Disclaimer: I do NOT own Pretear! My thoughts are my own though…


Loving Silence

Silence, loneliness echoes off your dark walls!

My mind spun dark trails of thoughts, each one choking off any last traces of humanity in me.

He didn't love me! Hayate didn't love me. After all I had done! I would show him. I would take away everything that was most precious to him! I would destroy him, as he had done with me.

But even I didn't believe that full heartedly- somewhere in the catacombs of my shadowed soul a pair of deep purple eyes shone hidden in a shard of memory.

Sasame………………


"Fool" my voice rang empty. Sasame didn't even flinch. He would speak of love to me, declare his unending devotion…he was the knight of sound; I suppose his eloquence was to be expected.

Indignation bubbled in some faraway corner of my consciousness.

"Why couldn't you tell me then? Why didn't you? You say you love me… but you wouldn't even…"

I cut off my train of thoughts. I didn't care. What he had done, what he hadn't done, it made no difference. Hayate was the one that betrayed me and I would have revenge on him. What better way to see him die than at the sword of his best friend…I stifled the other thoughts and walked away. I didn't need Sasame. I didn't love Sasame. He was a fool for staying and I would use that to my advantage. That was the reason for allowing him to remain. The only reason. He would help me get my revenge on Hayate; but somewhere hidden deep inside my consciousness a small voice feebly argued this. Destroying Hayate was the only reason why I allowed Sasame to stay around me. The ONLY reason, I re-emphasised. Again I buried that voice deep in the very core of my darkness, in my muted heartache and I needed convince myself no further. Sasame was my puppet. Just that.


The tree was angry I knew that. It would kill me. I knew that too, but I didn't want to move. Perhaps I couldn't. I was waiting to feel the cold roots tear me apart, instead all that reached me was a gentle breeze. I turned around. Sasame was already starting to lose Leafe. He had protected me; I had shown nothing but contempt and yet he had protected me, at the cost of his own life. Suddenly the part of me I had buried in silence for so long came crying out. It only said one word.

Sasame!

The tears that had been searing my heart all this time broke free, pouring out to the same rhythm as Sasame's energy. He couldn't leave me now! He wouldn't!

"Sasame! You promised!"

"Was I finally able to become you Knight?"

His soft voice further battered the breaking strings of my heart. I couldn't speak. All these years, all I had done, and still…The tears kept streaming as he bade me to smile. I couldn't. Smiling was the last thing I wanted to do, still he bade me again in his soothing voice, eyes delicately upturned, and I had to do it. One last thing for the one man I had truly loved.

"I am a Knight for you alone, my one and only Takako…" the softness of the words rushed by me like a spring breeze. I looked as his eyelids slowly dropped, to nevermore reveal those beautiful eyes. The eyes that had watched me…watched over me…that had revealed my true nature in their depths. Eyes as deep as my own heartache…eyes that watched into my very soul…they would now forever lie in darkness. I would never see them again.


I had thought my heart to have been broken before, but I had been deceiving myself. This was true heartache. Real and palpable. I reached out trying to hold on to him; trying to keep his hand in mine…trying to keep him with me.

"Sasame! No…You can't leave me…No…Sasame…Come back!" I wanted him back. To see his eyes, his smile…to hear his voice. The tears streamed forth pouring from the wounds of my heart.

"Come back. I'll accept any punishment! Sasame! I'll do anything! It's okay…even if you won't love me anymore…Come back"

My heart spun dark trails of sorrow, each one deeper than the one before…each a darker shade of purple…like his eyes. I closed my eyes feeling anguish suffocate me. I would keep the memory of his eyes inside myself…reflecting the woman I could have become…the woman I could, now, never become. My strength failed me, my eyes closed in resignation. If I could not have Sasame, my life was worthless. Sobs wrecking my body, tears falling in a never-ending torrent my heart found strength in the memory of his eyes and she whispered the last word of her requiem.

Sasame!


Author's Note: This is for my wonderful reviewers. You know who you are, and I am deeply greatful for each and every one of you.