Tucker wailed.

"Deal with it," said the Elemia.

Then the Tucker curled up into the fetal position, blood dripping on the Lexa's brand-new carpet. "Okaaaaay…."


Announcer: Will Tucker ever learn to Sing? Will the Larie ever stand up to the Ralmal? And will Elemia finally learn the true meaning of Christmas? Find out…SOON!!!!

Act 2: Sexy Socks

"Let's open our presents!!" cried the Lexa, googly-eyed again.

"If anyone makes those googly eyes, I will make you wish you never googled again." Declared Elemia.

"BUT I LOVE GOOGLE!" cried Ralmal.

"But you don't own it," disclaimed the Elemia.

"I bet no one got ME a present," commented the Larie, sad, and Jewish.

"OF COURSE I DID!" shouted the eccentric Ralmal, tossing her a box. "I think it really fits your personality."

The Larie opened the box to pull out…..a pair of socks. "OH MY GOSH!! JUST WHAT I NEEDED!! THANKS RALMAL!!!!!" The Larie gave Ralmal a hug. The Ralmal, who looked very uncomfortable, pushed her off.

"Yeah, you're welcome…..(not)"

Announcer: Will the Larie ever be appreciated by the Ralmal? Will Larie re-gift the socks she received? Find out…..HOPEFULLY SOON!!!!!

Act 3: Pink Presents

"OW MY MARSHMELLOW IS ON FIYAH!!!" screamed the Jake Long.

"Good." Said the Elemia sarcastically, happy to have a chance to show everyone how depressed she was.

"Open my gift, Andrew-cakes!" said Paulina, handing him a box.

Collective Gag!

"Wait!" Ralmal cried in mid-gag. "Paulina GAVE Andrew a gift?"

Collective Gasp!

"Wow…..thanks my little button!" said Andrew, eagerly opening his gift.

Collective Gag!

"Oh…look….a pink shirt that says 'that's hot'…"

Collective Laugh!

"Where's MY gift?" pouted Paulina.

"Here it is!!" Andrew wheeled in a cart-full of pink boxes.

"WEEEEEE!" cried Paulina.

Everyone else went back to their roasting and toasting, while silently pointing imaginary daggers at the back of Paulina's head. What a lovely Christmas, isn't it?

Announcer: Will Paulina ever learn that the world doesn't revolve around her? Will everyone ever stop collective gagging and gasping? Will anyone ever put in some plot? Find out……..NOW!!!!!!!

Act 4: Sad Sap

"Yeah, those were SOOOO fillers," commented the Elemia bluntly.

"Deal with it, I'm trying the best I can!" said Ralmal.

"Hey, who's hosting this partay?" asked Lexa.

"Well, it SHOULD be you," commented Ralmal. "it's YOUR house!"

"It is?"

Elemia and Ralmal slapped him for being so stupid.

"Fine, I'll host it….again!" said Ralmal, secretly happy to be the boss…again. "But you owe me fifty bucks and a pony!"

"No, not Buttercup!!" cried Lexa. Everyone stared at him.

"Uh…….." was all he could say.

Meanwhile, everyone was sitting on the couch and the floor, watching some sappy movie. Ralmal was sad that she could not watch with them. Poor Ralmal.

And Now…Ralmal's most Blondest moment! (If you're blonde, please don't hurt me)

"Am I blonde?" asked Glinda, who came out of nowhere.

Ralmal put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Yes. But it's okay. We'll get through it…together."

"YAY!" Glinda then made the blonde heart eyes. And Elemia poked them out.


"I am so tired and annoyed," said the tired and annoyed girl. Can you guess who it is? (No, it's NOT Elemia)

"Why, Ralmal?" asked Elemia.

"Because….I just AM okay, GOSH!" she then proceeded to make those dead anime eyes. While talking. "It's not…."


"Come on, Ralmal, finish your sentence," commanded Elemia.

Ralmal tried again. "It's not….HOLY COW I'M TURNING INTO PAULINA!"

"Yes, that's it, EMBRACE IT. OWN IT. LOVE IT," cried Paulina, pretty preppily (It may not be a word, but who cares!)


"Um, let's pretend that never happened." Said about one-fourth of the people in the room. Not one-third. One-fourth.

"It's not….NOT often that I am tired and annoyed!" cried Ralmal, somewhat triumphly.

Meanwhile, Elemia made the anime tear drop fall down her forehead. "Come on, Ralmal, you can do better than that!" declared Elemia.

Ralmal took a deep breath. "Okay…." She said, trying again….for the fourth time. "It's not….RARE that I am tired and annoyed!" Ralmal jumped up and down with glee. And everyone cheered at Ralmal's breakthrough.

Until Lexa took this opportunity to crush a fellow prideful person's pride.

"Wow, nice vocabulary level, Ralmal," he commented, rolling his eyes.

Ralmal stopped jumping up and down. And she hung her head sadly. Poor Ralmal.

Announcer: Will Ralmal ever learn more vocabulary? Will the Lexa's ego ever die? Will Ralmal become blonde? Will Elemia ever stop being so bossy? Find out…..oh, forget it.

But of course, I was kidding. Here's the real chapter (cleaned out my inbox, yay!)

Title: Alternate Universes
Alternate Title: The chapter where the OCs meet their alter egos
Tag line: Alternate or Reality: which would you choose?
Alternate tag line: Where the OCs travel to alternate universes (duh), which actually aren't that different from reality….

Warning: Violence, fillers, plot, parodies, and fluff you didn't expect…
Alternate Warning: This might cause scarring to your minds and/or eyes. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Disclaimer: We do not own anything AT ALL (except this story).
Alternate disclaimer: Ah, whom am I kidding? ON WITH IT!

al·ter·nate [awl-ter-nit: serving or used in place of another; a substitute (brought to you by … which I do not own).

(RA/N: Along with the alternate universes, there will be no more 'said,' 'asked,' or 'cried.' So you can stop bugging me Elemia.) (EA/N: gasp but…but…I…but……what am I going to do now?)

Before it all happened…

"I wanna go on a trip!" whined the Jake Long.

"Jake, shut up, you blubbering baby!" shouted Elemia.

