Title: I Remember
Author: Goldy
Disclaimer: Yep, I'm a man in his mid forties that goes by the name Joss Wheadon... nope actually I'm not. Therefore I guess that it isn't mine. The song isn't mine either-it's s club's 'Never had a Dream come True.'
Synopsis: Buffy remembers what happened during 'IWRY.' What does this mean for her and Angel?
Timeline: Right after 'No place like home.' and 'Dear Boy'
A/N: okay this takes place in different places and goes back and forth between different people's POV so I have that written before every change. I'm sorry, but this does start out rather B/R (if you thought it was hard to watch try writing it!) but hey, how can Buffy break up with him unless they are dating?
Feedback: I'm not sure how I feel about this one yet-so if you think I should continue let me know!




Sunnydale, 'Buffy'

Today was a long one, and I'm tired. I can practically tell that the powers from up above are telling me that I will sleep tonight. I don't even have the energy to slay tonight.

Sleep. The thing that human's need the most. I don't get a lot of sleep, but I suppose it comes with the job.

Does finding out that your sister is a lie count as part of the job too? Because if it does than this job sucks. Then again I've always known that.

I remember when Dawn found out I was the slayer. All she could see was how cool it was. I got superpowers, and I got to save the world. What fun. Except, that never happened, because my sister isn't.

They say that sleep is a release. For me it has been more than that. In my dreams I can be that normal girl that I've longed to be for so long. Even then, those are unreal, because I get to have my very own slayer dreams. More fun for my not-real-sister.

Tonight I am too tired to worry about the evils that may come up in my subconscious. I just want to forget it all. The girl that can't fight the superhuman after the person who feels like her sister- is gone for the night. Tonight while I sleep I'm just a normal girl.

{Like a normal girl, falling asleep in the arms of her normal boyfriend. It's perfect.}

I did sleep well. Very well. So, well in fact, that I can't remember the dream I had last night. My mind is nagging at me. It is telling me that it was an important dream. Was it a slayer dream? God, I hope not.

I can't deal now with some prophecy. I need to protect my sister. Whether I like it or not she is part of me, and I will protect her. With my life.

It is still early in the morning. I know that Riley wants me to go over. He says that he's always there for me if I want to talk. But I don't want to talk. At least not yet. The fewer amount of people that know about Dawn, the better.

Maybe I will go over. That's the nice thing about Riley. He's just always there. Like he's waiting for me to show up or something. He's a great boyfriend for me. Dependable, sweet, kind, and he knows about the slaying gig, always a plus there. So why is it that I don't feel like dealing with him at the moment?

No, that's not true I do want to go over to Riley's. Riley isn't someone that I feel like I have to deal with. Just I will not deal with him later. For know I'll just lie in bed and hope that Giles has the decency to understand that I have to be alone for a while.

Except I can't fall asleep. I'm too busy thinking about that dream. What's wrong with me? It was nothing, but a stupid dream that I can forget.

"If that's true then, why does your heart tighten in your chest when you think that it was something you can forget?" I asked my empty bedroom. I wasn't really expecting an answer, but as soon as I said the word "forget" I felt hot burning tears come to my eyes.

Now I know that something is wrong with me. Normal people do not cry over nothing. And that's all it is. Nothing.

That visit to see Riley sounds good at the moment. If anything it will help me get my mind off of my problems for a little while. So why is it that Riley suddenly seems like a poor substitute for the real thing? If Riley is a poor substitute for the real thing that would mean that... oh no. I am so not going there.

I am going to Riley's and I'm going to have a good time. Even if it means wearing a fake smile and laughing a fake laugh.

It takes me longer to get dressed and showered than normal. I'm sore from the fight last night. Despite having the quick slaying healing power, being thrown around doesn't do wonders for your body. I'm going slowly, because I'm sore. Not cause I don't feel like "dealing with Riley."

As I pass my sister's room my heart begins to pound. God, that must have been hard for her hearing me asking what she was, but I know she'll get over it. That's Dawn for you. She never stays mad long. That of course makes me wonder, was she programmed with that personality or is it really her own? I don't know and I don't want to know.

