Title: I Remember part 3
Author: Goldy
Disclaimer: One word: Joss Whedon. I guess, that's two isn't it? Anyway, it isn't Goldy so no, not mine.
Synopsis: How do Buffy and Angel's friends react to the news that they are back together and slept together?
Rating: PG
Feedback: Do you really have to see me beg? Cause I will-believe me.


I have worked with a certain vampire with a soul for going on one and a half years. In this time I have gotten to know him fairly well. I know that look he gets when he is thinking about Buffy. His eyes always look drawn away and if your talking to him you can tell that he is paying full attention to you, but his mind isn't. Then his eyes soften up and for one precious second the broodiness and self-guilt seems to leave him. But then it is gone and Mr. Brooding is back.

Most recently I have noticed his Darla looks. These are different than Buffy looks. His face hardens and his eyes seem almost to shrink. With what I'm not completely sure. It could be hate, or sympathy, or even self-loathing. I never minded the Buffy looks because those were almost cute, and they let me know that he was at least showing some of his internal suffering.

I don't like the Darla looks. Darla was a part of Angel that wasn't good or clean. She may be human, but I'm afraid for him. I'm afraid that he will go somewhere where his friends won't be able to help him.

When Angel ran off after Buffy I realized that the PTB letting her remember the day that wasn't might not be that bad a thing after all. At first I was wary because anytime Buffy shows up she manages to hurt Angel in every possible way. Frankly, I get tired of dealing with him every time his heart gets broken. Then again, I remember how much happier he is when he is with her-and I think that maybe this is truly for the best.

What wasn't for the best was getting to be the one who got to explain what had just happened between the two of them. I am the only besides Angel-and now Buffy-who knows that the day that never happened ... really happened. So, I got to tell Gunn, Wesley, Giles, Xander, Xander's girlfriend, Willow, Willow's girlfriend-and I'm truly happy that she found somebody that she wants to be with besides Oz, I mean I'm not that conceited-Spike (and since when was he part of the scooby gang???), and Buffy's boyfriend all about Angel's little trip to human land. Sigh! I don't think that the last of those people was handling my story very well.

Riley-what kind of name was Riley anyway? - was sitting down in a chair with his head in his hands making little sniffling noises. He wasn't responding to anyone or anything. Which I have to say was just fine with me. The way that he had accused Angel of doing something like that to Buffy was enough to make me not have any fuzzy warm feelings toward the boy.

"What I don't understand is why Buffy remembered when she wasn't supposed to remember." Gunn asked uncertainly to no one in particular.

Wesley nodded his head. He was standing next to Gunn and I was standing next to him. It was almost a face-off-the L.A gang was standing opposite the Sunnydale gang. "The PTB deal with amazing magicks and powers. If they didn't want Buffy to remember that day then I don't see how she possibly could," he said obviously having thought about the answer.

"Well, maybe they did," Willow pointed out. Everyone in the room stared at her until she blushed and glanced hesitantly at Riley, "I mean maybe they're trying to say that Buffy and Angel should be together even if he isn't exactly human."

Riley didn't even glance up when Willow said that. He just kept his head buried in his hands. I almost felt bad for the guy. He could never give Buffy what Angel could. "Yeah, but they are kind of dead." I said bluntly.

Giles gave me a sharp look. "Yes, but those were only really the messangers for the PTB. The Powers is something bigger-almost like the God, but more intent on keeping the powers of good and evil balanced. However, I do have one theory as to why Buffy suddenly remembers this day."

"Well, then out with it," Spike snapped. I gave him a weird look it was strange-this was bugging him more than it should.

"Yesterday when Buffy did that spell to see things that weren't there she didn't see anything that could have given her clues to what was going on with her mother. She didn't find anything other than the natural, but the next day she wakes up with a whole new set of memories." Giles explained and it looked to me like he was leaving something out, but that didn't really matter to me. I wasn't part of the scooby gang anymore. Thank you God for small favours.

I sighed. I really hated the melodrama that comes with my boss and the girl he loves. When they weren't even here! Now, that brings up the question as to why they aren't here, but somehow I got the feeling that I wouldn't like the answer to that.

"So, obviously this means that Buffy will dump Captain Cardboard in hopes that soul boy will come back to her, but knowing the bloody wanker he will leave her anyway," Spike cried almost excitedly after listening to what Giles said.

Xander raised his eyebrows at the not-so-evil-vampire, "And that is good because?"

