"Fix You"


Disclaimer: I've borrowed and am now returning Sam and Dean to all those who actually are lucky enough to own Supernatural and the lyrics of 'Fix you' to Coldplay.

Summary: Dean helps Sam through the nightmares after Jess dies. Angst abounds!

Rating: no warnings here - not intended as incest just big brother comfort.


Author's note: I wanted to try and write something with a bit of Sam Angst rather than Dean's. Not sure if I've taken Dean a bit OOC with this.

Reviews would be welcomed.



When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Dean looked at his brother as he slept in the car. It wouldn't last long, it never did now; not since Jess. The nightmares would be back to haunt Sam but Dean was ready. Sam didn't have to go through this torment alone, Dean may not be able to stop them from coming but he knew how to comfort and support Sam. He'd been doing it since he was four.

When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace

'Sam, Sam, wake up, look at me.' Sam's eyes slowly focused on his brother's anxious face. He closed them again and breathed, long, slow, deep – the mantra his brother had taught when rescuing him from childhood nightmares. He felt the weight of Dean's hands holding his face, felt his thumbs track across his cheeks wiping the tears away. 'Sam, hey buddy, we'll get through this.' He felt Dean draw him into his embrace and he tensed, he was an adult, he was too old for this but… gradually the tension eased, Sam relaxed, Dean soothed.

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Sam woke quietly, gently, opening his eyes to a gradual awareness of his surroundings. No nightmare induced reaction, no fear, just relaxation. He looked round. 'Back with me now, bro?' Sam looks round again, daylight outside. 'That's not a bad sleep, still room for improvement but tiny steps and you'll get there.' Sam nods. 'We'll get there Sam. We can't change what's happened, we just learn to manage.' Sam's eyes watch.


When you're too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

'Jess, no!' Sam jerks awake, tormented, tears rolling, tension shimmering from his body. Dean moves. 'No,' an almost silent sob breaks from Sam and Dean is there. Breathe. Slow inhalations, in and out. Circles rubbed on his back, Sam feels six again, safe again. It won't last, he tells himself. I'm guilty and it's my fault, I don't deserve this feeling of safety, thoughts run through his mind, I should have been able to stop it.

'Sam, it's not your fault. There was nothing you could have done that would have changed what happened. Jess would want you to let that go, remember the good.' Sam pulls away, he's sure he didn't say it out loud. 'Hey, it's okay.'

'I didn't tell you that,' says Sam.

'You didn't need to say it with words, Sammy. Your actions tell me all I need to know. I'm your brother, I know you.'

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Sam knows things are getting better. He still gets nightmares but not so many. When he looks in the mirror, his eyes are not so shadowed. Dean helped him find forgiveness from Jess, forgiveness he needed but hadn't believed she would give. Dean had been right. The nightmares come now, rarer but when Dean is not in the room. Dean is Sam's lifeline, safe haven, home. Sam wonders what will happen when he moves on, when the hunt is over, when he's no longer with Dean. Will the nightmares return? Will he get what he deserves?


Tears stream down your face
And I...

Another nightmare. This time it's one that hasn't happened yet. Sam back at College, hanging out friends, changing to Dean hurt, alone, dying. 'Dean! No! Where?'

A familiar weight settles next to him where he sits. 'Hey', gentle voice. Sam's eyes turn, drinking in the sight of his brother, checking for injuries, vital signs. His brother is here, whole, solid. 'You okay, Sam?' Eyes closed in sorrow, Sam nods. He never told Jess what he had seen and she died. Should he tell Dean what he sees?

Tears stream down your face
And I...

The nightmare, the same one, is coming more frequently now. Sam sees in his reflection the outward signs of his inner torment. He doesn't need the mirror to know what the nightmares are doing; he can see it in his brother's eyes as clearly as his own, although his brother doesn't know what he is dreaming now, that it isn't Jess. He still hasn't told him. 'Let her go Sam, it's time to move on.' The tears come again; Dean doesn't know what he's saying. If Sam moves on now, he believes the nightmare will play out, Dean will be hurt, alone, dying.

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Wherever Dean goes, Sam will go too. Dean mends the broken pieces of Sam, holds them together so he doesn't shatter completely. Quietly. Sam sees the real Dean and knows he is home.