I skip breakfast. I don't really feel like eating. Maybe I'll pick something up on the way to Riley's.

I did end up stopping for coffee.

When I get to Riley's dorm the door opens before I even get a chance to knock. Jeez what does he do? Wait around for me to show up all day? I feel a quick pang of guilt. Maybe I don't spend enough time with Riley. He really is a great guy.

"Buffy!" A great big grin comes across his face when he says my name. Like I'm some amazing person or something.

"Hey, can I come in?" Is it just me or did I sound a little weary? I hope to god that he doesn't notice.

He doesn't. He gives me a big smile and takes my hand, practically yanking me into his dorm.

Inside his room I can't help, but notice the Saturday morning sunlight poring in. Riley looks good in the sun. With his muscular chest and strong arms, shaggy blond hair and green eyes. Weird that even though he isn't with the initiative anymore he's still wearing army pants. On any other day I would have smiled at that cuteness.

Just today it wasn't Riley I was seeing. Oh sure, I was seeing him. I mean duh, he's right there in front of me. What I was seeing was in my mind, and the farthest thing possible away from Riley with his blond hair and green eyes.

{I was at the docks... in LA. Amazing Saturday sunlight streamed around me just like today. Then like a miracle he was there. I thought for a second that I was dreaming. I had fallen asleep sitting in the sun. But no, it was real. He was there and then he kissed me. In the sunlight! His mouth was warm, and his heart was beating. And I thought that this time we might actually work.}

"... I know that its not much of a story, but the good news is that I heard this song and I thought that it was the perfect song for us." Riley's rambling cut through my... memory? Flashback? Daydream? Well, whatever it was, I was no longer at the docks in LA, but rather with my boyfriend on a beautiful Californian morning.

Riley was looking at me for approval. What the hell had he been talking about? Didn't he realize that I was shock here? He could at least ask what was wrong. But I suppose it's for the best. I mean really, what would I say to Riley anyway?

I know "he" would know the minute something was bothering me.

"So?" Riley prodded.

Damn it! Riley. Song. Something about a song.

"Huh?" Great, what a great answer.

"The perfect song for us," Riley said sounding a little annoyed with me.

Perfect song for us? Oh that was helpful. "Could I hear it?"

That seemed to work. Riley's eyes lit up as he moved to rummage around through his CD collection. I sighed with relief. I know that I don't have a great attention span. I feel kinda bad that Riley can be so boring sometimes. Especially when he's talking about his farm in Iowa.

Riley popped the CD in his player. An S Club 7 CD. What was wrong with him? That band was so annoying.

"So you're a fan of S Club 7?" Did I even want to know the answer to that?

"Buffy, were you listening to anything I said?" Riley asked me, hurt written all over his face.

I felt that guilty pang come again. People were always hurt when I didn't listen to them. Giles, Willow, Xander, Mom, Dawn. Wasn't there someone out there who didn't expect me to be perfect Buffy?

His face flashed through my mind again. But I wasn't going there. I was over him.

"Yeah of course I was listening to you. The perfect song right?" I smiled at him. A nice big dazzling smile that said "who me?" Coming over to him I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I think you better tell me again."

Oh that worked well. Riley beamed down at me. "Its not really important. Just this joke some guy played on me... well do you want to hear it?"

"You know I do." That smile came out again. The nice big fake one that showed all my perfect white teeth.

He grinned back at me. A nice boyish grin. A not fake boyish grin.

Riley pushed the play button on his stereo and took me into his arms holding me close. I didn't resist and rested my head against his shoulder.

[I never had a dream come true until the day that I found you, even though I pretend that I've moved on. You'll always be my baby. I never found the words to say. You're the one I think about each day and I know no matter where my life takes me to a part of me will always be, with you.]

Ohgodohgodohgod. I'm starting to remember. The dream- everything. I'm dancing with Riley and I'm not. I'm in LA. I'm with Angel. And he- he is human- he was human.

{The perfect yum. Mmm, this is a dream. You're human for like a minute and already there is cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip in the fridge}

The memories were coming faster. The room was beginning to blur. I jumped out of Riley's arms vaguely hearing him asking me what was wrong. My head hurts, it's too much. How can it all be real?

