Kingdom Hearts: The Quest for the Holy Grail
King Mickey is on a quest—to find the Holy Grail! Also featuring Riku, Sora, Donald, Goofy, the Riku Replica, and Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Fanfiction. Spoof of all things Monty Python.
A/N: It's short, but sweet. Enjoy Auron and the Organization!
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Monty Python. I've tried to keep relevant dialogue as intact as possible while not fully forfeiting creativity (not to mention not looking like I'm plagiarizing), and let me tell you, it's tough. Cut me a break here.
Chapter 8: The Knights Who Say Ni
"And this 'Enchanter' of whom you speak, he has seen the Grail?" Mickey pressed. He, Pluto, and Sir Goofy were all huddled together in a shambly old hut. Seated across from them on the other side of a crackling fire was the stooped figure of the old soothsayer that Axel had alluded to, though honestly he actually didn't seem that old. His left arm was in a sling, leaving the left sleeve of his long red coat dangling open rather spookily. His eyes were covered by sunglasses, but a long scar ran down his right cheek, making his mouth look as if it were constantly sneering in derision. The fact that he actually was sneering at them in derision didn't help.
The soothsayer chuckled forbiddingly.
"Where does he live?" King Mickey encouraged. "Old man...where does he live?"
"He knows of a cave," the soothsayer laughed. "A cave which no man has entered..."
King Mickey gulped. "And...the Grail...the Grail is there?"
The soothsayer chortled ominously. "There is much danger...for beyond the cave lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril...which no man has ever crossed..."
"But the Grail," Mickey impatiently interjected, "where is the Grail?"
The soothsayer smiled mockingly. "Seek you the Bridge of Death..."
"...The Bridge of Death, which leads to the Grail?" the tiny king asked hopefully. The soothsayer threw his head back and, cackling sinisterly, disappeared in a shower of red and black sparklies.
Mickey, Goofy, and Pluto looked about themselves and squealed in abject fear—for the hut had disappeared, and the fire had gone out. The three of them were all alone in a dark wood.
"Stay calm, my home dogs," Mickey ordered, trying to lighten the mood.
"Please don't do that, your Majesty," Goofy requested. "That kinda slang language is real hurtful to us of the canine persuasion." Pluto nodded solemnly.
Mickey, chastised, opened his mouth to apologize—and screamed. "AAHH!!!" he shrieked, pointing behind Goofy's head.
Goofy turned to find himself face to face with Xemnas, a.k.a. Number One of the Organization a.k.a. the Superior a.k.a. the Enigmatic Man a.k.a. Xehanort's Nobody a.k.a. you get the idea. The only member of the former Organization with more aliases was Roxas (a.k.a. Number Thirteen, a.k.a. The Key of Destiny, a.k.a. Duel-Wielding Unknown, a.k.a. Glowing-Eyed Unknown, a.k.a. BHK, a.k.a. Sora's Nobody...).
"AAAAHHH!!!" they all screamed, hugging each other in fear. Xemnas merely smirked beneath his hood. From the forest around them emerged five other figures, all cloaked in the dark robe and hood that was the hallmark of the former Organization XIII.
"Ni!" he spoke, in a voice that was at once both emotionless and melodramatic.
"Who..." King Mickey's little mouse knees were knocking. "Who are you?" he asked, though he feared that he already knew the answer.
"We are..." Xemnas proclaimed, "...The Knights Who Say...Ni!"
"No!" Goofy shouted in terror. "Not the Knights Who Say Ni!" Pluto whimpered.
"The very same," Xemnas confirmed.
King Mickey whispered to Goofy, "Who were they?"
"The Order of the Knights Who Say Ni was entrusted with the keeping of the Sacred Words," explained another hooded figure (likely Vexen), "before we killed them and took their place as the Knights Who Say...Ni!" They seemed to be taking every opportunity to say their full title.
"Gasp!" our trio shouted.
"Indeed," Xemnas purred. "Now we are the Keepers of the Sacred Words... Ni! ...Peng! ...and Nee-wum!"
"Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale," the shortest figure (Zexion) added.
"And we demand...a sacrifice," another figure growled. It sounded like Xaldin.
Mickey gulped. While he was a fierce Keyblade wielder and sovereign of many worlds, it did not escape him that they were outnumbered two to one by very, very, kick-ass Nobodies. He was not above a little groveling when it was needed. "O Most Fearsome Knights of Ni," he began, "we are but simple travelers who seek the Enchanter who lives beyond this wood—"
"NI!" Xemnas thundered. The mouse and two dogs cowered. Xemnas' cry was echoed by the other figures. "Ni! "Ni!" Peng!" "Ni!"
"Ah! No more! Ah! Aahh!" our trio moaned, holding their heads.
Xemnas drew himself upright. "We shall say 'Ni!' to you again," he announced, "if you do not appease us."
"All right," Mickey conceded, "all right. What is it that you want from us?"
"We want..." Xemans trailed off for dramatic effect. "...A SHRUBBERY!"
"EEEK!" Goofy shrieked.
"AROOO!" Pluto howled in fright.
"...A what?" Mickey wasn't sure he heard correctly. This was a mistake, as several minutes of ferocious "NI!"s had him covering his ears, shouting, "All right! We will get you your shrubbery!"
"One that looks nice," a fifth figure (Lexaeus) rumbled.
"And not too expensive, dude, you know what I'm saying?" Xigbar added. Mickey, Goofy, and Pluto nodded several times in fright.
"Good," purred Xemnas. "Now, GO!"
He had barely put the exclamation point at the end of his sentence before the three of them were gone.
A/N: Short, I know, but hey. Review, and maybe they'll get longer!