Senseless

Chapter II

Disclaimer: Again, nothing in this fan fiction is mine. Aside from the plot, all else belongs to the wonderful creators of the anime who failed to please me in the romance aspect of Natsume and Mikan's relationship.

Author's Notes: To all of my reviewers and readers, I am deeply sorry for taking so long to update, I don't know I just mentally blocked out when I tried writing. Lol…some say I need a new muse. Anyway, I thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews, I didn't get that much feedback when I started writing Harry Potter fics yet this one's different. To my fellow pinays and pinoys, you all rock thanks for all your support and oh yea, PINOY AKO! We all rock; p I'm from Cebu by the way ;p


Mikan stared at the guy who was hovering above her with eyes as cold as ice.

His eyes were roving all over her body, making her feel more naked than she already is.

Warning bells were sounding off inside her head and personally, she thought she should act.

He was propped above her using his elbows as support, his hands clasping hers in a manner she found too intimate.

If she wasn't about to do something soon, surely she will find herself in a situation neither of them can handle

As he parted his lips, she could feel herself drawing in sporadic breaths and sporadic thoughts.

This was wrong! And she knew it…but as wrong as it seemed, she found herself giving an involuntary shudder.

What was it with him that made her so nervous, aside from the knowing fact that he was above her?

Aside from the fact that she was very much vulnerable right now

Aside from the fact that she found herself…wildly attracted to him

She shoved the thought away almost instantaneously as it had entered her head

She saw the glint in his eyes and instantly she felt a jolt in her stomach, something that terribly felt like…excitement?

No! Stop it Mikan…behave yourself, this is no time to be thinking of such things.

Thinking of things such as the stuff could happen in this kind of circumstance…

She mentally shook her head and gave herself a mental kick on the shins

No matter how much she seemed to be excited by the mere insinuation of their compromising position, she had to stop it before they go any farther than they should.

"Natsume let go—"

"Shut up!"

Mikan froze as he heard his hoarse voice, his voice was hoarser than usual and a bit slurred.

She looked up to him and smelled the faint scent of liquor combined with a tiny hint of sweat.

The combination was both sexy and forbidden, oh no…

Realization struck, Natsume wasn't here in his own accord, he came to her room because he was drunk.

Mikan felt a tinge of disappointment as she stared at his intoxicated state.

In one way or another, she was kind of hoping he was here because of her, because he wanted to apologize, because he wanted to confess…

Confess the things she's been wanting to hear from him ever since she has fallen prey to him, ever since she has fallen in love with him.

Mikan mentally shut that off from her mind, Natsume would never want her, he didn't even see her as a friend

It was hard to believe that the guy even had a heart, much less a heart for her

But still, seeing him in her room in nothing but his boxers brought her hopes up.

Even if she was afraid to admit it, in the back of her mind she knew she wanted and liked him but his cool stance and indifference was something that always placed and kept her at bay because as she always thought, a guy like Natsume is someone incapable of loving especially since he hasn't experienced it first hand.

But if she showed him what it was like, maybe she could change his entire perspective about it…

Her thoughts were cut off by his voice, "Little girl"

She snapped back into reality and for an instant panic and bile rose to her throat, she was with Natsume in nothing but her underwear and he was….oh lord, drunk!

Anything can happen, and if she would let that happen…God knows what she would do to shame herself!

An intoxicated Natsume seemed worse than a normal Natsume.

She had to do something and she has to do it fast.

"Natsume, get off me, you pervert--!"

"I said shut up, little girl!" he practically shouted

Mikan stared at him, he was wasted all right, his eyes said it all as the creamy brown color of his eyes dilated as she looked up to him.

She had to get him off her, in one way or another.

How the hell did he end up here anyway?

Mikan struggled against him, unconsciously rubbing her thighs in a provocative manner against his legs.

Natsume on the other hand, found this extremely erotic and suggestive and extremely annoying too particularly to his groins.

"Stop moving" he commanded

"I wont! Let go of me, Natsume!"

She was still struggling beneath him and Natsume found his restraint reaching it's breaking point.

"Mikan…"

She stopped her pointless struggle when she heard the pleading note of his voice. She looked up to him, his eyes piercing hers.