{I went to see the oracles I asked them to turn me back...}

Riley's shaking me now, but I hardly notice.

{I won't just stand by and let you fight, maybe die, alone}

I slip down to my knees. God he gave up humanity for me? How could he and then not tell me? How could I not remember?

I realize that I'm barely conscious and yelling Angel's name at the top of my lungs. Despite the fact that Riley is right there. But you know what? I don't care. Riley never gave up humanity for me.

"Angel," I moaned right before I slip away into blessed darkness.




LA, 'Angel'

I finally fell asleep. I couldn't for so long. I was haunted by thoughts of my sire. My sire is back. The evil vampire that made me is back and she is human.

Darla is back and I can't leave her alone. She has a soul now. One that will catch up with her, and only I can understand that pain.

Finale in blessed oblivion. For the first time in months without my Darla induced rather R- rated dreams. I have to admit that some part deep inside of me misses those dreams. No, that's not true, a rather large part misses those dreams.

Now I'm back to being tortured by things I have done in the past. Hell is part of my dreams too. Only when I sleep can I see the things that were buried deep in my subconscious from that time spent between life and death.

In a way I'm glad to be rid of my rather sexual dreams with Darla. I think mostly because I did enjoy them. That idea is so sickening that I'm almost happy to see the horrors that I never remember upon awakening.

Remembering. I had a dream where Buffy remembers our lost day. Sweet Buffy. I can't help, but be filled with longing and pain when I think about her. And what we could have had. Maybe this way is better. It was true what I said to her almost a year and a half ago. She deserves someone out of demons and darkness.

All of these thoughts, feelings and images run through my mind as I sleep. I almost welcome it. Sleep is a release. Even for a creature of the night like me.

"Angel, Angel, Angel. Wake up damnit!" Cordelia's shrieking reached my way too sensitive ears.

I jumped from the bed looking around frantically for a weapon. The first thing that came into my room I got ready to jump on, and beat the living crap out of, until I realized that it was Cordy.

"Cordelia, what's wrong? Are you O.K?" I ask urgently already seeing visions of the newest thing Wolfram and Hart cooked up for me.

"Of course I'm okay! Tense much?" She snapped at me.

I sighed a little sheepish. This whole Darla thing was really getting to me. "Sorry I...what was all that screaming about?"

Cordelia rolled her eyes at me. "I'm not telling you anything until you get dressed."

I looked down at myself, suddenly embarrassed at the fact that I only had my boxers on. Well what was I supposed to do, sleep fully dressed? Glad, for not the first time that I was a vampire and couldn't blush, I glared at Cordelia until she left. I quickly threw on a pair of pants and a shirt that was lying around. Both black. Hey, old habits die-hard.

I came down the stairs of the Hyperion hotel and without really eavesdropping heard the argument going on between Cor and Wes.

"Of course we have to tell him." Cordelia yelled at Wesley clearly annoyed.

"Yes, but with his current state of... well lets say obsession with his sire I don't think that this news would do him much good." Wesley argued apparently not ready to give in.

I didn't know whether to be shocked, angry, or amused. Curiosity won out, and I decided to stay a little longer where they couldn't see me. Just in case Wesley won this argument.

"We can't just keep this from him. It's not fair, he'd want to know." Cordelia straitened herself up to her full height and glared down at Wesley. I had to admit that I almost felt bad for the guy.

"Yes, but..." Wesley tried his argument again somewhat more pitifully.

"But, nothing. If you won't tell him I will."

As soon as the words were out of Cordy's mouth I chose that moment to appear at the bottom of the stairs. "Tell me what?" I asked giving them a half smile and a look that said you better tell me or else.

"That, that Wesley shoplifted," Cordelia stuttered.

And I thought she was on the lets tell Angel what's going on side.

Before I could make an equally stupid reply the doors of the Hyperion opened and Gunn came striding in as if he belonged here. I guess that in a way he did.

"Hey y'all what's up?" He nodded at me and moved over to where Wesley and Cordelia were standing. "Anything interesting happen while I was away?"

"Actually yes, but not quite like you think." Wesley sighed and took off his glasses absentmindedly cleaning them. "Angel how much did you hear?"