Spike glared at Xander and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Have you forgotten that while I don't exactly have the capacity for causing trouble-I love watching it?"

Of course Riley chose that moment to spring up from his seat and look around as if just seeing us for the first time. "It isn't fair! I love Buffy and yet a vampire gets her heart." He shook his head and I distinctly saw his eyes tear over. Taking a deep breath he walked over to the door. "I tried and I tried and she never opened up to me-she never gave me her heart. When she gets back tell her... I left and I hope that Angel burns in hell."

"Why don't you tell her yourself?" Angel growled just outside the entrance of the magic Box looking at Riley with a glare that could have turned anything to stone. I didn't fail to notice the fact that he was holding Buffy's hand.

I took a deep breath. Things were about to get interesting.


Walking back to the Magic Box had a kind of magic (excuse the pun) all to itself, despite the fear of getting there. Angel and I walked hand in hand the whole way drawing strength from each other down that line. I told him about Dawn and this thing that was after her that I didn't think I could kill. I told him how worried I was about mom, because there was something going on with her that I couldn't fight.

He told me that he would be there for me no matter what. He told me that he would help me fight the thing that was coming after my sister-the key. He assured me that although Dawn wasn't real she was to me. She was my sister and the memories were real even if they had never happened. He loved me and made me feel safe. I finally had someone I could talk to again about my strange life.

He told me about Darla and how confused he was about seeing his sire again. He told me how she was human and had a soul. He explained his need to help her because he knew what it was like to feel what she was. He told me how Cordy, Wesley, Gunn weren't behind him when it came to Darla. They still felt that she was a cold-blooded killer.

I assured him that I knew that whatever choice he made would be the right one because it was him and that's what he did. I told him how proud I was that he could help one of the people that had been so cruel to him in the past. I let him now that I loved him. And I hope that I helped him feel as safe as I did.

It was an amazing feeling to have our warm safe love back again. Angel was my safety net. Before when we were a couple I knew that I could talk to him about anything and that he would always be there for me. I finally felt like that again. There was no one else that I trusted as much as Angel and there wasn't anybody else who understood me better than Angel. And now that he had been inside of me for the second time-since the day that never happened never really happened-we are branded once again to each other.

But we still have things we need to face.

And one of those things was Riley. "Why don't you tell her yourself?" Angel had growled in such a deadly tone that I was actually afraid for Riley. I don't know what he said since I'm not one of the lucky ones blessed with vampire hearing, but I got the feeling that it had something to do with me.

Riley looked Angel straight in the eye and didn't even so much as flinch under the vampire's threatening glare. His eyes traveled down slowly to where my hand was gripping Angel's. Riley's expression hardened when he saw this. He was wearing a look of hatred, but along with it a realization that this was bound to happen anyway. Something in his look caused me to drop Angel's hand as if it had stung me.

I didn't dare look at Angel to see how this had effected him-I was too busy thinking about what I just did. I had just cheated on my boyfriend, which I had never done before. It was something that I never dreamed I would do. It didn't matter that I had planned to break up with Riley anyway-that didn't make it right.

I had grown to generally care about him in the months that we had been going out. I didn't love him, but I think I could've if I hadn't been in love with Angel first. Looking at Riley made me realize that he was as normal as life could get for me and if I let him go now I would never get him back.

His eyes glanced from me and back to Angel again. He seemed to be considering something. Then, without saying a word he walked passed me and down the street. I turned and watched him go. I realized that I was watching my normal life leave me. If I ran and begged him to forgive me and told him I loved him I somehow knew that he would stay. I stared at him and felt my eyes fill with tears for like the hundredth time today. "Riley," I whispered knowing that Angel could hear me, but not really caring.

I got ready to run after him. I planned what I was going to say, and I knew that he would believe it and take me back. But then I remembered the person standing next to me and I stood frozen realizing that if I ran after Riley I would loose Angel. I could live without Riley, but I couldn't go on in this world without Angel.

Slowly I turned around until I was facing Angel again. I found myself once again drawn to the chocolate brown pools of his eyes, and what I saw there made me wish I could go curl up in a hole and die. Although, he tried to keep the pain away I saw how much I had hurt him. Angel had thought that what we had just shared was a bond that would keep us together without a doubt. He had thought that we would be able to face the gang and Riley together. Whatever happened we would be together.