There was something suggestive in that glint of his eyes, something that sparked something within her.

Something that made her shiver

"Natsume, I told you to get of me—"

His control snapped, he didn't have much of it to begin with and catching her off guard, he claimed her lips in a suggestive manner.

Mikan was too stunned to move beneath him as she was held immobile by his lean body.

He was kissing her….

HE WAS KISSING HER!

Drunk or not, a kiss was still a kiss

But somehow, Mikan never pictured her first kiss like this.

Earning no response from her, his hands started roving all around her body, she didn't notice though as she was too baffled as to why he had suddenly kissed her.

She felt something click, her bra…

Her guard went back on again as she shoved him away from her with as much strength as she could muster.

Natsume was caught off guard as he was shoved and because of this, he tried to grab hold on her but instead, he grabbed her bra…

Mikan watched it play before her eyes, there he was dumbstruck holding the little piece of clothing that was used to support her breasts.

He looked magnificent, all lean and muscles but the stark addition of her lacy bra contradicted his entire aura and made it seemalmost hilarious.

He blinked twice and made the first comment, "So you wear strawberry bras too? What's this? Matching lingerie?. You are so childish, little girl…"

It barely registered to Mikan that she was half naked

Half naked in front of Natsume…

HOLY CRAP!

She grabbed the sheets and tore it away from him and covered herself completely and stood up from the bed.

Before she could run to the opposite side of her room, something held her back.

Or rather, something held the sheets back.

She looked behind her…

Good Lord! He was stepping on the sheets that were covering her nude body.

She had nowhere to run, if she tried…well, Natsume would be seeing something that he shouldn't be.

Not that he hasn't seen it a few moments ago, but still...

"You're not going anywhere, Mikan…"

Mikan spun around so that she would be facing him, but to her surprise, he wasn't even looking upto her. His hair was covering his eyes in a manner she found too serious for him.

Something was up, she knew it.

He came here for a reason, drunk or not…

"What do you want, Natsume?" Mikan said rashly putting her nose in the air in a snobbish way that might put him off

She was pissed that he came drunk only to give out orders

"To talk" came his curt reply

Mikan scoffed, "Do you call this talking? You were more like molesting me a while ago, and people don't normally talk in this kind of condition"

He blinked, "What kind of situation?"

Mikan turned beet red and looked away, then she muttered "You know, you stepping on the sheets and with me innothingbut sheer panties beneath it"

She was hoping he didn't hear it but surprisingly he did and he gave a chuckle.

After that he gave two more, and about minutes later, he was laughing

Mikan found this as an opportunity to escape but to her amazement, Natsume was still quick, even in an intoxicated state.

Before she could run, he stepped harder on the sheets causing it to fall limply on the floor and of course causing Mikan to stumble and lose her balance.

His reflexes were quick though, he caught her in time before her body made contact with the floor.

But somehow, Mikan found herself wanting not to be caught.

And in the same way, Natsume wished he hadn't caught her.

She was getting redder and redder by the moment.

He was getting more and moreuncomfortable as minutes passed by.

She was pressed against his chest, and with the sheets gone, they were both literally skin to skin.

He tried pushing her away slightly, but to his surprise she held on tighter

"Don't!" she hissed

"Don't what?"

"Don't push me away"

"Why?"

"You might see it!" Mikan retorted

A thin curve appeared on his lips as she said the mere insinuation of her nudity, then with a smirk he said,

"Not that there's nothing more for me to see…" he chortled

But he held on to her like she said, and the more he clung to her, the harder it was for him to keep his emotions buried…

He stared at her and it barely registered to him that he was holding her waist and likewise, she was holding him.

They were in such a compromising position, it surprised him that they just settled for holding and no kissing of the sort.

Something flipped inside of him and he knew what it meant, he couldn't deny it any longer.

"Hey Natsume…"Mikan whispered

Natsume looked at her to show her that he was listening.

