Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me

Summary: Thanks to Harry's paranoia, Hermione gains access to Pansy's diary, and finds out some unexpected things...femmeslash related, obviously.

A/N: Okay, bear with me. It takes a while...like 2000 words or so, before we get to much Pansy/Hermione femmeslashy goodness, and even then it's only a tease. Sorry! I just wanted a substantial plot setup. I swear that the next chapters will be full of femmeslash, angst, witty banter, crazy plot hijinks, time travel, long-lost siblings returning from the dead and a crossover with 'Murder She Wrote'. Okay, well maybe not ALL of those. :-)

Harry burst into my room, yelling, while I was in the middle of my Potions homework, causing me to spit out my tea all over my blouse and nearly scaring me to death. He was babbling about Malfoy again, which was pretty typical---but he was so agitated and gripped my arm so tightly that I could tell this time he would insist on action.

It was something about the Room of Requirement, a portal for Death Eaters to get into Hogwarts, Draco behind it all…..honestly I was more concerned with the Earl Grey seeping into my top. Harry, though a great guy, is completely paranoid. I couldn't exactly blame him, but his suspicions were rarely correct. In fact, there was a time when he was completely convinced that Hagrid, of all peopl---


Oh yes, back to Harry.

Harry released his vise grip on my arm and tried to catch his breath.

"Hermione," he began again, slower, "Draco's up to something, I know he is."

"Harry, but last tim--"

"He's up to something, dammit!" Harry nearly shouted. "I've never seen him this worried, he's constantly going to the Room of Requirement, sending messaging owls, he mutters to himself, he….he….I know he's up to something!"

Well, this was a declaration I'd heard plenty of times. I took hold of his hand.

"Harry…" I spoke in soothing tones.

"Yes?" I could see relief start to form in his eyes.

"Boys aren't allowed in the Girls Dormitory."

Later, in the common room, after Harry had resumed speaking to me, he described the situation.

"Okay, tonight when I was spying on Draco, I saw him send off five messenger owls," before adding for emphasis, "FIVE."

Ron, who had been half-heartedly feigning interest up to that point, perked up.

"Malfoy has FIVE owls? That's more than my entire family….in fact, Charlie's entire office in Romania only has four owls, and there's over fifty…" Ron trailed off as the irritation became obvious in Harry's face.

"Now, if I could just read what he was writing in these letters…, but he writes with charmed ink, so it's invisible to me."

"So what exactly is your plan?"

Harry hesitated a bit.

"Well, is there anyway we can read charmed ink? Like, some sort of vision spell?"

Uh oh. I hated to burst Harry's bubble, but…

"Harry, charmed ink can only be read by the person who charmed it, not even Dumbledore has a spell that can change that."

Harry looked exasperated.

"I've got to know what he's writing Hermione!"

I had no reply, and we sat there for a moment in silence before Harry suddenly perked up.

"I KNOW! I can switch out the original ink in his pen with some ink we charm ourselves, and then…uhhh….intercept his owls….somehow…maybe…" Harry's face had quickly changed from excitement to resignation as he realized the difficulties of his plan.

A few more moments passed in silence, and I was ready to declare this endeavor impossible, when Ron, who had been busy reading the Quidditch report, looked up.

"Well, if the ink is invisible, why don't you try using mutus paper?"

"Mutus paper?"

"Yeah, you guys have never heard of it? The ministry used it all the time during the war...it's for quick and quiet communication. It's a special type of paper, you magically link two pieces together and when you write on one piece of paper, the words also appear on another pad. That's how my dad used to receive his orders during the war."

Harry leapt up.

"So, if we can switch out the paper in Malfoy's notebook with mutus paper, then we can read what he writes, even if the ink is charmed?"

"Yep, the mutus paper traces the movement of the pen, not the ink."

This actually sounded promising.

"We've still got loads of it at home, I'll ask Bill to send some tomorrow."

