(DISCLAIMERS): Angel isnt mine...BUT CONNOR IS! I BOUGHT HIM ON EBAY! YAY/gets a death glare from a certain vamp daddy/ Yeah? FKK U, ANGEL! YOU DONT KNOW WHERE I LIVE! OR WHERE I HANG OUT!

(TITLE): Wherever You Go

(A/N): This is dedicated to my buddy Jay kuz he wanted me to write something along these lines and actually helped me write alot of the dialogue. THIS IS ALL KUZ OF HIM! I woulda never thought up this fik without him. Thanks Jay! I turned it really mushy, though! Heeheee XD

Takes place after Not Fade Away but can just be something completely AU, since I write alot of that and kuz Connor's 17 and in high school here, not college.

Sorry if the rest of my stuff isnt updated yet! I swear Im writing but I have to be in the "mood", you know? I havent been lazy, tho. I did tons of wallpapers of Angel/Connor, most of them going along with my fiks (and future works-in-progress), and a couple of Angel and Spike and Connor (none of them SLASH, by the way), so if anybody wants me to send them, just email me. I would have them up on my new Livejournal I made dedicated to Connor (way better than my vampirefreaks account!) but photobucket keeps resizing them, so watever. Just email me.


Jay: she'll be in Ybor City tonight. Happy Cinco De Mayo!

Me: Hate, Jay, PURE HATE. But I still win! Its not Friday no more! Heeheeeee U SUKK, SHANE!



Baby join me in death
Baby join me in death
Baby join me in death

We are so young
Our lives have just begun
But already we're considering
Escape from this world

And we've waited for so long
For this moment to come
We're so anxious to be together
Together in death

Won't you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death
Won't you die
Baby join me in death
Won't you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death

This world is a cruel place
And we're here only to lose
So before life tears us apart Let death bless me with you

Won't you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death
Won't you die
Baby join me in death
Won't you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death

Join me in death

Join me

This life ain't worth living

Won't you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death
Won't you die
Baby join me in death
Won't you die tonight for love
Baby join me in death

Baby join me in death


It was a Monday night and Angel was looking for his son.

Looking for his son in his own home, that is.


And Connor's. Only Connor never shared it during the day. His son was their's in the Reilly mind, but always his and always grandly flaunted around the Hyperion from nightfall until dawn.

So he was looking for him now.

He had just come back from a staking, events that his child still shied away from but was slowly accepting again as part of a lifestyle- a lifestyle of Champions not senior high school students- and could smell his boy, his Miracle, near, but Connor was not in his usual spot in the lobby and not in his room.

Or the kitchen.

Or the vampire's office waiting for him like so many other times before.

Or outside in the garden staring up at the moon.

Or with Gunn.

Or Spike, God forbid that anyway.

Or the bathroom because Angel had actually gone as far as to walk in and check.

Angel frowned in thought, calling out hesitantly, suddenly worried. He knew Connor had been bothered lately and not just by the usual things with the past. Angel made sure to always reassure his son when need be that he was loved and would always be loved, now so much so that two pairs of "families" loved him.

The vampire had given him that. He had finally done what his unbeating heart had yearned to do from the moment Connor was blessed upon him.

He had spoiled his kid rotten.

Still calling and still hovering in the halls like the overprotective father that he was, he picked up a lasting trail and followed it directly into the place he would least expect.

The last place he would ever check.

Connor looked up from his spot on his father's bed, blue eyes twinkling when they finally rested on the shocked and darkly dressed man in front of him, still standing in his own doorway. "Took you long enough." Connor was on his side, legs stretched out, body lounging, books and papers all around him.

"W-What are you doing?" This was the first time he had seen Connor in his room, laying about as if he had no troubles in the world. Usually their nights would consist of eating out or going to the movies, nothing really in between or after, just a few words given here and there unless speaking hesitantly of the things that had happened before, but that was about it.

They were good that way. Nothing overstepped and no limits pushed. Connor was at ease now and not confused or angry at the world.

They were father and son, and the few things they did together was Angel's scrambling attempt at bonding, but the "Good Fight" still going on, Connor not yet joining the remaining team into battles, and now this- his son actually being the one to subtly seek him out instead of the opposite, the USUAL ...

