Gundam Theater Presents: The Phantom of the Opera

Disclaimer:We don't own Gundam wing or the Phantom of the Opera (either the book, play or movie!)

As usual, this is being originally written in the more appropriate script format, but as this site will not allow us to post it that way, it has been changed to the not as well-written sounding prose format. Oh well... at least it won't be pulled!

Just so you know... we suggest your read our story "Gundam Theater Presents: Hamlet" first, although it isn't necessar.

And a note on our cast of characters. Once again, Quatra is our director, as well as playing one of the opera house owners and the Phantom (busy guy... guess that's the perk of running Gundam Theater). Heero is Raoul. Wufei is playing the part of Christine. Duo is playing Meg. Releena is La Carlotta (we're going to ignore the fact that she died in the last Gundam Theater production). And of course, Trowa is in charge of music as the conductor.

Thanks for reading. Enjoy, and please review. When entering the theater, feel free to check your coats and brains at the door, as neither will be necessary for the enjoyment of this fiction.

Act one begins and the curtain rises. Our opening scene has Releena squawking like a cross between a stuck pick and a seagull on Alka Selzer.

(Disclaimer 2: We do not own Alka Selzer, nor do we advocate feeding it to seagulls. Seagulls are people, too. Okay, well, they're birds, but close enough... and it is wrong to feed birds things that will make them sick.)

Heero begins giggling maniacally and nearly pulls rope to release backdrop on Releena.

Quatra swats his hand away. "That's not your job." He slaps a mask onto his own face and pulls the cord himself.

The backdrop falls on Releena with a sharp sound that could almost pass as a high A-Flat, but not quite.

Heero walks out and nudges Releena with his toe.

Just then, Duo bounds onstage chained to Wufei in slave girl ballerina costumes. Duo flounces happily. Wufei is dragged along, grumbling.

Wufei glares at Quatra. "Dishonorable director. This is a girl's part again."

Quatra sweatdrops. "Wufei, her name is 'Christine.' Don't tell me you didn't know."

Duo smiles brightly. "I get tights again!"

Heero stops kicking Releena. "Yup. She's dead. I'm leaving."

Trowa starts conducting. "Bye Bye Bye" by N'Sync is played.

(Disclaimer 3: Yeah, we don't own that group or song either. And if you do own them, we dare you to admit it on a fanfiction site.)

Quatra runs of stage, attempting to rip mask off his face and tackle Heero at the same time. "Noooooo!"

Duo starts spinning to make slave girl skirt floosh out. He gets wrapped up in both the chain and Wufei. "Wuffers! I didn't know you cared!"

Wufei's expression doesn't change except for a slight narrowing of the eyes. "This is too dishonorable for words."

Quatra, who has now latched himself onto one of Heero's legs and is being dragged across the stage, says, "Wait! Wait! The show must go on."

Heero scowls. "Do it without me."

"I don't want to be in a play if my He-chan isn't in it!" Duo wails.

"Stop touching my ass," Wufei snaps.

Duo sends Wufei a startled deer-in-the-headlights look. "Oh, you mean that wasn't mine?"

"No. Yours is the one stuffed in the clothes that say 'Duo' on them."

"Oh," Duo replies. "I was wondering why I suddenly wasn't wearing tights." He smiles at Wufei. "Is that lace underwear?"

Througout all of this, Trowa is, of course, still conducting.

Heero pulls out a gun and tries to shoot Trowa. Once again, Duo has tampered with his weaponry, switching Heero's regular gun with one from the era. Heero misses his target, because this old gun has a completely different kick to it. He scowls, missing his childhood bazooka.

Quatra finally stands and looks around at the chaos. Heero is swearing at his gun. Duo and Wufei are still chained together. Trowa is ducking behind a piccolo for some unexplainable reason. Quatra sweatdrops. "Th show must go on, but not with you people."

The curtain falls blocking the view of everyone but Quatra from the audience. Quatra does a cartoon-style stretchy arm maneuver into the audience and grabs Kenshin, who was sitting in the front row. Kenshin is dragged onstage. Quatra slaps a mask on the rurouni, and says, "Ladies and Gentlemen, after a five minute interlude, the show will continue with Kenshin playing the Phantom."

Kenshin's eyes bug out. "Oro?"

"Until then we will entertain you with the ballet from scene five" Quatra continues.

Trowa sweatdrops and desperately tries to come up with an inappropriate song for this ballet.

The curtain rises showing Duo and Wufei alone one stage, still chained together discussing brands of underwear. They notice that the curtain has risen and freeze, staring silently back at the audience.

Quatra sweatdrops. "Never mind."

Kaoru suddenly stands up in the audience and yells, "Hey, Rooster! How about we save the show with a little knife throwing?"

Kenshin goes swirly-eyed. "Oro...?" He tries to edge offstage, but is stopped by Quatra's iron grip on his arm.

Sano, meanwhile, begins tiptoeing away from Kaoru, muttering, "I knew I heard that these Western style plays make you go crazy. I'll bet they're taking our photographs and stealing our souls, as we speak." At this thought he immediately drops into the fetal position in the middle of the aisle.

Kaoru, who has finally noticed Sano's failed escape attempt, whips out her bokken.

Sano gets up and begins running.

The curtain closes with Kaoru chasing Sano, and Kenshin-gumi chasing Kaoru onto the stage and into the curtains...

Author's note:

Kaoru's voiceover: Thanks for reading this idiocy. It isn't done yet, though. Stay tuned for the next Act, where Kenshin-gumi takes over trying to perform "The Phantom of the Opera!" You won't want to miss it!

We know it's dumb. We know it's short. But please review it anyway! There will be more.