"And then I can use my cloak and replace Malfoy's notebook with mutus paper when he's not looking!" Harry spoke triumphantly, tracing the steps in his mind to his triumph. "And then we'll be able to read what he's writing!" He then looked at me warily, as if expecting me to torpedo the plan.

I smiled.

"Well boys, looks like you've come up with quite a plan."

Harry had a pad of mutus paper under his arm and his invisibility cloak slung over his shoulders.

"Okay, wish me luck."

Ron handed him the shrieking mouse ball, a present from Fred and George's shop.

"So remember Harry, set this off on the staircase or something, it should cause more than enough distraction for you to switch the paper. It's Fred's latest invention."

I handed him the Marauder's Map and then hugged him.

"Good luck Harry."

He nodded, and then disappeared with a sweep.

Ron and I sat down in the commons room and tried to keep ourselves occupied. I was halfway through my DFAD homework, and I suspect Ron was halfway through another issue of Quidditch Weekly, when Harry burst through the door.

He was beaming. And panting.

"Shrieking….mouse………just brilliant."

"So did you put the mutus paper in Malfoy's notebook?"

"It was easier than I could have imagined. They were all gathered around the Commons room listening to Draco brag about something or other, and when I set it off there was immediate chaos."

I had to laugh at the mental picture.

"The girls took off screaming back into their dorm, and so did most of the boys. Draco, the git tried to appear like he wasn't scared, but after about five seconds he took off running too. All their notebooks were left right on the table in front of the fireplace. It was too easy," he smiled as he collapsed onto the couch.

He reached into his own bag and brought out a notebook.

"The mutus paper I put in Draco's notebook is linked to this paper. When he writes his letters tonight, we'll be able to read them." Harry placed the open book on the table, and we all stared at the blank pages, wondering what sort of nefarious insight would be revealed.

Thirty minutes later, the pages were still blank. Harry looked more than a little perturbed.

"Harry, he might have already sent off his owls before you switched the paper. Or maybe that shrieking mouse threw him off his schedule," I said, trying to reassure him.

Ron chimed in.

"Yeah, we tested the mutus paper earlier today, and so we know it works. He's probably still recovering from your prank and forgot about writing the letters."

Harry nodded slightly.

"Yeah, you're probably right. Let's go to bed and see if there's anything there in the morning."

Piqued by curiosity, I quickly showered in the morning and bounded down to the Great Hall for breakfast. It was immediately apparent that there wasn't good news waiting for me. Harry had his head buried in his hands, groaning. The mutus book was on the table, and Ron was trying to console him.

"It's okay Harry, we have more of that paper, we can try it again tonight."

Ron saw me standing above them and motioned with his head towards Harry, and started to explain.

"So it turns out that, well…"

He paused for a second, while Harry groaned. Ron grabbed the book and tossed it to me.

"See for yourself."

I opened the book to the first page, and the problem was evident.

Girly handwriting, cursive with big loops and hearts dotted over the I's. Harry must have put the paper in the wrong notebook. This looked like a diary, not a series of owl messages.

Harry looked up and sighed.

"All the notebooks and bags were scattered on the table…I must have….I must have picked the wrong one."

Ron chimed in.

"It's not a total loss though. We may not have gotten Draco, but at least we got his snotty girlfriend's diary."

I looked down at the book. Wow, Pansy Parkinson! This would be good for amusement, at the very least.


November 20th



And to make things worse, Millicent was so scared that she cried for half an hour. I swear, if she's not crying over a boy or a bad grade, she's out there searching for things to cry for. The girl needs help. I have to remember to ask my mom to send me some gryffon-hair earplugs next time I write home. Millicent's snoring is unbearable as well. I'm considering sleeping in the Commons Room.

On the positive side, I received high marks on my Dark Arts exam, and Herbology as well---though that's hardly an accomplishment. I need to improve in Potions, but it's hard to pay attention (for obvious reasons) and it's just impossible to study in my room that is always either drowned in Millicent's sobbing or snoring!


