Well, here I am again. If you've read my fics before, you'll know what to expect. If you haven't, here's what's to come:
Craziness, insanity, randomness, and the occasional "WTF?".
I've already finished Kingdom Hearts 2, and I'm currently working on completing the Jiminy Journal on Normal. So, just to warn you all, there will be some spoilers (most of you have already finished it, anyway.). There will be only ONE chapter. Of course, you'll only need one, since these are all skits and outtakes I thought up when I was playing through the game. If there are other fics like this, I haven't read them yet, so don't accuse me of ripping off other authors on the KH area of FanFiction, if some of the skits are possibly like others that other writers may put up. With that said, let's get this started.
I do not own Kingdom Hearts 2, nor do I own the original Kingdom Hearts. They are property of Square-Enix and Disney. In other words, I OWN NOTHING!
Kingdom Hearts 2: Outtakes
Skit 1: Fight With Sephiroth
Sora faced down Sephiroth, known to be a brutal combatant, and his Ultima Weapon Keyblade clashed with Sephiroth's Masamune. Sparks flew, and blows were traded. Yet Sora managed to deal a good amount of damage to the warrior. Sephiroth, wanting to end this annoyance's existence, began to rise in the air and glow. Sora, realizing that this attack was going to be big, took advantage of Sephiroth having to lower his guard and attacked.
….by kicking him in the nuts. Sephiroth doubled over and fell…well, more like caved, to the ground with a slump.
Sephiroth: uuhhhghhh…my one weakness…how…did you know…?
Sora: Apparently the One-Winged Angel is also a One-Testicled Pussy.
Sephiroth: The shame…! My secret…revealed..!
Sora: (sweatdrops) Uh, I'm gonna leave now, if that's okay.
As Sora walked away, Donald and Goofy surprised by the turn of events, Cloud jumped down from one of the high cliffs and landed next to Sephiroth. He then commenced kicking the shit out of Sephiroth while he was down.
Cloud: (with veinpops) This-is-what-you-GET! You killed Aerith, you goddamn rat bastard!
Aerith pops out of nowhere, chibified and shaking a chibi fist: I AIN'T DEAD YET, MOTHAFA!
Skit 2: Reunion at Hollow Bastion
As Sora entered the Boroughs, more of the new enemies, the Nobodies, appeared and attacked him, Donald, and Goofy. Finishing them off as quickly as possible, Sora and his party were soon greeted by none other than Yuffie.
Yuffie: Hey you guys! Good to see you again!
Sora: Yuffie! Long time no see!
Donald whispered to Goofy: Is it just me, or did the character designer maker her chest a bit smaller?
Goofy got an incredulous look on his face, and smacked Donald with a copy of the Book of Mormon. (A/N: MWAHAHAHAHA! Goofy converted to Mormonism while in cryogenic sleep! NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!)
Sora overheard, and blushed, while Yuffie was unsure if he was thinking perverted thoughts or just liked her a lot.
Yuffie: Meet me over at Merlin's! We've set up base there!
Sora: Got it!
(Inside Merlin's house)
Aerith: (facing Sora) Sora! Good to see you!
Aerith: Huh? (sweatdrops)
Sora points at Aerith's chest: ..boooooooobs…
Aerith turns bright red: Ah!
Goofy goes through prayers, while Cid turns around and faces Sora as well.
Cid: HEH! I knew he ain't gay! The character designer, Nomura-san, moved a bit of Yuffie's bust to Aerith.
Aerith: Cid! I've always had this size! (cups her bust with her hands) I've just covered it up until recently!
Yuffie: NOT FAIR! GIMME BACK MY TITS!
Sora just stands there, drooling at Aerith.
Skit 3: DiZ and…HUH!
DiZ was sitting in front of his terminal, monitoring the goings on in the data made Twilight Town, seeing his new acquaintance interact with Roxas and taking the 5000 Munny off his persona. Just then, he feels motion behind him, and turns his chair to face his acquaintance.
DiZ: So, I take it went well?
Hooded Figure: Yes. (tosses the Munny bag in the air a bit)
DiZ: You'll want to delete that later. It doesn't belong in this world. Did he see your face, by the way?
Hooded Figure: No. Then again, he wouldn't know me. (puts his hood back)
DiZ: Huh-WHAT THE F!
Tidus: HaHAAAA! I make my comeback! (gives the bird to the players) SUCK IT CLOUD!
Cloud (in Midgar, watching the KH2 DVD and drinking some Dr. Pepper): PPFHTTTT! How the hell did HE get in this game! That's it! Tifa, get me my Advent Children outfit! I've got Meg Ryan to kill!