I had thought so, too. Well, at least until just a minute ago, when Riley had left my life. It dawned on me full force that I had almost lost my chance at being back with Angel again because I wanted a normal life. Normal. When Angel and I made love under the stars and moon a normal life had been the farthest thing from my mind. All that I wanted was him. All that I have ever wanted was him, but for a girl like me the word normal is appealing.

For a fraction of a second I wanted picnics in the park and someone to grow old with. But I can't loose Angel.

I just can't.

His pain hurt me just as much as it hurt him-if not more. It has always been that way with us. I feel what he feels and he feels what I feel. "I'm sorry," I apologized softly for lack of anything else to say.

He regarded me heavily. "Your normal life just left, are you sure you aren't going to follow? I don't want you to be with me because you feel like you should or because you feel guilty."

I almost reminded him that it was he that wanted me to have a normal life in the first place. That it was he who left me and not the other way around. But I think that it goes both ways. Angel told me to have a normal life. He told me to find someone who could make love to me and take me to the beach in the sunlight and give me kids. But I don't think he ever expected me to do all of those things.

"I don't want a normal life, Angel. I want you," I said bringing my hand up to cup his cheek. Angel nodded and kissed my hand telling me that he understood how hard it was. I fell against him in relief letting myself stay in the warmth and safety of his arms as he wrapped them around me.

No one said anything-and then they said everything.


I gotta admit that the only person that I saw that fucking slayer was me. I didn't like the idea screwing the brains out of anyone but me. I also knew that Ms. Perfect Summers would never do something as low as go to be with a vampire. That is, unless it came to one particular vampire.

I know that Buffy wouldn't and couldn't ever love me. Wouldn't for the obvious reasons and couldn't-because her heart belonged to another. In between hooking up with Captain Cardboard she probably thought, longed, and fantasized for Mr. I have a Soul so I help People Angelus.

When the two of them went flying out of here like there was no tomorrow I was jealous. In fact I was insanely jealous, but it also looked like a great show so I stayed, and for the love of god am I glad that I didn't miss it. The look on Buffy's boy-toy nearly sent me into a fit of hysterical laughter. And then when she almost ran after him-the look on her ex-lover's face was almost enough to send me off again.

Almost. Mostly because I don't fancy being a pile of dust.

I have to admit that I'd much rather have the bloody slayer with the Poof of a Sire of Mine rather than Mr. All American Boy. Buffy loves that vampire as hard as that is for me to believe and I'm not gonna stand in their way ... too much.

"Well, peaches I always knew that 'for your own good' stuff was only crap."


Buffy is my best friend. She has been for a little over four years now. We have shared everything-crushes, boyfriend smoochies, dorms... I knew how much she missed Angel. I knew that when we were still sharing a dorm she would cry out in her sleep for him.

I knew that look she got when she seemed to be looking off into space. I knew she was always thinking about him. I know that she likes to pretend that she's over him and is totally satisfied with Riley. I know her well-and I know that she always has and will always love Angel.

I saw them walk into the shop hand in hand and my heart swelled with hope-not only for Buffy but for me as well, because if a love like theirs isn't allowed to exist than what is? Angel and Buffy are the true definition of soulmates. They would lie down and die for the other without a second thought. And they have both proved that time and again.

Granted I like Riley, but somehow I always knew that Buffy would eventually go back to her true love. There was that one tense moment when it looked like she might actually have chosen him over Angel, but it only lasted a moment. In that heartfelt apology everyone in the room knew who Buffy loved.

"So, you guys are back together?"


I know that I'm not exactly the most perspective person in this room. I know that I say a lot of things that I often regret later. But I happen to be a very caring guy, and I cared about Buffy. I no longer loved her the way that I had back when we had been in high school, but I still loved her. She was Buffy-one of my best friends.

I know how much she loved Angel. Still, loves for all I know. They might be soulmates or whatever-and destined to be together. But that didn't make it right. When Buffy and Angel were together people got hurt. Some even died.

No one died when she was with Riley. She never cried over him either. I know that he was better for her.

Not to mention the little fact that I don't think that Angel deserves Buffy. She shouldn't have to be with someone who couldn't give her what a normal person could. He couldn't even make love to her! And even if they could I wouldn't want Angel to be happy. The whole point of the curse is so he will suffer-I don't want Buffy making him happy.

"So, that's it then? Your ex shows up, and suddenly the nice normal life that you have been happy in for the past year and a half goes out the window?"


I may be an ex-vengeance demon. I may have tortured man in a horrible ways for thousands of years. I may only be experiencing real love for the first time. But I know that look when I see it... and I don't want to die!