Everything was becoming different.

Not disliked, just unused to.

And difficult.

He was still unprepared for anything his son threw at him.

Unless it was a punch to the face and a kick to the gut.

"Homework," Connor answered back simply, twirling around his pen and enjoying the look he was receiving from his father.

He could still do it, even after all theyve been through.

He could still surprise the vampire with anything he did.

That didnt involve kicking his ass, of course.

Angel let loose a small sigh of relief, bringing his pale hands to his hips. "Anything I could help you with?"

Connor raised an eyebrow, grinning. "It's AP World Religions. I dont wanna give the guy a heart attack and have him ship me off to the looney bin, you know. I wouldnt be able to see you for awhile."

"Right." Angel nodded, almost nervously. Religion to a vampire was not a ...pleasant subject anyways. He cleared his throat. "Well, then, I guess I...cant help you here." He stood there looking unsure for a second before whirling around. "Just uhhh come get me when youre finished and we can maybe go out and do something. Its still earl-"

"You can help me." Angel heard the pen drop onto the book as he turned back around. Connor was sitting up now while closing his book. "Not with homework but with...something else..."

Angel nodded again, moving to his plush seat across from the bed. "Anything you need," he replied, holding in a breath his body didnt need. He felt worry rise up anew at the way his son was now looking at him, but when Connor turned away quickly to glance out the window then down at the bed, the feeling grew larger and bubbled into his throat.

Angel unconsciously clutched the arms of the couch.

"What..." Connor peered up at him, bright blues again looking troubled. Angel felt the unmistakable urge to erase that look.

Take the troubles away.

Into a dark alley to ground them furiously into concrete.

"What do you think happens to people when they die?" Angel froze. " they go?"

"Uhhhhh..." The vampire shifted, now looking uneasy himself. It was still religion, still a topic that was touchy in his case. So he voted to go around it. "Dont you think youre a little too young to be wondering about things like this?"

Connor shook his head. "Not wondering. Worried."

"Worried...?" The word tumbled from Angel's lips before he could stop them as his son continued speaking, again looking at any place other than his father.

"I always wanted to know. People are dying every day. Good people. Bad people. What's after this? I want- No, I NEED to know...Do they just DIE? Does everything just...stop?"

"Well..." Angel tapped a finger on the fabric of where he was sitting, trying to dissolve away the tension that had suddenly built up inside him. "There are different beliefs to different religions and individual people have their own views on the subject. No one really knows. Some people have the hope of another chance, like...Hinduish people-"

Connor smirked at Angel's word. "Hinduish?"

But Angel only gave him a look, rolling his eyes. "Alright, HINDUISM. Its a religion that believes in reincarnation, taking different forms after death. There's also Christianity. They believe that once the body, the ONLY body, is destroyed, the soul can only go to two symbolic places, Heaven and Hell-"

"-How do they know which one theyre going to?"

Angel stilled, looking at him hard. He had an idea of where this conversation was leading to and...

He didnt like it.

He didnt want his son worrying about such things. Not yet. Connor had his whole life in front of him. He was just beginning to live now.

"Why are you asking me this, Connor?"

Connor mulled over what to say next, choosing his words carefully. "Before...with Holtz," He noticed his father tense and lowered his eyes again, not wanting to see anymore of the vampire's reactions to what he was about to let on. Anything about Daniel Holtz or Quor-toth had Angel storming from the hotel on a private mission to brood long and hard.

Not that Connor brought up his time in hell often.

He didnt want Angel to know the things that he'd done.

Or the things that were done to him.

"Holtz used to tell me," train him, actually, "...He believed that no matter how sinful you were, as long as you were punished, asked for forgiveness, and BELIEVED in God, you had the chance of being saved one day." He decided to leave out the part of Holtz also believing in "Sins of the Father" as he always liked to say. Connor used to think he would suffer one day for what his dad had done during his life but...

Angelus was not his father.

Angel was.

He knew that now.

"Thats...," Angel inwardly cringed even though seated so stiffly in his seat, "one way of believing it," he said, feeling the slow creep of uneasiness waft through him yet again. "But thats a belief just the same. He didnt really know. No one ever knows until they actually die."