Tifa: It's in your closet!
Cloud looks around his room and is unable to find his AC outfit.
Cloud: Tifa! I don't have a closet!
Tifa: Sure you do. Otherwise, where else would you have come from?
(A/N: Read the last two lines again, if you didn't get the joke. And if you still don't get it, Tifa's calling Cloud gay.)
Skit 4: "Finny Friends?" Fing fish…
Sora, Donald, and Goofy arrive in Atlantica, greeting Ariel, King Triton, and the rest.
Sora: Any Heartless sightings recently?
King Triton: No. Things have been quite peaceful. We do have another problem, though.
Sora: Any way we can help?
Sebastian: Actually, I could use some help with the concert that I'm preparing for.
(Tutorial for Song Minigames)
Sora: Huh? What the hell?
Sebastian, Ariel, and Flounder go into a song about "Finny Friends." Sora fails the minigame due to complete shock.
Sebastian: Ehhh…you probably should come back after practicing up on your moves a bit.
Sora: Good idea.
Sora and the party leave Atlantica.
Sora: We never speak of this again. We never go back there again. Yo Comprende?
Donald speaks to Sora in fluent Spanish.
Sora: No more Spanish! This game is from Japan, for Kami's sake!
Skit 5: Roxas gets Emo
Roxas, beating Axel, continues forward into the room where Sora's pod is being kept, and sees DiZ.
Roxas: You. GRAAAAAGHHH!
He slashes at DiZ with his Keyblade, but his strikes pass right through him every time.
DiZ: Are you finished? This is merely a data projection. Completely intangible.
Roxas: I HATE YOU!
DiZ: Good. You can share some of that hatred with Sora. He's too nice for his own good. …What are you doing?
DiZ: Huh? Oh hell no, you're not pulling that Shinji Ikari crap, are you?
Roxas: imusn'trunay AYANAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
DiZ: (sweatdrops) …Goddamn emo kids. That's the path to the Dark Side. Take it from a guy who played a Sith!
Skit 6: Yuna, Rikku, and Paine play with Reality
Out near the recently remembered Radiant Garden (Hollow Bastion's real name), Yuna, Rikku, and Paine were still searching for treasure.
Rikku: awwwwww….we'll never find ANYTHING here!
Paine: Rikku may be right. Should we try leaving this world, to look for other treasure?
Yuna: (small veinpop) nnnnnnnghhhh…There has to be something here!
A regular size treasure chest appears next to Yuna.
Yuna: Huh? WOW! Finally, some treasure!
She opens up the chest.
(Acquired The Fourth Hammer)
Rikku: It looks rare. But what's it used for?
Paine: There's a note attached to the handle.
Yuna: Hmm…"Here's The Fourth Hammer. Use it to break down the Fourth Wall.
Who's this guy?
Rikku: Oooh, Yunie, you've got a secret admirer!
Yuna: Oh my. (blushes)
Paine: What is the "Fourth Wall", though?
Yuna: I don't know. Wait, there's something else written on the back. "Just swing it around like crazy. You'll find the Fourth Wall really quick."
Rikku: Hmmm…well. Might as well give it a shot.
Paine: There's nobody around here besides us anyway.
Yuna: Alright. Here goes!
Yuna, her fairy body swinging the hammer, which is about twice her size, rocks back and forth wildly until she strikes something and a portal opens in midair.
Yuna: What'd I hit?
Rikku: Dunno. Let's check it out anyway!
Paine: I know that sentence means we're headed for trouble.
The three pass through a portal, and come out looking over a large dirt road surrounded by grass and scattered debris looking like it came from a lost civilization. There were people walking around and three foot tall bipedal machines that stood sentry every thirty meters.
Paine: Wow, nice place. Where are we?
Yuna: I don't know…
They hear some people yelling nearby, and fly over to see a crowd around a three-person party fighting off monsters.
Rikku: What's going on here?
They notice the three people who just defeated the monsters were dressed a lot like them. And they looked a lot like them. Then one turned to the fairy trio and all six of them were shocked.
Yuna (FFX-2): What the! You!
Yuna (KH2): You're me!
Solid Snake pops out from behind a box on the ground and points at the six of them: You've created a Time Paradox!
Skit 7: Sora and Riku in the Realm of Darkness
Sora and Riku, after defeating Xemnas, talk between themselves, as Sora helps Riku walk over to the coast side.
Riku: …you know, I was a bit jealous of you, as well.
Sora: How so?
Riku: Well, you followed your heart, and did what you believed in. I…was jealous of that.