"Don't talk to him like that!" hissed Celia. "That's my hubby you're talking about!"

Collective Gag!

"Geez, Jake, we've been practically everywhere," Ralmal pointed out. "Where else is there to go?"

"ALBANIA!" shrieked Larie. Everyone stared at her.


"Lately, I've found the ratio of the number of times of Larie being mentioned to the number of times of Ralmal and/or Elemia being mentioned to be quite unjust and decadent," reasoned the Lexa.

"Well, who asked you?" Ralmal responded before Elemia knocked him over the head with her 50 lbs (pronounced "POUND," not "lebs") mullet.

"If we go somewhere, can it be a place where Lexa will shut the heck up and I own a bigger mullet?" questioned the Elemia out loud.

"That gives me an idea…" declared Ralmal.

Da Da Da Dun…

"LET'S GO TO AN ALTERATE UNIVERSE!!!!!!" screeched the eccentric girl. "I can build a machine that can orbit us through parallel places that don't really exist!"


"That's a great idea!" exclaimed everyone.

"Okay, everyone pile in," ordered Ralmal. How come she always ends up bossing everyone around?

"Hey, I heard that," interrupted the bossy girl.


Meanwhile, everyone was positioning themselves in the seats Ralmal had custom-made.

"Wow, this is cool!" exclaimed the Celia.

"I wonder if it has anti-crash protection," wondered the smiley Salad.


Everyone stared at the boy who shouted that last line.

"What?" mumbled the Lexa, secretly ecstatic that Ralmal had leather furnishing on the seats.

After everyone had gotten over the mind-scarring escapade, Ralmal took a conveniently-placed microphone from the overhead and coughed into it. Everyone kept talking.

"Ahem," ahemed Ralmal again, loudly.

Everyone kept talking.

"AHEM!!!!" shrilled Ralmal.

Everyone kept talking.

"ahem," Ralmal whispered.

Everyone stopped talking.

"Thank you, now, please pay attention to Elemia, who will show you how to properly fasten your seatbelt." Elemia, dressed in a short flight assistant dress emerged from the small lavatory, silently mumbling obscene sentences about Ralmal, who had made her wear the outfit.

"Whoa," whoahed the Lexa, glancing at the Ele's attire.

The Elemia blushed and made the heart eyes. "Thank you so much, Ralmal," she declared.

"Okay, that's enough!" stated Ralmal, pushing Elemia down, a little freaked out. "Everyone just buckle up and shut up while I start this thing!"

"Who's the co-captain, Ralmal?" pondered the Salad.

"I don't need no stinkin' co-captain," retorted the Ralmal, a little miffed that someone would assume that she needed a co-anything.

"OOO! Pick me!" pleaded the Tucker, sliding into the empty seat.

"Um, NO I don't THINK so." Ralmal pushed him off.

"MY LEG!" moaned Tucker, pathetically rolling onto the ground.

"I'll do it," offered Guy X, sitting down next to her.


"But-but…" muttered the weak and defenseless Tucker. "Why didn't she let me do it?"

And thus, the Elemia smacked him for being so dense.

First Stop: Three-Word Town (where everyone describes themselves and/or talks in no more than three words-literally!)

"I want cheese!" proclaimed the Lexa.

"Pink is peeeeeerfect!" sang the Paulina.

"AHH! My ears…" started the Ralmal.

"…are frickin' bleeding!" finished the Elemia.

"Word, my peeps!" Jake Long added.

"I'm so hot," installed the Guan.

"I'm so not," answered the Lexa.

"Bubbles are bubbly!" bubbled the Glinda.

"POP THE BUBBLE!" screamed the Larie.

"Are you gay?" The Dash asked.

"Sometimes I'm happy!" declared the Tucker.

"Umm…..that's awkward," stated Salad, smiling.

"I'm going ghost!" ranted the Danny.

"And I'm anti-meat," Sam put in.

"Forks are hott!" screeched Guan shrilly.

"Such a noob…" muttered the Ele.

"I am boss!" cheered Ralmal evilly.

"I don't care!" ignored Larie interjected.

"What was that?" snapped Ralmal angrily.

"Nothing…nothing….nothing…." sputtered Larie, nonchalantly.


"I don't exist," Guy X whined.

"I'm so intelligent!" Andrew acknowledged pseudo-absentmindedly.

Completely destroying the authoress's ability to make sure all descriptions are three words exactly, Elemia knocked him down with Hedge Hammer No. 36571, blowing out one-third of his brain cells. "Now you're not."

"I like….eggs!" affirmed Paulina.

"Oh, my god…." Drooled Lexa

Elemia smacked him. "Staring isn't nice."

"I. Am. Stupid." Quoted the Fiyerio.

"Yes, you are," agreed the Witch. "And I'm green."

"Plankton is sexy!" Ralmal shouted, referring to the microscopic animation on Spongebob Squarepants. (RA/N: The show, not the actual sponge).

"No he's not," responded Guy X, a little jealous.

"WITH SUCH FERRET!" shrilled Elemia, her right eye twitching uncontrollably.

"Ferrets are funn!" described Ralmal.

"Chicken is good," hypothesized the Danny.

"So are you," flirted the 2006 (now 2007!) Dorothy, making the heart eyes.

"Shut up, you!" screeched Sam, driving two of Elemia's already blood-infested screwdrivers into the 2007 Dorothy's eyes.


"Better, this time," stated Elemia, giving Sam an 8.67517 out of the previous 8.67516 she received a couple chapters back.

"It's like DP…" started the Celia.

"….but it's better…." Continued Ralmal.

"….cause it's real," Elemia finished.

"I love Bach!" declared the Cats.

"Whoah there, man," cautioned the Boq, slowly backing away.

"Still not you!"

"Now everyone, please…" started the Elemia.

"…speak all together," finished the Ralmal.

"I HAVE ISSUES," everyone exclaimed.

On the bus…

"What was THAT?"

"That was fun!"

"Let's go again!"

"Okay, that's enough," snapped the Elemia, who was being hypocritical.

"Yeah, guys, stop," chimed in the Ralmal, who was also being hypocritical.


