A Quick Introduction:
You don't need to have read Temari's Journal to get this joke, so I've decided to post it by itself. This takes place soon after the events of the Sasuke Retrieval arc. To summarize the events thus far: Tsunade learns that the reason Shukaku didn't come make a big mess of Konoha in the end of the Chuunin Exam arc was because Naruto was kicking Shukaku's sandy ass all by himself.
Tsunade's voice had a particularly sharp edge to it. Perhaps instead of staying to speak with her, I should flee. Well, not flee. Go do some research, that's it. Icha Icha Tactics wasn't going to just write itself, of course. Fingers like corded steel firmly grabbed my ponytail, ending all thoughts of escape. I suppose I could have used my Hari Jizo technique to get her to let go… but she already sounded mad about something, and I doubted putting spikes through her fingers would improve her mood.
I really didn't want to give her a reason to hit me. I could still feel it from last time, and that one was almost two decades ago.
"Tsunade, what's the matter?" I tried to keep my voice civil and polite, but frankly the cold look in her eyes as I torqued my neck to look at her was enough to send shivers down my spine. She let go of my hair, pacing around me… measuring me with those hard eyes of hers. I told myself I was probably faster than her, but despite those assurances I was making, I didn't try a break for the window when she was on the opposite side of me. The path to freedom, bath houses with pretty girls, and no angry Tsunade was before me and I didn't chance it.
Sometimes I think I'm more of a blockhead than Naruto. Not by much, though… Tsunade had been pretty spry in that fight with Orochimaru. Better not to risk it for now. I could always take a run later and I might be able to talk my way out of this.
"Jiraiya, you've been hiding things from me. I'm not sure there's a punishment bad enough for what you've done." Her voice was very stern. Was it the special sake? No, she couldn't know about that… And Icha Icha Tactics wouldn't be completed for another couple years so she wouldn't know I'd peeped on her until at least then! Maybe she'd figured out I'd been slipping extra work into the piles Shizune was bringing in, or perhaps she'd somehow discovered I was the reason the some of Aburame clan's itching bugs found their way into her bedding.
"Tsunade, don't be silly!" Damned if I wasn't as bad a liar as Naruto, most of the time. She got that look on her face, and I saw one of those deceptively small hands go into a fist. Spry or not, this was probably the time to be running. My hands moving quickly while she remained behind my back, I conjured several Kage Bunshins to cover my escape. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"
While Tsunade played smash-a-clone and screamed words I've rarely heard her speak, I dove out the window and began my pell-mell run to someplace nice and safe, like the northwest end of Earth country. They don't gamble much in Earth country, and have very strict rules against drinking. Surely she wouldn't follow me that far! Maybe she'd even calm down in a year or ten.
Tsunade's war cry sounded directly behind me and I knew I was in trouble. The world shook, and before I realized her clever ploy my footing disappeared in a large crack in the ground. Before I could even get my hands under me to spring away, she'd hauled me out by my hair.
Her magnificent chest heaving, murder plain in her eyes, Tsunade spoke:
"Jiraiya, why didn't you tell me Naruto was powerful enough to win a fight against the Shukaku before you let me bet away my necklace?"
Hey, it amused me, and I do think Tsunade might be a little put out if she ever learned just how strong Naruto already was (not to mention the progress he'd already made, and how quickly) when she made the bet. Also, writing Jiraiya is a lot of fun and I may do a bit more of this later.