I promised Sammy girl at heart a hurt!Sam ficlet…then promptly lost the ability to order thoughts/write fic/form coherent sentences…basically, I Can't Brain Today: I Have The Dumb sort of deal. So, a five-minute-fic dealio turned into a two-day-fic dealio…which, ya know, isn't that tragic, seeing as I had an extremely boring lecture and workshop on Tuesday, and I needed something to get me through it!
Anyhow, this (below) is the finished product. Glad you like it Melissa! (hugs)
Rating: PG / K
Characters: Sam, Dean
Summary: Set right after Bloody Mary. The first time Sam cries - truly cries, not just sniffles, and not in his dreams - about Jessica
No, correction. Agony. With a large side helping of Guilt. And yes, I would like fries with that.
Sam stared blankly at the ceiling…but he wasn't seeing the chipped white paint, or the plaster. He was seeing the sight that had haunted his nightmares for the past two months: Jess, dead, pinned to the ceiling and engulfed in flames.
He'd thought he'd gotten past this…not the need for vengeance, the thirst for revenge, but the pain…the searing, burning agony of loss. He'd thought that that desperate pain had finally subsided to a more manageable dull ache.
But seeing her…seeing her had been like a kick in the stomach. Like Chinese Water Torture. Like hot coals, like a bed of nails, like walking away from his family, like Constance Welch's cold, cold fingers embedded in his chest, trying to rip his heart out. He'd pretended he was fine - All lollipops and candy canes here, folks - so Dean wouldn't worry, but in reality, he was anything but.
He loved her...oh, god, how he loved her. Missed her. He was going to die without her.
Sam didn't even realise he was crying until he tasted the salt on his lips.
Dean swallowed hard and tried to block out the sounds of his brother crying.
No, correction. Weeping. Sobbing like his heart is breaking.
There was nothing he could do. Nothing he could say. He'd tried earlier…he'd asked Sam about his secret and Sam had brushed him off.
"You're my brother…and I'd die for you…but there are some things I need to keep to myself."
And now…now Sam was hurting, and Dean could do nothing. And it was killing him. He had to do something.
He doesn't want my help, part of him argued.
"…there are some things I need to keep to myself."
That doesn't mean he has to go through this alone.
Decision made, Dean silently got to his feet and crossed to his brother's bed. Carefully, he sat down beside the younger man, before awkwardly laying a hand on Sam's shoulder.
"Hey, you o- " Dean began, breaking off when Sam bolted upright, grabbing hold of him like he was a lifeline. Startled, Dean froze; it had been years since he and Sam had hugged. He vaguely thought it may have ended when Sam was twelve, around the same time he'd decided he was no longer 'Sammy'.
A moment later, however, he was over the shock and gently sliding his arms around Sam's shaking frame.
"It's okay, Sammy," he murmured, an unconscious echo of his four-year-old self. "It's okay." Reaching up, he clumsily ran his hand over Sam's hair and down his back, gently stroking, offering comfort.
Sam buried his face in Dean's shoulder, clinging to him as tight as he could. No words were spoken, and morning light would see them both denying this had ever occurred…but right now, Sam was hurting, and he needed his brother, and Dean had never been able to deny him that.
Well, that's that…and that was a lot of fun to write, once I got into it. But what I think doesn't matter…it's your opinion that counts. So…did you like it? Did you hate it? Either way, please review…it makes me happy, even if it's bad, because it means I'm being read! Please don't just lurk…
Luv ShaedowCat xox :)
p.s. This fic was originally called Hurt…I changed the title at the last moment…'cause yeah, he's hurting, but the whole point of the story is him crying!
p.p.s. Okay, new rule…first to review gets a ficlet/drabble of their choice within the fandoms of Supernatural, Charmed, Dark Angel, Blade or - in Key of Darkness' case, because I love her loads - Degrassi or Doctor Who. Just state what you'd prefer in your review.