Second Stop: Alliteration Atoll: Where words sound strangely similar (and nothing makes sense)!

During Day Dos

Paulina, pinkish pompous pedestrian punk, purposely prepared pancakes proudly.

Everyone evaporated eagerly, Elemia excluded. Ele eluded enthusiastically, enduring examination of only endangered eggs.

Differently daring, Danny dangerously devoured Paulina's pancakes, ignorant in ingredients. During denial, Danny died.

Afterwards, Andrew angrily assisted pettish Paulina away, assuming failure from cooking class.

"Sacre-bleu!" sobbed Sam sadly. Salad tried to soothe the tremendous hurt happily. Unfortunately, ungrateful Sam snubbed support. So Salad sat, silently steaming, swiftly slapping Sam spiritually, and angrily sentencing suffering simultaneously.

Later, Lexa lavishly laundered laundry lovingly, leaving ludicrous lads lamely with wondrous lemons. (RA/N: Oh god, that one sounded so weird…)

"Gum!" Glinda giggled, gulping grapeness gallantly. Guy X, who was grinning gladly because butterflies slapped Sam, ignored her happily in subtle silence.

Furthermore, famous fiery ferrets freely frolicked from fungus-infested Florida to the walkways within foggy France in icy February for Fiyero.

"What? Why wasn't I invited?" wailed the terrible Western Wicked Witch, wondering why her husband lacked legitimate logic.

"Really?" responded Ralmal, randomly reducing the tension that was wiggling throughout the airy atmosphere.

"Yo ya'll, where was I in this terrific tale?" lisped Larie, longing importance in life, love, and abundance for favorite catty characters.

(RA/N: If any of you understood and got through that without going 'WTF?', I applaud you).


"WTF?" shouted Elemia.

"Nice," replied Ralmal.

Back on the bus….again

"LOL!!" laughed Larie loudly.

"Yes, you're mentioned more. Marvelous!" marveled the Lexa.

"Shut up you slimy stupid sissy!" snapped Salad, acting very OOC.

Everyone just stared silently.


Shortly after….

"Stop with the dividers already!" complained Elemia.

Then, the narrator put in some more, just to bug her.




"If you put in one more, you'll be replaced faster that you can say 'noobs'!"


"No buts, NOOBS!"



And thus, their latest narrator was replaced, never to be heard from again. And Elemia lived happily ever after.

Well, at least for now.

Oh gosh…

"Whoah…..what's wrong with her?" alliterated the alliteration nerd.

"I don't know, Ralmal," answered the smiley Salad, having quickly recovered from her previous bipolar moment.

The (RA/N: Oh rats, Elemia made me promise not to put 'the' in so often, specially for Ral and El. sigh Fine…..this is the last time, I promise.) Ralmal walked over to ELEMIA (RA/N: No the!) and gave her a cheer-up sandwich.

"I don't like happy ham," mused the Elemia, thinking of something more depressing to say, while pushing her plate away.

"Why are you so depressed?" inquired the Ralmal.

"We're in a cramped machine, floating through the space time continuum at the speed of light. I want a real vaycay!" she whined.

"Never say 'vaycay' again," ordered the Larie.

Then Elemia stabbed Larie's eyes out with her usual instruments for adding salt to her wounds.


There was silence.

"You know, that actually made me feel a little better," Elemia pointed out.

The Ralmal smiled. "You know what I think it's time for?" She grinned at Salad. Salad, getting it, grinned back. Salad then passed the grin to Danny, who was idiotically smiling anyway.

"OOO! OO!! I know! I KNOW!" he shouted enthusiastically. "CUPCAKES!!!!!!!"


Then Ralmal shoved him aside for ruining their perfect grinning circle and he crashed into Paulina's luggage. "No….it's time for…."

"DOUGHNUTS!!" she and Salad shouted together.

Everyone then made a WOMP face and mentally stabbed the two doughnut lovers with cupcakes. Yes, you heard correctly. WITH cupcakes.

"With sprinkles?" suggested Danny, blood dripping from his nose.

Yes, Danny, with sprinkles.


At lunch…..

"You know, I feel better. I now have SUGAR!!! In my system…" stated Elemia drunkily. Everyone else just nodded, shoving doughnuts into their mouths.

"Paulina, stop eating so much," ordered Andrew. "You're bloating up like a balloon."

Paulina's eyes gleamed. "WHY THANK YOU ANDREW-CAKES!!! You know…" she pondered, flipping through her fashion magazine. "…puff is the new pink. The fatter the better!"


"You know, our story is a lot like our life," observed Elemia. "Except there are no witches."

Ralmal just stared at her. "Are you sure about that?" She then pulled out her portable broomstick and the background behind her became dark and lightening struck, frightening the little children and wussies everywhere.

"Paulina, hold me, I'm scared!" yakked Andrew and Tucker. The Salad glared at the Tucker.

"I mean….Salad, hold me, I'm even more scared!" he corrected.

Meanwhile, Elemia followed Ralmal's suit, but instead pulled out a sparkly wand and her background was filled with kittens, flowers, and rainbows, which paled in comparison to Ralmal's rather rash intro.

And with a clash of their weapons/transportation systems, they were all transferred to Wicked World.

Third Stop: Wicked World (Oh sweet Oz…)

(Extremely Long) Note: Everyone slipped into the same costume he or she had before, in the chapter etitled "MR. GOAT CAN I SHAKE YOUR HAND?!" Except that Ralmal made Guy X and Tucker switch places. Now, Guy X was the Fiyero and Tucker was Dancing Peanut Number Two. And oh yeah, I lied, there were actually a lot of changes. Hah. At least appear to attempt that you understand what's going on. Great. Now, sit back, and try to enjoy this messed up version of Wicked WHICH I DO NOT OWN BUT SECRETLY WISHED I DID. Thank you. And remember, there's no ation like donation.

It was a peaceful day in the land of Iz. It was just like Oz, except it was more messed up. E.g. Uggs and eggs both exist. The Shrimps were celebrating the Celia's death. She had been hit over the head by a piano that randomly fell from the sky.

"DING DONG THE CEEL IS DEAD!!!!!" they proclaimed.

