So I thought the last chapter was going to be the last but then I decided that things between them would take more time to solve than that and I'd already thought about this chapter. Sooo am not sure how much I like this but here it is anyway.
"Does anyone want to start the meeting off?"
"I had a drink." Kirsten didn't know what was up with her today she just kept blurting her thoughts out before she could even think. All eyes were on her as she stood and made her way to the podium. "Last night I went to a hospital benefit, got very angry with my husband and drank on my own outside. It was just one glass and I regretted it immediately after. I don't know why fighting with Sandy makes me so desperate to drink but it does and I've been getting more and more desperate recently."
"Does your husband know you drank?"
"Yes. He followed me out and well to cut a long story short he smelt it on my breath. We got mugged and my husband got stabbed." She heard a few gasps. "He's ok, he'll have to be in hospital for a few days but he will be fine. We spoke today about my drinking, I know he doesn't like talking about it he thinks it's his fault but the truth is I need to talk about it. I need to talk to him about; he's the only person I think that's ever truly understood me. I don't know if he does anymore but we have to keep trying." She stepped away from the podium and made her back to the seat.
"Kirsten, look how far you have come. You may have drunk last night but from the sounds of things you have not let it get far. You have come to a meeting, you have spoken honestly with your husband and more importantly you have found and acknowledged a cause for this. However you say you don't know why fighting with Sandy makes you desperate to drink but I think you probably do. From what you've said in the meetings Sandy was your rock until fairly recently now it doesn't seem to be the case."
"I'm not blaming Sandy for my drinking, it was my choice."
"I'm not blaming him either Kirsten but the change in your relationship has had a huge impact on you. When you first started coming to these meeting you spoke a lot about your dad he seemed to be the major factor in your drinking, at least for you. It took a while for you to talk about the loneliness you felt because your husband was helping an ex girlfriend." Alan sure remembered what everyone said very well. "Now you are or you have been lonely again. You miss someone who is actually there but has changed and that's ok, its natural. You've been in love with him for a long time and he doesn't seem to be that man anymore so it hurts. Like hell I'm sure. Fact is, if you really don't want to drink again you need to make sure that you both look at what has happened and decide the future together. You've got to be in control of the situation so you don't find the dink controlling you again."
Alan moved on after that, listening to others tell her their stories. Kirsten was glad she had spoken up twice in the past few hours but the AA meeting had left her feeling like there was a still a long way to go. She would have to really talk to Sandy, a big talk. She felt like all she had done today was talk but Alan was right. Sandy would have to talk about it so he could see where she was coming from. It wasn't just about the Newport Group he had changed, maybe she had to and sooner or later they would have to acknowledge this.
She went straight to the hospital after the meeting; she thought Seth and Ryan might be there.
"Hey! How are all my boys?" The three men looked up as she entered the room; she looked more relaxed than she has done for a while.
"Hey honey." Sandy patted the space next to him on the bed and Ryan shifted over a bit so there was more room for her.
"So Ryan is everything okay? Have you spoken to Theresa?" She sat down by Sandy looking at her son.
"Yeah I spoke to her she says he's not mine. Sandy will fill you in on it." Ryan didn't really want to talk about it anymore.
"Right, dude, you ready to go? We have a lot of planning to do and not a lot of time." Seth saw his mom look at him for an explanation. "I'm getting Summer back mother!"
"Well sounds like you two will be in for a long night."
"Oh ye of little faith. I'll have you know, parents, that Ryan and I are the masters at this sort of thing." With both parents now laughing the boys left the room. Sandy took his wife's hand.
"Honey you look a lot better than before. Did you go to your meeting?"
"Thanks Sandy but you're the one who is in hospital I should be saying that to you."
"I don't think I probably look all that different from a couple of hours ago though. So did you go to AA?"
"I did, it's made me feel a lot better about things. I know we talked before but there's more I need to say and I know you don't like talking about my problem but if I'm going to really beat it we need to. I need to be able to talk to you about it." Sandy squeezed her hand.
"Whenever you want to talk about it I'm here and I'll listen. I know I haven't wanted to speak about it but that's going to change. I'm learning to deal with the fact that I'm to blame. Not all to blame." He could see she was about to correct him. "but lets face it without Rebecca last year and the Newport Group this year things would be a lot different."
"You could say that about a lot things though and at the end of the day it's not going to change the fact that I'm an alcoholic. Alan, the group leader, says I drink or want to drink when I'm lonely and yeah that's true but sometimes I want to drink just because I want to drink and I can't because I'm not strong enough to just have one. I feel bad because I know there are times when you want to drink but you don't because you know I can see. The first few months after rehab I knew you had had a drink because you wouldn't kiss me. I need to be able to talk to you about this type of stuff; this is never going to go away now. We have to find a way of coping with it that works for both of us."
"Well we'll find one. When I get out of this bed we're going to be spending lots of time with each other so we can talk as much as you like along with doing other things of course." He smiled at her. "I'm going to stop drinking too I think it will be better for both of us. Before you say anything I want to do this when you were in rehab I didn't drink. I couldn't brink myself to look at the stuff even but then you seemed to want me to drink so I did but the fact is I don't need it." She leant down and kissed him.
"Thank you. Now tell me about Ryan because I thought that baby looked a lot more similar to Ryan than Eddie."