What not to do in Titan's fan fiction, TWO!

This is Mei not on cough syrup... and... I think I got away from Slade this time...

We open on a scene that might be called frightening. Two butlers sit at a table, sipping tea. Behind them loom their dark and foreboding masters. This is what Dick Grayson sees and hears.
"Well, his speeding fines are a disgrace. I suppose he still gets them over in your neck of the woods?"
"Not so, although there were some spectacular crashes. What about that sword he made, who did he think he was kidding?"
"The boy is still the show off he was when I began to teach him. Too flashy."
"And that temper, I take it he learned that from you as well?"
"Careful, Terminator, careful."
"Of course. This is about the little bird."
"I hear you've had him scampering around lately, what was that about?"
"Just a little game Batman, nothing serious. I just thought to keep him and his girlfriend from getting too comfortable."
"His girlfriend?"
"Oh, didn't you know? He's dating that charming alien girl."
Dick slowly begins to back away in horror, this can't be real!
"Oh my god… I'm dead!" The realization that this must be hell hits the boy wonder hard.
"No, no, no, I don't want to be dead! Things were just starting to work out; Starfire and I were just…" His thoughts moved from himself to the girl in question. "Oh my god, Starfire. What happened to us?"
"You are not dead, Robin, but if you do not run, you soon will be…"

"So wait, you're saying that if you an' I teamed up, found a few like minded ne'er do wells, and pooled our information, we could oust Deathstroke as the top baddies in town?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying, Jinx."
"But…" Her bottom lip quivers slightly. "Then I'd have to give up my eternal sex slave."
Blackfire sighed. Yes, that would be a problem. Well, that was what she had been trying to do in the first place. It wasn't FAIR that Jinx got all that great lovin' while a princess of Tameran got nothing!

"Yes Raven?"
"What are you doing?"
"I am watching a 'documentary' on the reproductive systems of humans and animals when combined in mating rituals."
"You're watching bestiality porn…?"
"Would you care to join me?"
"Why not…."

"So. Why the hell are you green?"
"I TOLD you already, the experimental cure to the-"
"Not like that, dumb ass, why GREEN?"
"How should I know?"
"Well it is your body."
"Yeah, well, why don't you have a DICK?"
"Oh, that is LOW, Garfield. Vic's gonna kill you!"
"You got that right gill head. Now don't let him run away!"

"Hello? Anyone? It's Kole!"
"You know? The sacrificial lamb?"
"This bites."

"Now think carefully Speedy, if you had to choose which of us was your best friend, who would it be?"
"Robin. NO! Kid Flash! NO ROBIN! I mean, Kid Flash, I mean…." Speedy looked pleadingly to Bumblebee, who just chuckled and shook her head.
"You got yourself into it, Harper. You get yourself out."
"Is someone threatening my Roy-toy?"
"Roy-toy?" Kid Flash sputtered through raucous laughter.
Speedy flushed crimson. "I told you that name stays in the bedroom…"
"I don't seem to recall it ever being used in the bedroom. In the training room, in the janitors closet…"

"Here's our mission so ya better listen." Dual voices chorus from the shadows.
"To infect the world with devastation;" A wall crumbles from a powerful blast.
"To plight all peoples in every nation," A rose withers at a single glance.
"To denounce the goodness of 'truth' and 'love'," A snide and dismissive voice continues.
"To extend our wrath to the stars above,"
"Blackfire!" The spotlight highlights the Tameranean, arms crossed and leaning slightly.
"Jinx." A second light shows the hex witch, back to back with Blackfire and smirking.
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now for you will surely lose the fight."

And they were promptly attacked by a fleet of lawyers from TV Tokyo.

Finally, someone has realized that Red Star was created for the cold war, and was not a teen when he was modified, much less is he now. In fact, he could be most of the Titan's father in age. Accepting Raven, of course.


"I want a wii! I want a wii! I want a wii!"


"I wanna wii though!"

"The bathroom is that way, Beast Boy" said Raven, pointing with a smirk.