"WAIT!!" shouted the Danny, who had declared himself Mayor of Shrimpville. "We've got to verify it legally, to see-"

"To see?" interrupted the Dana. (See, we put you in!)

"If she-"

"If she?"




The other Shrimps joined in. "…UNDENIABLY and RELIABLY dead!"

The Jake came up to the eccentric short people and presented them with a Certificate of Death. "As coroner I must aver, I thoroughly examined her…"

"Um…" ummed the Danny, a little uncomfortable.

The Jake continued anyway, oblivious at the implications of his past statement. "Oh, and FYI, she's not only merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead."

And at this news, the Shrimps cheered.

So much for a sentimental funeral.

"Yes, my little Shrimpikins," piped the Elemia, who was dressed in a poofy off-the shoulder type blue dress. Her hair was blond…again. And there was a crown in her curled hair. Not ON, IN. This proves that she was, indeed, still the Galinda/Glinda. "Rejoice, rejoice, you're all free now!" she giggled.

"YOU TRAITOR!!!!!!" someone yelled from the fake background.

Collective Gasp!

The Elemia turned around to see her archenemy/ex-BFF, Ralmal, pointing a shaky finger at the blond girl. She was wearing a long black dress, a witch hat, and of course, green skin. Anyone want to take a stab at who she is?

"EEP!!" yelled the short people, their voices going up three octaves. They all hid behind the trees and/or ran down the tie-died brick road to catch up with the Salad, who was the smiley/innocent Dorothy.

The two witches glared at each other in silence.

"What a TOUCHING moment of grief!" Ralmal finally spoke. "After all she's done for you, you celebrate her unfortunate demise, you dumb blonde bimbo!"

"Hey, it's not MY fault I'm blonde," replied Elemia.

Ralmal rolled her eyes. "Yeah…sure. Anyways, I didn't come here to insult you, anyone with half a brain can do that. I came here to pay my respects to Celia. And collect my-I MEAN, her shoes-WAIT WHERE ARE THE SHOES?!?!?!?!"

Elemia shifted her eyes. "Uhh….I kind of gave them to the Salad."


"Well, she told me I could have her GRILL if I did."

"What the hell is a grill?" wondered Jake aloud, who was hiding nearby.

"Geez, and I thought I'd be the one racked with guilt," Ralmal sentenced, glancing sadly at the Celia's squished body.

The Elemia, feeling sympathy for the green girl, scooted closer. "Well, it's not your fault. It was just….an accident. She was just in the wrong place at the right-I mean, wrong time," Elemia declared, trying to make her feel better, but failing miserably.

All of a sudden, Ralmal erupted. Metaphorically, not literally. "AN ACCIDENT?!?! This is MY piano, you brainless blonde bubble! I was aiming for you, but I missed!" She paused for a moment. "Lousy hand eye coordination," she grumbled to herself.

Elemia gasped. Then she snapped her fingers in triangle. "All right, no more Miss Nice Witch!" she stated in a ghetto tone, trying to scare Ralmal off.

But Ralmal just stood there, staring. "Why are you talking like that?" she questioned.

Elemia smoothened her dress. "Well, some of us make good use of our time," she declared, while Ralmal tried to figure out exactly how practicing counterfeit voices was making good use of time. Nevertheless, Elemia continued, staring at Ralmal's broom. "And what exactly have you been doing, besides riding around on that ratty old thing?"

"Well, we can't all come and go by bubble!"

Elemia gasped….again. "Do not….diss….the bubble!"

Insert Ralmal rolling her eyes again. "Yeah. Whatever. The Wizard of Iz will probably take credit for your stupid invention anyway, so dissing it comes guaranteed."

Elemia regained her posture; a little ticked that Ralmal was right about her assumption. "Well, he's not the only one taking things that don't belong to us."

"Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" oohed the crowd.

Ralmal faced her fiery friend. "Sorry to burst your bubble, but you need to deal with the fact that Guy X chose me over YOU. How're you gonna deal with that, hm? Don't laugh at me, yes, I did say 'gonna.' Anyways, where was I? Oh, yeah, you can't deal with it. Wait, you can just buy yourself a new pair of stilettos!" Ralmal paused for dramatic effect. "Guy X never loved YOU, and it may take a while for that to sink into your bubbly blonde brain, so I'll repeat it again, for added drama and insultance. He doesn't love YOU, he loves ME!"

Elemia then slapped Ralmal across the face. (RA/N: Ele, you're allowed one of those in your lifetime. You've just cashed in.)

'Oh snap, this chic just slapped me,' thought Ralmal.

'I wonder how long it'll take to buy my thousandth pair of shoes,' thought Elemia.

Ralmal's angry face quickly turned strangely happy, and she started laughing. Cackling, really.

"….heh heh," hehed the Ralmal. "Wooo!"

"Feel better now?"

Elemia thought for a little. " No.…wait. Wait, wait a minute…yes."

"Good. Cause you know what? Life's a witch…." Ralmal slapped Elemia. "…and so am I!"

"AH!" yelped Elemia. She then proceeded to twirl her bubble wand into complicated twists and turns to demonstrate her kung-fu skillz. Yes, you says skills I says skillz.

"YAH!" she finished.

"What the-" started Ralmal, secretly impressed by Elemia's moves. Then she charged towards the white-bubble-who-was-clearly-trying-to-be-Asian-by-kung-fuing-her-way-to-victory, knocking her down with her broomstick.

"HAH! You're no match for me and my wicked ways!"

"GAAAAAAAAAH!" Elemia jumped up and lept towards her green friend. They wrestled on the ground, pulling each other's hair and scratching each other's faces. (RA/N: By the way, this scene wasn't so hard to picture.)




"Cream puff!"

Elemia drastically placed her hand over her heart. "Take. That. Back!" They continued fighting until Tucker, Dash, and the Guan, all clad in peanut attire, arrived at the amusing scene and pulled the two wrestlers off each other.

"Let me go!" yelped Ralmal, trying to break free from the two Peanuts that were holding her down.

"Let me go, I almost had 'er! Come on, let me at 'er!" Elemia declared, almost giving the peanut that was holding her down a concussion.

