Chapter One

"Do you know why we are here?" Asked Professor Snape.

"To mate a poodle with a human?" Guessed Sirius.

Everyone just stared at Sirius for a while. He was very handsome for a complete moron.

"You!" Hermione started "you idiotic, moronic, dumbass. You are the biggest waste of a human body that I have ever had the displeasure of knowing." She ranted. Her face was turning very red very fast and she was starting to breath unnaturally heavily.

"We learned how to do that yesterday with Remus." Harry told him.

"Why is he even in this class? He died! He is not even supposed to be here! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY? Hermione continued.

"I don't know. Why the hell are you here Sirius?" Asked Ron.

"They were all out of cheese."

This seemed to be a good enough answer for everyone (except for Hermione who continued to rant about something that seemed to be about the ancient Aztecs) so they let it drop.

"I don't remember learning that." Stated Ron.

"Somehow none of us are surprised." Harry said.

"I think we should learn again" Said Ron. "I'll go get my lobster costume."

Hermione was so angry with Ron that she threw a book at his head and danced around the room singing the Macharena.

"Shut up! Deal!" Screamed Snape.

"Wow," commented Ron. "I didn't know she knew Portuguese!" Ron then turned to Harry. "Mum, what would you do if I were Swahili?" Harry thought about it for a moment.

"I'd kill a goat for you, and walk up an escalator…backwards!"

Snape was getting very angry at this point. He had absulutly no idea what the hell an escalator was and why Potter would walk up one backwards to show his affection for Ron. He started to cry tears of fury. The door opened and in walked Dumbledore wearing Ron's lobster suit and carrying Ron over his head like a trophy. "How is the pasta making class coming Severes?"

Snape started to cry again because that's what snape does, he cries.

Ron meanwhile was enjoying the ride. "wheeeee!" He exclaimed "it's like I'm flying!"

"PIE!" Screamed Dumbledore as he droped Ron and ran out the door to try and catch a gnome and stick it in his right shoe.

"Pie?" Asked Harry, finally relizing there were other people in the room. "Where?" I think I have the munchies." Hermione was starting to catch on. "Harry, have you been sniffing the flew powder?" She enquired.

"mmmaaaaaaaayyyyyyybbbbbeeeee" was the only reply she got.

"Sirius, I thought you were supposed to be watching him."

"Are you kidding? And let him have all the fun?" Said a very high Sirius. Sirius then had a brilliant idea, and I am sure you would think it was a good idea if you were anywhere near as high was Sirius is at the moment.

"everyone, everyone, I have a question. I'M PREGNATE!" The room went quiet then Harry burst out into congratulations.

"I have an announcement too." Said Harry excidedly.

"I would like to ask one Severus Snape a very important question. Snivelus, will you marry me?" Harry asked.

Snape and Sirius were both crying but for different reasons.

"That was sooooooo beautiful" Wailed Sirius.

"I hate you" Cried Snape. "I hate you with a passion!"

"Did you hear that Harry? Snape has a passion for you!"

"Oh no!" Screamed Hermione. "Are you high too?"


"Then why are you acting like Sirius and Harry?" She questioned.


Snape sighed. "Does he really need a reason?"

"Fair point." Said Hermione

During this exchange Harry's eyes began to water. One lone tear fell down his face as he exclaimed, "YOU LOVE ME! YOU REALLY LOVE ME!" Pulling on a ballet tutu he pranced over to Snape and gave him the most unmasculine hug Hogwarts has ever seen.

"AHHHHHH" screamed Snape as he ran out of the room to go wash his hands in green Jell-O.

"Well," Said Harry. "I think that went quite well."