Summary: One day, while on a routine mission to check out a power reading McKay found, John, Teyla and Ronan are turned into four-year-old kids. What happens when their thrust into Rodney's care?
Rating: T
Genres: Humor/Drama/Romance
Spoliers: Probably every episode on Atlantis.
Pairings: Well, I might hint at something, but I don't know...
Disclaimer:I do not own Stargate Atlantis or the characters.

Sticks and Snails — I

"Do you know what it is?" Sheppard asked, leaning back against the stone wall and picking at his chocolate bar. Rodney turned around and rolled his eyes.

"No. But that doesn't mean it isn't useful."

"Do you know how it works?"

"No. But-"

Sheppard cut him off by throwing the plastic wrapper at him. It hit him straight in the head and the scientist glared daggers at the other man.

"Fine. I am giving you an hour."

"One hour?" Rodney protested.

"Fifty-nine minutes and forty nine seconds ... forty eight seconds ... " Sheppard chanted, staring at his watch.

"Fine, I get it," Rodney growled, leaning down and trying to pry the door off of the control pannel ... at least he thought it was a control pannel. The device was tall, maybe ten feet, and made fully out of stone. Near the top was a bright red eye. It glowed as soon as Rodney finally got the door off. Looking up in surprise, he realized it had returned to its normal maroon color.

Shrugging, he stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth and reached his hands into the control door, smiling when he realized it was crystal controlled. He felt something hit the back of his head and looked back to see Sheppard lobbing peices of stick at him.

Grumbling, he turned back to his work, feeling at least five more sticks hit him. Sitting up suddenly, his hands hit something inside the device, making it cast a bright red glow across the whole room. Everything was lit up, showering the stone walls on each side of the room in the red glow.

The fire blew out as Rodney yelped and ducked down, covering his head when the device started making noise. As soon as the light had appeared, it was gone.

Rodney slowly stood up, looking around.

"Uh, Sheppard? Ronan? Teyla?"

As his eyes nervously scanned the now dark room, he saw only the outline of three people. Three small people. He gasped as a small cry was heard.

"It dark!"

Came the small, squeaky voice of a child. Grabbing his flashlight frantically, Rodney turned it on. As soon as the room was lit up, he gasped, nearly fainting.

"Holy crap!"

Rodney paced around on the dirt. How could this have happened?

Sheppard, Teyla and Ronan were now four-year-olds. He looked down when something small tugged on his pants. His eyes landed upon the recognizable crop of black hair on the head of the tiny boy that was now John.


As much as he hated kids, he had to admit, John and Teyla were kinda cute. However, the image of a four-year-old Ronan with dredlocks did not appeal to him.


"I hungry."

"Well, I don't have food. But I have many, many problems. Want one?" Rodney snapped, causing John to shrink back in fear.


He ran back to his corner and sat down, pulling his legs up to his chest and trying to hold back tears. Teyla crouched down in the sand and picked up a small stick, walking over to Rodney and poking him with it.


"Yes?" he asked impatiently, taking the stick from her and poking her back. Teyla backed away and started running circles around him.

"Mwister? Mwister?"

"Why me?" Rodney complained, throwing his head back and sighing loudly.

"Why you, what?" Teyla asked, dropping onto the sand and holding her hand out.

"What do you want?"


He sighed again and handed it back to her. Grinning, she stood again and walked over to Ronan, who was sitting on the ground throwing rocks at the wall beside John, who was trying to avoid them.

She reached out, poking him with the stick in the arm. "You look weird," she kindly informed him.

He turned to her and tried to take the stick from her, but she ducked and ran under his arm, poking him in the back before he could turn around. Giggling, she ran away, stopping near Rodney. Ronan started after her. Screeching, her eyes wide, she started running away.

Ronan was faster, and soon had taken the stick from her and broken it in half.

"You bwoke my stick!" She yelled, "Meanie!"

Running behind his back, she used both her fists to hit him over an over again. He was taken by surprise and Teyla got in quite a few hits before Ronan turned around and caught her by her arm.

"Lemme go!" She hit his hand and tried to pull back, but he had a tight grip, even at four. "Lemme go! Lemme go!" John, who was quietly sitting int he corner, walked over and placed a hand on Ronan's shoulder. In surprise, he accidently let Teyla go. She ran behind John and grabbed the two halves of her stick.