"Does this mean we're breaking up?" Guan sadly inquired. Then he let go of Elemia and jumped into the nearby river, briskly floating away into the sunset.

"Well, that was oddly disturbing," mentioned Dash after a few moments of lengthy silence.

"Tucker, Dash, I can't believe you would stoop this low," commented Ralmal. "To work for Elemia and capture me, and after all the good times we've had together."

Tucker looked at Dash. Dash looked at Tucker. Memories of Ralmal throwing uggs at them, tossing eggs at their eyes, and worse, hiding their teddy bears so they couldn't go night-night filled their minds. They both looked at Ralmal. Ralmal looked at both of them.

Ralmal sighed and made a womp face. "Carry on."

Elemia tried to brush the dirt and grime off her. "Ralmal, you've finally done it. You've made me hit rock bottom. I have bruises as big as Baltimore, one eye is out of its eye socket, and I can't stop bleeding from this one cut on my arm and-OH MY GOSH! THERE IS A BLOOD STAIN ON MY DRESS!!!! The stain will never come out! Don't you realize that this gown is polyester 2-ply?"

"I'm sorry, Elemia, forgive me, I was wrong. I'll remember to beat the crap out of you on the days when you AREN'T wearing polyester 3-ply."

Elemia, taking her seriously, narrowed her eyes. "For the millionth time, it's 2-PLY!"

"Whatever. You need to chillax. We both know this is about something deeper than blood stains and messed up polyester."

Elemia blinked. "It is?"

Ralmal stared at her, wondering how badly her friend was crippled with short-term memory loss. "Yes, it is. This is about Guy X leaving you for me." She then cracked a smile.

"Hey, stop smiling!"

"Oh. Sorry. I'll try not to show enthusiasm at the fact that someone hot chose someone green over someone who is half bubble. It's just so hard to do, you know?"

Elemia broke down. "No, I don't know…." She dabbed her eyes with her cherry-scented hanky.

"HANKY PANKY!" shouted Tucker and Dash simultaneously. Elemia stared through her wet eyes and turned her wand into a mullet, aiming right between the eyes of the two peanuts.

Said peanuts recoiled with horror. "Sorry, we'll be good."

Elemia continued speaking. Gosh, will she ever shut up? "It's just that-I love him SO MUCH. Even though I knew him for twenty seconds, those were the best twenty seconds of my LIFE. Not counting the time when my Momsy bought me pink bunny slip-ons." She paused to dab her eyes again. DAB!!

"I mean, I know that he doesn't exist, nor do I know his last name or anything remotely important about him, but I know that he's hot. And if he's hot, I'm hot."

Silence befell them.

"That last line made no sense," is all Ralmal had to say.

Now it was Elemia's turn to womp. But before she could knock Ralmal over the head with her mullet, the Guy X flew in randomly, swinging on a conveniently placed rope. He accidentally let go too early and fell flat on his face, while the onlookers just looked on. Then he stood up and dizzily got to his feet. He aimed his gun towards the green Ralmal, trying to regain his balance.

"Let the green girl go," he uttered.

"Um, Guy X, I'm over here," Elemia pointed out, turning the gun towards herself.

Guy X squinted. "Oh yeah, it is you. Sup?"

"Sup? Is that all you can say? You run away with my best friend and you give me a 'sup'? What, am I not good enough for a 'what's up,' you just HAD to shorten it didn't you? Just like you shortened our relationship!" Her left eye started twitching uncontrollably.

Ralmal whistled. "Man, she got you GOOD."

Guy X turned towards Ralmal. "You were supposed to TELL her I was going with you. Why didn't you tell me you didn't?"

"Why didn't you ask?"

Now it was Guy X's turn to womp. Then, the peanuts followed suit, because they had nothing better to do.

"Okay, can you let me go, please!" Ralmal shouted, knocking the peanuts down, releasing herself from their grip.

"Tucker, my love, are you okay?" Dash wondered.

"Yes I'm fine, my-" He stopped, noticing that the love triangle was watching them. "WHOAH, none of you heard that, right?"

"Of course not."

"We didn't hear a THING."

"Just keep on doing what you're doing."

They watched as the peanuts tried to move their bodies to get up, repeatedly falling down, looking at each other lovingly.

"Okay, scratch that last sentence," Guy X chortled nervously. "This place has enough weirdness already."

"By the way, Guy X, you were supposed to be here a full fifteen minutes ago," Ralmal lectured. She crossed her arms over her chest and impatiently stamped her foot. "Where were you?"

"I'm sorry, I got lost! Iz is a confusing place to figure out."

"Damn straight," muttered the peanuts in unison.

Ralmal narrowed her eyes. "Did you think to ask directions?"

"Well…no, do you know how embarrassing it is for ME to ask for directions?"

"I don't care! Elemia was about to knock me unconscious! She was-"

"ENOUGH!!!" Elemia shouted. The bickering couple stopped bickering. "You two sound like an old married couple."

Ralmal looked at the ground and Guy X's face reddened. "What's your point?" he issued.

"Come on, you're an ugg-loving brainless official and she's an irritable mean fugitive. Am I the only on who thinks this is uncanny?"

"I'm not an ugg lover!" Guy X shouted as Ralmal shouted, "I'm not that mean!"

Elemia leaned in closer to Guy X. "Do you want me, a beautiful bubble, or some cranky green witch?"

"Hey, she's only cranky in the mornings!" Guy X protested.

"Thanks," muttered Ralmal, rolling her eyes.

"Enough small talk! Ralmal, we're getting out of here." He grabbed Ralmal's hand and started pulling her away.

"I'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN!" sobbed Elemia.

"Wait, HOLD EVERYTHING!!!" someone interrupted.

It was the Lexa!

"Lex, what are you doing here?" questioned Elemia, adjusting her tiara and smoothening her hair to make herself seem more appealing.

"I come here to deliver a message with the Salad, who I ran into while I was making my tuna egg sandwich." (EA/N: Fish? Eggs? Fish eggs? What?)

"Ew, why not just pick one?" suggested Ralmal. The Lexa held up his hand.