"You guys had sex!"


I haven't known Willow and her friends for all that long. I wasn't there when Buffy and Angel were together. I wasn't there when he was evil. But I've heard stories, and to say that it wasn't pretty-was to put it nicely.

Riley always seemed to me like a very nice guy. A little prejudice at times maybe-but an all around nice guy. Buffy and him always did seem to get along, but I knew from the first moment that I saw them together that they would never last. I truly think that Riley was in love with Buffy, but I don't think that Buffy was ever in love with Riley-nor ever could be in love with him

It was clear to me from the first time that I met Buffy that her heart belonged to another. I could see it in her eyes and that reflected in the way that she moved and acted. But I think that she is confused-she knows that Riley is better for her than the guy that she is obviously so taken by. Still, as hard as it was for her, Buffy let him walk away and out of her life.

Watching the way that she and Angel were holding on to each other made me very determined. This girl sacrificed herself every single day for me and the rest of the world. I think that she too deserves some happiness-and as a practicing wiccan I know the difference between a person and their demon and I believe that this vampire blessed with a soul also deserves a measure of happiness.

I took one glance at Willow to see if she was sharing the same thoughts as me. She caught my eyes and gave me a small reassuring very Willow-like smile. I took a deep breath wondering how others in the room would react. "I think I know how to bound Angel's soul."


I stood there in confusion with Buffy in my arms and everyone in the room throwing questions or insults at us. Buffy had her eyes tightly shut as if to block out their words and the rest of the world. As much as I wanted to protect and not see her get hurt, I shrugged out of her embrace and took her hand instead, silently communicating that we had to deal with this. Plus, I was still a little angry and jealous from before and I wasn't ready to give her all the strength that I possibly could.

When Buffy was looking at Riley with that little girl lost look she has mastered so well-it partly broke my heart to see her in so much pain, and partly broke my heart to see her grieve over another guy.

I know that it was selfish of me to suddenly ask her to come back to me again especially after all of the time that we have spent apart. I know that it wasn't fair to rip her away from the east semi-normal life that she has worked so hard to get. I tried to tell myself that it wasn't really me and that those things happened because we were just in the right place at the right time.

But somehow I knew when I left L.A that this was going to be it. I knew before it happened that we were going to be reunited and that was why I was so insistent on coming. So, I felt bad for ruining things between her and Riley.

But it also hurt like nothing has before that she would even consider going back with him after the time we had spent together less than an hour earlier. Still, I knew that she had chosen me and I should be counting my blessings rather than de-counting them... or something.

Gripping Buffy's hand I fought a strong urge to run for my undead life. The demands, questions and insults that our friends were throwing at us were a little too hard to handle. I noticed that Xander looked like he was going to come at me with a stake, but on the other hand, Willow's eyes were shinning, and I took that as a good sign.

Focusing on Willow I tried to give her my best half-smile. I glanced quickly at Buffy who nodded reassuringly at me, "Yes, we are back together." Buffy squeezed my hand and gave me a quick adoring look before focusing on Xander.

"You think I've been happy?" Buffy said in a deathly tone to him, "I've been anything but happy. You never knew what it was like for me to loose the love of my life. You never bothered to ask if I was doing okay. You never looked past your anger at Angel to see what it was doing to me. I dated Riley because I felt that I had to, and that was because of people like you, and my mother and even Angel who told me to. I didn't love Riley and I'm never going to be able to, please be happy for me Xander."
Xander looked at me with a pure look of contempt. I didn't flinch or look away from his eyes. I was not going to feel guilty about this. If Buffy and I were officially back together than it was time for me to stop feeling guilty about it and instead just feel honored that I got a chance at a relationship with the person who I love so much.

"I would be happy for you, Buff, but the truth is I saw exactly what he did to you and I hate him for it," Xander replied never once looking away from me.

Buffy shrugged and I could tell immediately how hurt she was, but I admired her willpower to hide it as best she could. "Don't make me choose between the two of you. Xander, you've been one of the best friends I could ever have, but your problem with Angel stops now or you'll be one of the best ex-friends I could have had."

Xander sucked in a deep breath and a part of me really appreciated how he was trying to look out for Buffy. "I'll try, Buffy. If it makes you happy then I'll try, but I can't promise any more than that."

I stared at the boy in shock. I couldn't believe that those words had just come out of Xander Harris's mouth. "Thank you Xander... it actually means a lot."

