A/N: In the note-taking sections, Hermione is in italics, Ron is bold and Harry is normal.
Hermione, where have you been? I haven't seen you all weekend, since the party, not even at meals. One of the second-year girls said she hasn't seen you leave your dorm. I'm worried about you, what's going on? Is everything ok?
Subject: Missing Mione
Mione, where are you? I've been knocking on your door all weekend and you won't answer. I need help with my homework. And Harry said he hasn't seen you either. I tried to bring you up a pie from lunch today but then Dean Thomas stole it and ate it.
By the way, remind me to punch Dean Thomas in the face.
Hermione, what the hell? Why won't you let me into your room? I want to talk about the party!
*~Ginny~*: Hermione! You're online!
Hermione: Um. Yes.
*~Ginny~*: Why have you spent the weekend in your room? I have so much to talk to you about!
Hermione: I just had a lot of homework, that's all.
*~Ginny~*: Sure you did. Anyway, I wanted to see if you knew about the scandalous hook-up at the party on Friday. EVERYONE'S talking about it. Is that why you're hiding away? I don't know why you would though, Harry's not going to get angry or anything if you talk to him about it.
Hermione: Oh Merlin. So it happened? Everyone knows? Harry knows?
*~Ginny~*: Well of course Harry knows, he's the one who hooked up with Luna in the first place. What are you talking about?
Hermione: Um, nothing. I meant, uh, that it's weird Harry knows that I'm... very happy for him.
*~Ginny~*: What are you on about? Wait, was there another scandalous coupling? Oh my god, did YOU hook up with someone?
Hermione: I mean, I guess I don't know for sure.
Hermione: Actually I know I wouldn't have. I couldn't have.
Hermione: Ignore all that. I mean no, I didn't.
Hermione: Definitely didn't.
*~Ginny~*: AAHHHH YOU TOTALLY DID, WHO IS IT? TELL MEEEEE
Hermione: I didn't, ok? I was just rambling. It's probably all the expired Cauldron Cakes I've been eating. Look, I'm going to bed.
*~Ginny~*: HERMIONE, YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS-
[Hermione has logged off]
The reference for this can be found on page 133, fig.13, which exemplifies the transfiguration of...
Mione, hello? Answer me, what have you been doing all weekend? I got totally destroyed on the Potions quiz today without your help.
Ron, you always get destroyed in Potions. But seriously Hermione, where have you been?
I've just been catching up on homework. And studying for the Potions quiz, which you both should've been doing by the way.
Hermione, is this anything to do with what happened on Friday night-
Friday night? I don't remember anything exciting happening on Friday night. Certainly nothing out of the ordinary. Just a normal night for me.
You know, the party...
He had a huge public make-out session with Loony Luna in front of EVERYBODY! Hey Harry, maybe she'll start calling you Warry-Warry. In your face!
Oh. Yes. I'm happy for you Harry. I like Luna, she's nice.
Shut up Won-Won. Ok, well I wasn't actually talking about that, Ginny said something else about you, and I thought I saw you with somebody, and we were talking, and we came to the same conclusion.
That Warry-Warry's in love!
SHUT YOUR MOUTH. Look, Hermione, I'm going to try not to be angry about it, but Ginny said that-
You know Ginny, she loves stirring up things that aren't really there, and you were drinking and probably didn't see anything. Oh look, it seems like we have to find partners, you two can go together and I'll help out Neville so he doesn't explode something. Sorry, got to go!
Hermione, this is important, I need to know-
WARRY-WARRY COME STROKE MY WAND
RON I AM GOING TO KILL YOU
"No Granger, I appreciate what you're trying to do but I want Longbottom to go with Thomas here so you don't do all the work for him. Thomas, he is not going to blow something up in your face, don't be ridiculous. Potter, please don't poke Weasley with your wand. Ok, let's see who's left... Granger, I guess you're with Malfoy. Oh for heaven's sake Malfoy, take that wretched look off your face, I'm sure Granger here is just as thrilled to partner with you. Everyone turn to page 160 and get started."
"Pass the book over, would you?"
"Look, Draco... I still can't remember what happened Friday night or why I was... you know."
"Why I was in your, well, you know."
"Why you were in my room?"
"Shhh! Did you have to be so loud? Or do you want everyone to know?"
"Touchy. Hey, I don't want anyone else to know any more than you do. Anyway, you don't need to worry, nothing happened."
"Ok. Glad we cleared that up. Let's get back to this Transfiguration work then."
"I mean, besides the making out and touching and all."
"But really, it was nothing much."
"What did you touch, Malfoy, I swear I will hit you so hard-"
"I love it when you talk dirty, Granger. Wait, don't hit me! Look, you took me up into my room, probably because I was really drunk, or maybe because you wanted me- hey, put that fist away! We just kissed a bit, alright? Then I think I passed out. Woman, you need to relax."
"I can't believe you took advantage of me! You pig!"
"More like you took advantage of me. You weren't the one who drank himself into such a stupor, that he would kiss a Mu- I mean a..."
"Say it. Go on, say it."
"I told you before, I don't say that word anymore."
"Say Mudblood, go on, you know you want to. You pretend like you've changed because you crossed over to the good side but you haven't, not a bit. I hope you enjoyed whatever we did Friday night because it's never going to happen again. Excuse me, Professor McGonagall? I'm feeling a bit ill, there must be some noxious smell near me. Could I pop outside and get some fresh air?"
"Ok Granger, come back in when you're ready."
"Thank you, Professor."
"Granger, look, Hermione, I didn't say it-"
"Forget it, Malfoy."
From the desk of Draco Malfoy…
Bloody Granger and her antics in Transfiguration. I am not noxious in the slightest. And she was definitely the one who took advantage of me, simply throwing herself at me, honestly. Well, I can't really remember how we ended up kissing at that party as well, but that's probably how it went.
Oh well, she can go away, and take her stupid books with her, and her bushy hair, and smart mouth, with its soft lips, and her nice body that felt really quite good pressed against me and...
What was I talking about again?
Right. I hate Granger.
Subject: Your secret lover
I've figured it out. Your secret lover. Hint: He's blonde, attractive, has got a bad boy aura about him and Harry saw you go up to his room with him on Friday night, where you subsequently had so much crazy hot sex you had to spend the weekend recuperating. Ok, maybe I made that last bit up. But not the rest.
So can we confirm that your secret lover is none other than Mr Draco Malfoy?