"Now is not the time to discuss my weird eating habits!" He lamented, mentally taking note never to tell anyone what he consumes for dinner ever again.

"So where is the Salad?" questioned Elemia. The Salad emerged from behind the Lexa and gave them all an awkward wave.

"YOU!" shouted Ralmal. "You think you can come back here with your innocence and try to take more that rightfully belongs to me- I MEAN, the deceased Celia?"


"Then what is it?"

"I came to return these stupid shoes. They gave me so many blisters that my blisters have blisters. Plus, they clash with my outfit." Then, she threw the shoes at Ralmal.

"Ow!" shouted Elemia, as the right shoe hit her head. Guy X followed suit, except it was the left shoe that hit him, of course.

"That's going to leave a mark," commented Ralmal.

All of a sudden, a gigantic dog in a green midrift jumped out of the Salad's basket.

"Salad, I hate this joint," complained Paulina, who was the dog.

"Paulina's…a dog?" Ralmal observed.

"I thought this was an alternate universe," dissed Elemia.

Paulina, ignoring them, started filing her furry paws. "Sal, I'm sick of always following you around. Your constant skipping is making me ill, your friends are strangely flamboyant, and your basket smells like crap! I'm leaving." And with that, she scurried in the opposite direction.

"Wait, Paulina, come back! You have the house keys!" Salad chased after her beloved pet.


All of a sudden, the Lexa turned to Elemia.

"Elemia, I couldn't help but notice that you were feeling a little down."

"Oh, no, I'm just peachy."

"PEACHES!!!" yelled the peanuts.

"WILL YOU STOP TRYING TO GET MORE LINES!" everyone else pleaded politely.

The Lexa continued. "Ele, I lost my heart to you the moment I saw you. But I couldn't go out with you because the Celia liked me. And the back of my Shrimpian head. She was suffocating me! I wanted to kill her. So I did."

"Way to be blunt," muttered Elemia.

Ralmal gasped. "So it wasn't my lousy hand-eye coordination that killed her, it was you!" She charged towards the Munchkin murderer but Guy X held her back.

Lexa smoothened his short tux. Why is he wearing a tux? "Take it easy, Ral. I did it out of love for Elemia. Don't you remember what it's like to be in love?"

Ralmal squinted at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't get it," affirmed Guy X.

"Marry me, Ele," proposed the Lexa, ignoring everyone around him. "Together, we'll live in harmony."

Elemia just stared at him.

"You'll have my devotion and undying loyalty."

Elemia continued to stare at him.

"You can have complete access to my credit cards."

"Guy X, I'm officially breaking up with you," declared Elemia, glomping the Lexa.

"Whaaa?" wondered Guy X.

All of a sudden, Andrew, dressed up as the goat, came sauntering in.

"Guy X, where is the homework you owe me from third grade?" he inquired.


And they all lived happily ever after.

I think.

Randomish Omake…

"Oh, Lex, you're so intelligent!"

"Oh El, I know!"

Back on da bus….AGAIN!!


"I was a peanut…and I was pretty salty!" screamed Tucker.

Everyone was silent.

"Uh….pretend no one ever heard that."

"I had no lines!" complained the Celia.

"But you were still crucial in the plot," pointed out Elemia.


"I was the BEST EVER!" prided Lexa. "And now, I'm going to share my glory with my gal pal, the 2007 Dorothy, who didn't exist at all in Iz."

"Say what now?" screeched Ele. "After all that, you still aren't fawning over me?!?!"

"What is THAT?!" commented Larie, who wasn't mentioned either, but was learning to deal with the continuous pattern of constantly being ignored.

Out of nowhere, Sam got on top of the lunch table that was sitting randomly in the middle of the bus. "ALL OF YOU-SHUT UP!!!!"

Everyone was silent.

"I wasn't even mentioned at all! And this story is in the Danny Phantom section!! Does anyone else find this totally weird and unjust?"

Larie put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Oh honey, you've just got to deal with it. It'll take some time, but we'll get through it…together."

"I don't need that kind of reassurance," Sam stated, slowly inching away from Larie. "I need some importance in this story!"

"Well Sam," spoke Lexa. "We'd love to put you in Wicked World, but it's just that you're too tall…"

"…and too gothic…" (Elemia)

"…and too pale…" (Ralmal)

"…and too frowny…." (Salad)

"…and too smart…" (Guy X)

"…and too human…" (Andrew)

"…and too alive…" (Celia)

"…and too skinny…." (Tucker)

"…and too hairless…" (Paulina)

"….to be involved in a story like that," everyone finished all together.

"It's not fair that I'm a main character on the Danny Phantom cast, and these two are the special ones!" she sobbed, pointing at Elemia and Ralmal.

The two special ones looked at each other. "Well, what can you do?" they said unanimously.

"And besides, I think we know who the real star of Wicked World was…." Paulina started. "ME!!!!!"

Everyone tackled Paulina so she'd shut up.

"That's it, I'm turning this bus around!" Sam pushed Ralmal out of the way and sat in the driver's seat.

"Hey, my bus, my seat!" Ralmal yelled. She charged towards Sam and flung her across the bus.

"Whoah…" everyone else whoahed, backing away.

Sam tried to get up. "Get her!" she declared.

The entire DP cast ran towards Ralmal and tied her to a chair.

"What the…?!" she cursed. "You can tie me, but you forgot Elemia, my trusted friend-you can't get her!"

Two Seconds Later…

Elemia was tied to a chair.

"But I didn't even do anything!" she complained. "Take Ralmal, not me!"

"Hey!" Ralmal protested.

"Let them go!" demanded Guy X. He looked around for Lexa, who was drooling over a picture of the 2007 Dorothy. Guy X hit him over the head. Lexa, finally getting it, charged up to Sam, who was holding Ralmal and Elemia hostage.

"You don't know what you're doing, you animated amateur! Elemia's the only one who gives me mutual respect! She's also the only one who can knock me unconscious with one hit of her mullet. Without her, I'd have a lot less bruises. But I wouldn't be as happy."

"AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" said the Ele/Lex fans while Elemia blushed and Ralmal gave him a look of utter shock.