I had to laugh, as the entry was pretty much exactly what I would have expected from Pansy: self-centered, vicious and whiny. I also noted how she called Defense Against the Dark Arts class "Dark Arts", as if THAT was what she was learning. And who knew that Pansy disliked Millicent so much? They always seemed so chummy chummy to me.

Ron grinned. "Seamus overheard Draco complaining about the snoring too."

It suddenly hit me. We essentially had access to Pansy Parkinson's, possibly the most irritating and rude of all Slytherins, diary! Everything she wrote down, in the strictest of confidence, we could read.

"Wait until I show this to Seamus and Dean," Ron exulted, "I think we'll print this entry out on flyers and distribute them in the Slytherin common room!"

And then something went off in my head. Pansy had always been a horrid bitch to all of us….but still. To read someone else's diary, no matter how much they deserved your ill will and no matter how entertaining the entries were, there was just something wrong with it.

"Ron, I don't think that's a good idea, it's not fair to her, she wasn't even the target this time," I started. I sounded unconvincing.

Ron stared at me, trying to gauge if I was being serious.

"Hermione…you realize this is the girl who goes out of her way to call you mudblood, right? Remember when she and her friends made roaring noises behind your back because she said your hair looked like a lion's mane? And remember that time she---"

"Yes Ronald, thank you for reminding me," I grimaced. Pansy had been a horrible bitch to me, there was no denying that. "But we would be stooping to her level if we made fun of her like that."

Ronald made a guffawing sound. So I used the oldest trick in my book, inventing rule violations.

"And besides, it violates section 13.16a of the Hogwarts Inter-House Relationship Code, which strictly prohibits magical acquisition of personal information."

Did Hogwarts have an Inter-House Relationship Code? I doubted it, but I didn't doubt Ron was too lazy to challenge me on it.

His face turned crestfallen. "Fine," he sighed, defeated.

I picked up the book.

"Alright, I'll take this then. No public humiliations for Pansy Parkinson today."

Ron groaned in protest. Harry, head still pressed in his hands and still disappointed by last night's failure, groaned in unison.

"You boys groan entirely too much," I grinned as I walked back to my room.

Right before I tossed the book into the trash can, I wondered if Pansy would thank me for this, if she knew. Probably not.

I noted, with more than a little amusement, that most of the Slytherins in class that morning appeared disheveled, with bags under their eyes. I overheard some Hufflepuffs at the next desk gossiping to each other.

"I heard it took them three hours to find that mouse!"

Ha! Fred and George were true artists in mayhem. I also noted that Pansy walked into class late and equally disheveled, and grinned to myself as I wondered if it had been Millicent's crying or snoring that had kept her up this time.

Ron and Harry, of course, spent all class furiously plotting for tonight, when they planned to try again to switch mutus paper into Draco's notebook. Ron had another shrieking mouse ball, but figured it would be courting capture and disaster to unleash it again. I thought it'd be hilarious. Maybe this time in the girl's bathroom….

"MISS GRANGER!" bellowed Professor Snape.

Uh oh, I guess I had been too obvious with my daydreams.

"Umm, yes Professor?" I squeaked.

"Well then, I would like to kindly welcome you back to reality," he dripped with icy sarcasm, "And would appreciate if you'd so grace us with your immense (served with a extra dose of sarcasm) intelligence and tell us the ingredients for Jenfroo's Levitation Tonic?"

Oh crap, I knew I had studied this…but last night I had been so tied up with Harry's adventures that I hadn't had a chance to refresh…….I knew it had willowjuice, gryffon tendon and uhhh…..oh yes.

"Willowjuice, gryffon tendon and burbur root, Professor," I smiled sweetly. I could see the disappointment in his eyes as he quickly moved on to different topics. Ha! Lavender gave me a thumbs-up from across the classroom.

Ron and Harry were dismissed early for some sort of Quidditch team meeting, and as I was leaving class my eyes briefly scanned over Pansy, furiously scolding Millicent. I had to chuckle.

Pansy, alerted by the sound, looked up, and when she recognized who made the sound she at first appeared shocked, and then furious. Uh oh.

