So this is the story leading up to my Oneshot 'The Red' hopefully it will answer any questions and clear up confusion, it will either do that or just confuse you further. Hopefully it won't. Oh, and forgive me if anyone seems more than a little OOC. It's the only way it will work.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam SEED.
The sun rides low on the horizon. It warms my cold face, the rays glinting off my golden locks, swaying slightly in the breeze. The earth begins to heat up in the new morn, though my breath still forms as mist before me.
I shiver under my thick jacket. I stayed out here all night. In the cold. I just sat here, watching my surroundings unseeingly, I did not listen to the sounds of the night settling down around me, nor did I feel the cold until just now.
My world, the small place I live in everyday, the place I had lived all my short life, where I had been happy and content for years, had disappeared in an instant.
Something had shifted without my noticing. Never once had I ever liked change. I never dealt with it well. But I had found out the hard way that change happens with or without your consent.
I had looked, perhaps the first time I had ever truly looked, I had seen her, the first time I had ever truly noticed her for who she was, that moment was the moment I had seen some small measure of truth. Mirrors can show us so much, yet we often choose to see so little. I had simply chosen for the first time to see all the mirror was showing me.
The girl in the mirror that I can see, I am not her.
Somewhere in the past, not long ago, something had changed, and I had subtly drifted from the person I had once been. How, I asked myself, had I not noticed?
The girl in the mirror, she was so happy. So full of laughter and joy. So bright and intelligent. Confident and proud. A feisty girl who was quick to anger, but also quick to forgive. She was someone people looked up to. A person people counted on for strength. I had once been her, but not anymore. I was as far from that girl as I ever could be. I wonder if I was ever her. It seems impossible.
She taunts me now. Dangling her perfect life before my eyes. Making me wish I were her once again.
How could this have happened? How could things have become this way? Nothing has happened that I can think of which would make me feel so. Do I feel this way for some reason? Am I being punished for something? Do I deserve this pain? Will I ever be the person I once was?
All that flitters through my mind now are questions. My whole life, now, seems to be built on them. Made completely of endless questions, questions which will never be answered.
I long for things to be as they were before. But, at the same time, I see that it will never be so. I mourn the loss of my old life. The life I want once again, the life I will never lead. I must come to terms with my reality. Something I have stayed blissfully ignorant of for so long. I know now that change happens. Whether we make the change of our own free will, or it occurs without our noticing. The one fact I am sure of, that change happens, something that no-one can ever counter, the one thing a person can always count on. Though fear resides in my heart. I fear that this particular change could be for the worst.
I push the thought from my mind. Meditating on it will not do anyone any good.
As I watch the birds emerge from the trees branches and their early morning twittering and cheeping reaches my ears, I know that I will continue on with how I live. I will allow my mask to fall in place. The girl I see in the mirror. I may not be her, but I can act like her, I have for some time. She hides me from everyone around me. She keeps everyone from seeing me for who I really am. The one thing I am grateful to her for. Things just are this way. They have to be.
Does she seem a bit schizophrenic to anyone? She does to me. Well, the whole "The girl in the mirror" thing, it's supposed to show that before everyone she knows, she acts completely different to how she really is and that is who she sees in the mirror, the girl who she acts as. The person she really is, that's who's speaking, the ones whose thoughts we see, she has only just realized how she really feels, and she doesn't understand how it all happened. And whenever she looks in the mirror, all she sees is the false her, and she wonders how her personality came to be so split. (I hope that clears a few things up for those who were wondering.)
One other thing, this was not a Oneshot. There is more…
So please R&R. (If you have any questions or anything, feel free to ask.)