He hated talking about the man that had kidnapped his son and made the boy suffer in a hell dimension for sixteen years, he seriously hated it, and couldnt filter the anger that seeped into his words when talking about anything to do with the bastard, but Connor thankfully seemed to look past that, instead gazing back rather calmly at him as he quietly asked another question.

"What do you believe?"

Angel answered that quickly. "I believe in not talking about this kind of thing until actually faced with it."

Which would be never in Connor's case. Angel would see to that.

He just...hadnt figured out a way yet.

Other than beating the life out of anything that even TRIED hurting his child.

But Connor was looking straight at him, blue eyes now unnervingly dark and voice hushed. "Please, Dad."

And that look was what caught him. His son needed him. Not with fighting or issues to do with the past, but with something else entirely.

Connor NEEDED him.

And it almost scared him at how plainly he could see it in his boy's eyes.

Angel stilled and decided to answer his child as calmly as he could. "I a higher being. HIGHEST...being." Cordy had been a "higher being", after all. "I believe in heaven and hell. Not hell dimensions, but an ultimate hell. I believe in...forgiveness." He shifted in his chair, suddenly feeling awkward. "I have to believe in that. Im not just working for my humanity, Im also working to be forgiven for all the...things Ive done, so I have to believe there's something there in the end. I believe-"

"-Forgiveness. Heaven. You really believe in that?"

Angel was silent.

"Do you think somebody thats..." Connor chewed on his bottom lip, looking down at his papers blankly as he spoke. "...thats done bad things, EVIL things, can go to a place like that if they feel guilty enough?"

Angel again decided not to speak, the question skimming too close to home, but he felt his son wasnt asking him out of spite...

Wasnt directing the question AT him.

That was what confused him now.

And disturbed him.

But the next question was what had him distraught, had his unbeating heart almost begin an impossible fretful thumping, and had his dead body colder than it was to begin with.

"Even me?" Connor asked quietly.

"O-Of course, Connor! Of course, you! My God, of course! Why do you think you wouldnt go there?" Angel gasped out.

"I-Ive done alot of...bad things-"

"-No," Angel shook his head, speaking firmly and positive. "No, you havent. Everything that was done...everything thats HAPPENED wasnt your fault. It was NEVER your fault, son."

But his child gazed back at him with sadness brimming and overflowing before turning away in shame. "You dont know all Ive done. You dont know about...before." He flinched as his father suddenly sprang up in his seat.

"Connor, get that OUT of your head!" Angel thundered, pointing an authoritative finger out towards his son. "There's not a DAMN evil bone in all of your body, so get that thought clear out of your mind THIS INSTANT, do you hear me?"

He was yelling so loudly, he was pretty sure even their friends downstairs could hear him, and quickly softened his tone, more so when his son stared back at him with wide blue eyes.

"I-I know youre going there. Youre good. But I-"

"-Whatever was done in the past is done." Angel held up his hands in frustration, signaling he was getting sick of the whole conversation.

He really hated religion.

"And if it doesnt matter for me, it sure as hell shouldnt matter for you."

Connor was the most innocent child in his eyes, even after all his son had been and gone through.

Even after Quor-toth.

Even after trying to kill him.

Even after the Beast and Jasmine.

Connor still held his innocence. His perfection was intact.

He was the most sinless creature in Angel's eyes.

And this whole topic was seriously beginning to drive the vampire insane.

Connor was still talking. "When you go there-"

"-I told you, youre-"

"-When you go there, will you take me too?"

"Connor, we're not talking about this anymore." Angel again raised his hands to slice them through the air, trying to make the talk come to a close.

"When I die, I want to go there with you," his son stated calmly enough, but he lifted a delicate and confused brow when he saw his father freeze, expression like that of a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.

"Wha-What are you talking about?" Angel asked, panic lacing in with his trembling words.

"When I die-"

"Oh my God, d-dont say that again!" Angel jumped up quickly, interrupting him, and walked over to the window, starting a nervous pace into his carpet. "Youre not going to die, Connor."


"-No, youre not going to die." His son was now looking at him like he was crazy.

"I will someday."

