So, yeah this is the second part. I decided to add it after tonight's episode. So now it is officially complete.
A/N: I don't own One Tree Hill or any characters
Silence. It's without a doubt my worse fear. To live in a moment where nothing's making a sound. Or even worse to live in a moment where no matter what words come out of my mouth no one will answer.
It's why I love music. I don't care if it's loud repetive banging on a drum or low, strung out words that seem to linger over time. Music is made to distract us from our lives. That's why I love music. It's why I love noise. It keeps me from thinking about my actions. It distracts me from my dangerous thoughts.
Silence is what greeted me when I told Brooke. She didn't say a thing. Then the next day, she said alot of things. Things that hurt. But hell I probably deserved it. I said some stupid things as well. I never claimed to be smart.
I have officially decided that I really am an idiot. What did telling her prove? Nothing. All it did was ruin our friendship. But screw her. She never cared about me. Since the day we stepped into high school I knew that Brooke had changed. And everyday she proves it to me.
Don't get me wrong. I still love her to death. But when drugs consumed me. Where was she? When my birthmom died. Where was she? When I got shot. Where was she? It was Lucas who had to basically push her to come find me. It was Lucas. And it will always be Lucas that drives her away and brings her back.
To answer my last question from my previous ramblings, I am too late. Too late to be forgiven. Too late to save my heart. Too late to save Brooke's. Too late to save our friendship.
Part of me never wants to see her again and part of me wants to shake her and tell her to see beyond it all. To think outside of the box. To understand that once again we are going to destroy a friendship that's lasted ten whole years over a boy.
Not just any boy. Lucas Scott. The same boy. Does history repeat itself? Is it always going to be like this? Brooke and Lucas get to have a normal relationship and I am destined to be on the outside looking in. I am destined to ruin them.
I'm still not fine. And I don't think having Lucas would solve that. And I don't think still being friends with Brooke would help either. I think I am destined to be not fine.
And as long as I know it, for now, that's just fine with me.