Author's Note: Written for the 5thingsthat "Lilly Kane challenge" at LJ.

Someone, Somehow, is Getting Screwed

Lilly and Logan

Lilly stormed into her bedroom, seething with anger. She had never been more humiliated before in her life. All day long, people had been staring at her and whispering behind their hands when she walked by. Then she had overheard those gossip whores Carrie Bishop and Susan Knight talking about her in the bathroom, saying that Logan had been seen kissing Caitlin Ford.

Of all the people Logan could have cheated on her with, he had to pick the queen skank, Caitlin Ford? Oh, no, she was not going to stand for this. She was too fabulous to be humiliated by a silly slut like Caitlin Ford. She was tired of Logan and his high school, little boy antics. And she knew just how to let him know that she did not like dealing with little boys.

She picked up her cell phone and dialed his number. "Hey, lover," she breathed sweetly into the phone. "Wanna come over? I got a surprise for you. A good one."

A little while later, Logan walked into her bedroom, just as she knew he would. After all, all she had to do was snap her fingers, and there he was. He found her lounging back in the middle of her bed, munching on some popcorn. He glanced over at the TV where he heard soft moans coming from. His heart twisted in his chest. There, onscreen, was Lilly, his Lilly, wearing only a sheet and writhing on top of his father.

She smiled brightly up at him. "Enjoying the show?"

Lilly and Wallace

Lilly's eyes scanned the outdoor eatery at Neptune High. They narrowed when they fell on her best friend sitting with that new kid, Wallace. Ever since Veronica had met him in the school office, they'd been hanging out together. Lilly didn't understand why she would want to waste time with that dork. Veronica was seriously losing points with the 09er crowd, and Lilly couldn't have that.

Her eyes fell on the table where the PCHers were sitting, and she smiled, getting an idea. It was petty, but she knew she'd get a kick out of it anyway. She sauntered over to their table and sat down next to Weevil.

"I need a favor."

The next morning, Lilly arrived at school and saw a crowd gathered around the flagpole, just as she had imagined. She walked through the crowd and saw a naked, scrawny Wallace duct taped to it. He looked down at her as she flashed him a bright smile and walked away.

Lilly and Duncan

Duncan's eyes widened as his sister planted a soft kiss on his lips.

"What's wrong, Donut?" she whispered softly, staring up at him through her lowered lashes. "Didn't you like that?"

Duncan stared down at her, gazing into her big, hypnotic eyes and down to her pink, slightly wet, full lips. Without thinking, he leaned down and put his mouth on hers, slipping his tongue inside. She tasted of cherries, just as he always thought she would.

Lilly let him kiss her for a moment, before pushing him off. "Ew, what is wrong with you?"

Duncan stepped back, confused, still feeling her soft lips on his.

"I thought you'd gotten over that whole 'I'm-so-in-love-with-my-sister' thing after we found out Veronica wasn't our sister. But you? Totally in love with me. God, Donut, could you be any creepier?"

"But…but…you kissed me first!" he stammered and she laughed.

"I just wanted to see if you'd do it. I didn't really think you'd want to make out with your own sister, but I guess you did. That's sick, Donut, you really need help."

Tossing her hair back, she walked out, leaving him standing there, still craving the taste of cherries.

Lilly and Veronica

"This party is so boring," Veronica said to Lilly. "I'm ready to go."

Lilly rolled her eyes. She didn't know when Veronica had become so lame. She never wanted to hang out and have fun at parties anymore. And Lilly was in no hurry to leave. She and Logan were off again, and she'd decided that it was time for Caz Truman to take his place. He had come to Shelly Pomroy's party without his witchy, know-it-all girlfriend Sabrina, and Lilly was prepared to flirt with him in front of Logan all night. But, no, here was Veronica, trying to screw up her plans.

Lilly looked around, to see if she could find the Donut and get him to take Veronica home, when her eyes fell on Dick Casablancas, who was trying unsuccessfully to surreptitiously slip something into the drink in his hand. She watched him then offer it to his girlfriend Madison, who scoffed at it, then stomped away.

Just then an idea popped into her head. She knew just what would loosen Veronica up. The girl needed to have some fun, and she knew Dick would be just the one to do it. She personally couldn't stand the guy, but she knew he was nothing more than a harmless idiot. She figured that the little bit of alcohol Dick had probably spiked that drink with would be just what Veronica would need to have some fun.

"Hey," she said, sidling up next to him. "Whatcha gon' do with that drink?"

"Getting ready to party," he replied, grinning stupidly at her. "You wanna party with me?"

She resisted the urge to laugh. "No, but I have a friend who's looking to party. She just needs to loosen up a bit."

"Well, all right! Send her on over here to Big Daddy and I'll make sure she parties right."

Lilly smiled, taking the drink, and then brought it over to Veronica, who had plopped down on a lawn chair. After assuring her they'd leave right after Lilly went and said goodbye to some friends, Lilly walked away and watched as Veronica downed the drink.

Later, as she was slipping out the party to leave with Caz, she caught sight of a limp Veronica being helped off the lawn chair by a still stupidly grinning Dick. She smiled as she watched him lead her inside. It was about time Veronica loosened up and partied like the hot girl she was meant to be.

Lilly and Weevil

"I need to find a date for prom," Lilly told Veronica one day at lunch.

"What?" Veronica replied. "I thought you and Logan were going together. Or is this another off again week?"

Lilly rolled her eyes. "I am so sick of him and his jealousy. I just can't stand it. I mean, I know I'm awesome and all, but it's like, can he let me breathe? I'm not about to spend my senior prom listening to his whining."

Just then she caught sight of Weevil walking by and she got an idea. She knew just how to make Logan really mad. Jumping up, she ran over to him.

"Hey, lover," she breathed into his ear. "Guess what. You're taking me to prom."

Weevil had been skeptical at first, wondering why she would want to go to prom with him, instead of with that rich, pretty boy Echolls. Lilly had always acted as if she were ashamed to be seen with him in public, so he couldn't imagine why all of a sudden, she'd decided he was prom material. But she had assured him that she and Logan were through and that there was no one she wanted to go to prom with more than Weevil.

When Grandma Letti found out he was taking a girl-a pretty senior at that- to the prom, she was elated. She didn't even mind that it was with a snobby white girl. She rushed out and rented him a tux. On the day of the prom, he skipped school to get his head freshly shaved, and took one of his uncle's detailed cars in to be washed. His grandmother had also talked him into buying a corsage. As he walked out of the flower shop, his cell phone beeped, indicating a text message. He pulled it out and looked at it.

Sorry, lover, changed my mind. Logan and I made up and are going to prom together. Sorry. Kisses