Title: G.I. Joe Is There (Yo, Joe!)
Author: Sarah :)
Pairing: Logan/Veronica
Rating: R
Spoilers: None, really. Set in S2 post 2x11.
Word Count: 1157
Summary: Takes place after Save A Pony, Ride A Logan, so if you haven't read that, this won't make any sense. At least, I hope it doesn't. This is cracklin' cracktastic crack!fic.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Duh.
Thanks: Thank you, herowlness, for the beta. And for not thinking I'm cracked out. And to lex83 for forcing me to write this. Except, not :P.
Final notes: lex83 promised me a My Little Pony/G.I. Joe picspam in exchange for a G.I. Joe-themed sequel to my fic. I didn't think she'd actually deliver, but she did, and I am a woman of my word. Once again, I need to stress, this is serious, serious crack!fic. Oh, and I blatantly stole the line about Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes from Lex's picspam, which she blatantly stole from some website. It's not ours! ;)


Veronica's eyes opened with a start the second she felt the cool plastic running along her naked breast.

"Logan?" she queried, turning to face her companion in bed.

"Close," Logan returned. "Keep guessing."

"It's too early for guessing. Just tell me what you're--" She glanced down at her chest as her nipple was tweaked. Veronica's eyes widened. "No, Logan. Just...no."

"What? What's the problem, Veronica?" Logan stuck his lip out in an adorable pout. "I thought we were being open and honest with each other this time around. No more letting things fester and blow up on us."

She batted his arm away and tried to sit up as much as the tangle of sheets would allow. "Yeah, Logan, I know, but what does that have to do with..." She gestured to him and his plastic companion with a wide sweep of her arm. "You had G.I. Joe making himself at home with my nipples. That's not even remotely similar." She frowned. "Plus, what was all that about Joe being a pervert who just wanted to watch? I thought he was restricted from viewing any sexcapades."

Disbelief was evident in Logan's eyes. "Veronica, please," he attempted to placate her. "I meant what I said about G.I. Joe. I'd never let him near you." His voice took on an indignant tone, as he tried not to look too offended. "For the record, Snake Eyes is the one who wants to pleasure you tonight. I thought about it, and did a little research...," his eyes roved over to the television, where stacks of G.I. Joe DVDs were carelessly scattered, "...and I think you're right. About Joe and the gay thing. He's a little too gung ho, if you get my drift." Logan began to fiddle with the action figure in his hand, his nervous gestures belaying his serious tone. "But I will not waver on Snake Eyes. No way. Even if Joe was macking on him, he's totally dedicated to the ladies."

Veronica just stared at him.

"What, Veronica?"

"Logan...please, believe me when I say I'm only saying this because I care. But...you have problems." She reached over and took his hand in hers. "Really, what is this about? I mean, I thought that this - us - was going really well this time. Knowing that you feel the need to incorporate action figures into our sex life isn't doing much for my confidence level."

He pulled her close to him so he could place a tender kiss on her forehead. "Believe me, Veronica, this has nothing to do with you. You're perfect, and we're perfect, and I don't want anything to change."

"Then why--"

"Because it's fucking hot, okay?" Logan frowned. "Do I need any more reason that that?"

"This is wrong on so many levels, Logan."

"So wrong it's right?" His eyebrows quirked up hopefully.

"No." Veronica shook her head. "I'm pretty sure this qualifies as so wrong that it's just plain wrong."

"Veronica," Logan pouted. "Please? This has pretty much been my number one fantasy since I had hormones. Won't you do this for me?"

Veronica sighed. "This isn't a fantasy, Logan. This is your weird toy fetish coming out to play again."

He measured her words for a moment. "Actually, yeah, I can go with that. All I'm sayin' is that the thought of the two things that get me the most excited in the world - the woman I love, and my action hero idols with their kickass weapons - well, you do the math." Logan shot a sly smile in her direction. "And I'm pretty sure I was nothing but obliging when you wanted to fulfill that elevator sex fantasy of yours."

Veronica's mouth dropped open. "What? That wasn't my idea. We were there, and then once we were naked, I just...went along with it. Speaking of fantasies fulfilled, have you already forgotten the Catholic schoolgirl outfit? Or the cafeteria? I was finding Saran Wrap in new places for weeks." She narrowed her eyes. "And I'm pretty sure you remember the field trip to the history museum. You can't accuse me of not helping in the fantasy fulfillment department."

"I never said that," Logan responded, slightly annoyed. "What I'm trying to say is that we both have certain things that we want to try. Far be if from me to deny you anything. But..." His face fell as he continued dramatically, "...if you don't feel comfortable, I'll just drop it. You'll never hear another peep about it from me. Nope, not at all..."

Veronica rolled her eyes. "You're such a baby. Fine. We'll play your way." She shook her head, not quite believing the conversation they were having. "Although, I'll have you know that I much prefer Storm Shadow. I kind of feel like I'm settling with Snake Eyes..."

Logan let out an exuberant yell and tackled Veronica to the bed. "I knew there was a reason I loved you. Although you know very well that Storm Shadow can't be here now." She quirked a questioning eyebrow at him. "Remember? He and Snake Eyes, while once friends and allies, are now enemies with different missions. A reunion between them at this juncture would just be setting them up for the ultimate ninja showdown, and I'm not ready for that yet."

"God, Logan." Veronica began laughing hysterically. "You're such a dork. You're lucky that I love you, or else..." Her voice trailed off when she realized what she had just revealed. Logan smiled warmly and kissed her before she could say anything else. Veronica melted into the action, and didn't register anything that didn't involve Logan's very talented tongue until she felt his hand nudging her thighs apart. Very discreetly, he tossed the toy on the bed beside her as his mouth descended.

"Yes...right...there...Oh!" Veronica's body responded immediately to his ministrations, as she wrapped her legs around his hips and subtly tried to move him up the length of her body. "Logan, more. I need..."

"Anything, Veronica. Anything." He quickly aligned his body with hers, and thrust into her waiting warmth. Being especially careful not to jar the observer lying on the bed next to her, Logan set a frantic pace, and he and Veronica lost themselves to the sensations.


Veronica leaned over to give Logan a quick kiss before she collapsed bonelessly on the bed, finally noting the proximity of the action figure. Crinkling her nose in slight distaste, she chucked it on the floor.

"Wow. That was..."

"Incredible?" Logan smirked. "I had help. I told you Snake Eyes knew how to please a woman." He took Veronica into his arms, and the two settled in for slumber.

She shook her head in disbelief.

"Well, now I know."

She should have known what was coming. Logan planted a gentle kiss on the nape of her neck, his grin threatening to overtake his face.

"And knowing is half the battle, Veronica."