"Enough." I said fixing him with another glare. I was beginning to grow inpatient. Vampires were not known to be the most patient creatures on earth.

Wesley sighed again, but he knew that he'd better tell me what was going on. "We got a call from Sunnydale."

Wesley looked at me not missing the way that I flinched at the mention of Sunnydale. Buffy was in Sunnydale. My unbeating heart clenched painfully in my chest. God if anything happened to her...

I didn't say anything to Wesley just waited for him to continue. Already my mind was cooking up visions of what could have possibly happened to her. I pushed those thoughts away. I know that if anything happened to her than I would feel it. If Buffy died some part of me would too.

"Apparently Buffy, has... this is quite embarrassing I'm afraid." Wesley paused looking at me sheepishly.

For God's sake, if he didn't get out with it soon I was afraid I might do something I would regret later.

"Whose Buffy?" Gunn asked quite loudly, "she another one of these vampire dudes that are part of your long history as a psychotic killer?"

"She isn't a vampire. She's a slayer." I clarified- ok maybe it was more of a growl. Gunn's eyebrows went up, but thankfully he kept his mouth shut. "Now, would someone tell me what the hell is going on?"

Wesley opened his mouth again, but quickly closed it again when Cordelia shot him a nasty look. It took all of the patience I had left not to strangle both of them. What did it take to get answers in this place anyway?

"Do I have to go to Sunnydale myself?" I prodded shooting this time for annoyance rather than anger.

"I suggest that we all sit down and have some tea. Maybe talk this out before we do anything rash." Wesley said obviously not taking my latter statement as a joke.

Cordelia groaned loudly. " Buffy was at her boyfriends..." she looked guiltily over at me as I scowled, but continued anyway, "when she fell unconscious, and started yelling your name like it was the most important thing in the world. An hour later the gang still can't wake her up and Giles hoped that you would know what was going on."

I raised my eyebrows, but didn't make a reply. I have to admit that as much as I wanted Buffy to move on and find someone that she could actually grow old with, the news that she was screaming my name when she was with her boyfriend gave me a weird kind of satisfaction. I had to actually struggle not to smile. And that does not happen.

My second thought was enough to take away the smile that threatened my mouth. What could have happened to Buffy to make her scream my name as the world slipped away? My third and fourth were ones of panic. I had to go to Sunnydale and find out why my ex-lover had slipped away into unconsciousness screaming my name.

I'm fairly ashamed to admit that my fifth thought was not about Buffy. But rather about Darla. Darla. Who was going to control her if I was gone? Most importantly who was going to help her if I was gone? I tried very hard to push that thought away. Buffy meant more to me then my sire. I never loved the vampire that made me. I loved and still do love Buffy.

".... And there is no way you're going to do that, because I cannot handle more broodiness over these blondes of yours." Cordelia finished up, and looked at me expectantly.

Of course, I had no idea what she was saying and I didn't really know whether or not to let her in one that fact. She didn't look all that happy with me. "What?" oh yeah, great answer she'll be really impressed with that one.

Cordelia looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. "You're not going to Sunnydale, because I don't want to deal with you when you get back, and with the whole Darla thing... Wesley and I thought that it was a good idea to let the Sunnydale half figure this out."

"Right, Buffy screams my name and I'm supposed to stay here. Well you know what it doesn't work like that." I said forcefully.

Not content to stand there and argue, I walked to the door. I was going to Sunnydale. They could stay if they wanted, but they were not going to keep me from going.

"ANGEL, WHERE ARE YOU GOING??" Cordelia yelled after me.

I didn't bother to answer. She knew exactly where I was going. She just didn't know that she could convince me not to go. Yet.

Cordelia sighed and followed me. "Why do I always get dragged into this?" I smirked to myself. Cordelia may not admit it, but she is a better friend than she likes us all to think.

Wesley grabbed his coat and followed Cordelia. "You know Angel, you have to bring us with you whether you want to or not."

I turned around and looked at him still smirking. "Why? Is it cause you work for me?" I felt the quick familiar ache in my heart again. God, I was starting to talk like Buffy.

"Well there is that... and it is day." He said whipping the smirk off my face really quickly.

