Hey all who, hope you like the first chaper of my story.

By the way, the main characters are OOC.

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Chapter One

Shuichi (POV)

It was six years ago today that Yuki left me to go to New York. I was going to follow him, get him back, do what I usually did whenever Yuki ran, and chase after him. But something stopped me, maybe it was my pride. I think, deep down, I had had enough of Yuki treating me like shit all the time. Even though it broke my heart, I finally did what he had always wanted. I let him have his life back.

It was hard to cope the first year. I guess I was in denial. I wanted to get him back but, like I said, something in me stopped me from doing it. But it was still hard, having to cope on my own. I had never lived on my own before. I stayed at Yuki's apartment, only so I could stay somewhere with his smell, which was on his pillow, and one of his shirts that he left behind. I would sleep on his side of the bed, wearing his shirt.

My health started to suffer. I become anorexic from starving myself. I didn't have the stomach to eat, just smelling food made me want to be sick. I hardly slept, and I began to drink too much and smoke. I guess after inhaling Yuki's second hand smoke it was not surprising that I was craving a cigarette when he wasn't around me, smoking. I was seriously heading into a downward spiral, and I couldn't get myself out of it.

I wouldn't listen to Hiro, or Ryuichi. They tried to help, but I wouldn't let them. I guess, deep down, I wanted to die. I lost the will to live, also the will to sing. I lost my inspiration. It's funny, when I look back, the only person who managed to get through to me was the person who had always hated me, and I hated him for always butting into my relationship with Yuki.

But if it wasn't for him, I probably would have killed myself. It was all thanks to Tohma. He saved me. He got me talking about how I was feeling, he let me cry on his shoulder, which I did a lot, and he finally got me out of Yuki's apartment. He helped me find my own, just a small place not far from NG.

He also got made me admit myself into a private hospital to overcome my eating disorder. It was the hardest thing I had to do, but it worth it in the end. I could finally eat, and I was putting on the weight I had lost.

When I was allowed to go home, Tohma was the one to be there for me. I hadn't realised until he picked me up that I had come to rely on him. I needed him. He had become a good friend to me. I knew Hiro was feeling left out, he was still my best friend but I found I couldn't share this with him, maybe it was because he had always hated Yuki. With Tohma, he understands, he after all loves Yuki. He actually told me he only loves him as a brother, which probably helped, because I would have pushed him away otherwise.

I found getting on with my life easier than I thought it would be. I knew I would never be the same as I once was. I had changed, sometimes I like my new personality, but sometimes it just sucks. But at least I'm living. Tohma helped me with everything, he even taught me how to cook. It was fun. I had to pay to have my kitchen re-done a few times, but it was just another thing to help me go on.

Three years after Yuki had been gone, my life went down hill once again. Tohma got Hiro, Fujisaki, and I a tour in America, a long tour. We were going to be there for maybe a year, so he hired a tutor to give me English lessons. Tohma assured me the guy he had hired was one of the best. He was a man called Quinn, and he was one of Tohma's friends.

Quinn was a nice guy. Well, he was to begin with. He was a nice looking man a few years older than me. He taught me English, and it was surprising how well I picked up on the language. Usually I'm really thick when it comes to learning. The tour started and it was great, it kept my mind occupied.

Tohma brought Ryuichi and Noriko over halfway through the tour, and we did a few joint concerts. Quinn and I were getting closer, but I didn't want another relationship, I knew I couldn't handle getting my heart broken again. Maybe deep down I didn't want anyone to replace Yuki in my heart, because he was still in there, and probably will be in there forever.

But Quinn wouldn't take no for an answer. I don't know how it happened, but I was having dinner with Quinn at his apartment, when he tried coming on to me. I pushed him away, but he used his strength to overpower me.

He had me on the floor, hands pinned above my head and his other hand peeling my pants from my body before I could blink. I tried to fight him off, but he was too strong. As he raped me, I couldn't help but think of how Taki had hired those guys to rape me. I was weak then, and I was weak again, unable to stop him.

Tears leaked from my eyes as Quinn violated my body. I could feel blood tricking down my legs, and I could hear Quinn's laughter as I once again tried fighting him. Once he released his seed into me, he stood up and looked down at me, his eyes gleaming with smugness.

He stood over me, and lit a cigarette. He started talking about how good a fuck I was, and how he was going to have me again. I knew I couldn't let him do it again.

I don't know what happened but something in me snapped. I jumped to my feet and grabbed the nearest object, which happened to be a marble statue of a horse. I gripped it and charged at him, swinging the statue and hit him over the head. He went down hard, but I didn't stop, I kept hitting him, over and over.

I don't think I would have stopped, but I felt arms pull me back. I stumbled to my knees, and dropped the statue, just registering what I had done. I looked at my hands, which were covered in blood. His blood.

As I continued to stare at my shaking hands, I heard talking, but I couldn't make out what was being said. I was in shock, I couldn't believe what I had done. I looked at Quinn, who was laying still on the floor, his head a bloody mess.

I finally looked up and my eyes met Tohma's. He actually had tears in his eyes. He turned around and went over to Quinn, pressing his fingers against his neck. When Tohma's shoulders sagged and he dropped his head, I knew Quinn was dead and that I had killed him.

When I started to cry, Tohma was right beside me, holding me, allowing me to cry on his shoulder. Just like I had done many times before, but it was different this time.

Tohma sorted everything out. I don't actually know what he did, I was still in shock, but he made Quinn's body disappear and any evidence that I had been there also vanished. Tohma led me out of Quinn's apartment, and back to the hotel.

After that, like I said, my life went down hill. I became what Yuki is, a cold hearted bastard. I dyed my hair a midnight blue colour, I didn't want to look like that pink-haired baka anymore. I stopped wearing colourful clothing, mostly wearing black.

I became more quiet, never smiling or bouncing around. Hiro and the others knew something had happened, but I haven't told them, only Tohma knows the whole story. He has been more than supportive, and I'm thankful to him. Without him, I don't think I would get out of bed in the morning.

I have a better understanding about what Yuki went through, I'm just like him now. A murderer. I understand why he shut himself off of everything and everyone. Someone he admired betrayed him, just like Quinn betrayed me. I don't hate him anymore for leaving me, I understand. He couldn't deal with his regret. Sometimes I feel like running away, but I'm not as strong as Yuki.

But I understand why he can't stand having anyone in his life, I can't either. Well, except for Tohma. I need him, he is my only anchor and he keeps me sane. Since the incident in America, I began sleeping around. I became a cheap Eiri Yuki knock off, I fuck anything that walks. I think it's because I don't want to trust anyone, I can't let them into my heart.

Tohma doesn't like it, but he'll get over it. Anyway, as I was saying, today's the day, six years ago, that Yuki left me. I don't know why, but it's like a tradition. I go to the park where I first met Yuki, sit on a bench and just think about him, what it would have been like if he hadn't had left me.

Would we still be together? Or were we destined to always be apart. I sigh. Why do I always do this to myself? As I head home to my fridge full of beer to get drunk, another tradition, I notice a young guy following me. He looks only about 18 years old, cute and short. He has dark red hair and beautiful green eyes.

I smile to myself, hopefully I won't be going home alone. I stop and look at him, giving him my come here smile. He blushes and walks towards me. I put my arm around his shoulders and take him back to my place.

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Thanks for reading and please review to let me know what you think. Chapter two will be up soon.