"No, you wont!" Angel growled out vehemently, sliding a pale, paler than usual, hand through his spiky hair. "God help anybody and anything that tries to...tries to take you away from me." Tries to do that to him.

God help them, God help Himself, and God help him if he even began to see something like that. People were afraid and in terror of Angelus, but they hadnt actually been shown cold hard fear when it really came down to it.

Not really.

Connor was looking at him again, looking at him with a questioning gaze, curious baby blue eyes, and head tilted to the side. "Why? What would you do?"

God, sometimes Angel was just so amazed at how uncorrupt and naive Connor could be.

"Do you seriously want the details?" He turned back to face his son, a hard look in his eyes, and made his way back over to his seat, glancing down at it almost critically before actually sitting again.

But Connor repeated his question, more quietly this time, though. "What would you do?"

Angel stared at him before answering. "You wouldnt want to know that, Connor."

Not even he would.

And it would never happen.

Angel would make the whole world suffer, with him and without him, before anything like that ever happened. It was his mission to protect the innocents, his fate, destiny, whatever anybody called it, but it was his own private mission to protect his son. And it was also his life. The people didnt know that part of the deal.

Connor came first.

Connor always came first.

Because Connor WAS Angel's life.

The Miracle Child looked away, trying to sit up straighter, as he thought up his next words. He knew Angel was having a hard time talking about this. He could clearly see that written all over the vampire's face. Connor had been working up the courage for the past week to discuss things, but now, it wasnt going the way he had planned.

Angel wasnt accepting it.

Angel wasnt accepting the one stone truth about the world and it shocked him. Angel had been around for so long, knew so much about life...

He shouldve known this.

He HAD to accept it.

"Dad, Im going to die one day." He could almost feel his father tense at those soft words. "Im going to die and you wont be able to stop it. You cant stop death."


"You cant." His father could save so many people, stop them from hurting, heal them, protect them, but when it came down to DEATH, something NATURAL, he couldnt stand in the way. It wasnt even possible.

And Angel had never even tried it before to find out.

"I dont want to talk about this anymore-"

"You cant, Dad." His words hung in the air and they were silent, both looking at each other, until Angel's gaze faltered, voice stuttering again as he was forced to go further in his discomfort.

"Then...Then I...I wont, son."

Connor instantly nodded at that, giving a smile, but a millisecond later, noticing his father's somber and almost MORBID look still present in the man's deep stare, the smile was quickly wiped from his face. "What?" He asked, not understanding.

Angel didnt think he could say it, didnt think he had the right amount of courage to, didnt think he was STRONG enough, but the words spilled out from his quivering lips, eager to be known. "Once youre...once youre gone," he closed his eyes, sucking in another breath, trying again, "Once youre not here anymore, that will be the end for me as well."

Powers and destiny be damned. He wouldnt continue the "Fight" if his only reason for fighting in the first place was gone.

He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat.

God, even the thought of not seeing Connor atleast once a day was terrifying in itself. Before, he had settled with pictures Gunn and Fred had taken of his son as he worked within Wolfram & Hart, but he didnt think...

He didnt think he could do that again.

And that was when he was safe in the knowledge his Miracle was ALIVE.

He knew for a fact he wouldnt survive if Connor was...

"You'd...kill yourself?" Connor raised his head, gasping, looking shocked, and Angel could distinctly hear his child's heart beat speed up as he answered the question.

"Im not living in a world that doesnt have you in it beside me, especially not in a world that..." Angel's eyes turned darker, "allowed you to be taken away from me, Connor."

But his son shook his head at those words, body choked up with agitation. "No, you cant! Suicide is the worst sin, Dad. You wont be forgiven for it! Holtz said-"

At the mention of that name again, anger boiled into the vampire's gut. "I dont care what that bastard said! He's wrong! Its not a sin!" Angel lowered his voice, instantly regretting shouting at his son so angrily. Connor was still looking at him shocked. "Love isnt a sin, son," he ground out, eyes flashing a dangerous light.

"I dont want you to."

"Its not your choice. Its not your decision."

"It should be." Connor's eyes were hard. "You say you live for me and you say you'd die for me. I should have some say in it..." He suddenly clenched his fists and teeth as well. "Fine. Fine, then. It'll be the same for me too." He ignored the heaving sound his father made, the way the vampire's face became paler, and the way he had somehow made the room grow colder than it was before as his harsh words sank in. "Once youre gone, I'll end my life as well."