The Lexa continued. "Oh, and about Ralmal….I have nothing nice to say about her, so you can keep her tied up." The Guy X stepped on Lexa's foot.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!" he shrieked.

"That's very touching and all, but TOO BAD!" cackled Sam. "Danny, tie up all the non-DP people. I'm in charge now!"

"What are you going to do?" demanded Ralmal.

"Yeah, where are you going?" chimed in Elemia.

"Well, we're going to a place where THE DP PEOPLE RULE and YOU GUYS DON'T EXIST!!!!" Sam announced, secretly liking taking over Ralmal's job.

Ralmal and Elemia gasped. "You sick, sick, woman!" they chorused disapprovingly.

"And Larie, you're coming with us!" added Sam, grabbing her arm.

"But, I can't just leave my frie-"

And off the DP people and Larie went… their native homeland, leaving everyone else important to the story in the bus tied up.

Fourth Stop: Da Danny Den…

It was a peaceful day in Amity Park on February 13, 2007 at 9:23 am. Let's focus in on the youngsters at Casper High School, where our favorite little halfa sluggishly awaits in English class for another ghost to attack.

Young Danny Fenton sat at his desk, impatiently tapping his pencil against his desk. His lousy hand-eye-pencil coordination allowed his writing utensil to slip aimlessly from his hand and land with a quiet thump on the fungus-infested ground. He groaned and bent over to pick it up. At this moment, the bell had rung and his best friends ran in, followed closely by their overweight teacher, Mr. Lancer, who was followed by a five foot tall Jewish girl.

"Danny! Where were you this morning?" Sam whispered loudly to him as she slipped into the empty seat next to him.

"I had morning detention….again," moaned Danny.

"What for-"

"DANIEL FENTON AND SAMANTHA MANSON, if you two could kindly take a break from your little lovefeast-"

"WE'RE NOT LOVEBIRDS!" the two lovebirds protested.

"We're just friends," announceed Sam.

"UH, yeah, besides, I'm in love with Paulina," proclaimed Danny.

"EW THAT LOSER'S IN LOVE WITH ME???!!!!!" screeched Paulina. "Come on, I just started eating solid food again, too!" She threw up on her desk.

Mr. Lancer pounded his gravel on the desk. Why does he have a gravel in his desk?

"My ruler's getting repaired," he announced to the class, unintentionally answering the narrator's question.

"Like I was saying, we have a new student, her name is Larie Groanaburgashigarama."

"WTF?" screamed half the class, while the other half didn't abbreviate.

"Oh dude, she's hot!" Tucker whispered to Danny. "She may even be hotter than Paulina!"

"Is that even possible?" Danny sighed, drooling over a picture of Paulina he kept in his desk. Sam just sat there, silently steaming.

It was lunchtime. The evil adolescents committing gluttony shoved genetically modified food (GMOs!) into their mouths at 300 miles per hour.

"Actually, that's more like 300.53321 miles per hour," Tucker corrected, punching in number into his PDA.

"Tucker, you're such a geek!" Sam proclaimed, pointing out the obvious.

"I know, but I'm also a lady killer." Danny and Sam exchanged knowing glances.

"I'm going to ask that girl Larie Groanaburgashigarama to the Valentine's Day Dance tomorrow," Tucker continued, pulling a dozen roses from his pocket.

"Wow, I am in shock!" stated Sam.

"Why? That I'm actually going to ask a girl out without using any vulgar language or lousy pick up lines?"

"No, that you remembered her last name."

Tucker threw some of his mini burgers at her, while she recoiled in fear.

All of a sudden, Larie walked up to them. "Um, I'm new here, but I couldn't help but notice that you're dateless."

"Affirmative. And today is your lucky day!" announced Tucker.

She turned to the brainless burette-wearing geek. "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to your blue-eyed friend."

"Danny?" Tucker questioned.

"DANNY?!" Sam gasped.

"Me?" Danny uttered, in total shock.

"So, you can pick me up tomorrow night at sevenish," Larie directed, giving him a piece of paper with her address on it. "Try to wear something nice." She tossed her hair over her shoulders and walked away.

The trio looked at each other in silence. "Um, I guess I have a date for tomorrow," Danny bluntly stated.

"And I don't!" wailed Tucker, sobbing, his tears staining the meat on his lunch tray.

Paulina walked up to them and pushed Tucker to his feet. "You are taking me to the dance tomorrow, techno geek."

"Actually, it's Tucker Geek. I mean, Foley."

"Pick me up at around sevenish. And wear something nice." She flipped her black hair and sauntered away.

"What was that about?" Sam questioned. "You two got dates and I didn't!" She sighed. "Maybe I'm not just pretty enough."

"Sam, that's ridiculous. You are pretty," Danny stated.

Sam blushed. "Really?"

Danny tried to stop the blood from rushing to his face. "Uh, I mean, you're prettier than Tucker in a dress."

"That was ONE TIME! ONE TIME!!" Tucker insisted.

"Okay then…..but Danny, doesn't Larie seem kind of weird to you?" Sam inquired.

"Aside from the fact that she doesn't even know my name and forced me to go on a date with her, no, she's completely normal."

"And hot," added Tucker.

"She might be a ghost Danny, you have to watch out!" Sam warned.

"But my ghost sense didn't go off."

"True," Sam agreed, but was silently screaming. Nothing's going to make him not go out with her. I'm such a hopeless case. She silently thought.

"Sam, you're not a hopeless case," Danny reassured, reading her mind. "Someone'll go out with you."

"Yeah," Tucker chimed in. "After all, there are a lot of desperate people at this school."

Sam shot him a harsh glare while Danny rolled his eyes. "Don't listen to him, Sam, at least Dash hasn't come ten feet near you." Sam nodded, thankful for that at least.

Out of nowhere, Dash popped out from behind the bushes. So I guess it wasn't really out of nowhere. "Goth girl, Paulina is going out with Geeky over here, and I already asked out all the other girls, but they're all taken, so I'm going out with you. I'll pick you up at around sevenish. And wear something nice." Before he walked away, he slapped Danny on the arm.

