Disclaimer: The Bleach boyz belong to Kubo Tite. I just borrow them a bit, here and there.

Fool -Ichigo has a request. Ishida just thinks the idiot's lost his mind. Post Soul-Society arc.

Purpose of this fic was to write lots of awesome banter, except I'm not exactly good at awesome banter so for the most part you get weird banter instead. Uh.

This is post Soul Society and post chapter 189-ish, so spoilers for everything before that.

In terms of the story, this is pretty much the same as what I have posted in my writing journal, with a change in the middle in reference to whether or not Ishida is president (or captain, as they translated it in the Viz comics) of the handicrafts club. I thought at first that he wasn't but I guess he is (or at least he's a freshman captain, if that makes any difference?) so I had to change that little portion in the middle.

Ishida Uryuu gave the proposal approximately half a second of consideration before deciding firmly, "No."

Immediately, Kurosaki Ichigo developed a look that resembled a kicked puppy. It was also one that was suffering from a severe case of rabies, and therefore liable to bite and spread his madness. Then the shinigami snapped, "You didn't even think about it, asshole."

He sighed. He personally thought he had already given up enough of his time by agreeing to listen to the other teen, but then it wasn't like he had actually been given a choice. One moment he had been quietly reading his book, and the next he suddenly found himself being grabbed by the collar of his shirt and bodily hauled out of his chair. He had only managed a weak protest before he was dragged up the stairs to the roof, much to the amusement of all bystanders. If he could have, he would have gnawed on Kurosaki's hand until the idiot let go, but he was in too much shock to contemplate doing such a thing until it was much too late.

Because before he could make a biting remark and make the shinigami let go of him, Kurosaki had opened his enormous mouth and asked for the most ridiculous thing in the entire universe.

Now he found himself glaring at the shinigami, pushing his glasses up in a gesture that was part habit, part nervous tic, and part intimidation tactic. Most people would not be able to get such a range of meaning into a single action, but Uryuu was versatile.

"That's because there's nothing to think about. You're obviously delusional if you thought it was going to turn out any other way."

Kurosaki just glared back, not at all unsettled by Uryuu's obvious annoyance. Perhaps it was because he was simply too dense to notice it, or possibly he was even offended by it. Kurosaki was like that; he seemed to take everything so personally, and sometimes Uryuu just wanted to sigh and shoot an arrow at the shinigami to put an end to his misery.

Of course, that wasn't exactly a possibility anymore.

"Why?" Kurosaki demanded, apparently intent on being as irritating as possible. "Tell me why you won't even think about it."

He harrumphed. "Because I do not wish to."

"Well, that's fucking mature," Kurosaki replied sarcastically.

His voice turned frosty, "You're certainly one to talk about maturity, Kurosaki."

"I'm not the one being an asshole."

"No, but you just can't help it, can you?"

He wasn't even supposed to be in this situation. He had, after all, promised his father that he would not associate with shinigami anymore. This obviously included Kurosaki, and although he had not been given a choice in being an active participant in this foolish conversation, he most certainly would end it as quickly as he could.

Besides, that was the crux of the problem, far removed from simply Uryuu's opinion on the shinigami. What Kurosaki was… asking for would require breaking his promise and not to mention actually having to speak to the man to tell him that. Not only was he now willing to go that far, but he didn't really want to talk to that guy and explain the circumstances. He'd had enough grief from Ryuuken, and was quite keen on avoiding any more.

"Why do you have to act like this?" the shinigami looked angry at him, although that wasn't a unique experience. He couldn't quite recall a time when Kurosaki had been… pleased with him, which probably made this situation even more surreal. Not that he was contemplating it.

Of course not.

"Why are you so surprised?" Uryuu replied, giving Kurosaki an annoyed look. "I'm not acting any different than I usually am, and if what you're saying is true, it's apparent you didn't mind it before."

"I did mind it before, but it's not like I can help it!"

"Oh? You should learn to have a little more will power, Kurosaki. And perhaps to think for yourself."

Kurosaki snarled, "I just wanted to ask, okay? You don't have to be such an asshole about it. You owe me that much, considering how you've turned me gay."

"Excuse me?" his voice rose approximately three and a half octaves. "Excuse me! I turned you gay? Did you honestly just say what I thought you said!"

"Oh, now you're going to listen to me?" Kurosaki snapped, completely missing the point.

"I can't believe you just said I turned you gay! What on earth do you mean by that!"

"It's like you have vibes or something."

The idiocy of this situation was stunning. The idiocy of Kurosaki was beyond mind-boggling, and reinforced his conviction that the guy needed to be locked away before he could cause any harm to sentient beings. "Vibes!"

"You're the president of the Handicraft Club!"

"So?" he snapped, his eye starting to twitch slightly. He wasn't sure if it was because it was Kurosaki, who was apparently under the impression that he could turn people 'gay' through non-existent vibes, or the because he suddenly wanted to punch the idiot.

Kurosaki gestured wildly, as if that was somehow making a coherent statement, "People come to you to get their ugly stuffed animals fixed! How many straight guys have that happen to them?"

"If they could sew as well as I could, I'm sure plenty would find themselves inundated with requests to fix broken stuffed animals, Kurosaki."

"You put Kon in a freaking dress!"

"Just because I have taste doesn't mean I'm giving off gay vibes."

"Ah ha!" Kurosaki pointed a finger at him. "So you don't deny that you're gay!"

He gave Kurosaki a look and said coldly, "No, I do not. Unlike you, I came to terms with it quite a while ago. Also, I will make it a point to tell you that unlike you, I was mature enough not to blame it on other people."