Xander shrugged, "It doesn't mean I have to like it. I don't, and if what Anya said was true then I'm gonna like it even less, but I'm not quite ready to lose Buffy."

Buffy smiled sadly at Xander and I felt that familiar tug at me heart. She wasn't even twenty, and yet the love of my life looked as if she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders-which of course, was true. On top of it all she had to deal with being in love with a vampire that could turn evil if she got too close. It wasn't fair. And I wasn't sure what I could do to make it better.

"Yeah, we did," Buffy admitted softly in a guilt stricken tone. I pulled her against me-my earlier anger and jealousy miraculously gone-trying to silently communicate that what happened wasn't her fault, that I was in control the whole time and if I thought that things were getting out of hand then I would be able to stop it. At least I think I could've, but I'm not so sure. My self-control when it comes to Buffy isn't what it should be.

Spikes eyes widened in delight and he slapped his knee. "I can't believe it. They actually slept together!"

"Great, we're all going to die now.... And I don't want to die!" Anya complained with such a self-pitied tone that I almost felt bad for Xander.

"Buffy, I don't understand... you know what happened the last time," Giles lectured without raising his voice. Somehow it was worse than if he had been yelling at us.

Buffy nodded and buried herself against me. I could sense the guilt coming of off her and it made me feel guilty in turn. But I'm not, and I'm not going to feel guilty about what we shared. I kissed the top of her head and whispered, "Its okay, love. It wasn't your fault and don't let them make you feel guilty for it." Turning back to the group I noticed that Xander and Anya were absent. I knew that Buffy would be hurt by it, but it was probably for the best. "Don't blame Buffy for what happened. If you want to blame someone then blame me, but don't expect me to feel guilty for it. I was in control of myself and I do know the consequences for true happiness, which I didn't get."

"That isn't the point! Even thinking about doing what you two did, is putting all of our lives in danger and we can't deal with that on top of everything else!" Giles yelled obviously not being able to keep a handle on his emotions.

"Well, we did and it didn't. If you don't want to risk anything again-than I would really like to hear what Tara has to say about the curse." I said flatly. I wasn't going to give in. I didn't think that I could handle leaving Buffy again especially since she now knew about the forgotten day.

Giles faltered and looked around for support. Gunn looked at Giles for a minute and then at the distraught slayer in my arms. "A slayer in love with a vampire?" He muttered shaking his head, "I think I need to sit down."

Giles sighed and pressed his hand to his forehead, "Wesley do say something," he hissed under his breath, but my enhanced vampire hearing picked it up.

Wesley frowned and looked from me to Tara and back to Giles again. "I think that the choice that you made wasn't a very smart one, but it isn't really our choice to make here. The two of you tried to be apart and it obviously didn't work, and if Tara has found a way to bind your curse than I say go for it."

Cordelia who had been strangely silent for the whole time said, "I don't agree with what your doing, Angel. To actually sleep with her is going just a little overboard. I was there the last time it happened, and those were some of the scariest nights of my life! I don't understand... I thought you were over her."

"I'll never be over her, Cordelia," I whispered in such a firm tone that Buffy looked up at me in surprise.

"I love you," she said firmly quickly taking flushing any guilt that Cordy managed to give me right out of my system.

I kissed her softly paying no attention to the other people in the room. "I love you, too."

Cordelia cleared her throat noisily and I reluctantly turned my attention back to her. "I know you don't like it, Cordy, but your going to have to accept it... and hopefully be happy for me in time."

Cordelia sighed and nodded, "I guess that's the only thing that I'll be able to do."

Giles also nodded, "I'm not happy with it, but Buffy if it makes you happy I'll live with it." Buffy smiled happily at him and pulling away from me she walked over and gave him a quick hug.

"I will be happy," she told him firmly. Then turning around she put on business-Buffy face, "Tara, bounding Angel's soul... do you have to do a spell?"

Tara nodded and looked at Willow, "I think I have an idea of how to work it, but I'm going to need Willow's help."

Willow smiled and linked arms with her girlfriend, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

I looked at Buffy and felt a small smile creeping over my face. This was it. We were actually going to go through with it. In a few hours I could be with the woman I loved, with no strings attached. Suddenly things like sires that were suppose to be dead and lawyers set on destroying you seemed insignificant.

"How soon can we start?"


A/N: I've been thinking about writing a sequel to this as there are a lot of things that were left unsaid, but I have a lot of other things I'm in the middle of and I need to get those done. So, tell me what you thought and hopefully if reviews are good enough I'll write a sequel.