Alright, next story from "the fisch" (working out the nickname!) Playing left field for my team the other day I had a thought run through my head. What if Addison did in fact lose Meredith to Derek? While I despise the idea, it could happen, so I am taking that idea and spinning it the Addek way! Bare with me this should be good. As always, I love input/reviews! Thanks and Enjoy!
Addison had arrived in Seattle six months today. She remembered so vividly because it was the scariest day of her life. Richard called her for a patient, a patient she knew she could care for. Her nerves came from somewhere else. It was the first time she would be seeing Derek, her husband, after the Mark incident. The last thing she saw in his beautiful blue eyes was pain and disgust. Never before had he looked at her like that. For months before he hadn't looked at her at all. She thought that was as bad as it could get, until that night. Those eyes haunted her, and today, for some reason, she could feel them burning through hers.
"Addison? You alright?" Addison heard a voice from her right and it snapped her out of her trance.
"What? Oh, Miranda, sorry. Yes, I'm fine."
"Yeah, sure. Nice one. What's going on with you today? You're in outer space. It's not like you."
"It's nothing really. I was just thinking about how I have been in Seattle for six months already. Feels like a lifetime."
"There is no way you would spend so much time spacing out over that. What's really going on? You're looking tired. Are you alright?"
"Honestly…" Addison stopped speaking when she saw Derek, more specifically who he was walking off the elevator with. He and Meredith were laughing. He had a different look in his eyes; the look he used to give her before everything exploded. She missed that look. Even with their progress, she knew he was holding back from her. "Never mind, I should go." In a hurry, Addison grabbed her chart and walked away. Bailey turned around to see what made Addison leave. It wasn't a surprise. Muttering something to herself, she walked over to the infamous McDreamy.
"Dr. Bailey, your looking as chipper as ever." Miranda ignored his remarks and shot him a classic Nazi look.
"Grey, go check on the labs for Mr. Johnson." Miranda's gaze never left Derek, even as she spoke. Meredith sensed the tension, and obliged quietly.
"What was that for?"
"You real stupid you know that?"
"You're probably right, but what did I do now?"
"Do? For one, you're harassing my intern."
"Excuse me I was not harassing anyone. We are colleagues, friends even."
"Friends? Friends? You do not get to be friends with your mistress, especially when you both work with your wife. You do remember your wife? You know that beautiful, red-haired woman who walks around with more confidence than you can throw a book at?"
"I know who my wife is, Miranda. What is with the inquisition?" Derek's tone began to change. His smile faded and he became annoyed with the topic.
"If you know who she is, how about a little respect? You walk around this place ogling at Meredith. Being all McDreamy. Addison isn't blind. She sees you two together, more than you think. And she isn't stupid. You can see it in her eyes how much pain she feels, even if she's just thinking about the two of you."
"Look, Bailey, I don't mean any disrespect but this isn't your concern. It's my life."
"Yeah. Yours to screw up. And since the two women of your affection are my friend and my intern, this is very much my business. Now I know Addison screwed up, she knows that as well. If you can't find it in your heart to forgive her fully, then let her go. Because as long as she thinks there's hope, you're ripping her apart." Bailey left Derek in the hallway, hands in his pocket. He leaned his head back, and pondered her words. Had he fallen back in to the same pattern as New York? Was he only seeing her when he remembered too? Was he seeing her at all? Derek's thoughts were interrupted by the beeping of his pager. Realizing that his patient came first, he headed off, more confused than ever and Bailey's words replaying his head.
"Come in. Addison, to what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Can we talk?"
"Of course. What can I do for you?"
"Where do I start? I, um…" Addison felt tears coming and began to stutter.
"What did he do?"
"Derek; what did he do?"
"How do you…"
"The only person in this world who can make you stutter, or get that look in your eyes, is Derek. You're the most confident, put together person I know. Except when it comes to your husband."
"You're a smart man Richard." She smiled at him and paused to gather her thoughts. "You realize that it's officially six months since I came to Seattle? It feels like forever ago. And don't get me wrong, I love the hospital, and I'm adjusting to being away from the hustle of the city. I miss it, sometimes more than I think I can handle."
"You were made for that place. But here, you have real potential. You're on the rise as it is. Our patient intake in your specialty has quadrupled. I just wanted you to know that."
"Thank you Richard. I'm glad to hear that. Working with you, and Preston, and Miranda, it's all great. The night you called me has been playing back in my head all day. And everytime, I go back to feeling how that Addison felt. The one who didn't think she was going to make it. The one who felt so alone. The one who realized that her entire life had spiraled out of control." Tears began to fall, causing Addison to stop again.
"Hey, Addi. It's okay. Deep breaths." Richard moved closer and began to gently rub her back, very father-like.
"When I came here, it truly was for a patient. I believed Derek to be long gone. The pain in his eyes from that night was imprinted in my brain, and I accepted that I screwed up. Being 3000 miles away, I could just forget at times. And then, I saw him in the lobby, and it all came back. I knew I had to be strong, but seeing him, with her, killed me inside. I barely made it to my room before I broke down. As we spent time together, Satan-name calling and all, I realized I couldn't live without him. I realized if he was still willing, I needed to be with him."
"Addison, I understand how you feel. I knew how in love you two were. I saw how you were with each other. It's hard, but you two will make it."
"I'm not so sure, and that's why I'm here."
"You're not leaving are you?"
"No, well, at least not permanently. I have been thinking about it, and I need to talk to Derek. Talk to him and make him listen. Once and for all. I can't share him with Meredith Grey anymore. It rips me apart to see them together, and so once again I'm going to offer him the papers. This time, as much as it hurts, I feel as though I'm more prepared for rejection. I want very much to stay here, and I plan to. I just am going to need some time off if he decides to separate from me. That's why I'm here."
"Addison, you don't give up. That's not like you. There will always be a spot for you, I just don't know what brought this on."
"Neither do I. I guess spending the day reflecting on everything has brought me back to the beginning. Compared to how I was then, I'm 1000 times stronger. On some level, he has forgiven me. I just don't think it's all the way, and I can't hold him back. I love him too much to ever do that to him. So, this is the best thing I could come up with."
"Are you sure Addison? If he does decide to leave you, there is no turning back. I'm not saying that he should, in any way, because I consider you a daughter, but it is a possibility."
"I have put the proper thought into it. I know that I can't be the person I want if I let Derek have so much control of my emotions. I have become too reliant on the idea of "Addison and Derek". I need to find myself again, that's why I wanted the little vacation. Derek and I are soul mates. I truly believe that, even if he doesn't."
"If you're sure, you have my blessing. Just remember everyone is here for you."
"I know that. That's why I can do this, and why I want to stay. Thank you." Addison rose, drying her cheeks and hugging Richard. She walked out, head held high. Regardless of what his decision was, Addison was finally taking back control over her own life. It was time for a fresh start, with or without Derek as her husband.