"Yeah and who's going to drive if you're a pile of dust?" Cordelia finished.

Right, day. I had completely forgotten about day. I tried my best to look unfazed, and think of a good come back. Unfortunately I think the best I did was stand there with my mouth hanging open.

"Right then now that it's all settled I supposed I'll be driving?" Wesley pointed out.

"Right," I said with what I hoped past as a chuckle, and tossed him the keys.

The three of us got ready to head out the door again, me with a thick blanket over my body to keep out the sunlight, until we were stopped by a very loud "ahem" from Gunn.

"So y'all are going to Sunnydale." He asked.

"Yes." I answered.

"For this chick, Buffy."

I winced at his use of words. I found it somewhat offending that he referred to Buffy as a chick. She was not a chick. She was Buffy. I managed to keep down all the things I wanted to say in her defense, and nodded.

Gunn considered this for a minute. Finally as if reaching a decision he ran up to where the rest of us were standing. "The British guy is not driving."

I shrugged, "not really my decision to make." I tried to appear nonchalant about the whole thing, but truth be told I was really amazed that even with my... situation my friends- my family- was still here for me.

"Just promise me one thing."

I looked at Gunn suspiciously. "What?"

"You'll tell me the whole story on the way over there."

"I think I can do that." I decided.

Cordelia snorted loudly. "Oh, and it will be some story."

I smiled apologetically at her. It was true. It was really some story. I mean really, how often does a vampire slayer and a vampire fall in love?


Sunnydale, 'Riley'

"Riley would you stop this annoying back and forth thing that your doing, and maybe help us all out in the research department." Xander snapped without looking up from the book that he was reading.

"Sorry," I mumbled. I stopped my pacing and grabbed a dusty book, which I skimmed without actually reading. After a few minutes of reading sentences here and there where nothing actually made any sense I got back up and resumed my pacing. Back and forth through the magic shop.

Xander sighed, but thankfully kept his mouth shut. I spared a glance at Buffy who was still unconscious. She was lying down on a mattress that Giles had pulled out of somewhere. I hadn't noticed where, because all of my attention had been focused on Buffy at the time.

When she had collapsed in my dorm room I had done the only thing that I could think off. I brought her here, to the magic shop, where I knew Giles was. After setting his eyes on Buffy, Giles had quickly closed the shop and called the rest of the gang to help with research. I think that he also called Angel, but I wasn't really paying attention at the time. I don't think that I really wanted to pay attention.

"Angel, no," Buffy whimpered from her place on the mattress.

I clenched my fists. I was worried about her. Very worried, and I wanted to comfort her, but how could I when it wasn't me that she was calling out for? Willow caught my eye and gave me a sympathetic smile. I tried to return it, but it fell flat. What was there to smile about? The girl that I loved most in this world was unconscious, and dreaming about her ex-boyfriend. I was worried about her, but hell I was also jealous.

Xander suddenly slammed another book shut and scowled. "This is useless! What exactly are we looking for here, Giles?"

Giles looked up from the book he was reading and absentmindedly pushed his glasses up his nose with his middle finger. "I'm not quite sure, I'm afraid."

"What is there not to be sure about? The son of a bitch did something to her, because he was jealous," I yelled. The answer was so obvious. Why couldn't they see that?

They all looked at me in surprise, probably more by my language than by anything else. But really, he was a vampire. Vampires were demons and used to getting what they wanted. If Angel wanted Buffy I was sure that he would get her anyway that he wanted.

"He's just jealous," Anya observed matter-of-factly when no else commented.

"Of course I'm jealous! MY GIRLFRIEND IS YELLING FOR SOME VAMPIRE IN HER SLEEP, AND NO ONE KNOWS WHY EXCEPT FOR ME!"

"Angel would never hurt Buffy," Willow said firmly.

"Unless he got happy," Xander muttered under his breath.

"What if he is evil again?" I pressed managing to calm down a bit.

Xander nodded at me, "I agree with Riley, I wouldn't put it past Angelus to do something like this."

Actually I wouldn't have put it past Angel to do something like this, but I didn't say that out loud. I was afraid I would lose the little support I had managed to get from Xander.