"My mommy said not to pick on girls," John said quietly.

"So?" Ronan asked, swatting his John's hand off of his shoulder and poking him in the chest.

"So don't pick on girls," he said firmly.

"So? What did your dad say?"

"He doesn't say anything. He just punishes me." John's eyes went dark as he said this. Rodney looked up in surprise; John had never said anything about his life as a child.

"Well, you're not a girl, so I can pick on you."

Ronon poked John again, making him wince and put his hand over the area he had been poked in.

"Meanie!" John ran off, Teyla close behind. She didn't want to stay where Ronan was. He was mean.

Rodney sighed, realizing he had to deal with this. Walking over to Ronan, he kneeled down beside him.

"Hey, Ronan?"

"What do you want?" the little boy said grumpily. Both of the people smaller than him had ran away, and now there was a giant standing over him.

"You aren't supposed to hurt people," Rodney tried. He had never done anything like this. Looking over, he saw Teyla sitting on the ground, playing in the dirt and John just sitting in the corner.


Sighing, Rodney realized the only thing he could do would to be get rid of the kids enegry.

"Let's start back home."

John looked up in surprise. "I don't wanna go home! Daddy is home now." He looked back at the ground, playing with the hem of his jacket.

"Oh, believe me, Daddy isn't where we are going."

John smiled and him and Teyla ran over. They each grabbed one of Rodney's hands and Ronan just frowned. Rodney gathered together all the food from each of the packs and added them to his. He could only carry one pack, and would have to leave the rest behind. As they started walking, Teyla looked up at Rodney.

"Can you carry me?"

At least half way to the gate, Rodney walked into a small cave, dropping his pack and lifting Teyla off of his shoulders. John collapsed to the ground, his black hair sticking to his forehead with sweat from the hot sun. It was at least a hundred degrees out in the sun, so the kids had to stop often.

"I thursty," John said. Rodney handed him the canteen and he started gulping from it, not caring about cooties. Everyone was drinking from the same canteen. After he was done, he handed ot to Teyla, who handed it to Ronan once she was done. He finishd the rest of it, leaving Rodney without any whatsoever.

"We will have to wait until dark to finish our walk. We can't go back out there without any water." Rodney sat down, dropping his head back against the wall and groaning.

"I don't like the dark," John complained, finding himself another corner and crawling into it.

"Well, do you want to die?" Rodney said, turning to him. John shook his head, looking back at the ground. "Sorry. I am just a little stressed," Rodney apologized.

John nodded, still not speaking.

After a few hours of stick poking, it was dark enough; they started out again. Rodney placed Teyla on his shoulders once more and took John's hand. Ronan walked about ten feet away, not wanting to be near the giant. After walking for nearly four hours, they arrived at the gate. Rodney placed Teyla on the ground beside John.

"Stay here and don't get near the gate."

They nodded and Rodney dialed. The ka-woosh surprised everyone, and John stepped back. Rodney smiled. "Cool, huh?"

John shook his head. Rodney walked over, and after typing his IDC in, took their hands again. Ronan was bouncing up and down, wanting to go through the gate. He and Teyla were not nervous, because they had grown up with the Stargate in their lives. John, however, didn't remember ever seeing it and he tried to pull back.

"No, no, no!" the little boy squealed.

Rodney stopped and turned to John.

"What's wrong?"

"I scared!"

"It's OK, come on, the girl is going through, too. Ouch."

That earned him a punch from Teyla. However, John still refused to go through.

"I don't wanna!" he protested.

Rodney sighed again.

"I'll give you candy," he suggested. John shook his head, still trying to pull away from Rodney. "Why will you not go through?"

"I scared."

John started crying and Rodney gave up. He would have to use a puddle jumper to get the stubborn kid through the gate. Sighing, he stood and walked over to Ronan and started talking to him. John sat on the ground, pulling his knees up to his chest and rocking back and forth, tears slipping unnoticed down his face. Teyla walked over and sat down beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"John?" she said. It seemed weird to Rodney because she barely ever called him John. "Why are you scared?"

He looked up.

