In The Twilight Hours – by Darlin
Disclaimer – I don't own the X-Men and make no profit but we all know that all ready.
When I close my eyes I can feel him, his breath hot against my shoulder as we dance; his body firm and solid against my own as we sway. And something more, something that should not be there – his . . . he's pressing against my thigh. Something more than what should be there. Firm. I want to pull away, play demur because that's what a good girl does. I am no girl and good? Good is something I have never been. Too much has happened in my life for me to be considered good.
I think he's amused. I'm sure I heard him chuckle ever so quietly. Amused? I wonder if this is how he is when he dances with her. Or any of the women he has been with and loved. Are all men the same? Am I the same to him? Something to amuse him when he has nothing better to do?
No. I'm not and neither will I allow it. I break away from him but he catches my hand, swings me outward then pulls me back to him – hard. I'm crushed against his chest and it is massive. I resist the urge to linger but he has me twirling now, once, twice – again and I have to laugh. He's an excellent dancer when he wants to be and I'm enjoying this a lot more than before.
People are looking but I don't mind. He's short and I, in my heels, tower above him but neither disturbs me. We fit. I do not know why nor do I care. He pulls me close and I have no desire to question why, no thoughts of pulling away this time. The song is slow, I'm not familiar with it and I don't care. His arms have me and I close my eyes letting him lead me this way and that but it's merely a sauntering two step. We barely move.
For a brief moment I forget everything but this man – little, fierce, hirsute, wild – all man. But the moment evaporates. Once again I feel him pressing too close, stirred up and not caring if I know, as if it's the most natural thing in the world. And suddenly I accept the truth. I don't mind. I want to feel him. I want so much more.
It is not the first time. I know he would probably give in to my desire if only I would let myself give in to it but if I did where would that leave us? What of our friendship? From infuriating little man to the best of friends to what? Lovers? Would I lose a cherished friend?
I think I hear him sigh. He's had enough beers, enough fun for the night that he must be sated. I have yet to match him. I am full of crazy thoughts and desires, restless and uncertain. I like the feel of him. We fit. There it is again, that statement. I like his closeness – when he's not smirking.
I'm holding onto a goddess. She never considers herself one but she is. She's all legs and regal beauty. I love her long legs. I love dancing with her though we don't make it a habit. She's not the partying type, can hardly get her to join us for a night a Harry's. Damn but she makes me hot.
She's gotta know. Yup, guess she does. She's tense. I gotta laugh. Wrong move. She takes offense and I know I messed up. Women. Can never figure them out. One might've laughed right along with me but not Ro. But I'm not letting her get away that easy, the dance ain't over yet.
After a few whirly whirls I got her laughing. If you can make a woman laugh she's putty in your hands – usually. Ro ain't like most women. Where I could flirt with Jean even seriously and she'd tolerate it Ororo wouldn't. Don't even have to try it to know. She's amused when I try to kiss her and I figure she even likes it every once in a while but flirting? I wouldn't even try. You don't flirt with the likes of Ororo. Ororo's the real deal, the kind of take home to mom kind of girl – make that woman. All woman.
She feels like putty in my hands now. Soft and willing. Wherever I move she follows. She's easy to dance with, doesn't expect complicated moves or the latest steps. I like that. I like the way she feels in my arms. Yup, can't help sighing with pleasure. It's a pity we can't be more than friends.
Sure, I've thought about it. What man wouldn't? She's beautiful. She understands me. I love her. I can admit it but it's love that's borne on friendship. Never had that before. Let's face it friendship like ours is rare. All I can do is enjoy holding her and leave it at that. With 'Roro there ain't no next level. Guess that takes some of the pressure off.
It's a beautiful night. To me. I don't mind the gentle rain. I know the rain is ever important, it replenishes the earth and it replenishes my soul. I believe it replenishes Logan's soul too. We stand outside not bothered by the drizzle as other's race for their cars. Scott has left Emma scowling and cursing at the door while he brings up the car. I refuse to notice anything more. The woman is not worth further attention.
I wonder what men see in her? Why do they salivate after a woman who has no sense of decency? Who bares her breast intentionally to distract men? A teacher dressed as provocatively in my country would have been stoned or worse. But again, she is of no importance to me. I'm almost glad Jean is gone so she can't witness Scott's fall into . . . what? Lust?
I'm startled out of my reverie when I feel Logan putting an arm around me. He knows how I feel about the White Witch. Yes, I am wrong to feel as I do but I told you already I am not good. Neither do I care. I am what I am, mutant, woman, hero. Yes, even an outlaw X-Man can be a hero. Fight for what's right. I believe that is what I was put here for. Charles saw that in me. But sometimes I wonder is that all I was put here for?
We head to my car. He's consumed at least a dozen beers throughout the evening but I know he's not intoxicated. He'll be fine. I thank him for the night. He leans in to hear me. I realize my voice was too soft, too quiet. Because I wish it wouldn't end, this night full of possibilities? For just a second I think he's going to kiss me and I lean down a tad before I realize how foolish I am. I immediately shake my hair back, a ruse, straighten, smile, wave briskly and let myself into my car.
I don't know what Scott sees in her. Know it sticks in Ororo's craw as much as mine. Well, I know what he sees in her, what man doesn't? Yeah, I've been tempted. Wouldn't let Ro know that though. Sex doesn't have to be personal with a man all the time. Impersonal sex might not be the best sex but it gets you through some lonely nights. Ororo would balk if she knew how I felt about Emma. I ain't got to respect her but I like what I see and don't mind tryin' her on for size. What harms in a kiss anyway? But when I think about it Ro probably already thinks I'm like that. Probably thinks I lust after every woman in a skimpy top. An' maybe I do. For a few seconds. What man doesn't?
But tonight I can tell Emma with Scott really bothered her. Guess I'm over all that. Man's gotta survive. Wife's dead you move on. That's life. But it ain't for Ro. For some reason I don't want to let her drive back by herself tonight. She seems too preoccupied, actin' funny. I start to ask Emma to go along with her but the White Queen's all into her primma donna persona. Like she's gonna melt? 'Sides there ain't no way Ro would put up with that. All I can do is shake my head and let her drive away.
I get on my scoot, watch her drive off then wait for Scott and Emma to follow. They take their time, Emma bitchin' all the while about hair and rain and having to wear a seatbelt – somethin' about ruinin' her clothes. What clothes?
The Cajun and Rogue are last – arguing as usual nowadays. Ain't no thrill in arguing all the time except for the make up sex an' that ain't happenin' with them. Maybe that's love. Not in my book.
I'm left in an empty parking lot, just a few stragglers hoofin' it down the sidewalk so I take off. A drop of rain pelts my face just before it starts to pour. Feels good. The night air mixed with the downpour's a sweet petrichor reminding me of Ororo. I'm thinking too much so I clear my thoughts. Never let them dwell long on a woman. That'd kill you. I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep.
Thought too soon. Typical. There's a crash down the road. Accident? Deer? There're a lot of deer in these parts. Lot of woods. Deer most likely but with the others ahead of me I speed up just to make sure everything's okay. A lightning bolt from nowhere surprises me. It rocks the ground sending shivers down my spine. Ororo! She's gotta be in trouble!
A/N – Next things go bump in the night as plans get . . um,. bumped a bit.