"What are YOU laughing at, Granger? Did you just happen to glance in the mirror or something?"

Any other time, I would have just walked away, but I wasn't going to let an insult that lame get to me, especially after I had just read this girl's diary and saved her from humiliation. 'You owe me, bitch,' I thought in my mind. I flashed my widest smile.

"Quite right Parkinson! I was imagining what I'd look like if I had your pug-nose! Suffice it to say, your nose does add a comical flair to any face." Not a bad comeback at all, if I may say so myself.

Pansy's mouth gaped in shock. I could tell her mouth was probably overwhelmed by the deluge of curses being screamed out in her brain.

"You….you…..mudblood scum! How….how….DARE YOU—"

"Sorry Parkinson," I interrupted, "I've got to get going, but feel free to direct your curses at Millicent instead, I'm sorry to have interrupted that." Triumphantly, I walked away. It wasn't often I won an argument with Pansy Parkinson.

As I turned the corner at the end of the hallway, I gazed briefly back, and saw Pansy standing in the middle of the hallway, giving me the strangest look. Her features were contorted, and for a second I thought she might be trying to hex me. But it mostly reminded me of the look on Ron's face when I tried to explain to him what a telephone was: a look of complete and utter bafflement.

In one Potions class I had managed to outwit both Snape and Pansy. Godric Gryffindor would be proud.

Later that night, after I finished my homework, I sat in bed and thought about my encounter with Pansy. I had essentially beaten her, in front of Millicent too---she was bound to be humiliated. I would have to watch my back for her inevitable retaliation, probably in the form of slander or hex.

Suddenly, it hit me. The mutus book, linked to her diary, was still sitting right by my feet in the trash bin. This morning I had scolded Ron for thinking of using her diary, but this was different. His intentions had been malicious, mine were purely self-preservational.

I slid down my bed and grabbed the book, opening it on my lap. There was a new entry, dated today. It was in shaky handwriting, obviously hastily written.


November 21st

My hand is trembling, and I need to organize my thoughts here.

I just had an exhilarating fight with Hermione. For once, she didn't run, she stood her ground and performed as well I knew she would.

She's just too clever and witty, Millicent was impressed too. She agrees she should have been Slytherin, but tells me I obsess too much about her. Ha! If only she knew how much I actually thought about Hermione, she'd probably have me locked up.

Anyway, she was laughing about something after class, I don't even know if it was about me or not, but it was a great chance to insult her, to match wits with her, just to talk to her.

So I insulted her, rather poorly too (I must have sounded like Draco). But instead of running away like ALWAYS, she insulted me back, and it was a good insult too! Finally, she FINALLY struck back! I don't know how long I've waited for that, but I was completely shocked when it finally happened. And then, as cool as anyone can be, she sauntered away, smug and victorious. Granger had such a sweet smile too, while she was insulting me. All her lovely teeth were bared, and she looked like a tiger grinning before attacking. It was so Slytherin and so pretty. She must do it more often.

Oh and she did the same thing to Professor Snape too! She was clearly day-dreaming, and he asked her the ingredients to some levitation potion we haven't even covered yet (totally unfair!) and I was worried she wouldn't know the answer. But of course she was her usual unflappable self: same sweet smile, same correct answer. Oh and she even had her hair up today, which looks much better, and of course allows me to stare at her neck as well. Very swan-like, I may add.

Today's developments were most encouraging. I'm not sure insulting her is the best way to gain her friendship, but it's a start. I just wish I had more than just Potions with her, but that should be enough. I've finally got her reacting to me, and she's too fascinating, too marvelous for me to go back.

What? WHAT?

My brain nearly exploded. I would have sooner expected a valentine from Voldemort than a positive word from Pansy. Much less...THIS. Whatever it was.

Completely numb, I pushed the book off my lap and fell back onto my bed and stared at my ceiling, my mind trying to decipher meaning from what it had just read.

It sounded like Pansy admired me. More than that, it sounded like Pansy was obsessed with me. And then my stomach clenched up.

Actually, it sounded like Pansy was in love with me.