He would.

And knew he could.

He could go through with it. When he was tortured and confused and angry at the world, and before Angel had saved him, he was willing to kill himself.

If his father was going to do it, then he would do it too.

After all, like Father like Son as the infamous saying went.

"N-No. No, Connor, you cant-!"

"Why not?" The boy's orbs of blue flashed like glinting steel as he yelled right back to his father, only his voice was filled with indignant anger, not shock and...terror like the vampire held within his. "Why cant I!" He held his head high and chin jutted out as his lip curled with his sudden temper, something Angel was all too familiar with. "Why cant I when youre so eager to do it yourself! If thats your master plan for yourself, then fine, Im taking it too! Youre not...Youre NOT weak, Dad, so you cant sit there and tell me life is just so damn unbearable without me but its perfectly fine and great without you! Youre not leaving me and if... if you somehow do, Im not leaving you! Life would be terrible and not worth living and I wont do it! I wont listen to you! Dont try to tell me everything would turn out fine because it wouldnt! And I dont want to hear it! Its a lie!" Everything was tumbling out now and he couldnt stop it.

Couldnt stop THEM.

The words he had held in for so long.

"God, Im so sick of the lies, Dad-"


But Connor had lowered his head, speaking over his father again. "Where you are, I am, and when youre gone, Im gone, too. Thats just how its going to be. But...But after we die, I need to know...I need to know Im going to be with you. Youre working towards salvation, but Im not doing that, so that means your way wont work for me."

He couldnt fight again. Not yet.

He just wasnt ready, but if he died sometime soon...

If he was somehow killed before he could redeem himself...

He finally noticed he was trembling, probably had been since he first started screaming out his inner anguish, and finally noticed Angel saw it too, because the vampire was already making movement to get up from his seat and come to him, but Connor held him down and back with a fierce glare.

He could feel it.

He could feel the worry and concern and his father's own inner turmoil just by looking at him.

Before, knowing that had angered him.

Then comforted him.

But now, it was only suffocating him.

He wouldnt admit to it yet. He wouldnt admit he was afraid. Angel rushing over to envelop him in his arms would only have him crumbling and he wasnt ready to actually let it be known he was scared, even though he was almost positive his undead father could clearly see it.

But he wouldnt let the man know just how terrified he really was about the matter.

He wouldnt do that.

He couldnt.

"I need to know, Dad," he repeated, inwardly proud his voice wasnt shaking as well. "I need to know."

"I cant...I cant give you those answers," Angel croaked out, desperation outright and apparent as he leaned forward heavily, restraining himself from just racing over to his son and crushing his living and breathing child to his chest. "God, I wish, I could but-"

"-Tell me." Connor had quickly regained control as he sat forward, leaning towards his father as well. "Just tell me what you believe and I'll...I'll believe it too."

If he believed what Holtz had, he was damned, but...

If he believed in what Angel believed, that would ENSURE they went to the same place after death.

He atleast believed that much on his own part.

"Just tell me."

"I'll tell you," Angel said slowly as he nodded. "I'll tell you what I believe. What I know." He caught his blue-eyed boy's gaze and held it, speaking low but firmly. "Wherever you go, Connor...Wherever you go, I'll always follow."

Even if he wasnt meant for the place his beautiful child, his INNOCENT child, went to, he would follow no matter what.

He knew this as a fact.

And also knew that not even God could keep him away from his son.

He definitely knew this to be the truth.

Because it was.

But he hoped to the Powers, to whatever other Forces, even to God Himself despite whatever other plans He had, that Connor would believe it too.

Nothing could keep him away from his son and nobody would try.

Wherever Connor went, Angel would always follow.

It was his belief.

His truth.

His vow.

And his promise.

Connor had to believe that. More than anything, he needed to.

And just like that, he did.

He believed.

He trusted.

The weight was lifted and question answered.

When the words dissolved into meaning, it was over.

