Uh...It's three in the morning and we were talking about vampires. I think that's sufficient excuse for this story. Hope you like, let me know. (As always)


"Don't forget the pineapple!" Reno hovered at Rude's elbow as the bald man cooked the burgers in the dark. Elena looked over at them and shook her head sadly, turning away again. Rude, meanwhile, finished his burger and held out the cooked slab of fruited meat to Reno. The red-head squealed in an overly-excited, slightly girly way and grabbed burger. Rude cleared his throat slightly and Reno looked up at him, his mouth full of burger.

"Uh…Reno. I've got something I have to tell you."

"Does this have to do with us being out here, having a cook-out, in the middle of the night?"
"…Yes." The bald man cleared his throat again and shifted slightly, "I don't know how to say this, but…over the years, as we've gotten to know each other, I've had this urge to suck your blood."

Reno stared blankly at the bald man. "What?!"

"No, wait, that cam out wrong. Well, no, it was right. I mean…I'll just say it. I'm a vampire."

Reno burst out laughing, but after a second it died slightly as Reno thought. That would explain a lot of things…Rude's avoiding mirrors, his pink umbrella during the day…the fact that Reno couldn't keep a dog for more than a couple of weeks. He looked up at his bald partner, "Really?"

"You're taking this very well, Reno." Rude's voice was impressed as he watched the shorter man's reaction.

"…Thanks, I gues…" Reno trailed off, Rude's words really sinking in. For a second the two men stared at each other, and then Reno screamed shrilly and spun, sprinting for the house and still screaming like a girl. Rude glanced awkwardly at the remaining Turks that had all looked around. "Reno's had too many beers. I'll go get him."

The bald man followed Reno up to the house, trying to ignore the stares that followed him.

Reno was crouched at the corner where the front hall met a cross hall, a tranquilizer gun in one hand and a mirror in the other. He was using the mirror to look around the corner at the door, waiting. He was still waiting when he heard the voice next to him, "Reno, vampires can't be seen in mirrors."

In response, Reno leapt into the air, spun, and fired the tranquilizer all in one motion. The dart made contact with Rude's shoulder and the bald man collapsed to the ground. A sudden idea struck Reno and he began dragging Rude into the spare room on the bottom floor, grabbing a rope and a chair on the way.

(9)(9)

"Guys! I need your help!" Reno came sprinting down the small hill to where the two remaining Turks were cleaning up the remains of their cook-out. Tseng didn't even bother to look up and Elena scowled at the red-head, who ignored both looks. "C'mon! It's on Rude; we never pull any pranks on him."

"What is it?" Elena sighed resignedly. Reno laughed manically and grabbed his boss by the back of the shirt, dragging him along as he and the blonde woman started back toward the house and Reno's plan.

It took them a full two hours to find all the stuff at Target and set it up at the house. Reno set about making a banner to hang over Rude's head and a note to leave with him. The others spent the last hour setting up various traps of Reno's design. Finally, finally, they finished and sat upstairs waiting for Rude. And then the plan unfolded.

Rude woke to find himself tied to a kitchen chair in the basement, his shirt, jacket, and left sock for some reason gone. A few seconds of work freed him from the ropes and he straightened, a pink sparkle on a string swinging into view over his head. He sighed and reached for the sparkle, but stopped when he saw the banner. Painted above him in vibrant green letters was:

Life Lesson #3: Pikachu Promises Death



A small note lay beside the chair and Rude bent and picked it up. Inside was scrawled: Come and get me, Batboy!! Rude heaved a sigh and shoved the paper into his pocket. The stairs were the first problem; a waterfall of water was cascading down the stairs, starting to flood the basement. Rude sighed and pulled himself up through the water, right into the hole carved in the top. He swore loudly and yanked his foot free, falling into the kitchen. The source of the water was the sink, which was currently holding his stone-filled sock and leaking water onto the hole-y floor. The fridge was cracked slightly open and Rude pulled it all the way. Every shelf inside was covered with Swiss cheese and a single note card that read: We ran out of water.

The living room wasn't any better. A coffin was floating around the living room and, when it floated close enough to Rude, he saw a half-eaten Jell-O pie sitting on the pillow. He stared after the coffin long after it had passed him and was bumping stubbornly against his TV. All the windows in this room, letting in the early-dawn light to reflect off the water. Using a nearby broom, Rude fished the coffin back to his side. He took the pie out and left it to bob idly in the water as he lay full-out in the coffin and paddled it toward the stairs, keeping his head down on the pillow the entire time.

This time the stairs were only slightly flooded with water. However, the coffin got stuck in a particularly wide hole at the base of the staircase. Rude flipped out of the coffin and onto the garlic-coated stairs. Mirrors were set up every two or three stairs, reflecting back a view of his pants with a pole strapped to the back and the pink sparkle hanging from the pole. Rude sighed, grabbed hold of the banister, and immediately got an eye-full of garlic powder. He stumbled his way up the stairs, banging off the banisters and the walls. Stifled giggles reached him and he shouted up, "I can hear you guys! I'm going to kill you!" As he reached the top of the stairs, he sidestepped to get a view of the ones who were laughing at him, slipped on the marbles Reno had left their days before, and plummeted back down the stairs. He landed in the hole, knocked the coffin free and himself unconscious.

Meanwhile - With Tseng

"I choose you, Pikachu!" Tseng launched himself from a bush, tackling Pikachu and pinning him down. Not having a Pokémon of his own to use, Tseng was forced to beat up the Pikachu himself. The stunned Pikachu had no chance as Tseng slammed him with a chair, shouting, "That's right! I got the latest smack-down moves on your candy tail!" As soon as the yellow rat hit the ground, Tseng threw his Poke ball and captured him. "Hazzuh!"

(9)(9)

Tseng found Rude collapsed at the base of the stairs when he ran into the flooded house, Pikachu free from his ball and tucked under his arm. He ran up the stairs to where Reno and Elena waited with Rude's shirt and jacket.

Rude woke some time later with a blinding headache and yet another trip up the stairs. He wrestled his way free from the hole and hurried back up the stairs without touching the banister. The top floor was cut cleanly in half by a bed sheet hung from the ceiling that smelled distinctly of garlic powder. He reached forward and yanked it free, coming face-to-face with the flash of a Polaroid camera and an angry-looking flying Pikachu. Seconds before Pikachu hit him, Rude noticed the rat was wearing his shirt and jacket. He peeled the Pokémon from his face and glared at the others. "What are you doing?"

"Um…uh…" Reno looked from one person to the other, lost for words. "Surprise?!"

(9)(9)(9)

"Reno! Wake up!" Reno groaned at the sound of Elena's voice and opened his eyes. His first thought was that Elena looked distinctly rodent-like, his second thought was that she was going to kill 

him, and his third…that it wasn't Elena, but Pikachu leaning over him. The yellow demon leaned forward, his eyes glowing red and growled, "Pika pika…chuuuuuu."


Ah-ha-ha! Pikachu's evil!