A/N: Might as well call this the epilogue. So, this is the end. I hope that you all liked it and a big thanks to all those who reviewed.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam SEED.
I had been worried about her for some time, this fact must be admitted. She always seemed more distant. Less attentive, not that she ever really was. That night I found her there, under the scorching water, covered in her own blood, the gashes down her wrist, that was the first time I really feared for her.
All I could think was what had prompted her to do such a thing?
It was so sad to watch her like that, weak and vulnerable, her skinny body, thinner than I remembered, shaking, tears sliding down her cheeks. I loved her so much, and to see her like that was heart breaking. I wanted to kiss away her tears, clear all her sadness away, and make her see that she needn't do such things to herself. What could I do to make her see that?
Maybe I should have done more than I did. Maybe I could have saved her from her end. But, at the time, I was so shocked and ashamed at myself for not being there for her more, that I failed to see what would happen. I failed her. That burns me to no end.
I wept for her. I held her close. I whispered sweet nothings into her ear as she dozed, unhearing and unaware of what I felt for her.
I don't know what to think. I don't know if I could ever make something of what happened with her, what happened between us. It was all so brief. All so…unbelievable, I suppose.
Everything with Cagalli was a mess. Everything about her was a mess. But I reveled in it. I felt happiness in every minute I was with her, every second in her presence. It was a mess, but a brilliant one.
About a week after it, on the night I can only refer to as 'when it happened', I left her for a few hours. That day seemed the same as every other day after the first incident. But you never know with Cagalli, her mood swings can be so sudden, so unexpected.
That day she had been virtually expressionless, brooding. Her eyes always unfocused, never seeming to see you, but rather past you into something unfathomable except to her. I had felt morose watching her like that, sitting on her bed, fully made, and holding her knees to her chest. I kissed her forehead and left the room, closing the door behind me. I was only going to be a little while.
I was longer away from her than I had planned to be. I stayed at my house, for dinner, my parents insisting on me staying for supper, me having been eating at Cagalli's house so often the past week. I got back, and the door was locked.
I got worried instantly; I left the door unlocked when I left.
Pressing my ear to the door, I tried to hear something from inside. I could barely hear her, but still, I could hear her muffled sobbing.
I try the doorknob again. She needs me. Why can't I get to her?
My need to be with her is so urgent; I shake the doorknob again, harder. It breaks free of the lock and opens.
I rush in the room. My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. I'm frozen, staring. Few things register in my mind in that instant. Only the blood. And Cagalli.
Her hands are covered in blood, and I watch in fascinated horror as her fingers delicately travel down the glass of her mirror.
My eyes meet hers. They are glassy, almost like the mirror. But, even amongst the horror surrounding me, of the imminent fact of what she has done, I still notice that there is emotion in her eyes, so bright, so uncharacteristically her for the past few weeks.
I'm asking questions again. Why? Why are her eyes dimming?
Falling to my knees beside her, I hold her in my arms, for what I'm beginning to think is the last time.
Tears are welling in my eyes. My heart is shattering. I don't want her to go. I don't want her to leave me. Why would she want to leave me? Why?
She's smiling. Why is she smiling? Is this the last time I'm to see her smile? The last time I'm to feel her in my arms? The last time I'll see her eyes?
Her hand, shaking, wavering, covered in her blood, reaches up to my cheek, tucking a stray lock of my hair from my face.
I still can't see why she did this. I need to know why. I have to ask.
"What…why? Why would you do this?" My voice is small even to my ears, softer than a whisper.
She hears me, only just, and her smile widens a little. She points at her mirror. "I-I'm finally…her…"
I don't understand her. Who's 'her'? Her answer makes more questions. My mind is a whir of confusion and sadness.
"Cagalli…" I want to say something more, to tell her once more that I love her, that I want her to stay, even if I wouldn't believe it myself. But she's not listening anymore. She'll never get to listen again.
My tears spill as her eyes go completely dim. Lost of their spark forever.
"Cagalli!" I whisper again. Why did she go? "Cagalli!"
I don't want to believe that she's gone forever. I can't. Even if I know it's the truth.
I should have done something more for her. I should have called for help when I had the chance. I should have done everything in my power to make her feel better, to get proper care for her when I could have. But I didn't.
Maybe I just knew that this would happen anyway.
I'll never know for sure.