"You said you wanted to talk, go on and talk, I'm all ears"

He stared at her and before he knew it, he was talking, "Well, I just wanted to apologize for the rash way I treated you a while ago, I just didn't know what was going on in my head and you were suddenly walking in, invading my thoughts. I guess you caught me in the wrong time"

Mikan had to hand it to him, he could still talk straight even if he was drunk

Shelooked up to his tall frame, expecting to hear more when she didn't he saw disappointment in her eyes…

Natsume sensed it, "What's up little girl?"

"Is that all?" she said holding him tighter than he expected

No, that wasn't all. I want to tell you everything but I just can't…I don't know if I can…

Something is holding me back, little girl

I don't want you to become my weakness

I don't want to be vulnerable to you

I don't want to fall for you...

"Natsume…I just want to know.."

"Know what?"

"Do you have feelings for me?" she asked, so innocently it marred his insides

Yes! I do have feelings for you, as much as I try to deny it!

"No, I'm sorry" he said flatly

He could literally see her heart breaking in front of him when he saw her eyes brim with tears.

In some instinctive and protective way, he wanted to dry them up but he knew he couldn't.

He couldn't become more involved in her than he already is

Even though it was literally breaking him apart and hurting him like hell…

She hung her head low and was sniffing and sobbing on his chest, he could actually feel the tears she shed for him on his skin.

She was crying because of him…

"Stop it, Mikan. I don't deserve your tears…" he said

For a moment, she stopped then she slightly laughed, slightly pulling away from himbut he held her close,

Mikan saw that it was pointless to struggle,so her body still against him, she mustered thecoldest voice she could ever give out,

"You're right, you don't deserve them, my tears are for someone who could and wouldlearn to love me back! God, I was so wrong! I am so wrong about you! How could I ever have felt so vulnerable with you? Why did I always have the feeling that you could easily break my heart? Oh yes, Natsume…you already did…"

He stared at her for a few moments, he didn't want to believe it

But having her declare it in front of him was another thing

Hewas stunned, he actually didn't believe what had flown out of her mouth, he wasn't expecting that.

He looked at her and then whispered closely, "Do you actually love me, Mikan?"

Mikan took a long time to reply and then she said defiantly, "So much, Natsume…so much that it breaks my heart, now if you don't mind, I'd rather have you leave my room before you can do more damage to my heart…"

He looked at her, he hurt her…he knew, but this was how it was supposed to be.

He can't have Mikan because in his dark life, he would only complicate hers.

He didn't argue when she pulled away from him, grabbed some sheets to cover her nude self and motioned for him to get out.

Somehow, when he went out of her room he didn't feel as intoxicated as he was before, but he felt lower than he usually did.

He hurt her, how could he have been so stupid? But then again, even if it was all for the best, why was it breaking both of their hearts at the same time?


Mikan instantly slammed the door on his retreating back and she slung back on the door, tears flowing out of her eyes.

There she was pouring her heart out to him while he stood indifferently.

She had never felt more rejected in her life than she was now…

She never had her heart broken before

And she was right in one thing

He can break her heart, and in one way or another….he didn't have one

He was jaded

Mikan dried her tears with the sheets she used to cover herself and climbed into bed.

As much as she tried to block him out of her thoughts, he came in and out.

So in the end, she dreamt about him and though she didn't know about it, he was dreaming of her too.

Though she didn't know it, her tears bothered Natsume more than she could ever know.

Her tears literally bothered him and broke his heart.


WOOOOOOHH! It's done! Lol, there's still a chapter three though, seriously I thought this would only be a two chaptered story, don't worry though the next one would be the last. I wanted to keep it simple so I'm not adding too much complications ;p So guys, as usual I want your opinions, this was all written in a single day I've been experiencing writer's block ever since I found a new guy I'm attracted to, lol ;p I wrote this out of compelling reasons, like your reviews of course;p Thanks for them by the way and oh, I hitched the rating a bit higher because of the nudity but I assure you that no lemon would be included in this story. Okay, that'll be all for now I'll be updating soon if I get the time as I am enrolled in Nursing(ick!) and from what I hear, they don't get much free time;p Well, let me just say that the next chapter is packed with fun;p lol I do hope you found this chapter entertaining as much as I had fun writing it, lol even though it was rushed;p See yah guys and thanks a lot for your support:D