Sora contemplates this for a moment, and then the player catches his eye.
Riku: What is it?
Sora points to the player through the screen: All those people have been watching us this whole time.
Riku: Oh. I thought something was odd. I heard girls squealing over how bishie I was, but when I turned to see who said that, I didn't see anyone.
Sora: ….(sweatdrops) I think…those girls are squealing with glee again. (turns to the player through the screen) I think you've got this conversation wrong, folks.
Riku looks at the player through the screen as well: Yeah. This isn't a Yaoi moment or anything. We're just friends.
Sora starts drooling again: Aerith's bust was huge…
Riku: You mean..!
Sora gets a big grin: …yeeeeahhhhh…
Riku gets a big grin as well: Booooooooooobs… drool
Skit 8: In Ansem's computer room
As Sora was inside helping Tron gain access to Ansem's Database, Tifa was still looking around the same room, keeping an eye out for Cloud. Leon was just kicking back, playing with Stitch a bit, when Aerith entered the room.
Aerith: Oh, Leon. I was just going to check if Sora met with you yet.
Leon: Yes. He's trying to get access to Ansem's data by helping a program called Tron.
Aerith: That's good. (she catches sight of Tifa) Huh? You!
Tifa: What? Aerith! Long time!
Leon, still playing with Stitch: I guess you two know each other.
Aerith: Yes! We were friends with Cloud and you before the Heartless attacked our world. Tifa, what took you so long to get back here?
Tifa: I was looking for Cloud all this time. Then I learned he was hunting down Sephiroth and trying to beat him, so I followed his trail.
Stitch, at this point, was a bit irritated that a lot of attention was going to these girls' discussion, so he did what any super-powered furry creature of male origin would do in anime. He tore off their tops.
Stitch: AHAHAHAHAHAHAH! (rolls on the ground) Stitch wear women's clothes! (puts Aerith's bra on his head)
Leon, of course, got a massive nosebleed and passed out. Which was fortunate for him, since Tifa was ready to beat the shit out of him. Regardless, both her and Aerith were blushing profusely.
Tifa: (glancing at Aerith's bust) …wow. You've gotten to be quite the man-killer. (grins)
Tifa: Lemme have a feel of those!
Tifa runs behind Aerith, cupping her breasts and giving them a squeeze.
Aerith: Ahh-aaahh! (she blushes) D-don't! I'm sensitive there.
Tifa, at this point, feels a bit of fluttering in her stomach. She starts massaging Aerith's breasts, with Aerith moaning a bit. Tifa feels her body heat up a bit more, and…well, within two minutes they're on each other fulfilling a lot of FF7 fanboy's fantasies.
Stitch: Nice! (he pulls out a digital video camera from behind his back) This I show to everybody!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! How'd you like the ending? XD Well, I'm done with this, so-
(A portal opens up next to my T.V., and Yuna, Rikku, and Paine from KH2 fall out along with The Fourth Hammer)
Me: Huh? 0.o;
Yuna: Where are we now?
Rikku: (looks up) Hey, he's kinda cute. Nice hair, bud! You could stand to lose a bit of weight though.
Paine: Have you met a guy named DrgnmastrAlex?
Me: ..that's me. So, what do you need?
Yuna: This hammer has caused us a bit of trouble.
Rikku: Some thirty year old guy in a stealth suit harassed us for screwing up the Space-Time continuum.
Paine: He was actually pretty hot.
Rikku: EW! Don't need to hear your interests in older men!
Yuna: Is what you put on that note true? About being a fan of mine?
Me: Well, yeah. Why do you ask?
(Yuna flies over to the other side of my room, with Rikku and Paine going into a group discussion, whispering.)
Me: ehhhhh…anyway. (turns to the readers) I should be able to update one of my other fics after about two weeks, due to college. In case you're a new reader, they are as follow:
Love Hina: Shichinin no Naru; Love Hina: Mr.UrashimaMs.Mikamura; dothack/CRAZY; and Darkstalkers: Makai Crisis. I have one other fic that is already completed called Love Hina: New and Old Faces, Same Zaniness, which is also my first one (please forgive me if it starts out a bit lame. It gets better by chapters 7 through 9). So, other than-
Yuna: Okay, it's decided then!
Me: Uh, what's decided?
Yuna: We're sticking around with you from now on!
Rikku: Heya, roomie!
Paine: We should be able to find some more information on other treasures that exist in this world.
Me: ….I don't know if I should be ecstatic or fearing for my life. (turns back to readers) Be sure to review, and happy reading/writing!