"I dunno." He stopped rocking back and forth but still hugged his knees to his chest.

"I go through it a lot. It is not scary afer a while," she said, giving him a small smile. John still looked scared. "I'll go with you," she said. He looked up, wiping his tears away and sniffling.


"Sure. It'll be fine. And if I am wrong, you can poke me."

John shook his head. "I'm not supposed to pick on girls," he said quickly, as if he were scared. "My mommy says it's bad and daddy does, too."

"OK. Well," She leaned closer and whispered in his ear, "Then you can poke the big meanie." She pointed to Ronon. Neither she or John remembered him, and had not cared to learn his name yet. John laughed and wiped away the remainder of his tears and he and Teyla stood up. He walked over to Rodney and pulled at his shirt.


"I go through."

"Really?" Rodney asked, surprised. John nodded and smiled, red tear tracks still present on his face. "Let's go then."

The gate had long since shut down, so Rodney had to dial it again. As soon as it opened, John winced and took a step back. Teyla walked over and took his hand. Together, the two walked through the gate quickly, Teyla not wanting to give John a chance to change his mind. Once on the other side, John looked around in awe. Rodney and Ronan came next, right behind Teyla and John. Dropping his hand, Teyla looked around the room.

"Wow!" she said. Her and John tried to run off and explore, but Rodney grabbed the back of their shirts, holding them to where they were running in place. Dr. Weir walked down the steps and spoke directly to Rodney.

"What is this?"

"Oh, well, this is Teyla and John, and they have too much enegry, and this is Ronan. Kids, this is Dr. Weir."

Teyla and John chorused, "Hi Dr. Weir!" And, finally getting out of Rodney's grasp, started running circles around the older woman. She looked down at them, then back up at Rodney.

"Dr. Beckett to the gate room." She said weakly over the radio. Suddenly, Ronan stuck his foot out in front of John, making him trip. Falling flat on his face, John quickly stood up, putting a hand to his bleeding nose and glaring at Ronan.

Then he jumped him. Dr. Weir and Rodney each grabbed one of the toddlers and held them up, trying to keep them from hurting each other too badly. Sitting John on the ground, Rodney said firmly,

"What did you do that for?"

"He started it!" John protested, holding his shirt up to his nose, causing it to ride up, exposing old scars.

"I don't care who started it!" Rodney said, not noticing the scars. John started crying again, shrinking back.

"I sorry." He wiped his tears away, smearing blood all over his face. Rodney sighed. Teyla just stood there, looking from person to person. Suddenly, Carson appeared in the room.

"What the bloody hell?" he asked, staring at the kids.

"Don't ask me." Dr. Weir said, still in shock.

"Kids, that's what," Rodney said, sighing as Teyla and John began running again.

"As far as I can tell, they are perfectly healthy," Carson said. John was sitting on a large white bed, holding a cloth to his bleeding nose with one hand and drawing on a piece of paper Carson had given him with the other. Ronan was bouncing up and down on his bed and Teyla was sitting on a chair in the middle of the two. "However, I noticed some scars on John's back and stomach. I don't think they were there before."

"Well, where did he get them?" Dr. Weir asked, concerned.

"I think he may have gotten them as a child. Scars go away with time, so I suppose that these scars came from his childhood. Someone should talk to him."

"I'll do it," Dr. Weir volunteered. Carson nodded and went back to work. Dr. Weir walked over to John and sat down on the cot.

"Hey, John. What'cha drawing?"

He just continued to draw for a minute, finally looking up and showing the picture to Dr. Weir. She smiled at the childish scribbles. She could make out three people, but couldn't tell who was who. "Who are they?" She asked.

"Me, Rodney, and her." He pointed to Teyla.

"What about him?" Dr. Weir handed back the picture to John and nodded toward Ronan.

"He's mean. I don't want to draw him."

Dr. Weir nodded, deciding she should ask him about the scars sooner rather than later.

"Is anyone else mean to you?"

John nodded, but still didn't say anything.


He looked up, finally speaking. "My daddy."

Dr. Weir tried to get him to talk after that, but he wouldn'd say a word. Finally giving up, she walked back over to Carson. This was going to be a long debriefing.

I am making John's past up, since I know nothing about it and the show does not elaborate.

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