Title: Story Time
Summery: Rory's having trouble sleeping and she goes to the only person she can think of to help her. Surprise pairing!
Disclaimer: Not mine… let's not get into my bitterness on the subject.
Notes: My only note is to guess who is talking! It's part of the fun!
Are you awake?
Can you wake up?
Are you bleeding from the head?
Do you have some sort of medical emergency, besides your usual craziness that warrants waking me up at two in the morning?
Then the answer is no, I can't wake up.
I can't sleep.
I can't sleep.
It's really easy, just turn around, close your eyes and count whatever animal you want as they jump over a fence.
No. No 'or', eyes closed.
You could tell me a story.
Finn would tell me a story.
And I'm not Finn… Thank god!
I'll keep poking you...
Okay. Once upon a time…
Are you really going to start that way?
Are you kidding me?
Sorry, please continue, oh story master.
Okay, so where was I… Oh right…. Once upon a time in a faraway land called Stars Hollow lived a Princess.
Oh! Oh! Is it me?
And her name was Rory.
Ha! I knew it was me.
Yes, 'cause you're smart that way. Now can I go on?
Thank you. Now, Rory was a special girl and no, not in the 'eat the paste' kind of special.
You're welcome. Now Rory was smart, sexy as hell and wonderful to all people. She grew up away from all the big bad of rich society and pompous jerks.
All right, comments like that are the cause of me turning over and going back to sleep.
No! I want to know what happens to Princess Rory!
So I'm not a pompous jerk?
No, you are, I just won't point it out till after the story.
And I wonder why I married you.
Come on, I want to hear the story.
Fine, where was I?
Right. Princess Rory grew up away from all that and was raised by her crazy mother in a crazy town.
If I'm a Princess, then Stars Hollow isn't a town, it's a kingdom.
Right. Sorry, keep going.
Thank you. So our story takes place at the beginning of her sophomore year at Yale. Princess Rory was standing at a coffee cart, talking with one of her servants.
See, it's comments like that that make you a pompous jerk...All right! All right, I'm sorry, please don't turn around.
It's you who wanted the story.
Fine, I'll be quiet.
Thank you. So then these three princes were walking their way through campus, talking and laughing when all of a sudden the servant, not seeing where he was going, ran into one of the princes, jostling his shoulder… Did you want to say something, dear?
No, Prince Jackass, please continue.
I will. So these princes start talking to the servant… Another comment?
While talking, none of the princes noticed Princess Rory, not until the next day when she was pinning up posters of a deceased king. A king that no one really liked.
Professor Asher Fleming was a great teacher!
Admitting you were sleeping with him?
That's what I thought. Now, one of the princes was looking for a fair maiden to bed.
Finn! That's Finn!
Yes, that's Finn, though he is more of a court jester. And for this story he will be called Lord of the Horizontal Dance.
You are taking this story a bit too far…
Can I go on?
Yeah, I want to see where you're taking this.
Now, in Lord of the Horizontal Dance's quest, he was able to get another prince - let's call him Prince Thinks-With-Dick-
I am so telling Logan you called him that.
To notice Princess Rory, along with another prince. We'll call him Prince Handsome.
Or we could call him Prince Egotistical Jackass.
We could… but we won't.
Fine, but I think the name fits better.
No, it doesn't.
Whatever helps you sleep at night.
As I was saying, Prince Thinks-With-Dick noticed Princess Rory as did Prince Ego... Dammit, I mean Handsome. But Prince Handsome got pulled away by the Lord of the Horizontal Dance to go find his fair maiden. In the meantime Thinks-With-Dick goads Princess Rory.
For the last time, I was NOT goaded!
Right. Well, that was Thinks-With-Dick's way of getting any fair maidens or princesses' attention and into his bed. But Princess Rory did not fall for his charm. In fact, she was just annoyed. But she did fall for Prince Handsome's charm.
Huh… I don't remember that being part of the story.
Well, of course you don't. You hit your head so hard on the fall to my feet, you forgot about it.
See, that is why Prince Egotistical Jackass fits.
No, it's not! You're butchering the story!
It's my story! I can butcher it if I want!
Fine, let's see where you're taking this.
Yes, I would love to see why you think we got together. It might give me some insight on why I'm still here.
Fine. So after Thinks-With-Dick's encounter with Princess Rory, she tells him off, telling him he's not all that great, no matter how many kingdoms his family owns. He is left staring at her in disbelief. Thinks-With-Dick was not used to that kind of behavior from women. Handsome goes to Princess Rory apologizing for his friend's behavior and to make it up to her, he wanted to buy her a drink, an offer that she willingly and happily-
That's it, I'm taking over.
What! You can't take over!
Then stop lying about how we got together!
But I like my story better.
So the real story sucks?