"Ow!" he shouted, rubbing the place on his arm where Dash had unkindly hit him.

"What the….." Sam started. "It's that Larie girl, I know it!"

"Oh Sam, stop worrying," Danny ordered. "Go with Dash," he gave her a lopsided smile, which made her melt. "I'll be there to protect you." Sam just nodded, unable to speak.

Danny continued. "Anyways, now we all got dates. We should all be happy."

"I know I am!" Tucker chimed.

Danny gave him a weird look. "Tucker, we need to discuss your flamboyant issues."

They laughed, and Sam joined in, but inside her mind, she was thinking I'm going to get to the bottom of this.

Back to the hostages….

"This is so messed up!" shrieked Lexa.

"No duh, smarty," Elemia snapped.

"Well, we should just all try to get along and not kill each other….Elemia," Ralmal peacefully suggested.

"Hey, Ral, I'm the one who's supposed to stay positive," Salad pointed out.

"I AM A PEACEFUL PACIFIST!!!" screamed Ralmal. "DON'T PUSH IT!!!"

"MY GIRLFRIEND LEFT ME!!" wailed Andrew.

Everyone stared at him for two minutes. Then they continued speaking amongst themselves.

"Do you think they'll leave us here forever?" Celia wondered out loud.

"Yo G that ain't cool, I got stuff to does, ya heard?!" rapped Jake Long.

"I'm missing my four o'clock body scrub and pedicure!" complained the 2007 Dorothy.

"Oh, WHY couldn't they have taken her with them?" insulted Elemia.

There was a silence.

"This is boring," stated Guy X.

"Science is never Bohring, Guy X!" Lexa defended. "Science was first discovered by a German who lived in Israel, who had five wives, who-"

"Oh god, can somebody shut him up, please?!"

"Get a hammer, there's one underneath your chair."

"We're tied to these chairs!"
"Oh yeah."

"Let's all sing a song!" suggested Lexa. Everyone groaned, but he ignored them all.

And thus, the Lexa started to sing and bop is head to the imaginary music.

"I call this one, the 'Campfire Song' Song WHICH I DO NOT OWN!" he disclaimed.

"Just sing your stupid song so it'll be over soon!" ordered Elemia.

"Fair enough."


Let's gather round the campfire and sing our campfire song

our c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e s-o-n-g song

and if you don't think that we can sing it faster then you're wrong

but it'll help if you just sing aloooooong…

Jake Long (annoyingly alto):


Lexa (accelerating):

c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e s-o-n-g song

c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e s-o-n-g song

and if you don't think that we can sing it faster then you're wrong

but it'll help if you just sing along

c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e s-o-n-g song. Jake!

Jake Long (struggling to get the correct spelling):

Song!!! k-a-m-p-h-i-r-e ---




(EA/N: You may think we lost the line, here, but we didn't. It's silence.)

Lexa (strangely soprano):


It'll help!

It'll heeeeeeelp!!!

If you just sing aloooooooong!


"OH, my lord…." Ralmal lisped, awed.

"Yup, we're screwed, this fool can't entertain us," Elemia conjured.

"I can't live like this, I NEED PAULINA!!!" Andrew shouted, rocking back and forth.

"Whoah, he's having a seizure! What are we going to do?!" Everyone turned to Ralmal.

"Why me?!" she blubbered.

"Weren't you going to take control anyway?" Lexa wondered.

Ralmal womped. "Okay, I suggest that all we do is watch with amused looks on our faces. It'll make us feel better about our own pitiful lives." She then proceeded to stare at Andrew with an amused look plastered on her face, while everyone followed suit. Except it was on their own faces.

After Andrew's sudden seizure….

"OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO DIE!!!" Elemia wailed. "I NEED SUGAR!!!!!"

"Elemia, relax, we've only been in here for three hours," Ralmal declared. "Compared to how long we're destined to be in here, that's nothing."

Two Seconds Later…

"OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO DIE!!!" wailed Ralmal.

"Shut up," commanded Lexa. Who does he think he is, Caesar?

"Don't tell me to shut up. You shut up!"

Suddenly, the lights flickered off and on continuously.

"Whoah G, this is like those scary movies," Jake shivered. "The flickering lights, the sudden darkness, and then one by one, we disappear, never to be heard from again."

"Jake, shush," Celia commanded, but she was scared too.

"Guys, the bus is probably running out of gas, there's nothing to worry about," Ralmal concluded. Then after a few moments, she erupted. Literally, not metaphorically. Yes, you heard correctly. "OH NO IT'S RUNNING OUT OF GAS!!!"

The bus started shaking, and the lights were going crazy.

"We're gonna die, we're gonna die, we're gonna die," murmured Salad, who was rocking back and forth on her chair, and STILL smiling!

"Now that's creepy," Celia stated.

"Damn…we're stuck in this joint for the rest of our lives! Unless someone can magically get us out of here, we're doomed. DOOMED I SAY DOOMED!" Elemia sobbed, hanging her head down low.

All of a sudden, there was a big blast of red smoke and some scary music that filled every inch of the room. Everyone screamed and held on to the ones they loved, although they were tied to chairs.

Once the red smoke subsided, and the scary music dimmed, everyone looked to see who they were holding, and vice versa. Guy X was more than surprised to see Andrew holding on to him.

"Get off me, you nasty!" he demanded, shaking the lonely Korean off him. "Where's Ralmal?"

"There she is!" Elemia pointed, or tried to, anyway. Everyone turned to look at the form of the Persian girl sprawled out on the ground, her chair and ropes burned to a crisp.

"Hah…crisp…" chortled Jake softly.

Ralmal stood up, a little dizzy. "What just happened?"

"I think you set us free….." Celia assured.

"You must still have your powers from Wicked World!" explained Lexa in a monotonous tone.

"What is THAT?!" Ralmal questioned.

"That would have helped us three hours ago, if we had known," Elemia stated. "Lexa, did you know about this?"

"No….." he nonchalanted, nonchalantly, shifting his eyes.

Everyone womped.

What will happen in da dannny den? Will the non DP people start a revolution? Will sam ever realize that nothing's as exciting without elemia and ralmal? And the rest of the non DP people?