Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket.
A/N: This is going to be fun. I've been itching to write a fic like this for a while. So, the question is... do YOU know where babies come from?
The school bell rang and Tohru packed up her things, humming to herself. Hiro and Kisa were going to come play today, and she was in the best of moods.
Little did she know what was coming next.
Tohru waved goodbye to her friends and practically skipped outside in joy. Hiro and Kisa were waiting for her, Kisa running up for a hug, and Hiro scowling as usual.
"Oneechan? C-can we ask you something?" Kisa said hesitantly.
"Yeah, there's something we've been wondering about." Hiro chimed in, crossing his arms.
"Sure, anything!" Tohru replied cheerfully.
"Where do babies come from?"
Tohru turned white. "W-what...?"
"Well, we know that you need a man and a woman..." Hiro said. "But what exactly do they DO? How does the baby get inside her stomach? Is it surgically put there or something?"
"Oneechan, are you okay? You look a little... pale..." Kisa said worriedly.
"N-No... it's just..." Tohru turned scarlet. "Um... you see... babies... they..." She remembered when her mother had told her about this. Kyoko had not wasted time in embellishing every detail of what took place. Afterwards, Tohru fainted for half an hour and decided she would never think about it again until she wanted children. And here she was, being forced to think about it. "B-Babies... you see... babies..."
"Oi, Tohru, are you alright? You look sick..." Kyo said from behind Tohru, making her jump up two feet.
"Uh... Kisa-chan... why don't you ask Kyo-kun?" Tohru said, hiding behind Kyo.
Kyo raised his eyebrows and then looked at the two younger people. "What?"
"Where do babies come from?"
Kyo almost choked on his spit. "WHAT THE HELL MADE YOU ASK THAT?" He yelled, his face turning as red as Tohru's. He remembered when Shishou had told him. He couldn't sleep for days, and wouldn't talk to any girls for weeks after that.
"Well... you know... when Hiro-chan's mama got pregnant, we started wondering how it happened..." Kisa said nervously, wondering what she had asked wrong.
"Yeah. Ever since that weekend I slept over Kisa-chan's house, mama started acting funny... and the next thing you know... there's a baby coming!" Hiro said exasperatedly. "Is anyone going to give us an answer?"
"Well, I know one person who can." Yuki said from behind Kyo and Tohru, who both jumped, not realizing that he was standing there. "I guess this is Shigure's department. Why don't we go home and ask him?" Yuki suggested.
"THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!" Both Kyo and Tohru said at once, sighing inwardly with relief.
Once they got to Shigure's house, they realized that they weren't the only company. Hatori and Ayame were there as well, sipping tea. They quickly explained the dilemma.
"So, you want to know where babies come from...?" Hatori spoke first, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, this a perfect oppurtunity to tell you my fantasy: A man and woman in love, but shy, go to an elaborate french restaurant. There, while eating gourmet ice-cream, the woman realizes she's chewing on a ring. She opens her mouth and it turns out to be a wedding ring. 'He's proposed!' she exclaimed and they kiss passionately, her clothes suddenly becoming a lavish red gown, designed by me of course, as songbirds sing and fireworks dance. He picks her up and carries her to his room, which happens to be above the restaurant. He then kisses her, softly at first, but then with increasing passion, placing her on his magical four-poster bed with a lace canopy and rose petals scattered on the silk bedding. Fairies and pixies come out to dance and sing as the man delicately removes her dress and--"
Hatori whacks him with a newspaper. "Shut up. We are not indulging kids with fantasy porn."
Tohru had gone white and slouched over as Hiro poked her unsurely. ("Is she dead?")
Kyo had gone into fetal position in the corner, rocking back and forth, whispering. "Not the (censored)... Please... No more (censored) (censored) (censored)...!"
It was then that Shigure decided to take matters into his own hands. "Okay, I say we use a metaphor. The birds and bees one is overused, so let's come up with something new!"
"Oh boy..." Yuki sighed.
"Okay, kids. So, say that a boy has a 'lollipop' and the girl has a magic refrigerator guarded by a hyena."
Hiro and Kisa: "...?"
"So, when the boy and girl love each other very much, the boy puts his lollipop into the girl's magic refrigerator and breaks her hyena. Of course, this hurts the girl a bit at first but then it starts to feel good... so then eventually, something magic happens inside that refrigerator, and then, nine months later, out pops a baby!" Shigure finished, feeling proud of himself. The others just sighed.
"But I don't have a magic refrigerator or a hyena..." Kisa said, puzzled.
Hiro raised his eyebrows. "So... you're saying babies come from lollipops and magic refrigerators...?"
Shigure nodded viggorously. "YEP!"
"AND YOU EXPECT US TO BELIEVE THAT? How stupid do you think we are?"
Now it was Yuki's turn to try. He faced them, a serious expression on his face. "Babies... you see... babies... come when a man and woman love each other very much..."
"...we got that part..."
Yuki blinked, looked around, suddenly sweating. "And... Hatori will explain the rest. He IS a doctor afterall!" Yuki said nervously, sitting back down.
Hatori sighed. "Well, it all comes down to me doing the dirty work, huh? Well, you see, it all starts with..."
Fifteen minutes later, a very enlightened Hiro and Kisa left Shigure's house, their eyes wide, ready to go ask their parents why they hadn't mentioned all the uses of their bodies.
Yuki had managed to revive Tohru, who was now softly whispering to Kyo, who was still curled up in the fetal position, his eyes wide and bloodshot.
"Well, that was fun!" Shigure commented to Ayame and Hatori.
"Yes, it was quite entertaining to see their faces as Hatori explained the workings of human life..." Ayame chuckled.
"Yeah... FOR YOU." Hatori growled.
hahaha, that was fun, but I can't take all the credit. My friend, Catinkaischarlieblossom, helped me mucho. She IS the expert (lol). Hope you enjoyed! Review!