Fine! Handsome apologized for Thinks-With-Dick's behavior only to get my... I mean his head bitten off by the Princess, being called an egotistical jackass rich boy who wouldn't know fashion if it bit him in the ass.
See, that's better.
She then proceeded to stomp on him foot and new Italian loafers.
They weren't all that great.
And slammed into her dorm. Handsome had to admit he was intrigued by the creature, she was like a siren except she didn't kill her mates.
I leave the killing to Paris.
I know, but back to the story. Intrigued as he was, Handsome did not have the courage to ask the Princess out, even after many chance meetings and three classes that they shared.
He should have seen the wizard.
The lion… Courage… God, why did I marry you again?
My prophetic good looks.
No, that wasn't it… Eh, it's not that important. Let's hear what Handsome did.
You hurt me with your cruel words.
It'll pass. Come on, I want to hear the rest.
Fine. So Handsome convinces Lord of the Horizontal Dance to ask the Princess out for him, only to have it backfire. Princess Rory made the mistake of thinking that the Lord was asking her out and not asking for Handsome.
Nothing… Keep going… You'll figure it out…
Okay. So she accepts the Lord's invitation with much hesitance. They go out and find out they have much in comment and begin to date… Why are you laughing?
Sorry, I like this part.
Anyway, while the Lord and the Princess were dating, she and Handsome got closer, even coming close to kissing once or twice.
Close? Is that what you want to call it?
As I was saying, though they grew closer, she didn't break up with the Lord of the Horizontal Dance, saying that she didn't want to hurt him. Yet she would spend more and more time with... Hey!
I knew what?
You knew that I liked you!
You knew that Finn had asked you out for me.
Once again... duh.
Then why didn't you tell me?
Aww, sweetie, it only took you two years. Ask Finn, he'll explain it to you. Now back to the story.
Fine, but we're not done with this.
I know. So what happened with Handsome and the Princess?
Well, the Princess started spending more and more time with Handsome. One day, she went to a party with the Lord and they got separated, She was with Handsome when Handsome saw the Lord flirting with some bar wench.
I don't think it's fair to call Lane a bar wench, babe.
My story. Lane's a bar wench.
You are so getting your ass kicked tomorrow.
But you'd nurse me back to health, wouldn't you?
Eh... depends on what I have going on that day. Now back to the bar wench.
Right, so Handsome being the good-natured guy that he is...
...Went to the Lord and punched him which the Princess did not approve of. She yelled at Handsome and helped the Lord cleaning his wound. Handsome did not regret his actions. In his mind, the Lord had betrayed the Princess. It was a week later when the Lord and the Princess had a very public break up. And Handsome was left to pick up the pieces. Pieces which I now know were fake.
Hey, Finn said some pretty harsh things. It hurt to be broken up with by your fake boyfriend who was dating your best friend.
A web of lies. That's what this relationship is based on, lies!
My god, it was one lie and it helped us along. Now tell me what happened.
The Princess and Handsome began to get closer and closer till one day their passion got the best of them and...
Tell the truth!
Fine. They got closer and closer till one day Handsome got up the nerve to ask her out. She of course said yes. Two weeks later they were officially a couple. After a year of ups and downs, a pregnancy scare and a break up, they were married the next year and they lived happily every after. The End.
Are you kidding me!
Hey, this was supposed to help you sleep. I'm pulling most of this stuff out of my ass!
You skipped all the juicy stuff! Like the pregnancy thing! Or the break up! The proposal! My god! You got us together, then left everything out.
Rory... I'm tired. I have work in the morning. And unlike you, I can sleep.
You are the worst storyteller in the world.
Yeah, I get that a lot. Now sleep.
Fine. Go get Harry Potter.
Two chapters, then I'm done!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Where'd we leave off?
Harry and Dumbledore were just meeting Slughorn.
Great... All right, here it is. 'A scene of total devastation met their eyes. A grandfather clock lay splintered at their feet, its face cracked, its pendu-
I love you. You know that, right?
I love you too, now can we get back to the story?
'Its pendulum laying a little further away like a dropped sword. A piano was on its side-'
AN: See wasn't guessing who it was fun!
The idea for the format of this story came from an HP fic I read. I didn't like the fic much but I liked the idea of the format.
It was hard not to write the reactions and movements of Rory and Colin. But it was fun nonetheless. My friends got a real kick out of it.
I have to give credit to Anna for Finn's name. 'Lord of the Horizontal Dance.' For those of you who don't know what is means it's the Lord of Sex, lol. Wendy told me to put that in just in case.
Logan's Thinks With Dick… just sort of came to me. I liked it.
I'm going to write the prequel for this as well. While I was writing it I was sort of imagining all of it in my head and how it all happened. So for those of you who are interested in the REAL story, look for that soon!