"Quite frankly, I agree that Angelus would do anything to hurt Buffy, but as I talked to Cordelia only a few hours ago and Angel was fine at the time-I don't think that he had anything to do with this." Giles said tiredly.

"If Angel didn't have anything to do with this, then who did?" Xander questioned.

"He is a vampire. With or without a soul." I snapped.

Willow stood up quite forcefully and glared at Xander and I, "I can't believe I'm hearing this. Angel left in the first place so Buffy could have a normal life! HE WOULDN'T DO ANYTHING TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM HER!" Willow spat out.

"Oh sure, that sounds great when he says it. Makes him seem like a real hero, but then when no one is going to blame, him the bastard goes and does this to Buffy." I yelled seeing red by this time. I swear that if I could just get my hands on him...

Giles cleared his throat noisily; "No one is going to get anything done to help Buffy if we all continue arguing in this fashion."

"No one is going to get anything done if we don't go to LA and confront Angel," Xander shouted.

"I-I don't thi-think that'll be necessary," Tara stuttered her eyes on the door to the magic shop.

I followed her eyes and noticed the figures standing there. One was a young and probably anorexic woman. The next was a man with glasses that matched Giles's pair. The third was a young African American, and the forth... the forth was the vampire that I hated so much at the moment.

I didn't care about any of the other's in the entrance of the store. My eyes locked and held with Angel's, both of us daring the other to make the first move. "Is she okay?" he asked Giles, without turning away from my gaze.

I walked purposefully over to him until we were only a foot apart, "I think that's the question we should be asking you. Don't you think?" I snorted belligerently.

"Don't make me angry, Finn. You wouldn't stand a chance." Angel threatened bawling his fists.

"You think I'm afraid of you?" I said and in less then a second later sent my fist flying towards his face. Angel easily blocked my blow, and the one that followed it, and the one after that without any trouble. Getting frustrated as I realized he was mocking me I kicked up, but he got there first and pulled both legs out from under me, so I lay sprawled on my back.

He looked down at me, "I think that you should be."

I did the only thing I could from my position on the floor-- I scowled at him. Pathetic I know, but I really didn't know what else to do at the moment. It didn't really matter, he wasn't looking at me anymore. He had turned his full attention back to Giles. I felt myself start to turn red from fury, and embarrassment as I realized that he'd just dismissed me. Great my girlfriend calls out for this vampire when I try to be romantic, and then the vampire in question dismisses me like I'm a mosquito and he's a horse. What a wonderful day this was.

"Are you planning to stay down there all day?" The brown haired girl who came in with Angel asked me.

I felt that blush take over my face again. "Yeah, well you know the floor is comfortable and all that," I joked lamely as I stood up. It didn't really matter, though, no one was paying any attention to me. All eyes were on the supposed "good" vampire who was looking at Buffy with a tortured expression.

"Is she okay?" He asked Giles softly.

Giles nodded, "for the time being she doesn't seem to be in any immediate danger, but I'm afraid of what will happen if she doesn't wake up."

Heavy silence settled on the room as everyone contemplated the news that Giles gave us. What if she didn't wake up? I hadn't let myself think about that before. I just assumed that she was under some evil influence that could be easily neutralized.

"I'll never forget." Buffy whispered from the other side of the room as tears started to fall softly down her lovely cheeks.

I couldn't take it anymore so I went over to Buffy and took her hand. Muttering that it was going to be all right. That I was here for her and that we would find a way to help her.

I felt myself being watched by a very intense gaze and I had a few guesses to who's it might be. I got a lot of satisfaction in that, and I had half a mind to say "ha, she's my girlfriend not yours so stay away." I didn't though, partly because I was afraid I might get beat up again and partly because it would sound childish. And that is one thing I'm most definitely not.

I snuck a look behind me at the vampire. I was surprised to see that he was sitting down looking as if he'd seen better day. The brown haired girl that had some in with him kept asking him what was wrong, but he wasn't answering to anybody. Giles was yelling at him to get a hold of himself, and Xander was yelling that he knew that he was behind this. Willow was yelling at Xander to calm down, and Anya looked amused.

I had no idea what just happened.