Summary: "Sam left, and then Dad left. But what mattered more to me?" Dean when Sam left and his thoughts as he came to Stanford. Please R & R…Please? Oneshot.

It might take a while to get going, but I promise there is some kind of purpose to this…somewhere. :)

All that Matters

He is quiet now, resigned from the world as though he's waiting for something big to happen and doesn't want think or breathe until it does.

Maybe that's what he's waiting for, to stop breathing. Sometimes I wonder if he'll ever by the person he was. It's like he's lost again, he doesn't know what his purpose in life is.

Every night I tell him to pick up the phone. He looks at me, his dark circled eyes and blank face. Never really seeing me, never really talking.

He comes with me, does the job and goes home. His old self resurfaces once in while; if only to taunt a demon, annoy a spirit. But when he's a home, he sits in his room. Waiting. Always waiting.

If the phone rings he answers, looking hopeful, only to be disappointed. And every year on his brother's birthday he refuses to hunt. It's his tribute to Sam.

Sometimes I wish Sam would phone, just to see him smile again, to see the smart-alecky hunter again.

Sam's not coming back. When he left, Dean did too.


He used to watch me. Never acknowledging there was a difference, a gaping hole in our lives, but he knew it was there.

Maybe that's why he left. Because he couldn't take the tension, because it felt like everything was being sucked into that very hole. As though Sam unplugged a giant black hole and slowly, day by day we're being pulled under.

I didn't leave for long, maybe an hour. I told him I was leaving, not noticing him look up with triumph.

I walked to the park and sat, staring at the ground. Sam and I used to come here once. When dad was hunting and I was in charge.

His innocent puppy dog eyes could melt the hearts of any demon. He used to beg me to bring him here.

And every time I did he begged me to play with him, to run around like a child. But ever since the night I carried him out of that house I haven't been a child.

I am a hunter; I stood up for Sammy and obeyed Dad. But it was all pretence. Every night when Sam said we'd be brothers forever or when I promised I'd always be there. It was just a lie.

We were ignoring it all. When I found out Dad was gone I was furious, coming straight here. Straight to Stanford, and immediately regretting it.

Sam is staring at me, and I smirk, I can be me again. Make it look like the past years haven't fazed me.

Finally, I can be me. Finally the black hole is sealing. Dad is gone, but Sam is here, and that all that really matters.

All that ever mattered.

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Ok, I lie; there really wasn't a lot of point to it. Please read and review. They make me happy! No really, they do. Reviews are a handy way to know you are reading and liking. So please, please, please review! Any comment welcome…as long as it comes!

Review and Keep Smilin' :) Deana.