Because Connor was now giving a small smile, a relieved smile, and sitting back, instantly at ease as a glow adorned his face at hearing Angel's belief, but instead of further spilling his feelings in answer like he had done before, he contented himself with taking the easier way out to end the troubling conversation they were having. "Same." But when Angel just looked at him, awe at suddenly satisfying and delighting his son mixing in with confusion at what his son was trying to tell him with that one simple word, Connor rolled his eyes, giving in.

Not elaborating, though.

"Wherever you go."

"...If thats...If thats what you want." Angel's voice came out thick with emotion, still not at all liking the talk of his only child dying one day.

Connor nodded decisively. "It is." He looked to his father, eyes almost unnaturally bright. "It is what I want. I never knew before what I wanted but now..." He felt a heat travel to his cheeks and pushed down the flush as he played with a loose end of the mattress he was resting on. He then raised his head. "Now I do."

They were quiet for a moment, both taking in all that had been said, the room now almost deathly silent except for the small ticking of the alarm clock on the bedside table, but after he felt the long pause should be over and done with, Angel stood, making his way over to his son.

And this time, his son allowed it.

Welcomed it.

"Feel better now?" He asked as he sat down, watching with an almost adoring look as Connor leaned back to rest against the headboard.


Again with another strange silence, one not awkward but lacking something.

NEEDING something.

Connor's smile turned into an impish grin, his dark mood altogether gone, as he realized what it was, and knew it would be a world-wide mistake- a UNIVERSAL mistake- on Angel's part if the vampire, his true father, didnt catch on soon enough.

But he did.

Angel was way ahead of him.

In mind, though.

Not in body.

So Connor waited, looking up at his father as the man raised a hand and carefully, gently, ran it through his son's deep brown hair, looking down at him affectionately, but hesitantly.

Connor waited still, though, his eyes now commanding.

And Angel saw that as he abandoned all fidgets and timidity as well as quivers of nervousness to lean down and place a chaste but tender, doting and devoted, kiss to a small pale forehead, rising slowly to gaze back into his child's eyes.

"Love you, Connor," he whispered quietly.

"Mmm," Connor mumbled again, a full-blown smile now showing. He didnt say the words back but they showed. They presented themselves by the way he suddenly reached out to quickly grasp at his father's duster sleeve, tugging softly, teasingly even, as he whispered in reply, "I know."

He knew. And loved knowing it.

Maybe just as much as he loved hearing it.

But then, of course, he just had to shatter the touching moment. He HAD to. He intended to, obviously.

After all, he couldnt make his father TOO happy.

"Homework." And seeing his father's unmasked questioning frown, he added on, moaning, "Too much homework!"

"Let me see if I could help you with that," Angel said, now beginning to laugh.

As long as it wasnt religion, of course.

"Do you know college-level calculus?" Connor asked hopefully, sitting up and letting go of his father.

"Uhhh dont you just need a calculator for that?" Connor narrowed his eyes. "I-I mean I could try-"

"-How about World History?" Angel was amazed at how fast Connor had grabbed the book and shoved it right in front of him. "You've been around a long time. Im pretty sure you can help me out here, Dad."

Angel laughed. "I think I know a little bit on the subject..." But he trailed off, seeing his son's feral look.

Connor grinned almost evilly, tapping the book with his fingers. "Then let's see what you've picked up over the years, old man."

"Um, technically, wouldnt that be cheating? I can HELP, but doing it FOR you-"

"-Dad." Connor gave him THE LOOK. "A son using the fact his father is a vampire and has been around for hundreds of years to gain a higher GPA in LIFE is not a sin...Well, last time I checked it wasnt. C'mon." His eyes sparkled devilishly. "C'mooooon!"

Angel groaned, shaking his head, even though he was still chuckling in amusement. "Oh my God, youre going to be the death of me one day." Night, actually.

From out of the spell, Connor had somehow been granted the gift of being a sweet and charming angel one minute as well as the terrible knack to drive his father absolutely nuts the next.

And to prove that, Connor answered back just as quickly, response sounding almost like a threat as he grinned wider, if that was even possible. "Wherever you go..."


(A/N): HANGOVERRRRRRRRRRR Ive got a hangoverrrrrrrrrrrrrr lalalaaaaa

Wherever You Go

I Will Follow

Even As Your Touch Grows Cold

And Body Turns Hollow