Kurosaki seemed to deflate a little at that, although that simply meant he reverted back to his default expression. Which, more or less, was a permanent scowl. "I'm not… okay, you're right. I'm not blaming you for what I am, alright? But unlike you, it took me a little longer to come to terms to it and now that I have, so I'm just asking you. To see if maybe something could come out of it."

He raised an eyebrow, surprised despite himself at Kurosaki's… it wasn't really a confession, but it was decidedly more intelligent than anything else he had heard coming out of the shinigami's mouth thus far. And wondered if perhaps, if this had come a little earlier, he would not have so coldly brushed the shinigami off like that.

Well, in all likelihood he probably would have because… well, something like this, he wasn't really expecting it. Especially from Kurosaki, who didn't seem that fond of him in the first place. To find out differently was certainly a surprise. But maybe after getting over his shock, he might have decided… he didn't know if he would have agreed, but there was a distinct possibility.

But now? He wasn't going to give up his powers and be useless for the rest of his life, just for something that might never work out. Yes, he was certainly thinking about it, but… if he really thought about it, there was really no point in even thinking. It wasn't as easy as just trying out a relationship, with no actual loss except for emotional sanity if it worked out very badly. In this case, he would really have to give something up just to try, and that something was just too large for him to brush off so easily.

Kurosaki was a fool to think he would voluntarily lose his powers just so they could… be romantically involved, especially when nothing was certain. Of course, Kurosaki didn't exactly know about the deal he had made with Ryuuken, so he really shouldn't blame the shinigami. The only person he could blame was himself, although when he was feeling particularly spiteful he had absolutely no qualms of passing that culpability to Ryuuken because he wouldn't care anyway. That asshole was definitely not losing any sleep over this, he was certain of that. And now, this?

It wasn't easy enough in the first place, to come to his decision. Why did Kurosaki have to make it harder?

"I can't," he said firmly, not sure who he was even speaking to. It might have been Kurosaki. It might have been himself.

It might have been no one at all because it didn't really matter.

"And I can't tell you why," he added flatly because Kurosaki had already opened his mouth to ask the inevitable question of why. Why couldn't he? Why was it that his powers were more important than spending the rest of his life with somebody he sort of liked back already, despite the guy's many, many flaws? He could look past all of that. He knew it could work, and it wouldn't really be a… he wouldn't be settling for anything. It was not something he would have actively looked for, but now that it was suddenly in front of him he could not help but think about it in a new light. And perhaps he was just being fickle, but… it would not be a bad thing.

It had the potential to be very nice, in fact.

But he couldn't. That was the simple fact, and really, that should have been the end of the damn conversation. Except Kurosaki was a stubborn fool, and wouldn't just let a 'no' be a no. The shinigami need to know why before he could be satisfied, which was probably why this conversation had lasted as long as it had.

"Fine, I won't ask that then," Kurosaki said, although the expression he was giving him was no longer the perma-scowl but now a slight frown, as if there was something about Uryuu that he was having trouble understanding. "But just tell me one thing. Do you like me back, asshole."

He bit back a laugh. Only Kurosaki. Only Kurosaki.

"I suppose I could," he said with a slight smile. Why was he smiling? It wasn't even that funny.

"You suppose you could? That's usually a yes or no question, you know."

"And that is probably why so many relationships end. I like to take my time."

"But there is a possibility?"

He sighed. "Yes, Kurosaki. I suppose you could say that."

Kurosaki gave him a contemplative look, and he felt a slight amount of dread at that. Exactly what was the shinigami thinking about now? Nothing good ever came out of the guy trying to think, considering how rarely he managed to follow it to a logical conclusion.

"Don't go bat-shit on me then, okay?"

Uh… and exactly what did he mean by that?

That was what he would have said except then he rather suddenly found himself without the ability to use his mouth anymore, as it was currently busy being kissed by Kurosaki Ichigo.

He sighed mentally. Really, Ichi-Kurosaki was a fool if he thought this would be going any further. He already said it wouldn't. Couldn't. There was a difference between the two words, even though he didn't really enjoy thinking about it like that. But the point of the matter was that the guy shouldn't be doing this, giving them both a taste of what they could have had. If only.

But knowing that, knowing he had an agreement with Ryuuken, knowing this was really more grief than either of them needed because it could not go anywhere… well, it didn't seem to matter as much as it had anymore. Afterwards Uryuu would concoct a theory that kissing made people not only delusional but also so light-headed that they could no longer think straight anymore, a hypothesis that would no doubt win him a Nobel Prize if only he knew what category to enter it in. Maybe world peace, since light-headed people who couldn't think straight certainly made a much happier world indeed, especially when they were so delirious with the romantic inanity of something as silly as a kiss.

Plus it felt sort of weird. Nice, but weird. Which was more the reason to stop.

Except Ryuuken was the one who had said it best. Uryuu was a fool, a weakling with no will power against this sort of thing and apparently no common sense either. But right now it didn't seem to matter anymore. Because Ryuuken was fading to a little voice in his head that could easily be ignored, and all that was important now was this. Here.

He found that he did not really mind being a fool with Kurosaki.

It got a little more serious than I thought it would, but something like this… well, I guess it can't be anything but a little serious, although my original intent was for humor. So instead this story gets labeled… humor and angst on the lj community I posted it on, which is not to say that I disagree but when I told my friend she shrieked, 'How is that even possible?' while all I can do was wail back, 'I don't know but somehow I managed it.'

I'm actually a little more fond of SadoxIshida than I am of this coupling, but this one has its merits. Namely being awesome, awesomebanter. With Sado… ah, there wouldn't be too much talking at all, I'm afraid. And that's just not as much fun to write.

Yah, I'm a loser. Go me. :D


Finished: February 27, 2006
Posted: May 4, 2006