Tittle: Regret

Chapter: Dignity

Will I loose my dignity

Will some one care

Will I wake tomorrow

From this nightmare ?

The time is now. Everybody has a reason for living and you just have to find that reason. "Living to the fullest" is not just an expression any more it's a right to passage. You either can live with it or be defeated by it. Its up to you only you can determine your destiny.!

Alex relived that fateful night.

She found herself waking up and reliving her worst fear.

She didn't fine any comfort. Her own sister couldn't calm her down. Just Olivia.

"Im coming to New York with you Alex." Alexis said as she met up with Alex in the morning.

"Ill be ok with liv' Lexxi."

"I know you will but I need to be with you during this time ok."

"What about school."

"Family come's first Alex." She answered walking in her room.

Olivia walked in the living room.

Alex looked at her. She smiled. With her she can smile.

"Morning."

"Good morning."

"Are you going to eat before we leave?" Olivia asked.

"No I lost my appetite. Liv can I ask you something." Alex asked. She was puzzled by liv's actions yesterday. She had to get some clarification.

"Of course."

"Um yesterday what you said, did you, mean it?"

"I meant every thing. Im not going to lie to you Alex."

Alex couldn't read Olivia expression...

Alexis came out of her room with her cell phone in hand.

"Benson can I talk to you for a second."

"Sure."

They walked in Alexis room.

"Sit down, it's just a talk."

Olivia smiled politely at Alexis.

"What did I miss here, this thing? It seems like Alex has this infatuation w/ you. I grant this isn't of your doing deliberately?"

Olivia smiled. It seems like Alexis is really a Cabot.

"Alex know's what she's doing. Besides I won't call it an infatuation."

"Then what would you call it?"

"We are friend's Alexis."

"I think you should tell Alex that." Alexis stood up. "I like you Benson, you seem like a good person. You're really good at your work. Don't make me change my opinions of you."

"I have no reason for you to change your views on me."

"Alex has been through a lot. Im not just talking about being rape. We had a crazy childhood . Just . . . just treat her right ok."

"I will."

"Good. If you don't mind im going to have a chat with Alex." She said leaving the room.

Olivia smiled.

Alexis sat beside Alex.

"What were you two talking about?"

"Every thing."

"You didn't grill her did you?"

"Of course I did. She needs to know that you mean everything to me."

"And I mean everything to liv'."

"How close are you two?"

"What do you mean."

"You know exactly what I mean."

"She's my friend lexxi."

"Is that so."

"Yeah. What's with the interrogation?"

"Nothing." She said smiling getting up.

"No I want to know."

"Just don't get to close to her ok."

"Who are you to say that. I known liv' for years, you only known her for what a day."

"I trust my instincts, you should to."

"Your so paranoid."

"And your naive."

"What."

"Nothing Alex."

"No, why do you not trust her."

"I didn't say that I don't trust her."

"Al' What's up with you?"

"Nothings 'up', I just want you to be aware of your surroundings, be aware of Benson's actions."

Alex gave a small laugh.

"Why do I amuse you?"

"You're so protective over me little sister." Alex said standing up.

Alexis sighs taking hold of her sisters hand. "I just want you to be safe Alex."

"And Olivia makes me feel safe."

"Strong feelings do not always triumph over wise thoughts Alex." She said looking directly in Alex eyes, seeing her own reflection.

Alex looked away. "I know."

"I know you do."

Alex released her hands from her sister. "I need to go, time is money lex."

Alexis gave a small smile. "Call me when you get back home."

"Of course."

"Your always welcome back you know that."

"Yeah I know, thanks for everything."

Alexis nodded.

"I should get liv'." She said before heading to Alexis bedroom.

Not long after the two emerge from her room hand in hand.

"Thanks again lex." Alex said shifting her weight.

"You're welcome." She replied staring at the detective.

"If you need anything, Alexis here is my card." The detective stated, handing her card to Alexis.

"I doubt it." Alex replied, but still took the card. "But thanks."

"Ok then, I guess we are off."

"Yeah, take care and keep me posted ok Alex, if you need anything you know where to find me."

"I know." Alex said before the two turns to leave still hand in hand.

"Take care."

They all gave respected nods, except for the glare between Olivia and Alexis, and went there separate ways...

New York

Olivia Apartment

"You Didn't tell me you had a sister, I was surprise." Olivia said as she carried their coffee.

"Half sister but sister just the same."

"She's very protective." She stated handing Alex her's.

"Yeah, she has to be you know, with all the things that we have went through." She replied taking a sip of her coffee.

"Like what?" Olivia asked.

Alex hesitated.

"Its ok if you don't want to talk about it."

"It's just hard you know having a tough childhood and everything . . . " She trailed off, now reminded of her past as well as Olivia's. "Im rambling on with my silly problems, im sorry liv'."

"No, don't be." She replied crossing her legs on the sofa provided.

"It's just that I don't want to be viewed as a victim you know."

"I know."

"And I don't want to be pitied like some kind of . . . " She stopped, on the verge of tears.

"Alex . . . " Olivia sat her mug down and placed a comforting arm around Alex.

Alex sniffed, trying to hold back tears.

"It's ok to cry sweetheart." Olivia gave a comforting smile, as her soft hand caress Alex shoulder.

"I just want to be free from all of this you know, I just cant keep pretending any more." Alex said unleashing her pain.

Olivia embraced Alex in a hug. "God Alex, im so sorry. You don't deserve to be in so much pain..."

"Maybe I do, maybe this is gods' way of punishing me." Alex said out loud although attended for her ears only.

Olivia pulled away slightly. "Don't say that ok, you did nothing wrong." She assured her, wiping Alex tears away.

"When...when I was raped I flashback to my childhood, every night...horrible so horrible..."

"What happen."

Alex shook her head frantically. Shaking. Alex face went pale, her body shaking.

"Alex, Alex stay with me ok."

Alex eyes reflected terror.

"Alex don't shut me out, please Alex talk to me." She said looking deep in Alex eyes.

After what seem forever, Alex finally came to. Blinking as she focused in Olivia's brown eyes. "O...Olivia." She breathed.

"Yes Alex, its me ok, your safe with me sweetheart." She assured her, giving her another soft but firm hug. "You're safe with me."

Alex held onto Olivia. Fearing that she would slip back into the abyss.

Olivia tried to pull away slightly to look into Alex eyes, but Alex held Olivia tighter, never letting go of this comforting feeling.

"Don't ever leave me liv', say you will stay with me forever."

"Of course I'll never leave you Alex."

"Promise."

"I promise, I'll never leave you. I'll be with you always, even to the end of time."